Hello,
I need some advice. I have written to and received reply letters from several inmates-all males, all on death row. The correspondence I hae had with these men has been rewarding for me, and I "hope" for those men I have contacted. I wrote a man who is serving a long sentence and after getting his letter did a little research (google search) to learn what he did. I found out that he raped a young child.
I have to admit this was a blow to me. I know that the men I have already had some correspondence with do some very bad things, but I guess I was not prepared to deal with corresponding with someone who raped a young child. I am not sure if it being my naeivete, being a parent of two young kids, being a Catholic.
Any advice about how to proceed?
How is this man being treated in prison? Any guesses?
I know as a Catholic I should forgive, and though the crime he comitted did not affect me, I feel like I need to forgive him and have compassion for him, while recognizing the girl who was raped suffered and suffers to this day I am sure greatly...
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Well... That's a tough question, you know?
Although I'm no longer Catholic, I was raised as one and went to Catholic school for about half of my education. I understand your desire to honor the tenets of your faith, but those ideals don't necessarily mean that you need to continue communicating with this particular inmate. The idea is to forgive the sin, not to become the sinner's best friend. If you catch your neighbor stealing from you, you may forgive him or her, but you're sure going to keep an eye on them the next time they come over to borrow a cup of sugar.
You said that you received a response from this particular inmate before researching his crime. Is there something in the letter that made you curious or uneasy, or were you just looking for a bit more background? If you think you can put aside the crime and see person, I'd say you might want to keep writing. If every time you get a letter you're going to think about his victim or worry for your kids, I'd pass on writing him further. The point is to develop a friendship, not cause yourself turmoil.
Yep id pass on him too. you wont be able to have a full,open and honest relationship with him, im guessing you will always be on guard with what you wrote about especially when it comes to talking about your day with the kids..
I dont think just because you believe in God that you have to forgive everything..
Bernie, When we write to prisoners, we are going to run into crimes that shock us. For those situations, I write for the knowledge and the education it provides while keeping a polite distance from emotional involvement with that person. Crimes are not usually talked about in prison and I am sure that this individual will not want to talk about what they did to you either. If you can write in a casual manner, with out thinking of the crime, I would say write, because most people wouldn't. But, if it is in your mind with every word you write, then I think you should not write this person.
I personally wouldnt write again
Good Luck with ur decision
Thing is he is always going to harm young children and how can u talk of everyday life withut the thought he may be getting off on it.....personally i would not write
You can't really say ALWAYS... There is a high recidivism rate amongst child molestors, but to say that ALL of them will reoffend isn't exactly true.
See "convicted" thread.... Some are guilty, some are innocent. I'm speaking on all crimes here.
Sorry, "conviction" Thread
I recently read that the lowest recividicm rates are among sex offenders. I don't know how accurate it is, but that's what I read. The highest recividism rates are apparently among burglars and drug offenders.
if someone rapes a child/baby.......they are sick and twisted and MOST if not ALL re offend as this is what turns them on.....i recently had the same discussion with my pp on DR
I couldnt even 'talk' to anyone wth such desires let alone want to help and write them ....
Do you have any sources for your claims? Recidivism rates may be different in the UK, but thanks to Roxanne's post I did a little research of my own and found that in the US studies show that child sex offenders have a very low rate of re-offending.
A study of studies by the Center for Sexual Offender Management (part of the US Dept. of Justice) shows that only 13% of all sex offenders re-offend and the rate of recidivism for child offenders ranges from 10% to 40%, which is at max 0.05% of total reoffenders. The highest rate of recidivism was found in exhibitionists, who were 41% to 71% likely to reoffend.
The Association for Treatment of Sexual Abusers reviewed Canadian and US DOJ reports and found that the highest reoccuring sex offenders were pedophiles who prey on boys (52%) and rapists who attack adult women (39%). These numbers were based on people who were charged, not necessarily convicted, of another sex crime. A follow up of that study listed in the IPT Forensics Journal showed that the actual rate of reoffenses, not just charges, was 32% for child molestors and 26% for rapists.
I agree that someone who'd do anything like that to a kid definitely has major issues, but 'Once a ____ Always a _____' thinking is not often correct and leads to previous offenders being harassed and potentially convicted of a crime they didn't commit simply because they had offended at one time in their life.
As a side note, the Wikipedia entry for sex offender lists Glenn Quagmire, a character from the 'Family Guy' cartoon sitcom, as a 'notable offender'. Way to go, Wikipedia!
I can't blame you for that one. I'd have problems with it myself, which is why I researched and chose the pen pals I did. There are some crimes that I can't look past when choosing to write to someone.
[QUOTE=carlylou;971463]if someone rapes a child/baby.......they are sick and twisted and MOST if not ALL re offend as this is what turns them on.....i recently had the same discussion with my pp on DR
I couldnt even 'talk' to anyone wth such desires let alone want to help and write them ....
