I married my penpal! | Write a Prisoner

MUST BE 18 OR OLDER - MUST READ TERMS OF SERVICE

I married my penpal!

41 posts / 0 new
Last post
vintagecherie
vintagecherie's picture
I married my penpal!

So I've been one of those people who has lurked on the forum for years and never posted, I thought now would be a good time!
I read a lot of posts about the relationships gone wrong, the scams etc, but not many people talk about the relationships that work once their penpals has been released (probably because they're so happy and they're busy living their lives now!).
Anyway, I first wrote to my penpal in June 2016, we hit it off instantly and 6 months later he asked if I'd consider being his girlfriend. I live in England and he is from Texas so I wasn't sure exactly where it would go, but I said yes because I really was crazy about this guy.
He was approved for parole and got released in July 2017, for that year that he was locked up we ONLY wrote letters, one every 3 weeks. I think this is a really important detail because during that time I would read about these other MWI couples and hear how they would talk on the phone every day, send emails, tonnes of letters back and forth, and it made me feel like my relationship didn't match up to theirs. We couldn't do any international calls or emails since he was in TX and they don't allow it.
Anyway, he was released to a halfway house for 3 months and we got to talk on the phone for the first time and text! It was incredible! Then in February 2018 I flew over to meet him in person and everything was perfect, it was honestly the best week of my life. I don't think either of us could believe how comfortable we were with each other, how everything just seemed so normal.
Since then it's been a bit of a whirlwind, we got married in April 2018, bought a house together in the summer in Texas, and got 3 dogs! I've been balancing my time between England and Texas while we wait for my visa to come through.
I just wanted to write this post to give hope to other couples out there, it's not always doom and gloom, if you know your relationship is strong then you'll make it. Long distance makes it much harder but if you're both dedicated then it will work. I wish that I had been able to read a few more posts like this when I was wondering if we'd make it on the outside, just to have some positivity!
My hubby has done absolutely amazing since he got out (I don't mean to sound patronizing), he's got a fantastic job and is so dedicated to putting the past behind him, honestly you would never know he'd spent 5 years locked up. We were lucky that he got parole because he would've still been incarcerated until 2020 otherwise.

Reyenah
Reyenah's picture

So many congratulations to you both :) That really is an amazing story and I am SO PLEASED it worked out for you both. I wish you both the very best for the future <3

vintagecherie
vintagecherie's picture

Reyenah - Thank you so much!

GalapagosDiver
GalapagosDiver's picture

Congratulations! I hope you enjoy a long and happy life together.  Its always heartwarming to hear of any relationship or marriage doing well, especially one that has overcome so many obstacles along the way! Inspiring stuff.  I hope your husband continues on his positive and fulfilling journey!

ayekay_tdot
ayekay_tdot's picture

Hi vintagecherie! Thank you so much for sharing your story, it was inspirational at best. I'm really glad that I ran into your post since I'm in a similar case where my bf (TX) and I (Canada) have discussed a lot about the future. The US immigration laws are quite overwhelming so I'm just curious to hear more about how you obtained your visa? My plan is to pursue grad studies there on a student visa.

If it is alright with you and you're feeling comfortable, I would like to "pick your brain" with some more questions? Perhaps through email? Let me know and I will leave you with my contact (throwaway email).

Thank you for your time and sharing your story! Gives me hope. :)

vintagecherie
vintagecherie's picture

Yes of course! Ask me anything, if I can help in any way then I will! I was adamant that I would never write to anyone from TX because everything is so much stricter here, but sometimes these things happen haha

ayekay_tdot
ayekay_tdot's picture

You're amazing, thank you! :) I shall leave this with you: akim [dot] vox [at] gmail [dot] com. And agreed, things just happen, haha! Looking forward!

vintagecherie
vintagecherie's picture

Fab, I've emailed you :)

kellykelly
kellykelly's picture

I love this story sometimes I wonder why people come on here as they are so negative but this really uplifts me on the 12th of November 2019 I will also be marrying my pen pal after months of red tape and paper work unfortunately he will still be in prison. I’m also from the uk, I’m wish you both the very best x x 

vintagecherie
vintagecherie's picture

Congratulations! That's amazing! I'm so happy for you both. We got married in the judges office, just the two of us. We didn't think it was fair to have his family there and not mine as they couldn't all travel from the UK. Surprisingly this wasn't the wedding I'd dreamed of since I was a little girl! Despite all that, it was one of the happiest moments of my life, my cheeks hurt from smiling so much!
It doesn't matter where you are, or who is there, this is a time for the two of you, and in that moment I'm pretty sure he's going to be the only thing that matters! All the other surroundings will melt away.
I hope you both have a wonderful day xx

kellykelly
kellykelly's picture

Thank you so much your so kind I’m excited, I wish you and your husband many happy years together. 

