I'd say 90% of this forum's members are from overseas. Why? What's the appeal?

Why are you being so pretentious by very sarcastically assuming that “surely you had to know that writing an attractive inmate from the opposite sex usually leads to a relationship of sorts. But hey, not all, right?”

I NEVER went into writing to gain a relationship from it. I love writing, I wanted to improve my english skills and brighten someone elses day. Also, I had a special interest in/connection with writing people in prison, because my mom had been a volunteer for a group of people that worked in prison when I was just a toddler. I’m almost 40 now, so I’m speaking about some odd 34-37 years ago. The taboo on being married to or having a relationship with an inmate was even much bigger back then. My mom would work with prisonwives/girlfriends and her help would vary from doing groceries to going to appointments or filling out paperwork (visitation forms, legal stuff etc.)

She always taught me to be careful, but also that people can make bad decisions but that doesn’t necessarily have to mean that they are bad people. So, you implying that we all have to be in it to gain something from it, like a relationship, really rubs me the wrong way.

I wasn't meaning to come off as pretentious, I apologize if I did. But let's be honest, a lot of people who write inmates end up getting swept off their feet. I mean, if anyone does the research, they'd see that that's how it ends up more often than not.

I didn't actually start here writing women. I was just looking for penpals to share the whole process of getting letters. I remember growing up and using one of those international penpal-matching services. I figured most of the people on penpal sites didn't really take the whole process very seriously. Prisoners do. I was watching documentaries on a guy from Harris County. I wrote to him and it didn't really work. I wrote another guy by the name of Curtis Hays in Texas. He's a bit of a cowboy, but actually a really interesting character if you want to write him... https://offender.tdcj.texas.gov/OffenderSearch/offenderDetail.action?si… eventually he stopped writing me.

I got called out for writing "dudes" so I wrote a few women, the problem with most women on this site is that they're on shorter sentences. Women don't tend to offend as much or as seriously... So I tried with one from Oregon, she got released, then I wrote one from Chowchilla, she was manipulative. I've talked about her before. I got caught up with my thesis at university and didn't have time to write. Then I decided about 10months ago to write a woman in an FCI. We've been going strong for about 10months now.

A lot of Australians have a great deal of respect for our cousins in America and to some extent or another, though not as much on the other side there is some fondness of Australians by Americans. I wasn't intending on forming a relationship, it just turned into one out of the similarities we have in life. She is the typical athlete, I was the clown prince of all the jocks in my high school. We naturally have a lot of similarities in our lives over the years.

I have always liked the United States, but September 11 has kind of hindered my ability to visit. I don't like the idea of biometric passports, but now every country in the modern world has them I can't really escape from the facts. I've always wanted to visit New York eventually just to see what life is like in a big city like that. My MWI just happens to be in Iowa so is in the general vicinity of two cities I'd like to explore which are Chicago and New York.

I didn't intend on moving over there but I talk about it because its the only way I can think of making her parole work. She can't leave Iowa. Maybe one day when all this is done we’ll move to Australia, but if she wants to be with me… I have to move to Iowa…

I had this conversation with her the other day… She said “you’re really going to give this all up for Iowa…” I replied “I’m not giving it up for Iowa, I don’t even care for Iowa, I’m giving this all up for you…”

"I had this conversation with her the other day… She said “you’re really going to give this all up for Iowa…” I replied “I’m not giving it up for Iowa, I don’t even care for Iowa, I’m giving this all up for you…”"

I'm not crying, you are! :*)

I'm glad I made you cry :)

LMAO you would be
 

I started writing prison pen-pals recently. I wouldn't do it in my home country, due to it being so small (it's England) and the chances of being stalked by "pen-pals gone wrong" are strong. So, overseas I went. The USA has very harsh sentences, so I wrote to a few with lengthy sentences to try to make a difference in their lives. Then I found out that most have access to JPay kiosks... it's not really the same as writing real letters. I wrote a lady in Texas and she can only communicate via snail mail, so she still really looks forward to mail call with JPay printouts and handwritten letters..

I used to have pen pals before, when I was a teenager. But somehow lost contact with all of them one way or another. Recently, I have been thinking about that and I really wanted to start something like this again. A couple of days ago I didn't even know such a possibility (writing a person in prison) even exists. When I found out, I embraced it with open arms - having the chance to write letters again and in the same time being able to make a difference for someone (even if it is just to brighten their day a little) sounds really good.

I am certainly not looking for a relationship, but rather a friendship, being able to communicate with someone from a different culture. 
 

