I have a brand new PP. We just started conversing through Corrlinks 3 days ago.
Ok, so I wrote him the first email saying Hi, I'm happy to hear from you la la la. Short and sweet.
He writes back and in his first email he asks will I visit him in the future. That was ok, I just took it to mean he's lonely.
Here's where it starts to get weird. In his second one, he calls me sweetheart and when can he call me. In his third one he says "have you been sent from heaven, tell me it's not true". Then he said he wants to write a poem for me. And on an on it goes.
How do I address all of this, or do I just leave it alone. I really don't know what to make of this.
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Hi,
I had the same problem with one of my pen pals. I openly state in my first letters to them that I am after friends only. Yet in one of the first emails I receive from one of them he asks me to be his girl. Depends on how you want to handle it, but I emailed back saying that while I thank him for the compliments, I am after friendship only and ask for him to respect that. Never heard back from him after that so not sure whether he was trying to scam me or was just annoyed/hurt. Either way if you explain where you stand hopefully he will understand
I have to do something. Thanks for the advice. I'll do that.
Geez, he's emailed me three times today.:uhh:
Maybe he's just lonely? Are you the only one that responded to his letter? I guess there's always a chance that he was so excited to finally have someone to correspond with he went overboard
All that right off the bat? You know how they say there are game players on this site? Well that's what I'd be chalking this guy up to. To go into all that right from the get go does NOT sound sincere to me at all.
The guys who prey on women - that's just how they do it. Tell them all the mushy gushy stuff, you're the only one baby, blah blah blah and then you're putting money on his books or sending him packages.
I'm not saying that any guy who says these things is insincere. I'm only saying that for it to be 3 days in and to get all that, I'd be questioning this particular guy's sincerity.
Good luck on how you handle it.
I had something like that with a penpal before too. He DID have money in his books, his family supported him financially. But he was just desperate. And a little weird (understatement). He's released now for 6 months and still thinks that I am the woman of his dreams. When I asked him 'Why, dude? We don't even have contact anymore, you don't know me' he said 'Because I can't have you'. :S
We should not forget that there are also people incarcerated with -let me say it carefully- 'social disabilities'.
They just don't know how to approach a girl/woman anymore.
Not only people who are incarcerated have that particular problem. It took me thousands of dollars in therapy, and years of self motivation, and now I can finally say hi to a girl without sounding like Lewis Skolnick (Revenge of the Nerds) laughing, and drooling all over myself. Whats even better is that now when I am turned down, I only cry for a day, instead of a whole weekend. Anyway, like a line from a popular 80s TV show, "But I'm much better now." :D
I like you.
I agree with Artemis ... it's too much too soon. Could be a "social disability" (I like that phrase) or lonliness but tread carefully, call his bluff, ask him why so much so soon... you'll see the true colors soon enough. If he is a gamer...wow... how blatant, how sad, but- throw him back in and catch another one who isn't on the game. They're out there. You are in the position of being able to judge this for yourself and it will reveal itself to you.
I mean if he is sitting there, like...wow, a female talked to me, I will now act like a puppy...okay....if he didn't have email and could only write letters, maybe it would be slowed down a little. Keep your ears and eyes open...
Feelin's mutual. :)
Offtopic:
Originally Posted by gooddog:
I like you.
Kam:
Feelin's mutual.
:date:
I tend to agree with Shaunna, I think he's just over excited to have someone to write to :) I'd tend to say something like ' hey, slow down, i'm not used to all this attention ' - see if he takes the hint :)
If he doesn't, then i'd then tell him straight its a bit overwhelming and take it from there
This is what I finally had to do. I was going to answer his third email last night this morning but he beat me to it with yet another email. In this morning's email he was asking me not to leave him, why I picked him cause he's had PPs with "particular motives" and some who just disappear, "the reason I ask is because I want to see what's in front of me, the unknown", what I expect from him... The neediness is very overwhelming. He wants everything pinned down NOW. So I did write him back and told him to relax and slow down, and that I would prefer to wait on phone calls until we get to know eachother better. I told him I was offering friendship and we'll take it from there.