Kirsten
Kirsten's picture

Congrats!

Hawaii.mamii
Hawaii.mamii's picture

Awww such lovely stories...congrats all..i wish you all the best for the future xx

vintagecherie
vintagecherie's picture

Thank you so much everyone for your kind words x

BabyBlueEyes
BabyBlueEyes's picture

Congratulations! I wish you many happy years together. 

It’s so nice to read a success story when there is so many tales of misery. 

IL_PPP
IL_PPP's picture

Wow, this is a great read, vintage!!! I have a couple questions if you don't mind - how long had he been locked up for? Did you ever feel insecure about what would happen post-release (ie; trying to get with all the women)?

nadadia1
nadadia1's picture

thats awesome... Im in something similar Im from Ecuador and hes serving time in Mississipi. I have no idea that it could be possible... so u proove me that it can happen

 

vintagecherie
vintagecherie's picture

Sorry I've only just found your message! He was serving an 8 year sentence, but was approved for parole after 4 years, and eventually released a year later. I didn't realise it could take so long after getting parole to actually be released!
I felt a bit scared that he would just not be interested once he got out, I kept saying "if we keep talking" and things like that, I didn't want to put pressure on him. I think it can go one of two ways, being away from women for so long either makes you want to be with as many as you can straight away to make up for lost time... orrrr, you realise that if you can make it 5 years then what's a bit longer? Luckily it went the second way hahah.
I think prison or not, if you're doing long distance then there has to be mutual trust, if I didn't trust him 100% then this wouldn't work because I'd go insane!
I hope this answers your questions, for the most part we just enjoyed what we had in the moment and if it didn't work out because of circumstances then at least it was good while it lasted. But then once we met and "proved" it was real, we knew we were good to go!

algorithm
algorithm's picture

This is mind-blowing! Wow! Congrats. 

uk101
uk101's picture

It does work I meet mine Fiance last year we were lucky as she had Jpay, We seemed to click all the way,We also talk on the phone twice a week,She was up for parole last month and got it, Lond distance relationships are never easy, I am a Long distance trucker for a living in the uk, Or OTR as they say in the states, If you have to make time for each other, I am looking to move on too nightshift so we i can get on the same time as her ,If have to been dedicated a small message just saying i love you in a morning and wishing her a good day , Sometimes a war and piece, I wish and your husband all the best in the world , I have the visa process to go through myself and are going to be like yourself spending a lot of time on a plane .

sallydavies1984
sallydavies1984's picture

This has really made me smile. I'm in the UK and have been talking to a guy for a while now and we both really like each other and feelings have developed. I wasn't sure whether it could work being so far away from each other but this gives me hope.

Congratulations x

uk101
uk101's picture

Hi Sally it will work if you both want it too work, It is hard especial around Christmas and us Thanks giving, All the best 

 

mikefarley001
mikefarley001's picture

well congratulations !! very nice. maybe the less communication, the more the "WANT" lol adds to the mystery especially of what they are doing out there in the real world, or call it the fake world whichever will do. hehe

vintagecherie
vintagecherie's picture

Definitely! I think my mailman was close to getting a restraining order at one point!

PDS
PDS's picture

Congratulations!!! I wish the both of you happiness and abundant blessings.  Yes, being married to a convict is not easy, but I think mine is worth it. We’ve been together for 5yrs now, married almost three.  No, I didn’t have an elaborate wedding and I’m still awaiting my honeymoon, but I don’t have any regrets. Of course, I’m not experiencing the long distance part since we are both in Texas. However, there still seems to be a problem all the razor wire, cement, and steel that separate us. lol I just have to keep reminding myself that one day my husband and I will only have air and opportunity between us. I sure do love that man.

