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Inmate Blogs

You are viewing WriteAPrisoner.com's Inmate Blogs section. Here you will find blog entries from inmates all around the country. The prisoner blogs below are all posted by active members of WriteAPrisoner.com. You can view their profile by clicking on the hyperlink beneath the photo.


For the Ladies

September 5 2020

Nothing is too good to be true, and it doesn't get more certified than this. I love to learn and build, so if you have good conversation and can pique my interest, hit me up and let's see what happens. I'm down to Earth, very understanding, and open to make new friends. I am a tattooed artist tat has a vision of owning a tattoo shop. Life is too short, so if anything resonated with you, write me.

In Search of My Own Happiness

September 1 2020

When I was a very young man a story was told to me about a mysterious place hidden in a dark cave which contained a tablet made of tears. Written on it was the names of those who are forbidden to love. It was said that in order for one to find their own name on this tablet, one must remember a time when their heart has cried. And from the loneliest heart of all, one will be able to find their name written on this tablet made of tears.

Throughout time many have found their name dwelling on this tablet made of tears. Even Sorrow and her sister Misery can be found on this tablet. The tears that worried me the most were the tears of my own life.

So I’ve decided to search for this strange tablet. To put an end to my suffering. As I begin my journey it brought me to the seashores of Lost Hearts, in the search of the mother of all forgotten hearts. Her name is Loneliness and I’m told that only she can give me the answers I seek.

As I stood before her, whose name is written upon the souls of all mankind, she held a beauty far beyond my understanding. “What do you seek?” asked Loneliness. “I seek the tablet made of tears. I have heard that if a man finds this tablet and reads his name, he will have the power to remove all the loneliness and suffering within his heart.”

I am brave enough to search for this tablet. Sorrow has made my soul her mate and Loneliness lives within my essence. She has caused me to shed a million tears. Loneliness said to me, “Go to the end of the world. There you shall come across three blind angels. They can give you the answers that lie in your soul.”

My journey was far and my pain deep. Yet, the angels stood there at the peak of this mountain. Three blind angels who kept all of the voices of the lost souls. I approached them as they stood surrounded by black and white rocks. Each angel holding seven white feathers, as white as the new snow.

I asked the angels, “Will my soul be lost amongst the souls of the world?” Each angel dropped one feather onto the rocks. The feather turned dark red and they spoke as one, saying to me, “If you do not wish to find your soul amongst the lost, you must bring one cup of tomorrow’s happiness to the fountain of today. If you do this your soul will never dwell amongst the lost.”

I said in reply, “I will do this. Can you tell me where to find the tablet made of tears?” The angels looked upon me and said, “Go to the end of the woods. You will find a small cave. Within this cave the Goddess who guards time will expect you.”

I began walking towards the woods. My heart grew stronger with great joy because the time was drawing near where I would have the power to rid myself of sorrow.

As I continued on with my journey I noticed a figure moving towards me. It was Sorrow. She was in her original form. As she drew closer, I began to feel a sadness. As she got even closer, that sadness grew. She cried golden tears that spoke to me like living words. “Why do you wish to end something that was meant to be?” she said. “I was there for you when love abandoned you. When your heart desired to whither away.  It was me who bid your heart to remain, so that you may live. I befriended you.”

“Yes” I said to her. “You were my heart in the darkness. I seek what God has promised. I do not wish to be lonely. I wish for happiness.”

Sorrow said to me, “All were not born to be happy and all were not born to be sad. Your sadness brought us together. Why would you question your fate?”

I said to her, in protest, “You do not understand the hearts of men. You were born of loneliness, but I was born from the words of God. And God is love. God is not sorrow.”

Before I continued my quest Sorrow said, “You will return to me when the world feels no more love for you, when your heart is heavy with grief.”

I came to the end of the woods. There was a small cave. It looked dangerous, but I was not afraid. I was in need of rest. I laid my head at the foot of this cave and sleep overtook my body. As I rested, I heard the voice of a child. I rubbed my eyes and looked and there she stood. She wore a white gown with long black hair, and held a gold staff in her hands.

“Who are you? Are you lost?” she said to me, with a smile as bright as the sun.

“I am not lost” I said. “Who are you girl?” I asked her. “I seek the truth of the heart.”

She said to me, “I am time, keeper of the tablet made of tears. I will show you what you seek, but you must answer my riddle. If you can answer it I will relieve you of the tears you have shed.”

Time led me into a dark cave. With a wave of her staff the cave became bright and before me stood a tablet made of tears. It looked as though it was made of crystal, and was suspended by two sets of silver wings and surrounded by a fire that burned blue.

I found myself so lost in its beauty that I had almost forgotten my quest.

Time said to me, “Are you ready for your riddle?”

”I am.” I replied.

She set her staff into the cave floor and recited, “Brothers and sisters, I have none. For my mother’s brother is my father’s son. Who am I?”

My heart began to race. This riddle was too hard for my weary soul to answer. I thought about it long and hard. In the presence of Time, minutes felt like an eternity.

