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Our Potential Within Must Be Believed
Our Potential Within Must Be Believed
Our challenge isn’t changing and reinventing ourselves while incarcerated, that’s the easy solution to our circumstances, it’s believing change and reinvention is possible, knowing that each one of us possesses different particular talents that can change precarious circumstances of any kind. Our challenge and obstruction of grasping successful rehabilitation measures is the illusion of doubt and disbelief, these are the enemies of anyone imprisoned.
We must realize it’s our responsibility and obligation with everything within us to initiate the process of eradicating doubt and unbelief from the core our consciousness. Every prisoner isn’t the same, we don’t think the same; we don’t talk about the same things. There’s not this collective goal consciousness, hatred of authority, rehabilitation, learning, humanity, some of us continuously meditate on the betterment of our children, communities, school system and the opportunity to become a productive member of our communities and society once released. Some of us grasp every intellectual and spiritual and edifying apparatus to better, change and reinvent ourselves everyday of our existence while incarcerated.
To all those incarcerated, make every moment where you are, a teachable and learnable experience. Our voices can transcend our circumstances and environment; never let the enormous concrete walls that overshadow you as a mountain of discouragement overtake your objective of change. I truly believe our chance to fulfill our destinies and show that genuine change and reinvention and redemption is truly possible from the worst prisoners. Always speak words of edification and positiveness. Be Changed...Ivan
Well world, it is definitely me again! And while everyone, both behind these walls and beyond them, can find something to complain about, if they are only looking for the negative, I’d just like to send a shout out to express my appreciation for the attention and responses I’ve received from some of you out there.A few people have come and gone quickly and others may yet turn into lasting friendships, but to each and to all, I’d like to say thank you for taking my mind and soul above and beyond the artificial gangster mentality that, unfortunately, seems to enslave so many of our spirits in here. My outside contact may continue to be sporadic and unpredictable, but thanks to you, no longer exists!But as people continuously move into and out of all of our lives, I could always enjoy getting to know someone new, especially from places or different experiences than those I’m usually accustomed to. And, particularly to the ladies. As I’ve lived a life almost completely deprived from your presence and insights. Your thoughts are even more warmly received and cherished by me. I really value hearing what you have to say.I also realize it’s difficult to get a handle on just who it is your dealing with in these environments at any given point in time. So for those interested in getting to know a little more before dropping a line.
Loneliness…How is it that with so many people around us the feeling of loneliness still reaches our souls? You sit at home scrolling through your phone to find comfort on your contact list and miles away I sit in my cell reading old letters hoping to find comfort in those long forgotten words.
We search for companionship in the form of friendship or romantic relationships; seeking to soothe our hearts from the torture of solitude. We crave the comfort of someone sitting next to us or just the knowledge of having someone in our lives who would watch a “Nicholas Sparks” movie with us.
It’s said that being apart from a loved one is the only way to measure our affection and when they fail to return that affection turns into loneliness; whether if it’s been days or years there is no getting used to being alone. When one companion fails time has shown we will always resort to continuing our search for perfect communion.
Know that you are not the only one dealing with being alone. There are thousands of us looking for someone to share our time with. Don’t sit in despair of your situation, take action and give your time to another lonely heart so that in return you will feel the void in your own heart begin to mend. I am here, a lonely soul with an open heart.
SETTING THE FACTS STRAIGHT
I want everyone to know that I am only looking for friends. I need to focus on my freedom, and a relationship will only be counter-productive to that goal. Someone commented that I am only looking for someone to give me money. This is not true. Yes, I do need someone to print stuff from the Internet for me. I am also hoping someone would be kind enough to help me get the books I need and want. But this is not why I am on this site. I need friends. If my Facebook has an update saying I need stamps, it’s because most people don’t send any when they write and expect that I’m able to afford them. If you live overseas, stamps are needed even more due to the higher postage rates. Are these requests too much to ask of others? I’m not trying to get anyone to take care of me financially. Books and printouts are a small request that helps me deal with my time. I’m the one that needs help and has to depend on others. It’s not as if I can go out and get a job to support myself. But, aside from all that, what I really need is a friend. I need people in my life that will be encouraging to me and help me get through this nightmare. I need lots of letters. Most people have no idea what it’s like in here. I can’t trust anyone in here. I have no privacy. It’s so damn noisy, and I rarely get any peace and quiet. Drama is normal in this place. And, I’m constantly homesick. I have one regular visitor. I hardly see my family except for my sister every once in a while. My mom comes on special holidays. I haven’t seen my dad and brother in so long. My nieces and nephew hardly know me. It really hurts. I do my best to stay strong. Another thing, I need people in my life that won’t judge me. I respect everyone’s religion. But, I prefer that people don’t quote verses from the Bible to me. There are so many Bible thumpers in here that like to pray out loud, quote verses, and act holier than thou, yet act like hypocrites. My spirituality is a private matter. I follow the cycles of the seasons, phase of the moon, and study everything about nature. I believe in Karma, the Three-Fold Law, and the Law of Attraction. I believe in love, family values, and respect. I love everyone for who they are, and expect to be loved for who I am. I am trying to better myself, because I don’t ever want to make the same mistakes again. I meditate daily, write in a journal, and even in a dream journal. As for my bisexuality, I need to set the record straight on that. I was not gay before coming to prison. I had a man I loved, who is no longer in my life. I wanted to have kids. I got involved with women in here out of loneliness, and I did fall in-love with women in here. My heart was broken, and I was used. I have tattoos of women’s names I regret getting and plan on getting removed when I get out. But, in reality, I’d prefer to be with a man when I go home. Though, my family and friends will be my first priority over a relationship once I gain my freedom. I have a lot of catching up to do with my loved ones. So, I hope this clears everything up for anyone new curious about writing me. I do look forward to hearing from some new friends.
