Getting started

Welcome! I hope you have a great penpaling experience.  It can be super rewarding for everyone involved!

I have always used a PO Box with my penpals.  It's up to you though - everyone has their own limits to what they feel comfortable with, or simply what is most convenient. 

Typically, it might have listed in the inmate's profile whether or not they have Jpay - perhaps check their sidebar of information or their profile text.  If they're a federal inmate, they'll probably have Corrlinks.  Either way, a lot of inmates really love snail mail and hearing their name at mail call.  I feel like it has more of a positive effect - but once again, it's up to individuals.  Some of my penpals prefer emails.

Others on here will be able to let you know how much it costs inmates to reply back to you - I have no idea.

I have always included a photo with my first letter.  Inmates love photos - but make sure to read the specific facility's policy on "inmate mail" prior to sending them. 

Things to include in your first letter:

• What made you want to write them.  What you liked about their profile.  What you're hoping to gain from it - a friendship etc.  Gently set your own boundaries.
• Who you are.  Your name.  Age.  Where you live.  A little about where you live - could be your country, state or anything like that.  A quirky little fact.  For example: "I'm from Finland; that place covered in snow that also has an annual wife carrying race to try win a carton of beer etc" Haha You can ask them about their home state or country too if you like.  Having a cultural exchange in this way can really transport an inmate mentally outside of their prison walls and I'm sure many find it incredibly interesting.
• The type of person you are - tied into the above.  Are you easygoing? Do you enjoy a laugh? Your hobbies?
• Common interests.  This is where you can try relate to your penpal on some level - did something grab your eye when reading their profile? You love the outdoors too!? Awesome! Mention that.  You enjoy cooking as well? Great! What have you been cooking lately? What concoctions have they whipped up with commisary? You get the idea.
• Include your address.  Your address is probably already included on it somehow, but I make sure to include my address (and/or email for Corrlinks) in the body of my letter too.  Envelopes get chucked and other things happen, so it's important.

Things not to include:

• Inappropriate pictures and similar. 
• Asking them specifically about their crime.  They can tell you about that later, perhaps once you have established a friendship or connection.  A first letter isn't the place to go straight in asking questions about crimes.  They're human beings first, inmates second.
• Maps and talk about prison layouts.  Don't mention escaping!
• Try not to mention gangs, riots and anything else that might jeopardise the safe running of the facility.
• Try stay clear of customising your letters too much or including things like glitter, fancy cards and other things.   Mail is one way in which drugs are often smuggled into prisons.

That's what came to my mind right now anyway.  More experienced people here will probably have a lot more to add too! Basically, just have fun with it and keep an open mind.  Try be free of judgement - they have already been before a judge etc.  Be aware that you may have a couple of false starts to begin with - maybe no reply, or some missed connections.  It happens.  Don't let it put you off though, because I'm glad I stuck with it!

Given you live in Europe, I don't see much need to have an anonymous address. People don't really like to speak to strangers anyway. We are companion seeking creatures and a part of the whole thing with isolation is that it starts to do things to peoples heads... The person I write to goes through depression as a result of her experiences. There is nothing much to do other than be yourself. Don't over think things. The only thing to watch out for is if they're sending you a bad vibe... too much commitment... asking for a relationship straight away... or money/other things you can send in.

Hey Nenn, so glad you found someone you are interested in writing to. It's a great way to help someone through the darkest time of their life, but also a great way to get to know someone. It's normal for the first couple of letters to feel awkward and weird, but before long you will have a great rhythm down with one another. Just be yourself and all the advice that Galapagos gave is spot on. The only think I would add is just make sure you use blue or black ink for writing and that the paper is regular type of writing paper. So many prisons are changing their policies on what's acceptable and what isn't. For example, at my husband's prison only black and white cards were allowed to be sent. I had cards specially made over in the UK and shipped to the US (where I am)  as per the prison's specifications. They changed the policies so he received only photo copied versions of the cards I sent. Oh well!

Thank you all, you all had some great points!

I think I'll go with my own address, taken that I'm thousands of miles away and the person I'm writing to has a lot of time in. 
I'm starting with snail mail and ask him which type he rather receives as I think there's positive sides to both ways and I'm fine with either. Couldn't find more specific info about sending photos to his prison so I'll just ask him if there's something I should know before doing so, and if he even wishes to get them, haha. 

Really loved your check list GalapagosDiver! I think I'll save it in case there will be another first letter to send out. 

FrankieBones yaikes, I'm one to always overthink everything, go back and forth before being able to make my final decision. But that's me and that's who my future PP would get to know too. 