I'm a foreigner, but I don't live overseas, at least not in a literal sense. I live in Mexico (but I'm not a drug dealer or a rapist, haha). Maybe it seems strange that someone from the third world wants to communicate with American prisoners, but I decided to do it because in my country there are no websites like WAP. The penitentiary system in Mexico, as you may have read or heard it, is a real hell (in fact, any prison is, in one way or another, but not in all of them organized crime has the control of visits, extortion and even of what the prisoners eat or not). I have a friend who is imprisoned for murder in my city, and I visit him regularly. We wanted to organize some cultural activities in the prison, but the authorities told us, because of the insecure situation, that was not possible. Then I found this page. I don't have romantic intentions, if I decided to have penpals it was because I'm convinced they need support to improve as people. We all need the same, but especially them.

I'd be interested in emigrating to Mexico from the US once my pal is released ..... I may have to hit you up about all that lol
 

Of course! But... are you sure?? XD

I should add that the punishment imposed on prisoners in USA seem to me unfair many times, which was another thing that motivated me to write some prisoners

I’m super inquisitive and love speaking to people from different cultures and backgrounds. I also feel as though the Prison system in the US is far harsher, unnecessarily so in some (but not all) cases. I’m from England and things are quite different here in comparison.

I've found no sites advertising Aussie prison pen pals, the closest I found was an old news article saying that they were discouraging it in Queensland. The easiest prison pen pal sites to find are in the US, so I went with it. I figured being from different places would give us more to talk about (ie ice box vs esky)

Another deciding factor was safety, the chances of being stalked by someone from across the sea are slim.

Though now I'm torn, I've met a great freind and it will be really hard/expensive for me to visit. but had I gone out of my way to find someone local to my country, then I would not have met him and maybe I would have ended up with a werid stalker :S

I would never live in the USA, nor move abroad for anyone (again).  Already lived in Canada, (from Australia), so have experienced the living abroad thing already.  There is no romantic element to any of my penpals.  When I first began writing inmates in the US, that 10,000 mile distance between us, and the fact they would never be granted entry into Australia was somewhat of a reassuring safety net.  I would love to visit the USA again someday (I enjoyed my time there a few years back), and I'd love to meet one or two of my prison penpals 'in the flesh'.

In Australia, we don't have nearly the large prison population, nor the prison penpal thing going on.  I already had penpals around the world prior to writing to inmates.  I had a few reasons to begin writing inmates - the main one being my chronic illness.  There were aspects of that which were very isolating, and many other healthy people couldn't relate or understand to it, particularly the sense of "imprisonment" and "disconnected and somewhat missing from society".  Inmates understand that.  And correspondence with my prison penpals has been incredibly positive and beneficial to both me and my penpals.

@zaneta: will it be your first time in the US? What state is your pal in?

In general I admire those writing to help learn the language bc I couldn’t do that lol - I tried free-world penpal sites before for like German and just could not keep up with it. 

lol... you're like one of my favorite people out.

I did volunteer's work in a prison in when I was still at university. So, prison subjects haven't been completely new to me. Plus, I've always enjoyed the world of words, reading & writing.

What I found incredible, though, is, how little focus there is on rehabilitation in many states and cases. I could never close that gap of coontradiction between friendliness, generosity and openness on the one hand (which I personally experienced with almost every American I encountered and there were a few GI's and their families near my hometown) and the hard, unforgiving and downright hypocritical (yes, in some cases your system is hypocritical, sorry, ladies and gents) way of treating people who didn't follow the rules of your society. This makes for a gap in my mind I never seem to be able to fill up - it just remains, like a huge question mark.

Since my own life has never been one without obstacles I may tend to feel a certain impulse to assist those facing obstacles as well. So it happened.

Hi from Canada (Toronto) :)

For me, I'm an old soul so the traditional letter writing is a breath of fresh air from this digital-age so it's like a 'detox' for me; a chance to escape from the bombardment of emailing and texting. I stumbled on this website accidentally and thought it would be neat to brighten up someone's day. Initially, I wrote with the intention of forming a platonic friendship only, however, my connection/chemistry with my PP (now bf) gradually became undeniably strong so we both decided to give it a shot and see where it goes. Also, I'm curious about the American prison and justice system (esp. in Texas where he currently resides in) so it has definitely been an ongoing learning experience.

I'd say it changed my life for the better in that this experience has given me perspective and a chance for self-reflection.