I payed with my life over the character of another. Sometimes thinking about the past and how I was sent here I lose a tear or two. Anyone who knows me or writes me can tell you how intelligent and full of life I am. I’m a loving person and wouldn’t hurt a soul, but here I am facing uncertainty. Had I hired a attorney at the time of my trial, it would have been different. Sadly, I was a lower class minority with no money and given a court appointed lawyer that sent me spiraling down this legal web, because of the color of my skin. I lost my family and friends. I want to go home one day. How do these people live with themselves, I don’t know. Most people here need to be here without question, but there are a few that don’t belong. I am one of them. I have found a good attorney, but can’t afford him. In this world there are many good people out numbering the bad. Someone out there can help me. Please hear my cries and know that I am human and loved deeply. Anyone out there giving me another chance to flower, I would be most appreciative. Write me and know instantly I am like no other you have met. If ever I found a good soul needing a hand, I extend my hand without hesitation. Distress, I am with hands held high. Please help if ever there be good in this world.
Congratulations! Why? Well, other than the obvious (super handsomeness-ish), how many dudes dream of growing and awesome mullet? Yeah, I know you've literally just won the WAP.com pen pal lottery! Thank my birth in 1986 for my propensity to flaunt a manly, bad-to-the-bone-George-Thorogood-song-in-the -background Kentucky Waterfall.Super classy.Okay, so I'm a goofball and you wither found this ridiculous, yet somewhat humorous, or you really believe that mullets are sexy/a sound and tasteful haircut, or you didn't get all of the above at all.If you agreed with the second, then I am truly a lucky pen pal lottery winner...seriously. Why?If you checked a mental yes to the last, well then I would suggest that you look elsewhere because sharing a sense of humor is paramount to any relationship!I moved to a new institution, with different rules, so please only send a post response, not electronic. Also, be sure to have your return address clearly visible and signature at the end of the response!Remember to live and appreciate today, forget yesterday and tomorrow doesn't exist, only now. Love life.
Trojan Horses (Cadent Humanitarianism)
Trojan Horses (Cadent Humanitarianism)
Amid and regarding the classist infrastructure and use of The Georgian Death Penalty System, their afforded pro bono legal assistance to We The Indigent conspicuously consistently operates to “aid-and-abet” the oppressive “Pro-Human-Slavery” agenda of The State Of Georgia…I give voice to this insidious practice after now 24 years of physical imprisonment and personal observations and social interactions (also heated disagreements) with various court appointed Death Penalty lawyers – by now stating this: According to the language of “The Reconstruction Amendments” and the preamble of “The 13th Amendment (a.k.a. the abolishment of Negro slavery)”. The State Of Georgia has long since been observed and charged with the practice of setting up laws which were “contrived to perpetuate Negro slavery under other names”…Given the time honored practice of laches, procrastination, protraction, filibustering and organized shiftlessness blended with deliberate clerical acts of case law work burking and undermining (viz, burking and/or culling meritorious legal grounds from client’s legal argument(s) which ipso facto makes it all the more likely for The State to convict and/or execute pro bono/indigent clients). Combined with the extant disproportionate amount of modern day African American males incarcerated within the Georgia Prison System Corporation, plus! The 6th amendment Fundamental need and legal right to legal counsel: this leads me to the conclusion that most (though not all) Georgia pro bono Death Penalty attorneys (via passive consent, casual racism, connivance, complicity, casual exclusion, pseudo-humanitarianism, inegalitarianism, etatism, post-bellum southern partisan loyalty and/or genuine astigmatic naivity) are in actuality in practice of Law…Trojan horses in league with (and employed by) The State of Georgia” to perpetuate Negro slavery under other names (e.g. The Georgia Department of Corrections)” by affording modern day indigent African Americans pro bono clients with an approximation and/or THE APPEARANCE of legal representation…Which in practice serves/operates as a form of de facto racism. The conflation of Racism and Prevailing Operative American Classism often creates the perfect milieu for clouded views. And can (and oftentimes does) mislead…However!??? With “Billable Hours Hustle” in mind, what does remain consistently true and clear is this: The 1950’s met and learned and proudly practiced Jim Crow