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LotusBlossom

So, there's a person I'd like to write with, not from WAP but a different site.  I'm going to send a nice letter, and a bit about me, ask some questions, send a couple of pictures.  I don't know very much about this person other than I thought they looked like they might have some interesting stories and experiences to share with me as a pen pal, I know their crime from the doc, and location.  They didn't put up much of an ad, it's just a site for people who enjoy writing.  This person is currently in a max, on lockdown, no messaging currently allowed there.  Would it be super tacky if I sent him a few bucks to cover stamps so he can get some letters out if he likes to write?  Obviously I'm not trying to be like "oh by the way I wanna buy your friendship" but I wouldn't mind just doing a little act of kindness and giving a few dollars so this person has some stamps.  Will that come across as super tacky or do you think the person will just see the money and my letter with a little note that I saw the facility was on ld so I wanted to gift him a few stamps?  I don't send money because of the whole Christmas fiasco with a PP acting like he was insulted by the offer but I am fine with books and stamps, this PP just doesn't have message system and they won't let me send actual stamps in.  Opinions pls.  Thank you in advance.  -Lotus


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VioletGrey

Yes, I don't have an organiser since I only write to my one and only PP. but I keep a notepad with things I jot down as I think of them if I've just sent a letter. We haven't run out of things to say as of yet though, and since were only just reconnecting after a long period of no communication, we are those pen pals sending 7, 8, 9, 10 page letters to each other. That's nice that you break it up and always make sure there's a little something every few days. I bet your pals really appreciate that thoughtfulness. 

 
LotusBlossom

I bought an organizer, Violet, I thought it would help me keep everything together for writing letters!  It does keep me busy, I have a couple non-incarcerated pen pals overseas as well, I find I write a bit less in pages (I've read threads where people write ten pages and that's awesome!!) but I like to send out a letter every couple of days which my PPs don't mind, mail call is fun in there.

 
VioletGrey

That's awesome that he was polite and replied! And nice to think of him but nicer still to be told that it's not necessary for you guys to correspond with one another. Sounds like you've got a full schedule with your letters now! 

 
LotusBlossom

Update: I got a letter from him last week thanking me for helping out with money for stamps but he said he didn't need me to contribute any money for postage supplies he was okay with that stuff, he just wanted letters to pass the time.  Looks like he and I will have lots of write about, yay.  Hope I can give him a little break from the hum drum of prison with some letters and pictures.  He's a very polite person so that is always a bonus!

 
LotusBlossom

Thanks Kirsten and ST4s!  I appreciate you both offering advice because it's helpful for me, to look practically at a situation.
 

Kirsten, this PP is currently not allowed to receive messages from CN which I figured was either due to the LD, or perhaps he's in ad seg, etc.  Hopefully that will be an option for him down the line, because he just gives off the vibe he'd make a good PP and he's got some interesting stories to tell about his life.  Guess it's wait and see!  
 

 

 
ST4s

Not tacky. AT ALL. But I'd write first and wait. Your mileage may vary.

 
Kirsten

QUOTE]I don't know if they get envelopes/postage that some inmates with indigent status can get in other states.[/QUOTE]

They can if they ask for it. I had a pp at the same facility you mentioned once (he's been transferred to a medium security level facility in the meantime) and he could (and can) get it. Besides, when he was in Menard, they had tablets back then. So, he often wrote through that as it was cheaper for him than international postage. So connectnetwork might also be an option since you're in the US.

Nonetheless, I don't thoink sending sth. would be bad , I just wouldn't do it with the very first letter.

 
LotusBlossom

Thanks Davey, yeah, that's the problem when it comes to money, on both sides, when it comes with a lot of conditions.  I mean, who knows, the PP could already have plenty of stamps and say ohhh, thanks and go get snacks instead, but hey, it's still something I wanted to do and not because I was pressured or felt tricked, I just felt like it.  I was worried because we read about people who turn into their PP's atm or get nothing but sob stories so I didn't want to set myself up for that, but I think it'll be good, I did add the note saying "hey I know you're on ld, just wanted to do something nice so you could grab some extra stamps to write to your pals" and we'll see what happens!  I think lockdown and solitary must really really suck.