I'm in Canada and I've been writing to prisoners for years. I've never had a romantic relationship with one. It's not why I do it, and honestly, I get annoyed when people assume that, like that's the only reason two human beings could possibly want to talk to each other.

I write to American prisoners because...

1. I've never found a Canadian pen pal ad that inspired me to write to someone. There just aren't that many of them, comparatively speaking. The rate of incarceration in America is so intense though that there are hundreds and hundreds of American ads to choose from.

2. I love to write letters and it's a lost art to most of the world.

3. I think the U.S. prison system is deeply messed up, and that the U.S. incarcerates people at ridiculous rates, and being a friend to someone is my little way of rebelling against that.

TORONTO. Fist bump.

*Fist bump!* Heya :)

I’m 21 y.o an university girl. I’m not here for romance or having lil fun with attractive inmates.( for me, I don’t look at their appearance) Sometimes you need to talk with someone. Mostly people do not care what you say or you want to escape your bubble. Prisoners need also social relationships, and generally they can’t find someone for it. Everyone needs express their thoughts, emotions etc. That’s why i am here. Plus, it’s different experience talkin with inmates. I think there is a good system in the usa for inmates and it’s common. Language is also common. I dunno if Europe has like that system for inmates. Even this website inspires you to write the usa inmates. 

Going through the responses there seems to be a common theme about injustice. I guess that's one of many reasons why I started writing. The fact that there are so many outgoing Americans and yet, the common theme remains. Why are there is such a separation with convicts and the average American and why do a lot of people poor so much hot water on people once they've been to prison? It seems felony is a massive social stigma over there and its not really thought of over here in Australia unless the crime is especially heinous.

I could guess it had something to do with conservative religious and moral values, or failed virtue or whatever. But hey, America is a big place and even after studying a semester or two of US civics I’m not going to say I understand what it is to be an American. It's not my people, nor is it my culture.

I'm American and I honestly couldn't tell you.. but then again I'm in criminal defense so the soft spot is natural.

I'm in Canada, so while that's not technically overseas, it is non-US.

As for your question, I remember reading in many places that people in foreign countries are way more tolerant and accepting of prisoners than most Americans are. American prisoners get judged and looked down on by many in the US (I know not all, obviously since IL PPP herself is American), but people in Canada and overseas are more accepting, I think it has to do with culture, especially overseas...??? People I've written to have also mentioned they've found better friends from people outside of the States and have encountered more judgment within their own country.

As for what drives me to write inmates... I came across this site and wanted to make a difference, wanted to brighten someone's day and share a friendship that was mutually beneficial. I don't have a fancy explanation, that's basically it. I write as a friend only, I'm not into the relationships thing and though I'd love to visit, because of school and my job and all the time that takes up, that's really up in the air, but there's no fairy tale ending here for me.

And I also second most of what Wildart said. That's very close to me too.

After reading through that, my kingdom for an edit button, but its 7:30 am here, I'm half asleep I guess. From what I read, lawyers rarely walk both sides of the streets. I can tell you that you’ve got a good heart and should stick to what you’re doing…

I've thought a lot about this. People love to draw distinctions between themselves and people who are incarcerated. The "cage 'em up, feed 'em gruel and throw away the key" kind of thing.

I think it makes people feel better about themselves to do that. They can go "I'm a good person because I'm not that person." It takes way more guts to see how few distinctions there are, to see that we're all just human beings. 

^^^THIS! Agree 100 percent! Where's the like button if we needed one, oh yeah, they took it off, like the edit button and everything before that! lol

@ wildart

It is a coping meachanism, albeit with a terrible effect on American society. Simply make yourself believe that it will not happen to you; ending up behind bars can only happen to "freaks".

1. I have few friends, feel very lonely, and would be happier if I had more friends;
2. most people on the free world were not nice with me, so I'm trying to befriend other people to whom the world wasn't nice either;
3. "freedom of expression" isn't as valued on my South American country, as it's on USA. So there are no inmate penpal's websites here.

Please notice I'm not searching for love. I just want mutual help.

@anderson, I used to feel the same way. I still have few friends, but I know they are real and that is what's important. Just wanted to say - you are not alone and I am sure you are a beautiful soul and the right people will see and cherish that.

@Anderson: Who has many friends, I mean those that are for real, through thick & thin, anyway? I'm not talking about "social media friends", those you can get by the dozen for cklicking and liking, if you wish. But real friends? Those whom you can call in the middle of the night if an emergency occurs? Not many. Really not many.