 

lamorena
lamorena's picture

To all those who are married, soon to be married, to inmates, how did your family and loved ones take the news? 

I feel like this world that we live in, communicating with inmates, is very misunderstood. There are so many misguided opinions and stereotypes that most people aren't open to overlooking. 

vintagecherie
vintagecherie's picture

Lamorena - My family supported me the whole way through, probably too much because if I had a child who said they were planning on running off and marrying a convict I think I'd be having serious words with them! I've always been open with my family and friends about the situation. I know other people aren't as lucky as I have been and their families disapprove though.
The only issue I've had was that I couldn't invite my family to the wedding since it was overseas, I know my mum and grandma would've loved to have been there. My grandma was upset that I didn't have a church wedding hahah, we're not a religious family so I'm not too sure why that was her biggest issue!

lamorena
lamorena's picture

Vintagecherie, I think that's sweet of your grandma! She must be a very loving and accepting woman. 

If you don't mind, I'd like to pick your mind further. Would your position on marrying your husband change if he was a lifer? Would your families? 

I'm very happy to hear that your family was very accepting of your marriage. It's also very refreshing and inspiring to hear your story and know that your love has conquered many obstacles and has won!

Metaxu
Metaxu's picture

I married a lifer.  I have no regrets -- he is the love of my life -- but my family and friends were not supportive.  I had to walk through fire with my father's reaction, and my best friend at the time dropped me from her life.  I find that life is simpler if I don't bring up my marriage -- people tend to have hysterical reactions.  But it may very well be my environment.  No one in my life -- social or family -- has ever been to prison and they have no point of reference for that experience.  

Northernyank
Northernyank's picture

Same here Metaxu! My husband is a lifer, and without a doubt he is my soulmate. It's a difficult road to be on, but one I can't imagine without him. The love and support we give one another gets us through all the tough times. Funny, his parents have a tougher time accepting me as they can't believe someone would marry a lifer. 

Nicjo
Nicjo's picture

 

Hi!, Just read your post and I am currently experiencing a similar kind of situation, well I’m in england and my “friend” is in Michigan, he is due to be released in 2023, do you know if he would be allowed to come over to England?, also we have very strong feelings of love towards each other however I know that the distance and the length of time he has left can be an issue. We speak on the phone nearly every day for an hour or so and write messages however it’s the seeing someone face to face and meeting them, that’s missing. I suppose I’m writing this in the hope that  your story will be the same for us, however not sure I would be able to move to US as I have a house job and 2 kids here, that’s why we’re hoping he can come over to me, anyways so nice to hear your story and hope all going well! 

 

Nicjo
Nicjo's picture

 

Hi!, Just read your post and I am currently experiencing a similar kind of situation, well I’m in england and my “friend” is in Michigan, he is due to be released in 2023, do you know if he would be allowed to come over to England?, also we have very strong feelings of love towards each other however I know that the distance and the length of time he has left can be an issue. We speak on the phone nearly every day for an hour or so and write messages however it’s the seeing someone face to face and meeting them, that’s missing. I suppose I’m writing this in the hope that  your story will be the same for us, however not sure I would be able to move to US as I have a house job and 2 kids here, that’s why we’re hoping he can come over to me, anyways so nice to hear your story and hope all going well! 

 

Lolla
Lolla's picture

I too have been around here for over 6 years and watched as people rant and rave about all kinds of things and YES the good stories never get told as we are too busy enjoying our lives with our husbands/wives to be bothered about all the "drama" and negativity.

I am from Scotland UK and I married my husband back in 2012 when he was incarcerated in Texas (proxy marriage - strangest thing I have ever done) and he was released in 2017. During the time he was incarcerated I did my homework, made good contacts and drew up a plan. I visited him twice a year in prison, we spoke daily sometimes up to 4 times a day, (yes it can be done legally) wrote letters and made our plans for the furute. By the time he was ready to be released I had my visa processing, accomodation set up and knew exactly what was needed for him to make a sucessful re-entry into society. My husband did 16 years flat. Every individual has different needs so no 2 cases are the same.