I looked at her with sadness in my eyes and fell to my knees in a confused shame. I couldn’t give her an answer. The answer she so sweetly asked for.

She looked upon me as I stood to leave the cave and she called out to me, “Wait!”

I looked back to see her smiling at me as though she understood something I did not. She said, “Many have come before you seeking this tablet. They have tried to put an end to their suffering and they have failed.”

I looked at Time, who appeared to be a small girl and said, “Now I shall have Sorrow as my only mate and Loneliness will dance with my soul for eternity.”

Time spoke, “Kneel before me.”

I did what she asked of me and she placed her small hands on my face and looked sweetly into my eyes. She said, “The secret of this tablet is that it contains the tears of your past. It does not contain the tears of your tomorrow. Live your life for happiness. She awaits you at the door of the cave, at the door of your heart. Let her dwell in your heart and Sorrow will be no more.”

In search of my own happiness…

A Post to New Friends

September 1 2020

Before I started this site, I've honestly faced many bad experiences in my past with judgement, being ignored, let down and many other things that caused me to feel doing this site would be a waste of time, that nobody would reach out to me as a friend or anything.

My intentions for this site is in hopes to find people that'll show me and make a difference in my life other than what I've experienced. And I wrote things in my profile that people can look into to find out more about me, especially the story of what really happened in my case so that people know the truth. But it seems that some things are hard for people to find, which is why I want to post my story here in my next blog.

A few people have reached out to me without knowing my crimes or what really happened, but then they stopped because they read my  crimes afterward but didn't know the story. I'm writing this to say that I'm giving people direct access to my story so that you can decide if you want to write me or not once you read my blog. Because I really want to find people that won't judge and stick with me. I've been through a lot of hurt because people just     disappear without a word, not giving me a real chance. So please, I only ask that you read my charges and blog first before deciding to write.

Changes

August 24 2020

Changes can either have a positive or a negative effect. Sometimes change is good and sometimes change is bad. For me, change has been positive because the changes in my life have given me a more positive mindset, they've changed the way I speak and act. It's teaching me to turn a negative into a positive. Prison is meant to be bad, but I'm using it for good. I'm taking advantage of the schooling, self help classes, spiritual awareness, and I'm really learning who I want to be as a person and changing who I was.

It is very possible to turn a negative situation into a positive one, it's all about the way you look at things.

My change has been good. How about your's?

Anthony Bell #02062222

August 23 2020

Greetings and respects. These times are hard and troubled, everchanging and unknown. Doubt and worry reign supreme and yet I still trudge on. My path is long and rough. At times my cloak is dusty and travelworn; my sandals wearing thin but still I move on. My quest you ask? Do I seek riches untold of diamonds and gold? Nay, oh hidden pleasures of the flesh; no doubt your dark desires are bursting at the seams? Nay again, never so basic or lowly as that. In my hands I cup softly an unlit candle; I know my chance is soon, for I am on a journey of discovery, a haven in an unlikely place, I seek for there I know I will find succor and warmth. Wine and bread are shared; and I light my candle from yours as we bask in the muted glow of new friendship. Our thoughts entwine and as iron sharpens iron our thoughts glow finer than the sharpest steel. For did not even the palace of Mecca start as a thought, before even the first stone was cast? Divided we face uncertainty and turmoil; but united the opportunities are limitless. For you are my counterweight; and together we are more balanced than the scales of liberty. I see you looked over your shoulder thinking, “Is he speaking to me?” Verily I tell you, that choice is yours my friend. I cannot be what I am not; nor would I try. But maybe, just maybe, I could b a friend, Because truly my friend the road is dark and weary. But that light you see down there at the end, that’s hope. Me, I hope. I smile softly and trudge onward hoping. Go in peace young god.

Respectfully,

Tony G.

 

 

Listening to the Radio

August 22 2020

Laying here listening to the radio; Saturday night, Country Golds on 7 to 13. Songs like, “I was Country Before Country was Cool”, “Leave the Ole’ Country Boy Alone”, “The Gambler”, “These Boots were Made for Walkin’”.

You know each song reminds you of someone or some place you’ve been . Those special songs with great story lines, those people you’ll “never” forget…

The way I’d snatch up my girl when a good song would come on the radio, trying to snuggle and slow dance with her, yet she’d be too shy or embarrassed to express herself. Yeah, I love to dance, especially slow dancing, just moving and grooving in that way. Only music can get you to release those motions.

I miss my harmonicas, even my itty bitty most cherished possession, a gift by the only one it ever mattered to if I played music at all. My only critic, the only person I had to impress.

Surely I can’t be the only one who things as I do. Am I crazy? I may be but not in that way, but a good way. I don’t have a TV to watch, an internet to play on, or a Facebook to keep me in touch with everyone. I’m stuck in a prison cell 22 ½ hours a day, no fresh air, no view of the outside world, no phone in my cell to reach out, no one to care about me amore. All I have are memories of days gone by.

