So, I have several pen pals, all is going well with the books, art, music, photos, etc. I got a letter from one today and he told me he’s starting to feel a bit obsessed with it all, trading mail with me, pen paling, thinking about me. He asked for some things that I already know I’m going to say no too, like he’d really like more pictures of me. I already send some every week and I don’t want to take pictures of myself constantly. That gets boring. Now I knew when I signed up it was to brighten someone’s day and we all know about the scams from doing research. I don’t think this is a scam or anything remotely alarming and I COULD see how a person might get excited over fun mail and focus a lot on it. I was thinking about writing a letter back saying I didn’t want to cause any bad feelings (as obsession isn’t a nice one to feel, I’m certain, I get like that over movies or tv shows, thinking a lot about them, but definitely not people, I always thought it was best to just focus on our own lives, then work toward healthy friendships.) since I wanted this to be fun, and I just needed a break for a bit so it doesn’t get overwhelming and I’ll pick up writing again when I’m ready. I think that would help that feeling he has over it to settle out. Does that sound okay? Am I reading into it too much, and maybe it’s just a more common feeling/request than I think? I know everyone here is pretty honest and will be upfront about it if this is a normal thing you all experience as well. Thanks in advance!
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Lol Buddha at the Athena shrine!! Yeah I didn’t want to act like I was treating that letter like the “Lifetime Movie of the Week” because people do use the term “obsessed” in various context. I think I was more like ehhh, about him requesting more pictures, when I know some people can get overly into that, “send me a pic!!” and I didn’t want to lead this guy on when it’s just not like that for me, it would just cause problems. Plus I get annoyed with it, I guess, I’m just the type of person who would rather do things on her own terms and I already send them in. How many pictures of a person does someone need?? Lol. True, I thought maybe it had something to do with the situation, and other people had things in the letters from pen pals that seemed a bit similar or serious. This pen pal is fun in the way we talk about some common interests but I would say he’s a lot more interested in talking about people, the psychology and nature of people, past relationships, thoughts, etc. when I have less interest talking about in that stuff.
Also, I’m realizing with some of my penpals that they have a more serious disposition than I do. One of my friends told me that he was “devoted to” his letters to me. Another said that if I had plans to abandon him to let him know from the start. So maybe it’s just the nature of their situation? I think some of the more experiences penpallers can let us know if this is common or not!
Hm well before you start your “going on a break” letter I would ask him to clarify exactly what he means by obsessed. I think that word could mean many different things to different people. For example, I check my PO Box basically daily, get HYPED when I get a letter, and think of my pen pal every day. Am I obsessed?? Maybe. Is that what he means by obsessed? Or does he mean you consume his every thought and he’s picking out baby names? Or he wishes he had a lock of your hair to put in his Athena shrine?? Lol! I think it’s important to clarify his definition of “obsessed” before you back off.