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You are viewing WriteAPrisoner.com's Inmate Blogs section. Here you will find blog entries from inmates all around the country. The prisoner blogs below are all posted by active members of WriteAPrisoner.com. You can view their profile by clicking on the hyperlink beneath the photo.

My Second Blog

January 8, 2024

On the twenty-fourth year of my incarceration, beginning at the tender and ignorant age of eighteen. I'm posting a revised edition of a poem I wrote during the height of the COVID-19 pandemic. It was inspired both by the pandemic-era lockdowns and by a quote from Viktor Frankl. The quote helps define how I have not been crushed by decades of solitary but have found a freedom within me to heal and hope. Here's the quote:
"Between stimulus and response there is a space...in that space is our power to choose our response. In our response, lies our growth and our freedom."

ACCEPTANCE
Repeating patterns of insanity. Ricocheting in an empty 24-year-long quarantine: Slamming steel gates all day: metal plates bolted straight across my face: a living isolation the color and shape of battleship-gray and dog-kennel straits. Some other kind of straight jacket cinches lightly around my psyche it does not squeeze, it leaves room to breathe in that space. I am free. But if I resist it constricts.

My First Blog

January 5, 2024

It's been some time since I've entertained penpals. Most of my personal experiences led me to get off the sites in addition to finding my wife. Pen pals usually last 12 months, leaving me in a perpetual state of living in the past. I grew tired of losing friends after devoting 1 year continuously reliving my past to explain who I am and felt stuck. So, I took my wife and existing pen pals and left the sites.

I'm now in need—need of new friends and need of people who can help me share my poems, art, and my warnings to at-risk youth. I am writing this because I'm at the last stage of my appeals and realize I could be executed by the court. With that realization, I remember the 13 people executed under Trump. I crochet, paint, and draw to support myself. If you start to check into my blog, I will have photos of my projects and a bit more about myself.

I don't feel that my voice is having the impact I know it can have, so if you can help me amplify my voice or get my art shown, please contact me. I'm interested in being mentored by those who have experience with galleries and public speakers who work with at-risk youth. Keep an eye on my blog for updates.

My First Blog

January 3, 2024

Just wanted to add a little something to my profile and say thanks to those who have taken the time to write. I was a little skeptical about the process at first, but I've actually met some decent people on here, and I'm glad I posted my information.

A couple of updates about what's going on in my life: I graduated from the Prison Fellowship Academy and completed chemical dependency treatment. Currently, I'm working in maintenance as an electrician. The awesomeness in that is I'm actually logging apprenticeship hours through the State, and it's something I can pursue when released. Only another 14 months, and it's over. I'm waiting to hear if work release will be an option at my 1-year mark. That would be a blessing for sure, but in any event, it's all positive vibes over this way. I'm physically, mentally, and spiritually sound and perfectly at peace, even if I sit until February 24th, 2025.

It's no doubt been a long journey, but one I'll forever be grateful for because I've grown so much over the past couple of years. I'm excited about life again! It just goes to show that God is always working in our lives as long as we keep that faith and have a willingness to be better; He will afford us opportunities.

If anything I've said here, or in my profile, resonates with you, download the Jpay App and add me. I'm always looking to share a conversation with like-minded people. Talk soon, and God Bless

My First Blog

December 30, 2023

Great guy just ended up in a bad situation. I’m just really ready to get out and get on with my life. I'm just looking for someone to help me pass time with and possibly get into something serious.

My Third Blog

December 25, 2023

The effect of thought on circumstances

You will be what you will be; Let failure find its false content in that poor word "environment" But spirit scorns it, and is free.

It masters time, it conquers space; It cows that boastful trickster, chance, and bids the tyrant circumstance uncrown, and fills a servant's place.

The human Will, that force unseen, The offspring of a deathless soul, can hew a way to any goal. Though walls of granite intervene.

Be not impatient in delay. But wait as one who understands; When spirit rises and commands, The gods are ready to obey.

My First Blog

December 15, 2023

During the Cold War, my friends were wool farmers in Maine. Being both hippies and creatives who were deeply disturbed by the possibility of nuclear annihilation they linked up with wool farmers in Russia to trade bales. They each spun their wool with the wool they received from the other and the resulting product was called Peace Fleece.

Dialogue at this level is always essential for the basic humanity of all people to remain part of any debate--be it inter-communal, national, regional, or international. It may not prevent the outbreak of conflict and tragedy but it can convince enough citizens of the world to come out and demand that the dignity of humanity be respected when conflict erupts, to limit the loss of life. This is to say that we must use our voices. Be it with wool or the human hair my peers here used to make paint brushes to illustrate our humanity for the outside world to glimpse, leading to calls for greater respect for our lives.