I agree
I am also a "former catholic". My departure from the church stems from the systemic sexual abuse within the catholic church. While everyone has their "limits" on what types of crimes they will or won't write to, I have to ask: If your faith in the church is still solid, I assume you were able to forgive the church for its role in the sexual abuse of MANY young children? If so, I would think that you could come to terms with writing to an inmate convicted of the same crime that many priests were given a pass on. The difference between inmates convicted of abusing young children and preists not getting convicted of the same crime is the uniform. They both destroyed childrens lives. I wish you luck in your search on coming to terms with his crime and weather to continue writing.
I couldnt write to him but maybe having a child myself has a lot to do with that too as well as thinking they are sick!!
This is a big NO No for me. so my only advise would be NOt too write him.
This thread is nearly 2 years old, i am sure they know what there doing by now. :nod:
Could I write a person who abused/hurt children there's so many way to answer this.
Never
Not in a million years
No way
No way hosey
Not a chance lance
Negative
Huh huh
And my favorite man falling of a cliff-
Noooooooooooooooooooooo..............thump
Sorry that's how I feel,and can't / won't change my view,but you do what's right for you,no offence intended
I could.
Even if I couldn't personally, I would not advise other people not to write to someone. That's their choice to make, not mine.
Wow, this kinda made me sad. She had obviously already reached out to this individual. I think before you write someone you should look into the background if you're curious about it, and if not then don't open the can of worms. Unless he said something that made her uneasy? I could write to someone, and I think it's harsh to say that they're going to be getting off on what you're writing. You don't have to talk about your kids, you can keep a distance. I would say chances are, something happened to him to make him that way too.
I know this is super old, I'm curious to know what happened...
I wouldn't, but I research first. I dont want to start a friendship then say Im not writing you anymore because of what you did. Its not fair to them. I think most of them may assume you already knew.
BOOM! There it is. My thoughts exactly.
you really shouldn't write someone like that... i mean you said you had kids so why would you even continue?
how many years will he spend in prison? if he is serving a life sentence it's ok to write to him
I commented on this yesterday but for some reason it didn't show up. My PP is a convicted child sex offender. He is actually the one I connect with the most and over the last year we have built an awesome friendship. Granted I didn't find out his crime till 6 months into writing him it was not portrayed correctly in the media. I am very much aware that the media always paints people in a bad light I was charged but later had those charges dismissed because I was at a house where a bunch of people were doing drugs and it was mixed with bleach powder on purpose and I called 911 when I realized something was wrong well the cops got there and noticed I was the only one not doing them and immediately assumed that I gave them the bad drugs as a way to kill them. I spent 6 months in jail fighting these charges and the media portrayed me in the worst light possible. J also sent me a copy of the case files direct from his lawyer and there was a lot of things that weren't in the files that the media added in on their own. So with my own personal experience I would say don't write him off just yet. Give him a chance to explain himself if that is really what your interested in. But he may be an amazing person who did something wrong ten years ago and just wants to get past it.
I have a daughter, I used to work as a children's nanny and in a nursery. I would still not be put off by the person's crime in this instance. Does that make me a bad mother? No it doesn't. It means I keep things in perspective and I know that "sex offender" does not always mean the person abused kids.
Have to say inmyownworld, you are so down on inmates in general, how can you reconcile your opinions with where your man is right now? Shouldn't you just walk away from him seeing as he is in prison?
In some states you can be classed as a sex offender for public urination it does not always involve touching a child or rape etc
nope i won't leave mine. i am saying like a lot of others did in this thread some crimes are not to be forgiven. i couldn't be in same room with one i'd be sick.
I guess if you feel so strongly about the topic then I really don't know how objective your advice can be. I don't know what your guy is in prison for but perhaps some might be sickened by what he did. You have a right to feel that way as others have said they feel the same way too. What I don't like is that you think people should feel ashamed that they are writing to these people. They have the right to write to whomever they feel compelled to write to. We are all equal in that respect. To make others here feel bad because of who they choose to write to is not the purpose of this forum. Just my opinion.
am not the only one who said it other's did too do did you direct you're comment at them? my advice was remember some people's crime's i can not forgive.. there is a lot of people who would hate mine for what he was doing but didn't kill anyone or involved a child.
In there your man might be sitting at a table with or even share a cell with a guy who was in there for a sex offense..im curious does he have the same thought pattern as you?
Iv spoken about this to my guy and he told me that there are a lot of people in there that he knows havent done what they were charged with. Just a couple of letters ago he told me there was a guy he knows in there and he was found guilty for a sex offense and what he did was have sex with a 15 yr old girl it was consensual so we really dont know the ins and outs of it. Yes some guys are guilty too.
Must admit sex offenders sicken me but thats just my personal opinion. I dont think I would ever choose to write to one but I know others will and thats cool as well.
if he knows why they in and its child sex cases am pretty sure he will not mix with them he hates all that too.
They are very well hated in there as well eh? my guy doesnt mix with them either and its a kinda prison rule that if you have a sex case no matter what it is then you cant go sit with them on the bench..prison politics.
yep them and snitches he don't mix with.
