I lost a dear and treasured friend last night. I had written to him for about 10 years, and talked to him at least once a week,I knew he was very ill, and had been in a federal medical facility for awhile. the problem is this,( I have lost other penpals so I know)Most of my friends and family act like this should not bother me.That I should feel no grief, because "IT'S NOT LIKE YOU REALLY KNOW THIS PERSON" I wonder how others have handled this? because I am much saddened by his death , and will surely feel the loss as greatly as if it had been one of my friends in the free world.
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You celebrate the friendship the two of you found in each other, you hold him close in your memories and the words and feelings he shared with you. Realize that you made his last years "softer" by bringing him some light with your caring. Know that regardless of what others think (they simply don't understand) that we can feel your loss and also know how very lucky he was to have you. He knew that you were his friend, that you would miss him and that you would carry his memory. That is more than some people ever experience.
My thoughts are with you.
Shannon
In February I lost a pen pal who had just gotten out a week prior. I had not been writing him that long only 6 months but he meant a great deal to me as I value all of my friendships dearly. No one can tell you how to feel or what to feel and we all deal with the loss of a friendship differently. Just remember that he has gone to a better place and he is no longer suffering but is now free. You and he are in my prayers.
Trena from California
My thoughts and prayers will be with you and your penpals faimly....
I'm so sorry for your loss. Although I have never experienced it, I'm sure it is just a great a loss as if he lived next door to you, and as stated above, some people will never 'get' the connection we have with our pals.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
hi,i'm so sorry for you!
i hope the time will heal your woonds,and that the sun will shine again for you.
hugh from siska.
I'm so orry for your loss 10yrs!and your friends and family dont expect you to grieve?that is a very long time and you dont have to physicaly see a person not to consider them your friend sounds shallow on their parts not to respect the facy to care for this person my heart goes out to you thank-God we all have each other in times like this the world is a cold place
I am reminded of a love story...from many years ago.
A woman in New York wrote to an antique and rare book seller in London, England looking for a very rare book.
The book seller replied and found the book she sought.
Those letters and the ones that followed for decades after turned into a love between these people deeper than most marriages. It was truly amazing.
When, after many many years, the book seller died the woman wept as her heart was broken.
She never laid eyes on the man, he never on her, yet their love was so deep.
Weep for your friend. Don't let others tell you how to feel or not feel....they have not been there with this man for ten years...you have. Grieve for the friend you have lost...the love that lives on. And know that those who are critical of your grief for your friend have never known the kind of friendship you have shared with your Pal.
Just my thoughts
Tom
Thank you all so much for caring , and the understanding you have given me
you wrote to this person for ten years? and they are telling you that you 'didnt really know this person?' ok, correct me if i am wrong, but most of us 'get to know' our pals only weeks into writing, so ten years is a hellishly long time i would have thought and i definately would say that you blatently obviously DID KNOW this person - maybe not face to face but letters and phone chats often let one get to know someone else BETTER than a face to face friendship, i find.
I am really sorry to hear about your friend - suddenly now there feels a void in your life, i am sure. I hope you are managing alright. thoughts are with you !
I know what you're going through as I had a long time pal (about 20 years) who died suddenly in prison and I didn't even find out until 3 weeks after his funeral. I was in disbelief. I went to the NJ DOC website to see for myself and when his record said DECEASED, I just stared at it like it would change if I waited long enough.
I still think about him regularly and even run across his letters every now and then. Just typing this is making me teary.
My consolation is knowing that we had a wonderful friendship and he always let me know how much I meant to him and had enriched his life. I often use a quote of his. He always told me he was "a trophy of God's grace."
Time will heal your saddened heart.
TCF's story of a New York-London love story is a book titled "84 Charing Cross Road" by Helen Hanff. If you want to read a beautiful book, try to find this one.
Ron
YES! That's it!
I have read the book and it was made into a movie as well. It is a marvelous story...and I think a true one...although I am not entirely sure about that.
Thank you so much for remembering the name of the book...it has been years since I read it and my memory isn't so good sometimes.
Tom
Hello Sobadshirl,
My thoughts are with you, and your friend. I am always amazed how people can be so indifferent and heartless. I lost a pp, early this year, me living in Belgium Europe and he in the USA, I never had the chance to speaking to him live, I even don't know the way he died, especially that he died at an age of 30.
I feel for you, I really do, no matter what you should be able to grieve about your loss, whatever anybody says. It is a small comfort, but your pp had a very good friend in you, till the end of his days.
You will be in my thoughts, as well as your pp.
Please take care,
Micky - Belgium