Write to tell me about how you’re doing in the free world lockdown. I’m sitting here drawing portrait lost in my own type of free world, combining different faces on pictures into one big picture. Kind of like doing a puzzle with a whole lot more difficulty. Just singing to myself, passing the night away. Thinking of days gone by.

Update

August 21 2020

Hello friends,

I just wanted to update my profile. I'm in for the halfway house in the Denver metro area. I see parole again in January. I'm taking a few therapeutic community classes here at my facility, so things are looking positive in that aspect. I could really use a friend right now. Thank you friends and can't wait to hear from you.

A Day in the Life

August 21 2020

Life by the Numbers, Written on Day 266, December 18, 2016 For the first couple months here at Western Virginia Regional Jail, I would wake up every morning feeling more and more dead inside. Thinking about my new reality was like a weight on my shoulders and that weight was crushing me. The pain was crippling and I spent my time counting the seconds, the minutes, the hours, the days until I’ll be able to see my girlfriend, my family, trying to tell myself that this was just some horrific nightmare and everything will work out, I’ll be able to go home soon. That’s what I fantasized about. 
   
Numbers swirl around in my head; I’m living in 1 big room with 2 rows of 12 bunks. There are 48 people in this 1 room. There are 8 tables with 6 chairs each. There are 3 phones and 1 TV.  We never leave this 1 room where a steel grate separates us from the bathroom that has 5 toilets and 4 showers.  Here I stay every single day, thinking, thinking, thinking – I am undoubtedly the most stupid man alive. I gave up a life most people would give anything to have – a great job, a beautiful fiancé, a terrific place to live - for WHAT? My mind is spinning as the numbers keep whirling around in my head.
   
Every day, whether I sleep or lay awake - read or watch TV - the same 24 hours pass.  No matter how I try to wish away the hours, there are still 24 of them, 1440 minutes, 86,400 seconds each and every day.  More numbers swirling around in my head.  Thinking about how long it will be before I am released is so stressful and sometimes I feel like I just can’t spend 1 more day here. But then I do, and then another, and then another, until pretty soon I began to put the numbers into a pattern that I could live with. But the numbers still haunt me. I started to count the number of times I failed, 1 relapse, 2 relapses, 3 relapses…1 failed relationship, 2 failed relationships, 3 failed relationships…2 engagements, both called off 30 days before the wedding…3 loves, real loves, lost because I am an addict… STOP!  STOP IT BEFORE YOU GO INSANE! So much pain, all the time.
     
Has my life been a waste? What do I have to show for my 40 years. More numbers…I never in 10,000 years thought I would end up here, never in 1,000,000 years thought I would lose everything in a heartbeat. For someone as smart as I thought I was, I was pretty effing stupid. It is possible that I may be looking at spending the next 20 years, that’s 240 months, or 7300 days alone in prison somewhere. At 40 years old, I realize that life as I knew it is 100% over. I spend all my time dwelling on that; 24/7 dwelling on that.

Appreciation to Pen Pals

August 18 2020

Well,

Hello to my all my Write A Prisoner friends.  Today I decided to place a blog expressing my appreciation to all you great and thoughtful people on this site who give your time and effort to us serving time in prison.  I can't stress enough how much difference you guys make to us prisoners.   

Prison can be such a rough and stressful place and being a prisoner you can feel that the world is against you, but there are so many amazing pen pals who help us get through this hard prison life.   I've been able to meet some caring and solid people who have given me some positive feedback, so I would like all you amazing people who invest time and energy and being friends - to keep up the good work.  

So much bad stuff going on in this world right now with COVID-19 and social injustice, so you pen pals are doing amazing work changing the lives of us prisoners.  A lot of us are going to one day get out and be productive citizens and you guys have a lot to do with that, so please keep up the good work and please be patient…..we just need a chance and a friend.

THANK YOU!!

Alexander Richards

August 17 2020

The Nomadic Spirit Within Us

Are any of us truly free?   Does life sometimes feel like one big prison with it’s restrictions and rules?     Don't you sometimes feel like getting rid of all that you own, and live life on faith alone?   This is my ambition.

Wow - imagine walking away from all the material things and let faith lead the way, what a journey that would be?    Of course there will be some fear involved with the unknown, we can't let fear overshadow the dreams we have in our soul.

I believe there is plenty of good in all bad situations.   So one thing that being behind these walls has taught me, is that freedom cannot be taken for granted.   For that reason, when my time is done, I want to be true to myself and live out my dreams of giving back.    The dreams of living a nomadic lifestyle while doing humanitarian service work.  This might sound foolish, but it's more foolish not to live out our dreams.

As I walk my new path, I plan to photograph my journey, the beauty and the hurt in this world.  I want to share with those who are still living up under the restrictions and rules of life.  I want to inspire others to step out in faith and help however they can.

Good or bad, my mind wonders what your thoughts are about my future plans?   I'm ready to hear about your dreams and opinions.