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Floyd Greene #G14745
4/7/2020
"Battlefield" searing pain from the sword protruding out my chest, the red orange glow of the blade cutting through my flesh. a clean blow to the heart, no battle, no mess. who would believe I sought out this pain? far from suicidal, but I searched again and again. it was like I had an uncontrollable urge to see if this would hurt, maybe b'cause everyone says going thru life without this pain, is worse. as I stand here impaled and in pain I don't see how death is not better, no thoughts, no feelings, no pain, no bad weather. there must be a reason I'm not dead yet, or is this a sick game where somebody's controlling me with a joystick and headset? at least that's how I feel in my day to day interactions, mind numb, autonomous with robotic like actions. just the memories of my journey make it hurt even more, the excitement and passion was like nothing before. brought somebody with me, couldn't get here alone, I wonder if they feel this pain too, or I'm all on my own...

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