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Freedom is over rated?

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Anonymous
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Freedom is over rated?

Having been free for almost six years now, I have come to learn that we humans over whelm each other with responsibilities, for most people its not a problem to balance responsibilities out and are very much able to work everything out, however, with people like myself even the simplest of responsibilities can be over whelming, paying bills, staying mentally balanced etc...I just get so very jealous when those around me are holding down stable jobs and are cruising through life as if it was second nature to them, while I wonder why I exist each time I wake up in the morning or afternoon and the meaning to my life (and yes I've had five years of therapy already) Has God chosen me to be a lost cause? Seriously....what is someone like me suppose to be doing on this earth, I've tried getting a job in the least six years, but six years of rejection does some damage to a persons ego trust me on that, its just that when I was in prison yes I was assaulted each month like clock work, but at least I find meaning with talking to dudes like myself who had the same interests and same views of life, here on the out's its completely different no one wants a bar of me (no one likes me) besides my inner family but even they struggle at times, but in prison I knew where I stood and I was someone in there regardless how weak and small I was, at least I had my clique or click however you say it...In the last 18 months I have only been able to walk out the front door little owe meeting someone new, I am still very wary and paranoid that people wont like because I was in prison, I know I don't have to tell everyone I was in prison but I am so very tired of hiding these days that I've just had enough already....anyways sorry for sounding all depressed but this is my new reality now and its going to take years of getting use to, its only now that I have found some form of balance regardless how small it might be....:coffee::sobstory::shakehead:

Edited by: Anonymous on Jan 2 2015 - 8:33pm Reason: Imported from old database.
Anonymous
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NO WONDER WHY FORMER PRISONERS RE-OFFFEND ONCE THEY ARE FREE, THEY HAVE NOTHING OUT THERE TO LOOK FORWARD TO, WELL MOST ANYWAYS, ITS EASIER TO BREAK THE LAW THAN TOO AFFORD RENT EACH WEEK OR MONTH, ITS EASIER TO JUST TRY AND TAKE AND ENJOY AND THEN RETURN TO A PLACE WHERE YOU CAN HAVE TRHEE MEALS A DAY AND REAL ROOF OVER YOUR HEAD...IS EVERYONE WRITING THIS DOWN, THIS IS IMPORTANT, THIS IS WHY THE PRISON SYSTEM IS FAILING AND ALWAYS WILL, MOST PRISONERS ARE USING THE SYSTEM FOR THEMSELVES....GEE I WONDER IF I SHOULD RETURN TO PRISON AGAIN?????

whitediamonds
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No process completely controlled by like minded individuals is going to end up unbiased. That is what drives hate.

whitediamonds
whitediamonds's picture

The Fox Network which is a broadcast entity distinctly different from the Fox News channel, does not have any affiliates or owned & operated station in Canada.

But, Fox Network programming is carried on cable & satelite providers in Canada thru several U.S. stations near the U.S. & Canada border.

Oh please Hate speech?

whitediamonds
whitediamonds's picture

Freedom is not free, all mankind has to fight for freedom.

whitediamonds
whitediamonds's picture

I believe that there are different types of freedom. Physical, emotional, psychological, spiritual, financial, and others.

True, included in all those types of freedom, freedom is not free you have to fight/struggle/want for it. It is not going to just happen.

whitediamonds
whitediamonds's picture

I beg to differ ::: Freedom is given by God, and it is a free gift. But we must struggle to maintain the right to freedom.

We actually agree then, except for....
God, if one believes in God that is. He did not give us freedom, he gave us free will.

gooddog
gooddog's picture

Hey jono: I've heard more than one story about guys that are in for 20 years, get out, do a crime, come right back in, for these very reasons you are stating.

The reason why I think freedom is better than incarceration even as its overwhelming nature bears down on you is that in the free world, you get to make choices. Even turning out a light when you want, going outside when you want, going for a walk. These are things that my incarcerated friends lose the freedoms for and see as completely amazing, if/when they get the chance to have it back.

I know someone who goes on trailer visits (real bed, real food for a few days then back to prison) and he says even that is completely overwhelming. The bed's too soft and he wants to hoard all the food.

You have to practice being free. Do you have any kind of practice, spiritual path, or self philosophy that you follow? I am one of the lucky ones who seemingly out here "has it all with ease" as it looks to you. It is neither "all" nor "with ease." Every day I must check that my feet are on an inner path because I feel the distractions, madness, violence, and difficulty of the world will absolutely overwhelm me.

It could be as simple as having a daily routine of taking care of yourself for a while until clarity returns to you. A commitment to your self.

I think that the people who seem to have a place, know their place in the free world... it's great, but it's still an illusion. A hurricane could come tomorrow and change that place from high to low. From secure to insecure. That's the truth of the nature of life. Life contains disatisfaction and suffering for us all it's just that some have a pretty wrapper in which to do their suffering, a bigger house, more acceptance.

Yes, it is very hard to be a man in society and be labeled a "failure" due to incarceration in the past, lack of employment, etc. I consider someone who goes into prison and then stays out of prison a success, not a failure. You have to use a measuring stick that is yours, not "them out there" because... they don't live in your skin.

