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1/23/2021

Sitting back reminiscing on the life I never had,

Never had a wife and barely had a dad,

No positive role model to ever teach me how,

Had to learn by making mistakes, just like I’m doing now,

The roles of both parents that mom had to juggle,

Living paycheck to paycheck, never understanding her struggle,

Although drugs and violence flooded my childhood home,

There’s still no house that can compare to that only home I’ve ever known,

Wishing things were different, wishing things were great,

It’s wishful thinking to think that it’s never too late,

I’ve heard that wisdom is supposed to come with age,

But it seems the older I get the more I feel with rage,

Controlling the person I’ve become, is harder than I thought,

Especially when feeling this weak and emotionally numb,

The past is the past and I can’t take it back,

So scared of the future if I continue down this track,

Will I ever change? I mean really change for good? 

It’s the only question I have to ask because I really wish I could,

If I could start back as a kid and change what I can,

I wouldn’t change a thing because it’s all part of God’s plan,

I believe there’s a purpose and behind that is a reason why,

Why I must suffer so long with pain so strong to the point I want to die,

I hope that God is real and He’s true to His word,

I hope that He’s listening now, with all of my prayers heard...

See all poetry for Cody Larson #184398