So, I'm rather picky in whom I choose to call a friend & over the years I'm learning more and more to stick to that. I do know a lot of people and I have many ppl I'm more or less loosely acquainted or connnected with. I even think some of these acquaintances would call me (and themselves) being friends. But at the end of the day? When it really comes down to the bones? Three people, not more. But I'm ok with it, for I rather have these three ppl for real than a bunch in a competition of "surface paddling".

[quote]I think it makes people feel better about themselves to do that. They can go "I'm a good person because I'm not that person." It takes way more guts to see how few distinctions there are, to see that we're all just human beings. [/quote]

Yes this is what I call the "Theory of Moral Poles".  Poles as in "extremes".  Like the positive and negative poles on a magnet or a battery.  People assign particular categories of people as especially morally awful, so that they can justify calling themselves good people while still being really awful.  Sort of like "yes I spend most of my day on the Internet making fun of people who are different from me, but at least I'm no rapist or murderer".  Even people who are generally sympathetic toward prisoners do this, albeit in different ways.  I.e. "yes I participated in a Twitter campaign to destroy the life of some woman who tweeted a joke I perceived as racist, but she deserved it for the sin of racism".

To answer the original question, the draw is likely because our foreign friends want to write to prisoners but services like this don't exist in their country.  Additionally, my fellow Americans usually don't want to get involved with our prison population because our people take a particularly dim view of people who break the law.

In order to write an inmate in Australia there are one of two ways of doing it. You either need to know someone directly who knows someone in prison to have them write to you, or give you their address or you need to complete a lengthy freedom of information and apply to the government for their contact info which then leads someone to contact the prisoner to see whether they want to talk to you. There are no registers of who is and who isn't in prison. This is taken as an example...

As to moral poles yes, I think I mentioned above, moral failings, I agree with you... "They're not like me, they're horrible people and animals." The easiest way is to divide them out. Here in Australia we don't have a problem with prisoners and most once reformed renter society. Unless the crime they committed was especially heinous you don't even really hear about them at all. I’ve know people who went to prison and one who went to prison for assault… I didn’t even hear about it until he got out again like it never happened.

Similar here, though this being Germany, of course, there are lists of who's in prison, but they're just available to those having the clearances for it (personal data protection, etc). You could never go and type someone's name into a search engine and find their public records, let alone court records. Never, it's just unavailable to the public. 

Like prisons publishing lists with the names of the inmates in there and such stuff or like being able to look up whether a registered sex offender is living in your area. That's unavailable information here.  

So, if I wanted a pp here, I could ask someone who knew someone in a prison or yes, 15 years back there were two organizations douing penpalling with prisoners as well.

But and here I don't necessarily differ from some Americans ;-) : It's easier to write to someone who's an ocean and a few thousand miles away than to someone who might literally stand in front of your house after being released from a nearby prison. And I've lived jusrt across the street of one from 2001 to 2008, prisons aren't built far away from living habitats (unless they're very special ones like forensic clinics). But "normal" prisons aren't so much "out of area" here, so giving my home address to someone there would be a whole different cup of tea.

I guess in a country the size of Germany, prisons are built close to where people live. There is a small community where my nearest prison is here in Australia but most of the people who work there come from the nearby major city of 4million people. A lot of American prisons aren't in major metropolitan areas either. What I'm getting at with a country with the population of Germany in the middle of Europe with not much land... that can be driven from one side to the other in 24hours... There wouldn't really be that much of a choice.

As to freedom of information. Of course the government knows who these people are in Australia, and they know and monitor who the known sex offenders are in a sort of registry... Would the common person have access to it? No... not on your life... there are too many idiots that would just try to shoot the person or burn their house down. I'm not advocating that I like sex offenders... I do like justice though... and if we start with letting the community take care of criminals it won't be too long before every man and his dog has a pitchfork out to run everyone they like out of town.

Point 1, regarding the space: True, of course.

Point 2: True as well, at least for some. But in Germany it really deopends where you're living and whom you're asking. Living in its former capital it's still quite urbanized and international here and we're having a mayor of this town with a Dad from Germany and a Mom originally from India, him beuing the candidate of a center-right party. So, diversity and iberalism ain't no big deal here.

But I was born & raised in a much more conservative village South from here and you'd better not try to search for such a constellation there - you won't find it. In gErmany it really depends where you are and what kind of upbringing you had. My motheer's family is pretty conservative, my father's side pretty liberal. And depending who you're talking to there are also ppl here in whose hands I'd rather not see justice to be put. Cause they tend to decide with there belly, not with their heads. And justice isn't found without metaperspective.

