Hi everyone. I hope you all had a very merry Christmas! I have kind of a dilemna, and I figured that perhaps some of you might have some advice for me. I'm going to assume that most of you have probably had to deal with this at one point or another.
Does it ever bother you that the majority of people view prisoner's as disposable, and feel they should have absolutely no rights? That the majority of people do not understand why you would want to write to an incarcerated person?
You should hear some of the meanspirited, cruel comments that people make. It really really upsets me, and sometimes I can get very emotional. Just yesterday I got into an argument with my mom about it, and I burst into tears! She said my friend Andrew who is languishing in solitary confinement as we speak(cold, scared and completely disoriented) deserves whatever he gets!
She thinks that prisoner's have it too good, and should be forced to work morning, noon and night. I've also heard people say that they shouldn't be allowed to correspond with people, see their families, get married, vote etc. And just the other day I had a guy tell me that prisoner's(even young offenders!) should be flogged or otherwise publicly humiliated. Or my favorite "that person deserves to fry!". You have no idea how much those words hurt me. To some people it may seem silly, but to me these are my friends. I feel a very powerful connection with them, and can actually feel their pain.
I've tried to explain my reasons for writing, and how allowing prisoner's to establish relationships with people in the outside world is integral to the rehabilitation process etc. But to no avail. Since most of my pals are either on death row or serving life sentences, this argument falls a bit short. My mom says "he's never gonna get out. So why bother? Let him rot".
I just want to know how you guys have dealt with similar situations.
I want so desperately to get people to see my side. To see that my pen pals really are good people, who just made some bad choices. But they don't want to hear it.
NO matter what I say I always get the same tired response "what about the victims"? I think that depreiving a person of their freedom is a severe enough punishment, and that prisoner's should still retain their basic human rights.
I'd really love to hear your thoughts, ideas and opinions if you'd care to share. I'm actually quite upset over this. Sometimes I just get so frustrated, that I think about throwing in the towel. After all, we're never gonna get society to care about these people. It just seems like an uphill battle that will never be won. Of course I won't, because I care too much about my pals. They just mean the world to me. But it really wears on me sometimes.Thanks for listening guys.
Lisa
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Hiya Lisa
You know what? The majority of people will give you responses such as the one your mother did. But there are a small margin of people who will be the total opposite, who will perhaps be surprised at the fact that you write to prisoners and that you have such a 'soft spot' for your pals in prison.
Those are the people you should listen to. Not those who tell you that you are a fool and ask you about the victims. My mother also asks me the same thing - why not write to the victims rather than the criminal. Many people dont understand why we do what we do, and have compassion for these people, but those who do, as i said, are the one's who's opinions count.
Don't stress too much about what your mother and other people like her have to say. You are doing an awesome thing by writing to and making these prisoners feel worth something, and no one can stop the happiness and satisfaction that each of our pals get when they get a letter from us...........
Keep it up - don't let small people grind you down!!!
Lisa :) I feel for you. In my opinion you are NEVER going to convince those around you to think like you do. Just like they are NEVER going to convince you to think like they do.
Thats what makes us all different.
You KNOW you are doing an amazing thing, your pals know you are doing an amazing thing, isnt that what's most important?
Try and stay strong and true to yourself, believe in your own motives, we can never really know other peoples motives so let them go by and enjoy the friendships you have made.
Your validation comes from yourself, your pals and like minded people like us, you dont need it from people who refuse to even try and understand.
Good luck
dreamer
Lisa,
There is only a small part of the people that are empathic towards prisoners. Therefore, I do not tell too much about my writing to prisoners. (And to be honest, it is a great experience. There are really very precious to me).
But if I do not talk about it, people cannot try to talk me out of it. I know why I do it, and that is enough for me.
Sometimes, I wish I could share it with others, but I do not wish all the discussions that come from sharing.
Karin-Belgium
Yep, Lisa, you are now a part of a very small group of people who can empathise with those incarcerated. But, I don't agree that they can't be "educated". I think that it might be a long slow process, though, and you need to be able to stand your ground. Easy to say, but not always easy to do.
Good luck and don't feel like the Lone Ranger. I think that we have all experienced this, from time to time.
Yep, we have all experienced this from time to time. On the whole, I keep what I do to myself - there is thankfully this forum for all the support I need. I too had all the negative comments etc and I guess it works best for me to not share what I do with all around me.
hi bookworm. i'm fairly new to WAP. i posted a similar question on jan 9th. if you scroll down - my topic was "help". there's some very nice people on here and they were very forthcoming with advice for me. maybe have a look at that one and see if it helps at all.
take care
ying // ron
My advice is don't take other people's opinions personally. They have a right to feel the way they do--and that may be different from how you feel. They are not you, and they are not experiencing things the same things you are. You don't have to convince anyone to see things your way. Just make the wise choice most of the time, then don't doubt yourself. Enjoy your life...because that's just what it is...yours.
Dear Lisa,
I can imagine some of the reactions you get, and I totally disapprove these comments. Especially because these comments come from short minded people anyway.
It is not because a certain person has done one misstep in their live, or the community believes he did it, that you should ban these people for the rest of their lives. These are only humans, and they deserve a second chance, luckily enough there are still people like yourself, who still believes in the good sides of a person. Don't let people wind your up, persue your own feelings, and let them talk, have a mind of your own.
Succes in writing to your pen pals.
Micky, Belgium - Europe
I understand your hurt & frustration...All I have to say is keep your chin up and thank someone for this site and others like it for the support we give each other.
bookworm honey , iknow of all the meanspritied, cruel comments people can make, and I have experienced these firsthand myself.I think most people have a generalization black and white perspective on prisoners...and gee I wonder why it is so hard for the many who have worked so dubiously on themselves throughout there term to continue to do so well upon there release? small wonder. but as some of our fellow members have already pointed out, we cant worry about others opinions too much.we all have the right to our opinions and thats what i tell others who diaagree to my marriage with an soon to be ex con- you have the right to your opinion, but you dont know him like I know him".. I had the same blowout you described with other family members, and you know what, if they cant be supportive,then so be it. All you really need hun is the beleif in yourself that you are doing right and in time, perhaps they will come to see the wonder in him that you see. until then, it is hard, but take a deep breathe and try to realize,not everyone has the same qualities that we wapsters share and if others where more like us, Id like to think much more good would and could be done in thsi world!! hang in there kiddo!-RK
Maybe this is your time to help educate them (friends and family), looking at it in a different way. Try and understand why they feel the way they do, you have the advantage of knowing these people (prisoners) like most do not, and that is even though there choices in life are/have been different to ours does not make them any less of a person. Your family and friends have not had the good fortune nor chance to experience that, so if you keep what you know quiet not sharing your experiences and knowledge with anyone how can they possibly learn or know there is a person behind the crime? I would not argue with anyone about the way they feel. I believe people have a right to feel the way they do for many reasons, but do we keep quiet because we know the redicule and comments that may come our way or do we speak out and educate our friends and family? i know what role i choose. Try not to take it personally and remember really it is not about you but what others see or do not see. I hope you can understand what i mean here. Even some of those here on WAP judge others and there crimes. Yet they are on this site writing people in prison, so if some of us here do not understand and cannot except some crimes how do we expect those that have no knowledge understand? This is my honest opinion.
Smiley your missive touched me for I feel like I have been a coward for I have not told anyone other than my best friend and as I said she freaked out. I need to think about this an open up and educate others to our PP's in prison. Thank you!