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Firefeather
Firefeather

Hi guys ;)

So, some of you might be aware of some issues I have been having with my PP, the main one being the damn phone! I would consider us to be very close, we are friends and I am very fond of him, we just seem to click. We started with a few emails a week via Jpay which then lead to 5-6 a day, sometimes a little less but usually around that amount

The facility in which my pp resides is having a change over with their phone system "Connect Network GTL", it is very new to them and only came into effect from last month. Now I am in the UK and we are all aware that there are major issues with international calling. I have been on the case for almost 7 weeks now. The good news is, that he has been granted permission to have my number added to his list and since he can only change this twice a year, April and October I saw that as a positive sign. The bad news is that I havent been able to fund out GTL account because I cannot log into it. Anyhow he managed to call me the first time which was totally unexpected so I missed the call. We were scheduled for a 30 minute call last night (his time). He states he was calling and calling but I never picked up. The issues is, It didnt ring my end!! I dont know why.

He was extremelly annoyed! He expressed this in his email. He was also annoyed that he wasnt getting the visit he was looking forward to on the weekend (it was a family member)as the person could not make it. He has been really quite moody for almost a week now. Expressing his distatse in the system, people and other things. I emailed back to say I couldnt believe it and that I did NOT intentionally ignore the phone and that I was sorry for the issue. I also explained I was going to look into it today with my phone provider. He was furious!

Anyways I got up this morning to a very heartbreaking email ;(. He has typed this email in FULL CAPITALS and it states that he wants me to delete him and move on, that he has had enough of the issues and the freeworld. He apoligses for stamps and time used that he feels was a waste. The email was a short paragraph long. Whislt reading the email, I could feel his upset and anger. This is so unexpected especially when he was expressing how excited he was to hear my voice yesterday.

I have emailed him back with a short message stating that no, I will not delete him, that I never saw our time as a waste and if he really wanted to delete our connection then he could do it. I also stated that I wouldnt be writing to him again unless he reaches out. I told him that when I said I would be there for him I meant it and I dont give up that easily on people I care about. I also wished him well and to take care. My email still sent so I dont think he has delted me as of yet.

I feel heart broken, the phone issue was not my fault and I think he feels that I am slacking and giving him the run around. I guess I just wanted some support or advice on this... What should I do? Did I do the right thing emailing him back? I dont want to cross his boundaries but I also dont want to just cut him off.

XXX

 
Firefeather
Firefeather

Hi Kirsten,

I am really sorry to hear about your experience and I can totally relate to the the upset. It hurts and it is confusing. Fuuny thing... I have just recieved an email from the warden of the facility. He stated he had emailed some people regarding the phone issue and has got a result as to how I can fund my account. It might be to late now lol. I have to laugh or else I will cry, I have shed enough tears today as it is. 

I did reply to his recent email this morning stating that, no, I will not delete him and if that is what he truly wanted then he should do it his end. I did not enter into this lightley, I had pondered the idea for over a year so when I decided to write I knew it would be a committment. I am not sure if Jpay inmates can delete or block there contacts but it does not seem as though he has yet. 

I am going to give it some time, focus back on me and the things I love to do, my pets and nature. It will be what it will be.

I want to thak you for replying and for offering some sound advice, aswel as your experience.

XX

 
Kirsten
Kirsten

I had a similar situation happen to me in February (not with anyone on DR, though). From wanting us to speak on the phone to "having to cease any and all communication with you" in the blink of an eye. I responded to him with one last message and then left it alone, though it did hurt tremendously. I didn't delete him, though. (But he also did not request me to delete him).

Fast forward 5 and a half weeks and I got an email, with an apology, a reason (explanation), plus leaving it up to me if I would resume our correspondence.

We haven't phoned yet (both pretty careful right now, I guess),but we're emailing regularly and explore a lot of stuff in writing (including the issues leading to that break).

It takes a lot of time and awareness, but it is worth it and I'm glad I didn't hit the "delete inmate" button.

Take a break and wait. Sometimes it's no good to jump to conclusions soon and fast. Give yourself time, give him time and give your connection time. then you're gonna see what happens.

May the best solution emerge - whatever it might be,

Kirsten

 
Firefeather
Firefeather

Hi Jaseandisa,

I will check with my phone because something is just is not right. He is on Death Row so I totally understand his frustration. I dont want to give up on him but if he wants me to delete him and move on then I have to respect his boundaries. Maybe he is just angry and needs some time or maybe he means it. I feel really upset about the whole situation so a break would do me good.

