My husband and I were having an interesting conversation last night. He's been approached by other inmates before about having him write their introductory ads for them, here on WAP and on other sites. He's well read, and educated. He recognizes that a lot of inmates lack a real education, so in the past he has given other inmates outlines or his past ads to put in their own words.
I originally responded to an ad once because I liked how intelligent and insightful he came across as. However, after the first email exchange it was obvious he was not the original author of the ad. I felt it started us off on the wrong foot. We continued to exchange emails but I've always felt that it was deceptive. My husband says it happens more than people realize.
I'm wondering if anyone else has ever had this same experience, and if so, did you have a conversation with your pen-pal about it? Did they bring it up or did you?
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I had one where I assume it was the case, but I don't know it for sure. His ad here gave a fully different impression (and spelling skills) than his letter to me. But since we never exchanged more than that (he was the guy subtly asking for $$ in that 1st letter as well) I never asked him about it.
With the others (those I still to/with) I never got this impression. But I never looked for specially well-educated guys, it's none of my criteria for writing anyway.
I don't believe that its deceptive at all in fact your deception is my human instinct to help others... Strange that we are at sixes and sevens again... I have now through my relationship... helped multiple women establish themselves to get the help they need from people on the outside in corresponding with others.... It pertains to one of my hats and work within a large organisation doing volunteer work... One of the things I do is write professionally (its my job) one of my many other skills is word smithing (based on many years of doing this academically and since to a post graduate level). Editing for communications professionals is what I do... This entails being able to drive the Adobe Creative Suite and PageMaker.
I digress... If I can use my skills productively to sell a person (and I have successfully done so on numerous occasions now) based on their best qualities then I will. If I can market a product to make money out of it (and I have done so writing grants and proposals for things in both double and triple figure territories) I don’t see why I shouldn’t.
Why can I not sell a person's most basic need?
Why should I not help them towards reform as a human being?
Why should I not connect them with the wealth of highly educated people here who can show people that deserve it how to be a better person?
Why should I not help them and (more as likely than not) lead them to life long recovery?
What is wrong with any of this at the end of the day...
@Kirsten I'm replying to this because I did not see your response in the mean time. Through my relationship with the person I write to, I've met a lot of women in my time, either in passing or otherwise, one of which who is currently trying to have a misdemeanour over turned which (as an Australian) is outside the scope of my legal knowledge (or any legal knowledge I have as I mostly deal in matters of constitutional and international law given my background).
Some of these women have no contact at all with anyone beyond the walls of a prison... Some of these women are at high risk of reoffending. It fits my bill on a level of personal compassion and human decency as well as in the whole concept of what I do currently (working within the volunteer and humanitarian sector) to want to help people regardless of the way that they spell...
There are many reasons for this... The woman I love is not the worlds greatest speller... due to habituation she chose a life outside the walls of traditional schooling. A person's ability to write has nothing to do with their intelligence. She is a highly intelligent woman who in terms of morals and social values is pretty similar (though different in her own ways) to me.
Shall I just overlook her for her spelling and disregard her character or intelligence? No, but given the way Northern presents herself with some highfaluting opinion that a typo or not being able to spell a particular word is a problem… that’s another issue
And this is another issue of those that can and those that care… My purpose (among others) is connecting people and one of those things is dealing with people who need human connections to act as guides… emotionally, spiritually and intellectually. If I as a person (or any other people) for that matter can help others (who may not be able to achieve that connection for whatever reason… and there are many and various reasons) themselves… then I don’t see why others should complain about this.
Some of these men and women have absolutely nothing in their life and we have people like Northern who want to bemoan them because they can’t spell or write good… this sounds more like an episode of Zoolander (the movie with Ben Stiller in it) than anything connected to reality.
@ Kirsten, Did you feel in that case, that his end goal for writing was to obtain financial gain?
Sorry, haven't got experience on the matter, but I can understand why one would feel deceived. I would too.
I made my decision on who to write to mainly based on what he - hopefully by himself - had wrote to his ad. If it turned out it wasn't his words at all, I'd feel like I didn't write to this person in the first place, he's not the one I wanted to write to. If it's written on first-person but it's not your words(but it's presented as it was), that kinda equals to lying in my opinion.
