Ask yourself, when’s the last time you allowed yourself to sit down, get attached to a book or movie? Opened up and lived it as you experienced it? Allowed your emotions to come out and feel? Every week I try to read a couple books that will get my emotions involved. You may become suspicious, cautious, about my intentions. Wondering why would I want to write to a complete stranger? I’m interested in really getting to know someone to make a difference in their life when they are down and need it most. I want to believe that most people are inherently good. Sometimes get caught up in unfortunate circumstances. I need to feel like I matter and impacting someone’s life in a meaningful way. I also believe that you have the capacity to impact my life in meaningful ways.
Over the years it’s been learning experiences to understand and learn emotions. I’m a prisoner to myself for so long, I had to relearn them. In order to protect myself I closed off everything to survive. I’m tired of just surviving. I’m ready to live, if you take anything from this please believe the following. You’re a person who’s destined to find love, happiness, success and anything else you desire. You matter, will achieve great things; never allow anybody to make you feel or think otherwise. Persevere. Be resilient. I like to think of my life and look back be remembered not for the one great deed I accomplished but for the many lives I’ve impacted with love that shows many ripples throughout my existence. This is my therapy to drown out all my pain, hurt, with compassion, goodness to others. Be the change you wish to see in the world. Forgive, smile, laugh, love. All gave some, some gave all! When we perceive things differently inside our outer perception changes.
I know what loneliness feels like. I deserve human connection as much as anyone else. There’s nothing worse than feeling forgotten, unloved and insignificant. No human should feel that way. Love, compassion, kindness are powerful to heal wounds. Having someone to take the journey with is what makes life worthwhile. I desire that more than anything. Having fun laughing, appreciating small things in life is what I want. I don’t care about money, titles or superficial objects. I want to look back at life when I’m on my deathbed knowing I was loved and I gave love, that defines success to me. I’m not the type that’s blinded by physical appearance, certain circumstances can be blessings in disguise. It forces us to take life slow, really see a person’s essence.
I look for strong values, honesty, trust, dedication, loyalty; without those there’s no foundation for any type of relationship. I’m far from perfect. I feel closer to people when they aren’t afraid to expose their hopes, dreams, passions, fears, flaws, emotions, vulnerabilities. Why wear a mask? Masks eventually break! So many people get into trouble these days; societies made it a weakness to show emotions and viewing people in delicate states of emotions unheard of. If society would shed tears it would become less angry and more humble. Our circumstances can change in a moment. Why not find happiness in other people’s happiness?
Pay it forward, instead of enjoying that ice cream or meal, find someone you can share it with so that you enjoy it through them. In return you plant a seed that’s called empathy which allows humanity to learn compassion for others.
I enjoy good movies, reading good books that bring out emotions. I enjoy crying at happy times, sad times, when I’m involved in either one.
I would like to thank everyone who has responded to my profile. Whether it was a short or lengthy exchange, all of your letters brought joy into my gloomy days.
All who sent me letters using JPay.com I’m unable to respond to them as email, so please include your name and return address in the text of the email so I can write you back by mail. This state’s not that advanced yet, we just got phones (smile).
To all who has written and thought I didn’t wish to reply back, I’m not that rude. I’ll always respond to say thank you for your investment of time in me. Thank you for all your support and encouragement with my PTSD.
At times the smallest things can make the biggest difference when you’re down or having bad days.
Recently I’ve been through more discouraging obstacles. My uncle passed, then I had a serious infection in my knee, which they didn’t wish to do much for it. I had to deal with it for a few weeks. It was right under the kneecap which really sucked. Couldn’t walk or bend my leg and it looked like a giant cherry.
My birthday was really boring. The entertainment canceled when they got to the door. They were unable to do any long-term shows. So I just gave myself a party. I take all the small joys and make each day a little better. Hope to hear from y’all soon.