Thread: Do Death Row Inmates Make Good PenPals?

I realize the subject question cannot be answered absolutely. Every inmate and pen pal is different and their interaction unique.

I've only have a little experience writing regular inmates, but I've thought about writing a DR inmate. I'm not sure why. Maybe because I'm thinking someone facing the death penalty might have some unique ways of looking at the world that might be insightful. They might have some insight or wisdom that has come from their situation that few other people have.

- Has anyone found it more rewarding in any way? Less rewarding? Easier? Harder? How so and why?

- Do death penalty inmates make good pen pals less often than other inmates? More often? About the same--it just depends like with any other pen pal?

- Assume there are no romantic notions involved. For a guy on the outside, is he more likely to have rewarding pp relationship with a male or a female DRI? Or is it likely to matter or just different? How?

Tom, welcome to WAP.

Not to discourage you from reaching out to a pp but please don't do it for your own edification. Writing a DR inmate is taking on someone for life in the true meaning of that phrase.

If you are just curious about what a DR inmate can give you then don't do it. I support the death penalty and don't want someone harmed with a pp that is just in the relationship for themselves as your statements seem to imply as to me that is torture to them and that's the last thing I want. The DP is enough of a torture with the years stretching out and last minute stays, etc.

If someone is on DR they deserve honest and open support, not life questions and hope for answers about your own life that only you can give yourself by soul searching.

If you do not feel passionately about the DP which your post seems to imply then I would ask you please don't write to a DR inmate.

Hi Tom,
You've asked a lot of questions, and I don't have a single answer. Like you said, there are apt to be all kind of personalities, and you never know what you are going to run into. All, I can say is that, if they are sane, they are sure to enjoy hearing from someone on the outside. All you can do is try it, yourself. You could become our resident expert on DR PPs.

I write to a girl on DR. I'll answer your questions as best I can, but you must remember that my answers can only refer to the firendship I have with her and things may not be the same for you or anyone else who chooses to write to a DR inmate.

Has anyone found it more rewarding in any way? Less rewarding? Easier? Harder? How so and why?

Because of the person my pal has shown me she is, her friendship is very rewarding. She is a bubbly girl, always wanting the best for everyone, and very enthusiastic to learn about people. She does have periods of silence though, particularly when her appeal is in court, and that can be hard to deal with. However, we agreed that as she has other pals who help with her case, she and I dont dwell on it in any detail. She prefers for me to 'take her out of the cell' with my letters, she loves 'travelling' with me. That's our thing.

- Do death penalty inmates make good pen pals less often than other inmates? More often? About the same--it just depends like with any other pen pal?

They are individuals, you must not forget that. My pal gives more in her letters, but her letters are not as frequent as some of my other pals.

- Assume there are no romantic notions involved. For a guy on the outside, is he more likely to have rewarding pp relationship with a male or a female DRI? Or is it likely to matter or just different? How?
I am female and my pal is female. I have male pals and one other occasional female pal. I like it that the guys write about different things to the girls. All my pals are rewarding relationships in different ways.

I write 2 guys on DR and one of them is my clostest friend, we write frequently. and when I don't hear from him he knows I'm calling the prison to try and find out whats up.
he knows that I'm there for him, and he really is happy about it. I can only answer to your questions about my friendship with these guys. as you said every person is different

- Has anyone found it more rewarding in any way? Less rewarding? Easier? Harder? How so and why?

yes, I love writing with him, he gives his all, and I do the same for him. sometimes it's hard if we talk about certain things, but I tell him how I feel then, and that goes the same way around. but I can't imagine my life now without him as such a close friend
also like sunray's wench, I take them out of the cell, and they really like that.

- Do death penalty inmates make good pen pals less often than other inmates? More often? About the same--it just depends like with any other pen pal?

it depends per person I guess, but I feel a really good connection with my penpals. but I notice my closest penpal gives his all, he doens't like to hold anything back, and I also write to 2 people with LWOP and they are beginning to open up, and they say I'm just wondering how long this going to last, for me its my lifetime with them.

- Assume there are no romantic notions involved. For a guy on the outside, is he more likely to have rewarding pp relationship with a male or a female DRI? Or is it likely to matter or just different? How?

all my penpals are rewarding, no differnce being male or female, but you hit it of good otherwise it ain't good.

I think I was a little wary of writing a DR inmate because I worried they might be depressed a lot or have a lot of negativity. I also wondered if they would be so preoccupied with their own situation that they wouldn't interact well. From some of your comments it sounds like my concerns were just my own imaginings running amok.

Hi Tom,

I write to a guy on DR in Texas, and wow thats one hairy place to be locked up, from what i hear life couldn't be much worse, but through all of this my PP has an amazing outlook, he's normally quite cheery and always seems to have a good sense of humour. Where as i have another PP who is serving the last 10 years of a 20 year sentence and is more often that not depressed and feeling sorry for himself. So as with most situations it really depends on the individual, we, like inmates handle everything in our own way. The only reservation i did have about writing to someone on DR, is the fact when the time comes to say goodbye, i know its going to be one of the most difficult things to do.