segregationist values and laws, here in Georgia. Here today (in the year 2015), we African American male prisoners are commonly represented by (and preyed upon and oppressed and enslaved by) his great-grand kids James and/or Jane Crow, Esq. – here in Georgia…the need to shed light on this specific form of disguised racial oppression (born of Institutional Racism) is a reality I’ve lived and observed for the last 24 years of my life…It is a most deleterious iniquity; and norm’. My name is Mr. DeMarcus Ali Sears: I’m 43 years old and I am currently on – Georgia’s Death Row…the effect/end result of laches – is client betrayal. Dissembling Trojan horses operating under the guise of Humanitarianism best describes Most court appointed Trial and Appellate Death Penalty Lawyers – here in Georgia…Don’t be fooled by “Niceties, Phatic Communion and/or Political Correctness”, you guys…They’re scam artists…basically poseurs, dissemblers…or to paraphrase Sir William Shakespeare: Oftentimes the sharpest of daggers are concealed and/or hidden behind the brightest of smiles…SEE, Matthew Chapter 23/verse 28…Their slights end lives. The vestiges of racial and economic discrimination take many forms. Jim Crow, James Crow, Jane Crow: Rarely does the fruit fall far from the tree. You guys…It’s called “Atavism” and/or Learned Patterned Behavior…SEE Ferguson, Missouri…as ever “Mr. DeMarcus Ali Sears”.
Things I Can’t Control
Prison life is far from easy. You like to think you are in control of everything but you can’t control forced interaction. This past weekend I ended up in the hospital with a broken nose, a split lip and two black eyes from getting in a fight with my cellie. I’m not a fighter by any means but my old cellie was a psychotic nut job who went on an episode and I was unfortunately the one forced to fight back in defending myself. As I sit in an isolation cell in transit waiting to go back to population I think about all the poor people forced to share a cell with the worst, heartless human beings. In the world you can just turn your cheek but in here sometimes you get the bad end of the stick and are sleeping with a cold hearted murderer that is pure evil. The way some of these people behave just kills me. Pure animals. It’s hard to find normal people in here but the few that are in here I’m sticking close to. I hope to write people who can actually understand some of what goes on in here and not believe others when they say life is all gravy in here.
Sometime you'll look at me. You'll look at me with those smiling eyes, filled with trust and innocence for guidance and reassurance and I'll tell you that everything will be alright. I tell you everything will be alright, not really knowing in my heart that it will, I'll tell you this because I'll never be the one to take away your path, because I made a promise to you, to always be your strength. I'll tell you everything will be alright because I love you. Enough to bare the world's burdens on my shoulders for both of us. Because your half of my heart. You're half of my heart but the whole of my life. I don't have all the answers to questions Life presents us. Think back to when we were kids, before we ever knew each other. When we thought about tomorrow and grown up things, kissing and wedding rings , and believed that I'd be the answer to those questions. Superman. With the power to make every wrong right. Only time told us I was Clark Kent and the most I could do is love you and stay true. I wish for those moments where I could lay awake at night and watch over you as you sleep. In that moment, seeing everything that I ever wanted in life, in your face.
Moving up in the prison world, taking advantage of every opportunity, bettering myself with education and vocational programs (G.E.D., College, Horticulture and Masonry), wasting time in no option at this point.
Feeling bad, stressing or any other negative thoughts isn’t going to change what’s ahead of me. My sense of humor helps me through those self made “Rainy Days”. I like to stay busy and keep my mind occupied with positivity; therefore I have little tension around me. There’s no perfection, I’m just saying I just have a lot more positive energy than anything. I’m doing my best to better myself. Friends and family are supportive and do what they can. It’s just on me to build a strong foundation for my future.
With that said, I like meeting new people and enjoying good conversation. I’d like to hear and maybe learn from your experiences. Share stories and build a friendship. I’m more mature for my age than usually assumed, so I’d like for our qualities to be close and intertwined. Loyalty is a must and I understand it is earned. My friendship is strong, understanding and more meaningful to me than anything. I pray I’ve made a decent impression and that you can find the time to correspond. So please have a great day. Peace and blessings.