Northernyank oh noes, that's really a bummer! 

If being yourself is going back and forth between things then that's perfectly OK too... As to photos, its generally no more than 10 loose photos at a time before they have to put them in an album. I wouldn't recomend sending risque photos in your underwear or whatever, but some women enjoy doing that also. Just remember whatever you send is likely passed around the mailroom particularly if you're somewhat of an atractive woman or better like yourself. It also may be saved later for "safe keeping" so you need to think about these things also. If you want to send photos of yourself, you might just send plain photos of yourself and you enjoying your daily life. Nothing special, at least not initially and be wary if they ask you to send them more "explicit" photos without knowing you or the reasons why they want them.

Ew why would the people in the mail room pass the photos around? That seems shitty af! I know they have to inspect the mail, but why not just keep it to yourself? 

Also good luck with your writings, Nenn! I wish you a wonderful experience :) 

What is even going on? I have some mental image of a fat correctional officer eating a donut and giggling at photos of me with a kangaroo now, before passing it around to his mates Haha

I used to work for a big pharma chain here in the UK. It had photo processing as well. I can assure you that ALL risqué photos did a tour of the building... the things people would want developed were mind boggling. From topless shots, to naughty bits almost on show, to full on xxxx stuff. Rightly or wrongly (ok, it was wrong, but this was 20 years ago) we all had a good laugh. Boys will be boys...

Well damn lol. I don’t know if inmates do the same, but I can kind of understand if they did? The COs have so much access to all that stuff with being free and all that out here though?! Makes no sense to me lol 

Lol, I'm really not into sending out underwear or suggestive photos but the idea of a single photo making the whole mailroom share a laugh kinda makes me reconsider. Now wouldn't that be a nice thing, spreading the good vibes like that just by showing some skin. 

I just wish I could be a fly on the wall, sharing that giggle with them, and to see and laugh at the kangaroo photos myself. 

Thanks Cleo95!

Honestly I think they must see so many of those kinda photos and hear so much phone sex etc that they probably just let it go over their heads. I’m not saying share those kinda photos lol. But it’s always just as important to keep yourself as safe sending stuff in there as you would out here. 

No not at all actually some people get off on seeing photos they shouldn't be seeing, thats why theres so many laws about that stuff that have been introduced in the last 5 years especially here in Australia... Where all your metadata is stored so that they can go back and see if you shared something you shouldn't have with your mates. Unfortunately its not uncommon and yeah often sharing smut pictures is filed under "boys will be boys."

Oh come on frankie get some snut in your life might put a smile on your face 

I'm not ashamed at all having sent my husband some rather interesting photos. If it got passed around, oh well, I've got a great body, and they can all take a look at what they can't have. 

Good for you northernyank it’s ok for men to sit here and say the draw round there dick and have 6inch that they send there penpal it’s double standards. Women pass that shit around too. Yeah men in there are not around many females but female prisoners are also not around many men it works both ways. 

It’s down to the person and how there relationship is if you wanna do it do it..... if you don’t.... dont. 

I’ve sent risqué photos and video clips and I couldn’t give a monekys if they done the rounds. Like Kelly says, they’re probably so immune to it I don’t think it’ll cause a bit fuss.

Anyway, welcome Nenn! I’m in the Uk and use my home address, if you’re overseas I don’t think there’s anything to worry about. 

I guess in today's world sharing intimate photos is never to be considered 100% safe. There's always a chance that someone else will see those photos. 

If I had a loved one behind the bars, I might send out photos like that too, suggestive at least, and wouldn't feel ashamed of doing so. Wouldn't even know if they passed them around in the mailroom so.. whatever :)  Frankly, I think I'd feel worse about knowing them reading my intimate letters than them seeing intimate photos of me. 

Thanks BabyBlueEyes!

I don't care to buy into your trouble making... Sorry, I'm imune to it by now, you're starting to look really sad by poking people and looking for trouble again.

Yawn!!!!!!!

More drama... like I said before, the past is the past, build a bridge and get over it... Or you can bring your drama here and only make yourself uncomfortable. I stated what I said to help people... If you want to post incorrect information telling people to do "whatever the hell they want."  I will correct you. I do not tolerate explicit sexual violence towards women, or men, or any person because of their skin color. This issues deals with two of those three problems that we all around the globe are dealing with more stringent laws because of the actions that people in positions of power take over vulnerable people including yourself.

If you want to be so ignorant of the facts of reality then I will correct you unrelentlesly and no your sad behavior wont chae me away.