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Beauty, Pain, Ignorance

Growing into my adulthood there was pain hard to adapt to. Sorrow all around me as I walk my littered streets of Chicgo. My ignorance to what normal was led me to question things I seen on the outside looking in. The defining beauty is that as I grew deeper into my Chicago skin. I see now what I didn’t notice then, that true beauty starts within. 


In the shadows of my childhood stood a man in a boy’s image. My pain isn’t my childhood, it’s with the people who caused it. Why do they judge me because I was taught to be “different’. If I fall, get back up, crying is a sign of weakness, pain is just the body pushing out the weak. Fight til the end, because a coward dies a thousand deaths. They were teaching me to be “different”. Over the years it caused me to see what I’ve become. Now it pains me what I can see. On the outside I don’t feel like me, but I have to be me, because I care how they look at me. I care if they see me. But I feel the pain when I look at me…

(Pain and Ignorance)

While I mask my emotions, I realize that who is inside of me is who I really am,. But how do I tell them that? How do I tell myself that who I became, I never was. I’m still waiting to be me> I think for many years I failed to love myself, so I hated me instead. How could I love her, or then when I don’t know what love means? How can I understand beauty, when all I see is me? So I have to shake it off, loose the ugly and push for excellence because if I don’t I’ll be useless to me. All my life I really did have to fight. To this day the fight goes on. But throughout my battle I can say I’m not ignorant to what beauty is, because my pain helped me see through it. I found a part of me I didn’t know existed, that I’ve held captive underneath. I may have found my glitch. I may  have conquered my pain and ignorance. But can the world still see my beauty? Or me?

See all poetry for Devin Redd #M00689