Thank you kindly for your advice ;)

XX

 
Jaseandisa
Jaseandisa

Hello,
Check on your phone if the option "no commercial " is on.
We had trouble with the phone for weeks, I finally understood that my operator blocked his number. The phone rang for himmbut not at home.
Are your pp is a lifer or a long sentenced ?
Sometimes it's very hard for them, when nothing work and they go to their shell.
If you like him, dont give up..
Have a nice day.

 
Firefeather
Firefeather

Hi Lady

It comes across to me like the pp you initially writ to felt like he had options and was keeping them open in regard to who he responds to. To be passed off like that, that wasnt your choice is very degrading, I would have been both upset and very annoyed. That is extrmelly rude and disrespectful in my opinion. Then, to give a second chance only to find he wants outside favours (text message). I often used to message my pp's Mother I have even called her for him but she had already sent me a letter and some of my pp's Art work via snail mail so it was like a two way conversation but to not no somone and be asked to use your own phone number to communicate with someone on the outside is also pushing boundaries and disrespectful. Did he state whom the text was for? 

Jpay has also caused some terrible upset this past week with my pp and I, this initially started his outbursts, thats where it stemmed from and then phone issues ontop of that, he lost it. I am completley drained from it all and feeling heartbroken. I havent heard back from my short email and I dont really expect too at least not for a few days. Maybe its a good thing because I can take some time for myself and get back on track. So your phone did not ring your end either? and like your situation, that is why a 2nd call was scheduled to me. I was just as gutted as him and of course I wanted to talk with him but like you said. I cannot help technology issues. 

I was thinking the same, like "am I going to get this behaviour and treatment everytime he gets angered about something" as I think this would really wear me down and I certainly do not deserve it. I have been loyal to him (I dont have other pp's) and supported him in way I could, which I was happy and willing to do. He is definitly a hot head. I get the wanting to vent about things, I totally get it and I have told him numerous occassions that its ok if he wants to vent but this past week has been so heavy.

I want to thank you so kindly for your kind words and for sharing your experience. It really helps to get it out and express how I am feeling. I have no-one else I can talk to about this so thank you again.

XX

 
Lady_TaTas
Lady_TaTas

Fire.. I've recently run into a similar situation with a new pen pal. So just a little background, I reponded to a WAP ad, and the inmate wrote back in his first message, he wasn't going to committ to writing long letters like I had written him. My introduction letter is pretty extensive, cause I want them to have an idea of the person resonding to their post. Just as I was about to respond, I get another message from him, but in the message, it's another inmate in the facility, so I had essentially been passed off to another inmate. This upset me, and I let the original inmate know how I felt and removed him. I then added the passed off inmate, just to tell him thanks but no thanks, but before I could get that message off, he had written a very articulate and heartfelt message, so I decided to give it a try and correspond with him. 

Then wham his second message was asking me to text someone on the outside for him, which I directly said hell no and if he asks again, I would just remove him and move on. Then Friday, he sent a message in the morning.. and by Friday evening another scathing message saying I "must think I can only correspond with someone who will kiss my ass" that's the tamest part of this message. Mind you, both of these messages were just delivered yesterday. 

I politely wrote back, mentioning the recent lag with Jpay messages, and more a less saying if he was truly interested in a friend, I'd give him a chance, but only if he acknowledges his part in the confusion asking me to text someone in the first message. I'd be will to take a Mullegan, but only if he can remember, Jpay can be unpredictible and isn't a reason to get nasty or disrespectful.

With that being said, your pen pal, shouldn't penalize you when circumstances are out of both of your control. One of my pen pals called late Sunday night.. I was like I thought you were calling at 6, he said, he did, it just rung and rung and it didn't even go to my voicemail. It's why he called back figuring the system didn't actually dial out.. But fire, if he's going to be a hot head and always get so frustrated and throw in the towl at every bump in the road, maybe he's not that one who is deserving of your time and effort. Technology is unpredictible, let's not even figure, it's two seperate coutries worth of technology we are talking about. But ultimately, he's got to be mature enough to see the bigger picture, but unfortunately he might not be able too.. Good luck!