I've been writing my pen pal for about 3 or 4 months and he's written quite a bit. I've been pretty busy because of the holidays work and etc. sometimes he doesn't even give me the chance to write back before sending me another letter. I've assured him that he should just be patient and that I'm not ignoring him I will write when I'm not busy. He still sends them making me behind whenever I do get the chance to write back. I understand that a lot of pen pals may only have one and can get wary of whether their pal will write back or not but I've assured him I would. Is there anything I can do about this? I've written other people before and they usually wait until I write back to write again. I've expressed my concerns to him but he still does it. Again, what should I do?
Advertisement
Must read Terms of Service & Privacy Policy and be at least 18
Advertisement
Last post
Hmm. That is a conundrum. On one hand, the guy obviously needs someone to write letters to, so you'd hate to stop. At the same time, I'm not sure I could handle that. My default setting is guilt. I wrote to a guy like this a few years ago. He'd send me 20-page letters before I had a chance to respond, and by the time I did, I'd just feel bad about it. Is he hostile at all about how much you write? Inserting any passive aggression in there or whatnot? "Since I have to wait for you, I thought...." etc.
He's clearly lonely and very happy to write to you...do you know anyone who could help out and drop him a note or card as well to kinda take the heat off you?
He's not aggressive at all which is why I feel so badly. I always apologize when writing him back because I feel bad for not writing him back right away Unfortunately I don't know anyone that would want to be pen pals with someone inside.
As long as you tell him the reason you don't write as much as you like, he would appreciate that. I'm sure he likes getting letters, when you can send them. You know he likes writing you, otherwise you wouldn't get much mail from him.
Even when you don't have a lot of time, just sending a 1 page letter would be great for him. Send a card, short letter. Hearing his name at mail call always makes someone feel good inside.
I wouldn't worry so much about catching up with him. Write when you can with the time you have to devote to it. He might not have anyone else in his life to write to, or he's excited to have you. I'd let him write often, it probably makes him happy, and gives him something to focus on while there.
If it was me, and there was no passive aggressiveness involved, then I'd just reply to each letter in order of receipt. If that means you're two or three letters behind then so be it. As long as he has a steady stream of incoming mail to him then that's all that matters.
There are many things that can be constantly going on in prison, without speculating too much everyone could have abandoned them. You could be the only consistent thing in their life. A lot of these people have been abandoned by society and one of the reasons, among many, as to why I write to people is to show them they haven't been abandoned. A lot of people like this treat mail call like Christmas. That’s because when you've had everything else taken away from you sometimes letters are the only way to lead your life. Prison life turns into routines and every day is “groundhog day.”
So, if its not bothering you and its doing no harm then continue, if it is have a conversation with them about anxieties, reassure them that everything will be OK and show them through your actions that you’re not going to abandon them.
I mean there is always the other side of the coin of course, some people treat prisoners and the act of writing to them like that family that abandons a puppy in a cardboard box on the side of a road, because they don’t want to deal with it after Christmas once the novelty wears off. I guarantee if you don’t treat them like a novelty then you will have a friend for the rest of your days with this kind of relationship.