His email back to me was toned down, for him. I'm not so much worried about a player, as I would never send money, and if that is what he is after, I would move on.
He might be overly excited, he might be hungry for a lot of attention and it is very possible he has lost, if he ever had any, social skills with women. I just hope he doesn't become a handful because I can't answer him three times a day + letters.
His list of questions are legion.:roll:
Wow, I understad him in a way however you're not really responsible for "never leaving him" and predicting the future for him!!!!! He needs to learn to live in the here and now a little bit more but this is very hard to do if you've been hurt, as it sounds he has. I understand the child like need to finally have something of your own that isn't going to get taken away but this is also laying responsibility and being possessive so he can probably learn to ease up on that.
You also don't have to answer everything, or you could just answer part of it.
I can't possibly answer everything so I just let some questions slide. Now he's writing me messages that have one question or say just want to say hi, la la la multiple times a day. I'll answer one and that's it. This is a strange one, yep.
Ha ha, he's either truly lonely and overjoyed to have a new friend or a psycho...guess you'll find out which one it is soon!
I would act the same way. Go all stalker psycho chick on him. But that's just me... I like to poke fun. LOL. I'd be all.. "ZOMG..I love you! let's get married, I wanna have your babies!!.. ZOMG... I am soooooooooooooo in love with you... what color should my dress be? and the cake? what should we name our kids?".. That would definitely flush him out.......... but again, that's me and my somewhat twisted mind... :rollinglaugh:
haha queen that just cracked me up, love your style :P
Thnx:P I've experienced the type of guy being discussed here and I did just that (acted crazy back). Flushed him right out, had him running away fast. lol....
Great one Queen:)
Today he asked me to do him a favor. He wants to send me 5 new pics he has of himself and make copies to send to his kids and family. He prefaced this request with some sweet talk about how he wanted me to be the first to have them.:roll:
I should have seen the do me a really really big favor thing coming. I gave him some song and dance about how I didn't have a printer. lol
I'm going to see how far this guy is going go. If he doesn't get the hints soon, it's bye bye.
[QUOTE=arabella;1005873][B][I][U]If he doesn't get the hints soon, it's bye bye.[/U][/I][/B][/QUOTE]In general, guys DO NOT GET HINTS. They have to be told/shown EXACTLY what it is you want/need/wish them to do or say or whatever. Say it directly, or it will keep going on. :)
Word. Men really don't get hints.
LOL
Not only does this one not get the hint, he doesn't seem to understand the direct approach either. I was direct when I asked him to slow down, which he did FOR ONE DAY. Today the indirect request for money came. Could I go by Walgreens and have prints made for him? All this in 5 days of short emails.
This time I was direct with him. I do friendship, not money and not favors for someone I don't have an established friendship with. Geez, it was a year before I sent my favorite PP a book for his birthday and he has never asked me for a thing.
I'm done.
Good for you, arabella!!! Hope there won't be any backlash for you but if there is at least you been there and done that real quick instead of over 2 years!!!!! Some people do think others, all others, are there to do for them: emotionally, financially, etc. Some people might think getting copies made is no big deal and in the scheme of things it isn't but that is something you do for family, close friends, or at least long term friends. If he's looking for a personal secretary, it's good to cut that off now.
Is it that he sees some of those around him having this sort of friendship and he wants one too but just doesn't get that is something you have to build towards?
It would be my guess that he's tried this with others and has been met with success and failure. Maybe he thinks that I'm one of the ones that can be reeled in. It was very telling that after I gave him the printer line, he told me the pics he was going to send me would take a longer time in coming unless I did him the Walgreens favor. Please. His ulterior motives are blatant. He doesn't have much talent at scamming, does he? If he's going to do that, at least have some finesse lol.
He obviously doesn't know that this kind of request requires a good and established friendship with trust. And you're right, even then that's something that should be reserved for family I told him that, without the "you obviously don't know" part. I didn't chew him out; I was very nice about it so hopefully there won't be any backlash. My guess is that he'll stop contacting me or apologize profusely and say he was wrong to do that, didn't know, etc., but he does know what he's doing. But backlash or apology, I'm not going to deal with him.
I couldn't imagine doing it after two years.