The truth of our lives is a lot more complicated than can be can be said in this sentence. It takes time to unravel the yarn that's been spun about ourselves--and the Others we loathe. It's taken me two decades in a solitary confinement cell--a space that is slowly eroding my body--to see clearly that I am not an ongoing danger but that a system that sanctions the death of a nineteen-year-old kid is. Such a system--an outgrowth of our humanity--can arise in any part of the world at any time when the conditions are right.

Some of our arts and media may tell us to think less of our neighbors and enemies--in the same way the arts were leveraged by white supremacists in the late 1800s to develop a narrative of criminality around black lives. But we must go see for ourselves. Investigate via cross-cultural, interracial, and interfaith dialogue. What might that trans woman have to teach you about the way your humanity is being denied? In what ways can we weave new tales, a more peaceful narrative with your story and mine?

My Second Blog

December 10, 2023

What's in the Box?

A perspective on trauma compartMENTALization vs processing while incarcerated. DOUGLAS V. JOHNSON, II 

We stare down into the seemingly bottomless and packed "box" suppressed with our demons/issues/insecurities/trauma. Not getting overwhelmed can be a tremendous task in itself...it can definitely lead to some significant procrastination...a fear of stirring up old pain can cause us to put it off until later as we find something sweet to keep us occupied/distracted. 

Unpacking this box alone is not recommended because things usually get worse, before they get better...unfortunately, in incarcerated settings, mental health resources/programs are severely limited/scarce. If we were in society we could get a dedicated counselor/therapist to help us unpack this box.

Prior to my incarceration, I ran from working on myself for so long, but now I only wish I had a professional to take me through the process of processing it all. I just poured Gin&Jen on the box and lit it on fire, only to wake up the next morning with it weighing heavily upon my chest...I stored that old beat-up & tattered box in the back of the garage. I got tired of seeing that worn-out, taped-up box, so I put it in the fu**!ing basement & then the attic. 

But, sitting with me in solitary confinement, I was alone with the box for two consecutive years.  Emotions intensified to the n'th degree. The first piece of advice I got from my Boss/Colleague/Mentor was "A counselor just helps you understand yourself better and will give you tools to cope with your issues... So now, it will be on you to gain a greater sense of self-awareness which includes acknowledging your pain & demons... Begin to WRITE and read, and keep WRITING and reading!" 

Anyhow, the box gets lighter as we take our time to inventory its contents and acknowledge what's in there... then, one by one we take it apart to process it, and then put each item on the damn shelf as if it were a trophy, somehow turning it into a positive. Transforming the gruesome pain into greater purpose!!!...then, we decide when to take the next item out of the box.

As I now confidently look my shelf of sculptures in the eye, I feel tremendous clarity of my issues. I have now taken my POWER back from the box. As the box got lighter, I began to understand myself so much better. A fresh perspective and outlook on life. Something else also happened... my inability to concentrate began to dissipate and my reading comprehension and memory began to improve. I then realized the impact that my unprocessed trauma had on me over the years. 

In our incarcerated settings, the lack of mental health services can exacerbate our mental health issues. Many of us turn to self-medicating our issues which worsens our situations. If we really want to honestly address our problems, we HAVE TO take the initiative to educate ourselves, better understand ourselves/issues, utilize any and all available resources, and invest in and cultivate our support systems. We CANNOT stop at "well, there are no mental health services." If we wait on DOC (regardless of the state) to provide more services without taking personal accountability & initiative, then we are wasting our 'time.' 

With all of the reading/writing/self-reflection, my communications skills also significantly improved. All of these improvements have led to me making HEALTHIER life-altering decisions and helped ensure I was emotionally available for my family. Addressing our suppressed mental health issues requires extremely hard work when we are out there in a free society even with an abundant amount of resources (therapists/counselors, support groups, variety of medication, treatment methods, etc.). While incarcerated, we have to work infinitely harder if we want to grow and build. One advantage that we do have on this side of the wall is, our 'time' to get laser-focused on unpacking that box... Growth follows acknowledgement... 

Humbly, 
D.V. JOHNSON, II (DOUGLAS V. JOHNSON, II)

My First Blog

December 7, 2023

Beauty and the Beast

Looks describe what's on the outside but not in the heart. Security moves the beast that's trying to scare a beautiful heart. Emotionally I'm scared of being rejected we tend to hide in our hearts. Beauty comes with pain like the beasts that break your heart cruel and unrelenting some words hurt like bites from sharks.

Relationships show flaws whenever beauty becomes the beast and love goes out the window like a promise you never keep. While permanent are the scars left behind by the Beast. Beautiful was the moment when beauty conquered the beast.

My First Blog

December 3, 2023

I've posted before-and-after photos of a diet and exercise regimen I completed. The diet consisted of low-fat, low-carb, vegetarian options, mainly including milk, cheese, peanut butter, beans, tofu, vegetables, and fruit. The exercise routine involved daily 2-hour cardio sessions, running up and down a flight of stairs (14 steps). I maintained this routine for 40 consecutive days without taking any days off.