Anyway long story short we are doing great. He has his own business (very easy to set up) I have my work permit now and working, my green card will take approx another 10 months due to the backlog but I am here living the dream as they say. My children have been out twice to visit us and they love my husband, they have also formed a great bond.

I have never been happier and like a lot of people say "success stories are out there, just hard to find."

Never give up on your dream as it could become a reality.

Nenn
Nenn's picture

Thank you for sharing these success stories and all the best for all of you! I personally don't have a romance going on with my PP but it's nice to read how meaningful these relationships can become, whether it's friendly relationship or love. 

@Lolla, my PP is in Texas so I'm curious.. How did you get to speak with your husband? 
You did a great job getting everything organized for the two of you to have a life together, wow! Congratulations to the two of you!

blondgal
blondgal's picture

I have been a member on here for 10 years now a lot of the girls that use to be on here have gone my husband is on death row we have been

Together 18 years now married nearly 9 years so yes it can work is it easy no of course not but you learn to live the life the bond we have is strong 

bond  and a lot of the guys on the row know me and co know me too 

lamorena
lamorena's picture

I have a few questions that I would like to get answers or guidance on from those who have married their penpals. Everyone here is great support, but I would really appreciate if someone in that situation could reach out to me. No one in my personal life knows what I'm talking about half the time and I feel like support I get now is very one sided. My email is masvalesola100 [at] gmail [dot] com 

Thank you!!

Ajon
Ajon's picture

@lamorena, I see you are curious about people marrying their pen-pals. Are you considering? I think (and this goes for everyone out there in pen pal land) we shouldn't really care what anyone else thinks (about having a relationship), especially when it comes to those who are incarcerated, because they already have a stigma against them. I feel even if your "parents, friends or family" don't approve of your relationship, you should still hold your head high, because at the end of the day, they (nay-sayers) don't pay your bills or sleep with you at night. I've been writing someone who is a lifer, and he gives me just that. LIFE. I get so excited for his correspondence, and he tells me the exact same. Yet, some of the people closest to me, have shot me down and made me feel like im not capable (of anything). It's all about loving your choices in life. To those who have married their pen pals, kudos to you!! May you both be happy in all your endeavors. God wants his children to be happy and full of love and positive energy. When you physically write someone, it's energy, unlike a text. Same font, same size etc. Handwriting is who that person is... and if you are into graphology like me, you can really see who a person is by their handwriting... but i digress... be happy and love your PP. We all need eachother in life. 

Oh and usually the ones who are opposed to your relationship, don't have a perfect one themselves lol.

 

ST4s
ST4s's picture

Congratulations and best wishes!!! Yes indeed, one CAN find amazing people in the most unlikely places!

Ajon
Ajon's picture

ST4s - Indeed!!! (not the job search site lol)

vintagecherie
vintagecherie's picture

Sorry I'm so bad at checking this thread! Personally I wouldn't marry a lifer if I was living in England and they were in America, purely because it's a hard relationship to be in anyway, but to not have the hope that one day they would be released would be too hard for me. I have nothing at all against the people who do it, they're much stronger than me! I'd consider it much more if I lived in the same state and could visit frequently and have calls every day though. I think my family would definitely have an issue if I married a lifer, there's the misconception that if you do that then you're also serving a life sentence because you can never have a "proper" relationship. I think there are plenty of real world relationships that are a lot less fulfilling than being married to an inmate, just because it's not conventional, doesn't make it less real.

vintagecherie
vintagecherie's picture

Nicjo - I think it would be very difficult for your friend to move to the UK. Every time I've gone to the airport I've asked border control if they think they'd let my husband come and visit for a week, all of them have said it's a 50/50 chance because he served more than 24 months. So to live here would be even harder. I think they got really strict after the case where the guy from Lithuania (???) killed the young girl here, because he already had a criminal record and was still allowed to come to the country. I might be making that up though! As far as I was aware that was why everything was so tight now, so that things like that didn't happen again. I think it also depends on the crime too, like if it was something like transporting drugs across a border then obviously you'd be more likely to be declined than someone who was drink driving.
It's very hard to find information on things like that and when I've enquired about just a visit the main answer I get is that it just depends on the border control officer on the day, which seems very unfair!
I hope this helped a little bit and I hope that everything works out for you! Long distance is hard but throw in a criminal record and it gets way harder!