I can understand why someone would ask for help in writing his ad and I can understand helping someone out with it. But there is a huge difference in being helped with it (like have someone read it through for mistakes, get help with the spelling and ideas on what to write..) and have someone write it for you or even use someone else's text. If you're looking for a genuine connection and getting to know someone, why would you start out not being yourself at all? It's pretty much the same as me asking a friend of mine to write my first letter to someone I was hoping to become my PP. Why would I do that? Unless there was a whole different agenda behind it than getting to know each other.
"Written by friend/family member" is fair game.
If that was it..wouldn t that come.out pretty quick in the form of asking for things or money?
I think, personally I'd be a bit dissappointed as it is the bio/ introduction that resonates in the first place..
@Northernyank: His ad didn't give me that impression, but his letter did. Had the ad been written like the letter; I'd not have responded to it.
@Frankie: I'm not interested in perfect spelling (one of my penpals told me in one of his early letters he'd been functionally illiterate when he came to prison and sometimes I really have to read things out aloud to phonetically get what he wants to say, but I'm fine with that). But I'm very interested in authentic ppl. I don't care if I need a few minutes to get that ne = any when I read it for the 1st time and the correct use of grammar and tenses isn't an issue, either. But if I got the impression the guy I've been writing to isn't the guy I've been writing to then it gets a little difficult for me.
I try to be the person I am (I don't know of anybody who is always 100% authentic, myself included), but I try my best. And yes, I wish to create an atmosphere where others feel safe enough to be authentically themselves as well. That's why I would perhaps feel a little hurt by such an action, though I can understand you did it out of an impulse to offer these women some help.
Hey Kirsten..enjoyjng Karneval??
@Kirsten Don't get me wrong inauthenticity is a huge gripe of mine also. But to summarise... I've taken people under my wing that have never received a response at all on here, or otherwise, and have crafted their profile in such a way and placed it where they now get a long line of responses. My statement was in response to the attitude "penmanship counts" and unfortunately for a lot of people when they have nothing else to go by it may well do. But if you're going to write to someone because they may not be the world's greatest speller because of the life their parents led that did not allow them to take school seriously, more fool you.
Unfortunately, the effects of socioeconomic status are often life long, its not just an Australian problem, or an American one, or a German one, we can all think of the child whose parents struggle to get by and resultantly they suffer through the acrimony of not fitting in, not achieving to their full potential, or not being able to afford to and this is a huge glass ceiling for the rest of their lives... I just try to break down those barriers a little further.
As to inauthenticity itself, I don't do that, I ask for more information about who the person is... but even then, sometimes family members (or others) don't do it deliberately, they put a profile up on here for their family member in prison and a part of that process is that the profile ends up here not written by the person who its intended for. Sometimes it’s more deceptive than that also of course.
I just want to say there's more to it than that.
@Izzers: I'm not that much of a "Jeck",(to anyone else: a carnivalist) I haven't been born and raised in a place where Karneval is a big deal. Do you go? Northern Germany isn't one of its hot spots, either. But I'll enjoy to not have to go to work because of rose's monday. Good time to be home and write two letters. Had been a little ill, so I'm behind in responding.
@Frankie: Issues of (what's "Chancengerechtigkeit" in English? Perhaps "equal oppurtunities", though I'm unsure if it's fully the same meaning...), equal opportunities are a story of their own and the patterns of structural disadvantage are multifactual, similar, but not fully the same for each group that's being excluded from full social participation. But that's another cup of tea (pair of shoes we'd say in Germany). I know there's more to it and if it helps (I mean, if you writing the ads gets more people to read them and to answer, then ok.
But after that it's still not you answering the letters for these ladies, it's them. And it's there ( at the latest) when things might pop up.
But you're right, composing an ad is an issue for some. Choosing a pp can be another. Though I never faced many probs with this. But I've also worked in a mentoring programme for 5 years, so putting ppl together according to profiles and certain criteria had been my job back then. So maybe it is still a little easier for me. Anyway, right at the moment I've got my hands full with those I write to, without any space for anyone else.