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Changing

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Been_on_the_inside
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Changing

What’s the one thing you would change about your penpal/ loved one? And what’s the one thing you love about them the most? 

Cleo95
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I’ll start by saying that I love my pen pals just the way they are, but I’ll try and answer the question :). 

PP1: What I love most about him is intelligence and how much he tried to be a father to his child from behind those walls. I also love the connection that we share, it’s almost like telepathy or something! What I would change about him would be: I wish he was more definite about the things he wants to do and I wish he could tell me when things are going shit for him so I could be there for him. I hope that’ll come in time though! 

PP2: I love that he’s so honest and is a man of his word. We write on JPay everyday and I know it may seem like a small thing, but sometimes when he can’t respond to everything I say, he’ll say that he’ll write me in the morning. And sure enough he sends out an email at 5am almost everyday and right before he goes to bed. Means a lot to me. I guess if I could change one thing about him would be his bluntness and sometimes he means well, but the tone or his choice of words might seem overly harsh. We’ve had a few arguments here and there (which I honestly feel has strengthened our friendship) but even when I’m mad at him, he’ll still write me to say good night and that he’s thinking of me. He so sweet on the inside! But yeah the bluntness does get to me sometimes because I’m just not used to it. 

PP3: I love that he has such a positive outlook on life. He’s in a really rough situation but he’s always trying to look on the bright side of things. If I could change one thing though, would be the fact that he’d so stubborn sometimes and cannot admit being wrong. He’s slowly starting to change though :)

ST4s
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Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: One, provided the light bulb really wants to change.

Now, I'm no psychiatrist, and I don't play one on TV, but if there's one thing I'd want to change about my pen pals/friends/brothers, I'll try in every letter: to turn their self-perceptions around and let them know they are respected, appreciated, and loved, for who they already are, right now...which is also what I love about them the most.

Been_on_the_inside
Been_on_the_inside's picture

@st4s your right you can’t change anyone that doesn’t want to, a friend of mine was doing really well in prison did something wrong went into CM for doing something, he  just killed his cell mate not sure what happens could be the fact he was in close management for so long, he was doing so well too manged to get off CM1 and on too CM2 he went in for home invasion robbery and now he as picked up murder.

Kirsten
Kirsten's picture

What a question... 

Hm... chronologically penpal #1 ain't no longer penpal, but parolee, but I guess, I can answer this anyhow?

What I deeply appreciate about him (and always did) was how he stuck to his word and how determined (in a good sense) he is. That's what helped him get paroled and find a job after being out for 3 weeks. (Does anyone hear I proud of him? In case you didn't notice: I'm proud of him!) Change anything? Yeah, sometimes he's a bit indirect and tries to keep things under the rug. I guess, that he usually means it wanting to be polite, but those are the times when misunderstandings start. I can't read minds and there have been some small incidents when a clear "yes" or "no" would've been easier and spared a lot of time on guessing.

Well, it just seems I'm more of a direct person, which makes a few others see me as blunt. But, on the one hand, I sometimes think here in Germany there is a lot more directness between people (whether this is good or bad depends on the effects, the situation and the persons involved) on the other hand I sometimes tend to see a few ppl's speech patterns as "evasive" when they probably just wanna "save their face" or don't wanna hurt anyone.

PP # 2 what I appreciate most about him is how straightforward he is. He's really calling a spade a spade, but without ever being insulting. At least I never perceiving his "addressing the elephant in the room" as such. But, as said before, I'm one who takes being blunt as being honest, so maybe that's why. And he can be brutally honest, but, on the other hand, he can take it as well when I'm doing the same. Perhaps that's why - despite of differences in opinion and conflicts at times - we're a good match.

He's also the one who was the most upfront about his crime (adressed it without being asked in his very first letter to me). I admire his willingness to look at things and ppl (including himself) even when what he's getting to see will be painful at times. No games, no manipulation, no maneuvering around. Relaxing... and lovable. Omne thing to change? His fear of abandonment, if anything. But that's understandable when one gets to know his story.

Penpal #3. His seriousness and how dedicated to writing he is. Not a many of many words, no, but if there ever was someone who was used to coin the phrase "actions speak louder than words" it probably was someone like him. Anything to change? Yeah, how he perceives himself. I guess, he is his own hardest judge and I'd so very much like to convey to him that, though he did some things that are definitely wrong this doesn't mean that things aren't necessarily unchangeable. The past is, true. But the present and the future are NOT.

Penpal # 4: That's a bit hard to say, because writing as irregularly as he does, I don't know him well enough. But, he's the least violent of all of them and none of his crimes contain violence against others. One could debate on whether some of his behavior is violent against himself (self harm can take many forms), but there was (and is) zero violence against other people. Things to change? I don't know yet. The irregularity of writing? Perhaps, but that's him also, or a part of him.

Penpal # 5: I absolutely LOVE his sense of humor and the intensity we have. He can make me laugh until I cry and cry until I laugh - both ways. Things to change? Yeah... sometimes I think he's too much of a dreamer. Maybe he needs it to survive in there, but, yeah... sometimes a little dose of a bit more of realism might be fine.

Potential pp  # 6: His ad. But I haven't had any reply back so far (don't know if I will, been 2 weeks now since I sent my introductory to him, so we'll see.       

 

Mateo
Mateo's picture

I wouldn't want to change him but I'll say if I could change something, it would be his outlook on people wanting to be in his life. He's used to false promises and meaningless kind words that are nothing short of temporary, so I'd change his mindset so he knows there's people who're sticking around for the longrun. As for something I love? Everything. Couldn't have asked for anything better.

Northernyank
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With my husband, I want him to change his fixation on a certain population in prison. I worry about him getting into gen pop, discovering what someone has done, and well...... He was telling me about this therapy session he had at OSP, and the door for more insight into his behavior, for his therapist was wide open, and she starts asking him if he thinks I'm catfishing him? Lol 

He has gone without so much just to scrape together a couple of bucks to send me a card. His love and devotion is my favorite.

My first pen-pal in Maine....I disliked for him was he carries the weight of the world on his shoulders. What I loved is all the things he's done for himself inside to create a more stable, positive environment for the remainder of his time.

There is only one pen-pal that I miss, because we would laugh at the dumbest of jokes like a couple of juveniles, but I really hate how he's still chasing drugs, and probably always will.

LotusBlossom
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I wouldn’t change anything about my LO, sorry I’m over the moon lol.  Perfection in my eyes.  What I love the most, oh god, I can’t pick one thing.  Everything.  If I had to choose, it would be how protected he makes me feel.  Like he’s looking out for me, always, even while he’s away.

My PP, I guess I’d give more self-confidence.  Love the most - my PP’s spirit.

Northernyank
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Alright @LotusBlossom, will there be wedding bells anytime soon?

LotusBlossom
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@Northern, I wouldn’t mind!!  Maybe not soon, but eventually I’d really like to marry him.  

We’re happy and meant to be a part of each other’s lives.  When you know, you know!!!