After about a week, my leg muscles adapted to the daily exertion. Occasionally, stretching and massaging were necessary. At the start of the regimen, I weighed 230 pounds, and by the end, I weighed 202 pounds, achieving a 28-pound loss. Now that I've shed the excess weight, I'm transitioning into strength training. I'll keep you posted on my progress.

My First Blog

December 3, 2023

Let me share some of the secrets of true intimacy and the essential purpose of relationships with you. Even if you never contact me, you will be able to affect change in your current relationships and find true happiness in life. Relationships are formed between people to support each other in becoming the very best versions of ourselves possible every day and in every given moment. For a relationship to thrive, we must attain true intimacy. This has little to do with sex. Intimacy is the one thing we cannot live without and be truly happy. Think about it, who are the happiest people you know? The people who are truly thriving? Do they just have sex, or do they have intimacy? They might have sex, of course, but the foundation of their lives is an authentic experience of intimacy. They have people they can share their lives with. They have a genuine interest in the people around them. They have great relationships! We yearn, above all else, for intimacy. We desire happiness, and sometimes we confuse this desire for happiness with a desire for pleasure or possessions. But once we have experienced the pleasure or attained the possessions, we are still left wanting. Wanting what? Intimacy! Our desire for happiness is ultimately a desire for intimacy. If we have intimacy, we can go without an awful lot and still be happy. Without intimacy, all the riches of the world cannot satisfy our hungry hearts. Until we experience intimacy, our hearts remain restless, irritable, and discontented. Life is a self-revelation, it's about revealing yourself. Every day, in a thousand ways, we reveal ourselves to the people around us and to the world. Everything we say and do reveals something about who we are. Even the things we don't say and the things we don't do tell others something about us. Life is about sharing ourselves with humanity at this moment in history. Share yourself with me and allow me to share myself with you. Relationships are also a process of self-revelation, though far too often we spend our time and energy hiding our true selves from each other in relationships. Being intimate means sharing the secrets of our hearts, minds, and souls with another fragile and imperfect human being. It requires that we allow another person to discover what moves us, what inspires us, what drives us, what eats at us, what we are running towards, what we are running from, what silent self-destructive enemies lie within us, and what wild and wonderful dreams we hold in our hearts. To be truly intimate with another person is to share every aspect of yourself with that person. This is the greatest gift we can give to another human being: to allow him or her to simply see us for who we are, with our strengths and weaknesses, faults, failings, flaws, defects, talents, abilities, achievements, and potential. Intimacy requires that we allow another person into our heart, mind, body, and soul. In its purest form, it is a complete and unrestrained sharing of self. It is the process of mutual self-revelation that inspires us to give ourselves completely to another person in the mystery we call love. You have a deep need to be known. Within each of us, there is a story that wants to be told. Sharing our story helps us remember who we are, where we have come from, and what matters most. Sharing our story keeps us sane. Sharing our story with another makes us feel uniquely known. Relationships keep us honest. They provide the mirrors necessary to see and know ourselves. Isolated and alone, we can convince ourselves of all sorts of crazy things, but other people keep it real for us by drawing us out of our own imaginary worlds. They don't allow us to deceive ourselves. Relationships help move us out of our illusions and into reality. The problem is, we are afraid. Afraid to reveal ourselves, to share ourselves, to allow others into our hearts, minds, and souls. We are afraid to be ourselves, that if people really knew us, they wouldn't love us. That is the deepest of all human fears, lurking in the heart of every person. Although we are afraid to reveal ourselves because of the possibility of rejection, it's only by revealing ourselves that we will ever open the possibility of truly being loved. We are all flawed, and we all have faults; none of us is perfect. We hide because we think people will love us less if they truly knew us, but the opposite is true in most cases. If we are willing to take the risk and reveal ourselves for who we are, we discover that most people are relieved to know that we are human. Why? Because they are human, too, and are filled with the same fear as you. In most cases, you will find that the things you thought would cause people to stop loving you actually lead them to love you more! My own experience suggests that the willingness to share our weaknesses is a tremendous sign of faith, which encourages other people to let down their guard. When we share the ways we struggle with our weaknesses, we encourage people in their struggles. Maturity comes once we learn to cherish the self. So, let us build together a strong relationship based on intimacy. An intimacy that is strong enough to weather any of the storms that life throws at us. Intimacy is the roots of the tree of relationships that allow us to weather any storm. Will you take that step with me? Open yourself up to me and tell me your life story, then we can build the story of our futures together. I don't judge others; I have only intentions to support you in your quest to become the very best version of yourself that you can be. Write me and let's see what the future holds for us. - Pastor Cain