True yeah.
I've been told they get run off the tier. Which is why it can be remarkable that "SOME" (not all, not many) people from the outside that are not bound by prison politics can find it in their hearts to still find the humanity within them to speak to or write to them.
Iv not heard that where K is but he doesnt really want to tell me a lot of things that go on in there...he just told me they arent allowed to sit where he does on the benches.
thats very true GD
I've heard things like, "We don't tolerate that, here. They don't stay here with us." I haven't heard details of how that happens nor do I wish to but I've heard it from every single person I write to in one form or another. That is a deeply entrenched piece of politics. I don't get in to any of that with them but they do talk about it randomly at times.
Same here I dont talk to him about it but he mentions things sometimes.
I only commented to you because you are the only one that said people that write to people that have committed these crimes should be ashamed. Just because there are people that write doesnt mean that they condone what they've done.
I don't understand why [I]some[/I] people get so hell bent out of shape when someone comments on or [I]quotes [/I]what other people say. If you don't want people to comment on your comment then don't comment in the first place. I disagree with you. I'm [B]allowed [/B]to do that.
I don't condone what he did. Maybe I should have said that before. I don't think it's right I also am saying that none of the pieces of information line up in the case. His DNA was never found in or anywhere around the little girl. They pretty much closed the book on it because the other person who was there that night was a well looked upon person in the community. He has been awarded a retrial and if this was the case that he did do it then why would they give him that. Regardless I got to know him as a person before I found any of that out. It WAS hard for me to deal with initially but after I read the case files and heard he has a retrial scheduled I was more lenient. I am not ashamed of him nor will I stop writing him what ever is decided at the trial. He was messed up and lost at the time all of this happened he was 17 he is now 27 and is facing the rest of his life in jail for something he may not have done. I am just happy that his case IS being looked at again if he really didn't do anything.
lots of guilty people get a retrial don't mean there innocent something convicted him.. look at the casey anthony case she walked free
She was never convicted in the first place though, only charged. And yes something convicted him but something also caused the DOC to look at it and decide to look into it. I am going to be optimistic and hold out hope for him. A friendship is built on trust and he hasn't lied to me so far, everything checks out. So I will continue to trust him till he gives me a reason not too.
When I first thought of writing to prisoners, I gave myself a whole heap of rules as to who I would and wouldn't write. As I went through the ads, I came to realise that I was doing myself a total dis-service by placing all these rules on myself. I am not the crime my PP's commit and neither are they. They did the crime (usually), but they are not that crime. They are a human being. For me, I see us all being to blame for the society we have created and for those that break the law. It is the choices we make as a society that allow children to fall through the cracks, that teach our children to judge others based on what colour their skin is, what clothes they wear, to allow people to sleep in the freezing cold every night.
I do not condone harming anyone else, be it physically or mentally. However, for me, I feel that I need to reach out to people, to understand (not study) what they have been through and be there for them. What type of background does someone who commits a sex crime have, to resort to what they did, what have they been through? Is it illness or something else? When you stand back and judge someone for a crime without knowing how and why it was done, you are perpetuating the problem, not taking steps to understanding, so it might not happen again in the future.
If you feel self righteous in your feelings about writing to a prisoner, for any type of crime, maybe it is time to sit with that and understand why you have those feelings. When you have an us and them mentality, it can be difficult to see the other person as a human being; as someone who has emotions and feelings just like yours, and they can become an easy target for hatred. Where will that hatred get any of us? It won't benefit you and it certainly won't help the person who has done wrong. How can we expect the person to better themselves, to rehabilitate, if we all treat them worse than a piece of gum stuck to our shoe?
I agree completely.
but anyone could see by her actions she was guilty as hell my mom did jury service she was going to say not guilty and judge guided them and he was found guilty and guess what he had done it before so you never know..
You're right you never know, but you never know either way.
i find it disturbing women will write to men that would never want it to happen to there child or a female member of there family or female friend.. even the men that ask for pp must think what kinda women are they to write a animal like me
So you are saying that your mother was going to say not guilty from the evidence that she had but because a judge swayed her she changed her mind? This just proves that there are innocent people in jail because of people like this.
There is no easy way to answer that. I didn't google him or anything until he mentioned it, but like I said before I try to have an understanding of how the media works. I was once in that position and the charges were dismissed. I didn't rape anyone, but the charges were 2 counts of conspiracy and 2 counts 1st degree murder. My friends had done drugs for a long time, they bought from a new person that time and it was laced. 2 of my best friends died that night. I have been dealing with that myself for so long. I know how the media portrayed me. It was not easy fighting the fact that I was literally in the wrong place at the wrong time. So I try to go into these pen pal situations with a clear mind because articles online are not always right. Had I read the articles first, I wouldn't have wrote him. But I didn't. If people looked me up though they would see that and so many people would not talk to me because of something that was written about me that was not even true.
Ok, I think we GET it. I'm not sure how many times you have to post it.