I really need to vent right now. I feel very sad and worried.
I’m in a romantic relationship with one of my pen pals. We’ve known each other for 4-5 month and the relationship quickly went from platonic to muuuuuch more. He’s absolutely one of a kind and I love him dearly. Though, I’ve been holding back, trying to keep reality in mind. I live overseas and there isn’t really much possibility for me to share a life with someone in the US, since I have small kids here and a complicated relationship with their father. But he has let himself get completely carried away by his feelings anyway and I haven’t really stopped him. :) He wants to move to my country, marry me, start a family. He believes that everything will fall into places and that we will be together soon and forever.
The reality though (as if the situation wasn’t impossible enough already,) is that he has a LWOP sentence + 25 yr. He tells me his case wasn’t handled correctly and that he might be set free in just 1-2 years. I have no clue how realistic this idea is, since he can’t give me any detail information about the case. But I’m afraid that he’s living in denial…??
We use to keep in touch every day. Lately I’ve felt that he hasn’t been himself, more withdrawn, forgetting things, is very tired and doesn’t always feel present when we talk. Last week he was supposed to call me but never did, I messaged him but got no respond. I thought he was on lockdown, as usually, so I waited calmly. After 4 days of silence he sent me a very short message saying ”sorry for not calling” and that he is really messed up mentally and can’t cope with his situation anymore.
Of course I wrote back immediately, begging him to call me. This was 3 days ago. I’ve sent him a few message since then, but haven’t heard one word. I’m worrying sick… :((
I think reality has catched up on him and he has realized that he probably will never experience everything he dreams for. I feel guilt for coming into his life, messing mind up. He was fine before I came into his life. I think now he’s realizing his loss… It has all dawned on him.
I don’t know what to do. I feel absolutely helpless. I feel such rage at the US judicial system for looking someone as young as him up for life, breaking and scattering his (and his loved ones, he has a daughter) whole future into pieces. He caught his case only 19 years old. This would never happen in my country. But well, that’s another discussion…
I really worry for his mental health and of course, this whole situation really messes my head up as well… (All this is new to me and I have no one in my life to talk to that can relate.)
I'm grateful for any experience, thought, advice you want to share with me! Thanks! <3