Of course true liberalism does not exist in Australia and the so called liberal party (currently in government) is an economically liberal government which in any other sense means capitalism and they're conservative Then we have another major party here that is progressive that believes in democratic socialism and the combination of the mixed market economy which is not truly socialist either in any real sense. We have far right extremists here (basically neo-Nazis that would be arrested on sight in Europe where it is a criminal offense) and we have some people who are from the right that like pitchfork justice and think in terms of polarised emotions and believe they have the right to do and to say whatever it is they like with regards to prisoners...

The government keeps the records here so the later group don't pick up their pitchforks again but inevitably you can't stop the mob and eventually they find a way to pick up their pitchforks and do something stupid again which ends up on the news here in Australia. Then occasionally it also ends up in international news such as in Cronulla several years ago.

I believe my best friend has more than 3 friends that she can call in the middle of the night if an emergeny occurs. I would like to be as happy as her, so I think having more than 3 friends would be a very nice thing.

I don't see any other way to increase my happines and decrease my loneliness...

Anderson, I know how you feel. I've been there, I once used to feel that way. For me, though, it's not about the quantity of friends but the quality of the ones you do have. You may not have many but in my opinion 1 real friend is worth more than 20 fake ones. Focus on the good of what you have and keep reaching out, the right people will appreciate you for who you are. I just want you to know you're heard here, we're listening, and you're not alone. 

Thank you.
I already noticed that 1 real friend is worth more than 20 fake ones.
But, obviously, 2 real friends is better than 1 real friend!

Oh for sure! But what I was trying to say with that is, don't be concerned with how many you have, but how real the ones you do have are. Quality over quantity. Real friends are so hard to find these days, so much disloyalty and selfishness floating around! You just need to find a couple real true blue ones, and you will! Don't lose faith in that, sometimes it's discouraging because you run through people you think are and they turn out to be no better than the rest, but you'll get there! 

"Real friends are so hard to find these days"
Do you believe that, in the past, it was easier to find true friends? Why?

As I found a few, I do have faith that I will have more in the future; that's exactly what I'm looking for. So you don't need to worry about losing faith, that's not going to happen to me anymore.

I don't think that in the past it was easier to find true friends. Even though people had less material stuff back in the years, intrigues were as common as are now. People have been more or less the same over the centuries. There are those who seek the material, the power, the benefit and those who seek friendship, loyalty, honesty.

I'm assuming your question was directed at me, since you replied to my post using my wording... do I think they were easier to find before than now, I wouldn't say so... I used these days I guess to illustrate that there's still alot of selfishness and disloyalty floating around, the world is full of fake people, but that's what makes real friends great, if they were common then they'd get taken for granted, but since they're not as common and harder to find, it's important to cherish those we do have!

Yes, it was a reply to you. You can check this by looking, above my post, the line "January 21, 2019 - 3:07pm (Reply to #45)". Post #45 is yours, you can even click and be directed to the post I replied to... Notice this post I'm doing now will have it's "reply to #..." also.

Now you spoke something interesting, that having few true friends is, in fact, a good thing... I believe you are correct. I never saw it that way before!

Do you believe that there is any way to reduce the selfishness and disloyalty on the world? Religion believes it's their job to do it, but they can't... I'm not sure either if individual daily decisions really impact The World, but it seems to be the most accomplisheable way.

I saw that, I was just confused seeing someone else answer the question, I was sure you were talking to me but seeing that other poster answer you made me doubt it. 

I don't think you can control that in other people, I think there are always going to be people who are those things and who don't know how to consider anyone but themselves in anything...you can only really look at what they do and make sure you're not that way to other people yourself. I think it's part of human nature to be selfish to an extent, in terms of putting ourselves first in most instances, but the selfish I mean when I use it to describe fake friends is not that kind. There's a healthy selfish where you put yourself first for good reason and an unhealthy selfish where you disregard others just because you can, the unhealthy one is what I was referring to. I really wish there was a way to reduce it, and for sure religion isn't going to do that, I'm with you there!

I seem to see it as a good thing, having a few friends who are true, but I also am not very comfortable in large groups of people either... so that probably influences my opinion more than a little. I'm a small circle type of person, I'm not concerned about quantity at all. 

I like your conversation Anderson, you're on a roll here, it's nice going back and forth with someone on here once in awhile!

Selfishness is a choice, you can also choose selflesness and putting others in front of you. Its about choosing when and where to use those things.