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ST4s

Here’s an excerpt of a CorrLinks message I got from one of my buds today, on the topic of pen pals flaking out on him. For context, he’s serving life without parole:

“I've had enough people in my life for short times and then forget I exist. I took off 6 ppl from my email list the other day. And all were ppl that I had emailed (which costs money on my end) over and over and over and got no response. I don't have time for ppl in my life to choose when THEY want to be in my life. That's not how friendship works.”

He went on at length about this, and his frustration leapt off the screen. This is my perma-bro, and it’s bad enough when I hear about all the bureaucracy, disgusting food, next-to-non-existent medical care, paper-thin bedding, being treated like dirt, and general fucked-up-ness of his typical day, but this is different. This is preventable. It hurt to read.

And this isn't the first time I've heard of it either. It's a common refrain I've heard from many of my buds over the years.

 

If you’re thinking about giving this a go, Bravo! Really! But please read this first. There’s a ton of wisdom and insight in there you’ll want to key into before diving in – the "why" of it – though you'll want to figure out your own why. And then, maybe you'll hit it off with someone. Or maybe you won't. Social chemistry is unpredictable that way. But for the love of all worthy pursuits, please don't be a flake. Your future pen pal will thank you.

 
Carmen163

Maybe you know of people who find DR sounds glamorous, but it sure isn't. Compared to DR pp's, LWOP pp's have far better circumstances. They can work, they can touch their visitors, and they can move around much more freely. That's why some of us pick DR pp's, because they live in the most difficult situations. Most of them live in states that never execute anyone, so they basically have LWOP but without anything that makes it a life. Really, there is absolutely nothing to be jealous about.

 
ST4s

Thank y’all for your spot-on insights.

By this point, on a bud’s behalf, it’s almost second nature for me to throw a deserving someone from “the system” under a friggin’ freight train (but only when asked) when they’re not following their own damn rules, but this… this crap starts and ends out here, in the free world. What the fuck.

@DianaMariaVP, I have different salutations and signoffs with different buds, each to their own. These little blurbs have developed over time. It’s a letter-writing thing – all the world in a grain of sand, and all the oceans in a drop of rain. You may be interested to hear that my bud, quoted below, and I exchange this closing every time, unfailingly: Brotherly Love Always.

Because it kind of says it all

 

 
CulchieLady

Amen.  I can't think of a crueller thing to do to someone who's been shoved down the oubliette of the prison system than to pick them up... and then lose interest and drop them again.

 
Petra Swiss Miss

The forgotten ones. That is what my friend calls himself and others who serve LWOP.

They are not as "glamorous" as a DR pp. The prospect of a lifelong "commitment" sounds way to real. Honestly, there is no guaranty for any friendship, in or outside of prison. Not on how long it will last and not considering how each of us developes. But if you just

Choose your pp carefully people.

If you're just curious, pick a pp with a release date on the horizon. Lifers are never going out again and getting forgotten -time and time again, after the novelty wears off, is damn hurtful.

 
Pink Unicorn

I think the recent trend (especially on TikTok and YouTube) to make pets out of prisoners and trot them out on social media under the guise of *oh look at me, I am so socially aware - love me, y'all!* has a lot to do with it. Flaky people are skin deep and are only in it while they are getting something out of it. So fuck them, and no, I am not sorry for using that word. 

 
DianaMariaVP

How bad! the question is WHY people do such things! if people don't want to write or don't click with the ppl, thats always posible. But I think you should write at least 1 more letter to say that you don't want it anymore. That is clear enouch to the ppl. I hope that person has a good friend in you that he can at least hold on to. Thank you for sharing this message with the rest!