 
Anonymous

Yeah, it's fine. If it was me I'd include a message saying "I hope you don't mind me sending you some funds for stamps, just in case you are hard up at this time. I don't mind helping you out to get our correspondence flowing." or something along those lines. Then again, I just send my two pen pals $10 a month to cover postage and buy themselves a treat at commissary. I know one is dirt poor (Texas), the other doesn't care about money (Illinois), but it just takes my mind off their plight by at least taking away the burden of postage from the USA to the UK. Plus, it's pennies to me (just a regular Joe, with a regular job though). But I don't dangle that money in front of their faces as a reward, or ever mention it to them, it's just something I personally do.

 
Anne marie HH

Don't overthink it Lotus babe, just send a few $$ and it's all good

 
LotusBlossom

Thanks Anne Marie and Far from, I feel a lot better about it now.  I was worried because sometimes people get offended and we all know how money can cause problems on both sides, so I had the policy not to send it.  But this PP I want to write with is in Menard (hopefully that's okay to say on the forums) and they have flooding and building problems and is a pretty bad place so they go on lockdown constantly.  So they miss out on a lot of work opportunities a lot of the time, in IL they do get something from the state but I don't know if they get envelopes/postage that some inmates with indigent status can get in other states.  And honestly a book of stamps isn't a really big deal to me once in awhile.   I'm sure he'll either shrug it off like okay, cool or tell me if he doesn't want me to pay postage costs.  If it doesn't work out with this PP, then the cost of stamps is really no big loss!  I dunno if he has family and friends that help out, my other pen pals put it out there right away they don't want me to help with postage or any of their basic needs, they have families, friends from their town, or spouses that help them, they just want letters and lots of pictures of stuff out here, since it gets boring & depressing looking at the same walls all the time.  I'll let you know how it all goes when I hear back from him!  

 
Farfromhome

I think as long as he's aware it'll only cover postage then you'll be fine. And like you said you stated what the money was for already. I agree with Anne Marie that they don't make a lot even with a job. I'm not sure if you're in the IS which obviously makes it cheaper but I'm in another country and the costs can soon mount up!

 
Anne marie HH

I think you should sent a few bux to cover his costs. Lets not forget that IF they have a job, then they earn a pittance, maybe something like 20 dollars a month, if no one supports them, then they may have to decide between buying stationary and stamps or food/hygiene items, so yeah you should send a lil something

 
Anne marie HH

I think you should sent a few bux to cover his costs. Lets not forget that IF they have a job, then they earn a pittance, maybe something like 20 dollars a month, if no one supports them, then they may have to decide between buying stationary and stamps or food/hygiene items, so yeah you should send a lil something

 
LotusBlossom

Thank you Farfrom, I thought about that too...does it make the statement "btw I want to get you a book of stamps now and again!"  Which honestly, I realized that did not bother me at all if that DOES end up happening.  Since it's a such small amount of money, no big loss if being pen pals does not work out.  Plus I felt like, eh, lockdown really sucks, this time of year is pretty cold and gray, maybe he's in a bad place right now in his life, so a little surprise out of nowhere from a stranger might be a nice thing and maybe he'll pay it forward in life later.  I went ahead and sent it, and mailed out my letter to him letting him know it was just a little surprise to get stamps as I had seen him on a pp page and knew he was on lockdown.  Thanks again!

 
Farfromhome

Although he might tell you nicely in his reply that you shouldn't and don't need to do that for him

 
Farfromhome

In my opinion I would expect them to have money to reply to you seeing as they have an ad up somewhere. 
However, when I've written on Jpay, I send a prepaid reply. Usually after a few emails, you get to know whether or not they can afford their own. They'll actually usually just tell me if they can or not. 
move never sent money for snail mail replies though. 
I do think it's a nice gesture on your part but I'd be wary of setting a precedence that you're going to be doing that all of the time. Unless you are prepared to?