Just some thoughts...

Silas Sydenham
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Silas Sydenham
Silas Sydenham's picture

Freedom is not free, all mankind has to fight for freedom.

I beg to differ ::: Freedom is given by God, and it is a free gift. But we must struggle to maintain the right to freedom.

Silas Sydenham
Silas Sydenham's picture

Once again I beg to differ ::: God gave us free will, but that free will is limited by predestination.

http://www.theopedia.com/Predestination

But predestination must not be confused with the "TULIP" theology of the late and unlamented Fred Phelps and his ilk.

natalieandjames
natalieandjames's picture

FOX SUCKS!!! Its Anti-Progressive drivel. CNN and MSNBC is more of the same.

Marjan Duijsens
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Never been there never done that jono but I wish you all the luck you need to succeed in your further live.
Make it happen it's up to you.
Take care

jona
jona's picture

NO WONDER WHY FORMER PRISONERS RE-OFFFEND ONCE THEY ARE FREE, THEY HAVE NOTHING OUT THERE TO LOOK FORWARD TO, WELL MOST ANYWAYS, ITS EASIER TO BREAK THE LAW THAN TOO AFFORD RENT EACH WEEK OR MONTH, ITS EASIER TO JUST TRY AND TAKE AND ENJOY AND THEN RETURN TO A PLACE WHERE YOU CAN HAVE TRHEE MEALS A DAY AND REAL ROOF OVER YOUR HEAD...

Sure, it's EASIER to break the law than to work for your rent. Be assured, not only for you or other ex-prisoners, but also for the rest of us.
Life isn't easy. It's up to you if you chose the easy way, break the law and harm others, or if you work your way back into society.

I wish you much strength and good luck.

Girl On Fire
Girl On Fire's picture

Are there any ministerial organisations that you can turn to for support in your area Jono? Any groups that offer support for those in your situation. With you mentioning religion and seeming to be quite a serious believer, it might be the best route to try. Some offer counselling services on a one-to-one basis, group therapies, meet-and-greets for those who need to increase their social circle. And there could be activities you might like to get involved in. Outings, team oriented things, charitable work. They might also be able to help refer you to other organisations and services which help with ex-offenders, vulnerable individuals or just generally regular citizens who are finding it hard to cope with the various aspects of everyday life. Whatever your situation, you don't have to suffer alone. There is help out there.

ice
ice's picture

well said

David92506
David92506's picture

The OP wrote, [="#FF0000"]"I just get so very jealous when those around me are holding down stable jobs and are cruising through life as if it was second nature to them." [/] This just isn't true. There is so much suffering going on in life, even though you may not see it with those people who "cruise through life as it was second nature to them." I believe most all of us are prisoners and only a few are truly free. Don't ever be jealous of other people because you have no idea what is going on behind closed doors. Never wish things were easier in life. [="#FF0000"]"Seriously....what is someone like me suppose to be doing on this earth?" [/] Now that you are physically free maybe the next step is to free your mind, free your soul.

David92506
David92506's picture

I believe that there are different types of freedom. Physical, emotional, psychological, spiritual, financial, and others.

A Driver For Hire
A Driver For Hire's picture
David92506;1156658 wrote:
The OP wrote, [="#FF0000"]"I just get so very jealous when those around me are holding down stable jobs and are cruising through life as if it was second nature to them." [/] This just isn't true. There is so much suffering going on in life, even though you may not see it with those people who "cruise through life as it was second nature to them." I believe most all of us are prisoners and only a few are truly free. [="#FF0000"]Don't ever be jealous of other people because you have no idea what is going on behind closed doors.[/] Never wish things were easier in life. [="#FF0000"]"Seriously....what is someone like me suppose to be doing on this earth?" [/] Now that you are physically free maybe the next step is to free your mind, free your soul.

Emphasis = mine.

So true. As a wise teenager I know often tells me - "Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about."

CityHiker72
CityHiker72's picture

I really like some suggestions of checking into ministerial options. I myself go to a UCC church, that is welcoming to all. We do a lot of things for other people, among them restorative justice, and I know 100% that they would accept you with open arms and that you would have an adopted family to be a part of. That might be the first step. I am so sorry about your job difficulties! Here in the Twin Cities there are a couple of restaurants that offer ex-cons a chance...I know that's not entry level work, but it's a start at least. Of course not everyone is fortunate enough to live by a place that is progressive that way, and there are the logistics of getting there each day if you don't have a vehicle. Not meaning to sugar coat it, because I'm sure it's extremely overwhelming! I feel for you, and I wish that things were better. I hope there aren't people who reoffend solely for this reason, which I'm sure there is, and really makes me think that we need to overhaul things in the US. Best wishes to you, and please let us know how you are doing! 

CityHiker72
CityHiker72's picture

I should say too, that maybe a lot of us give the appearance of drifting through life without a care, but that's not what it's like on the inside! I've had many, many days, make that years, in which I've felt that I could fall apart, and was in fact pretty scared of doing so. That's the human experience, and you are not alone, nor abnormal. Hugs to you!