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Carlos Valencia #R44983

This Poem is Called Meditate

9/26/2018

As I sit here motionless

feeling like all life has ceased, feeling claustrophobic

breaking night in this unbearable box till the break

of dawn, fabricating the idea of what type of different

or the same lifestyle awaits my return to its presence

pondering with the thought if it’s gonna be out of

control.  Before I came back to prison, I rather drop

dead where I stand.  All this pain, suffering, agony, endless

tragedy is too much to bear, or is it not?  Can someone

who can do the unthinkable and say nothing can break

them down, walk through my chaotic, crazy, unpredictable,

wicked, deadly, adventurous dangerous lifestyle,

and experience and survive what I've been

through and still be sane, and still want a normal

life?  What about me, can I, can I still continue to go

On like nothing bad has ever happened, and lock it

Out like my life’s been full of smiles, and perfect

Sunny days since day one?  Do I still hold the capacity,

the sense, and the right screws in my head, to get a

grip and a hold of myself to know that a better lifestyle

is out there somewhere, beneath the shadows

of my own conscious, could it be.  Do I attract trouble,

does it simply follow me, or do I follow it.  Which

one is it, I can’t seem to put my finger on it. or

am I just deprived from living my own ways,

because of these laws that we are, I am bond

by.  I let my mind wonder, my soul roam free, and

look at my temporary body, and tell

myself is this it, is all life’s got to offer?

Is this all I have to offer life?  What purpose

do I have to fulfill in this lifetime.  I'm still

trying to figure that one out.  I don’t think that

that’s an answer that anyone truly knows

but God.  I'm just living life till the wheels

fall off.  I know one thing, I have to put

some kind of different work, my own work,

at a different angle, different position, a whole

new set of mind.  I know I can make it happen

but what will it take for that to happen.  Is it

my own illusion that keeps on haunting my

clear path to my success, and keeps on holding

me down and I'm fighting the wrong way.  I have

always expressed and poured out my anger and

pride in a way.  I thought and believed was

righteous to fill this empty hollow heart with no

feeling of life, only numb and hollow and so

run down to the dirt, that I still don’t know how

I manage to still have a lifetime of unconditional

love, care, passion, affection, that is still stored

within me to offer.  But it hasn’t been unleased

yet because I don’t have no one to share it

with.  WHY?  I don’t know but that’s a

challenge I leave to the test of time.

About Carlos

Astrological sign:
Capricorn
Willing to correspond outside of the U.S.:
Yes
Photo verified by WriteAPrisoner.com:
No
Birth date:
1/19/1987 (age 31)
Eyes
Brown
Hair
Black
Hometown
Chicago, IL
Marital Status
Single
Race
Hispanic
Religion
Spiritual
Interested in furthering their education:
Yes
Seeking legal help:
Yes
Seeking prayer partners:
Yes
Gender
Male
Sexual orientation: 
Straight
Profile starts on:
2/1/2013
Profile ends on:
4/1/2019

Incarceration Information

Latest Release Date
2019
On Death Row
No
Incarcerated Since
2008
Serving Life Sentence
No
Incarcerated For


Official Links: This person is incarcerated in the Lawrence C. C..

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Carlos Valencia #R44983
Lawrence C. C.
10930 Lawrence Rd.
Sumner, IL 62466
United States

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