Do you think some of the mates only care about what their PP's look like then the friendship?
Advertisement
Must read Terms of Service & Privacy Policy and be at least 18
Advertisement
Must read Terms of Service & Privacy Policy and be at least 18
Last post
Nah dont think they only care about look but sometimes initially that is what draws people to them but once a great friendship has been struck then looks kinda get forgotten about.
I know when I sent off my initial letters and then the second letter to all my pen pals, I deliberately didn't include a picture, as i didn't want them only responding because of the way I look. I sent them all a pic in their 3rd letter, that way I knew our friendship wasn't based on looks in any way. I have to admit though, that I initially, when I chose my pen-pals did take into consideration how they look, but not in a big way, their ads are what drew me in, then if I liked the way I looked, I chose them. Clinical maybe, but it worked for me.
I think men do pay a lot of attention to how we look and possibly are more interested if they find us attractive, but that isn't the way it should be, although I think that is the way it is. I will never probably meet my PP's in the flesh, so what I look like should be irrelevant to them, but judging by the responses to them receiving my pic they are doubly delighted hehe. I can't complain at that, at least I know they like me for my letters, not just my face.
that should have been 'If I liked the way 'they' looked' but can't edit these damn posts! Sorry.
Your right CP...when i wrote to K i didnt send a pic until the 2nd or 3rd letter. Only when he asked really but to be fair i did see what he looked like.
A taxi driver today was laughing at me because i bought hair dye and he said he didnt notice my hair was needing dyed..yeh right was he blind lol but he said to me men are just men and dont notice things but women are paranoid about how they look.
Yep! I agree, I think we are all too paranoid about how we look. The taxi driver probably thought your hair looked lovely :)
awww thanx...lovely and grey hahaha badly needing dyed.
I nearly wet myself last week, I was combing my very long hair out after washing it and I thought I saw a grey hair. I almost died on the spot hehe. I think when I get my first grey hair it will be traumatic, I'll be straight for the dye, no question. It will be my secret! :))
lol...aw...it really is traumatic but it doesnt hurt hahahaha it just hurts the feelings a bit..its horrible, shows im getting old now :(
I agree with cp. Sadly, looks are slightly important. When I chose my penpals, I didn't necassarily pick the ones I would be attracted to in the free world, but they definitely have something attractive about them. I'm shallow, shoot me. The ad is what was important to me though, common interests and stuff, or there would be no content. Nothing worse than a pretty boy with no substance. :P However, I maintain there must be some level of attraction.. I think it's just how humans operate.
Yes, I have to admit that after selecting their ads, I was swayed by how good looking I found all 3 of my men *grin* I was particularly delighted when the first recently send me a shirtless picture, he really hid his bod on his ad, as all my 3 didn't show shirtless pics on their ads, I avoided those as I assumed (possibly wrongly) that they would be low on brain cells if they simply sold themselves via their bodies LOL
We girls can be just as shallow as men!
Nah, you certainly don't look like you is getting old :) my OH got his first grey hair when he was in his thirties, he said it was living with me LOL -he's now almost half grey but look at Richard Geer and Shaun Connery, those are two old guys with grey hair I'd have a roll with if I wasn't married LOL - grey hair on a guy can be sexy.
[QUOTE=Lunah;985829]I agree with cp. Sadly, looks are slightly important. When I chose my penpals, I didn't necassarily pick the ones I would be attracted to in the free world, but they definitely have something attractive about them. I'm shallow, shoot me. The ad is what was important to me though, common interests and stuff, or there would be no content. Nothing worse than a pretty boy with no substance. :P However, [B]I maintain there must be some level of attraction.. I think it's just how humans operate.[/B][/QUOTE]
Especially when given a CHOICE!
Looks have NEVER been important to me in my relationships, but I would say there was an ATTRACTION. I have found attractive what is not NORMALLY considered attractive. My husband used to get told all the time that he looks like Tom Petty. NOT a hot guy that one, lol.
But in perusing the ads a good looking one got me to STOP. You can't READ every single ad. I mean well you CAN if you planned to be there for months on end. There had to be some sort of filter and the pictures helped in that. "Oh! He looks good. Now what did he say? Oh forget it. NEXT!"
What I find MOST hysterical is that MM had an ad on another site and I was supposed to find someone to write him so I was given THAT profile info to show to my friends right? I NEVER WOULD HAVE WRITTEN HIM!!!!!
He's not a bad looking guy, but the pic on his profile did NOTHING for me. Second, the man has NO idea how to sell himself. His ad was kinda dull, lol. It's only that I wrote him to say, "Hey these 2 girls are going to write you so behave yourself" that he responded and I saw that he was a decent guy. I count my blessings every day. And I laugh when I think about how easily I'd have passed him by.
Looks should not matter in a friendship,but it does help when there is attraction.
I find that a lot of guys I associate with (both PP's and in the real world) say looks don't matter to them,but it helps.
I am not shallow for the most part,but admit that I noticed the picture on a couple of my PP's ads before the text...can't help it though.
I guess looks always play a role. What YMI says, I think that is true: pictures narrow the list of potentials down. I found my pp's by looking at their pics. If they would've looked like angry pitbulls, I would've skipped their profiles without thinking about it. Shallow, probably, but I don't care :) It all turned out fine, so...
I just now sent pictures to my PP's. They've been waiting a little while now, and I purposefully didn't send any, so I figured it was a good time to see how things will go. My PP <3 gets pictures weekly and letters almost everyday. It just depends on what type of friend you classify your PP as when it comes to pics.
I agree that it matters. I am put off by ads that feature a really crazy looking pic like they just got done with an axe murder or something. I know it's unfair as it's the only one they may have had, mug shot type, but still...it's hard to want to write to someone looking completely nuts! (like sending a pic of myself 2 minutes after I woke up- yikes!) I'm not that photogenic myself so placing a HUGE amount on the looks in either direction doesn't work for me. Still, we are human, we have eyes, "even if" we're just here for friendship.
The thing that really disturbed me was seeing certain females on other sites going on and on and on about only writing to the best looking ones and wish they could be the ones at the gate to "turn them out" after their prison stay and just get sex from them. Yep. So it goes both ways, if it's gonna get shallow.
[QUOTE=gooddog;985850]I agree that it matters. [B]I am put off by ads that feature a really crazy looking pic like they just got done with an axe murder or something.[/B] I know it's unfair as it's the only one they may have had, mug shot type, but still...it's hard to want to write to someone looking completely nuts! (like sending a pic of myself 2 minutes after I woke up- yikes!) I'm not that photogenic myself so placing a HUGE amount on the looks in either direction doesn't work for me. Still, we are human, we have eyes, "even if" we're just here for friendship.
The thing that really disturbed me was seeing certain females on other sites going on and on and on about only writing to the best looking ones and wish they could be the ones at the gate to "turn them out" after their prison stay and just get sex from them. Yep. So it goes both ways, if it's gonna get shallow.[/QUOTE]
Some years ago I was on this dating site and one of my matches.....NOT A LOOKER! I mean not a looker AND a bad picture. He took it himself in the mirror and he's holding the camera, low, front and center and if it was a placard it COULD have been a mug shot. Needless to say I passed that dude by.
But he wrote [U]ME.[/U] I don't remember exactly what his opening line was but OMG! The guy was absolutely HYSTERICAL! I mean MY KIND OF GUY! So we started writing back and forth and I couldn't WAIT to go out with him. His PROFILE was hysterical too, but you get that clip that included that picture and WOW!
I TOLD him the picture looked like a mug shot. He photoshopped it and PUT a placard OVER the camera to make it look like just that. However he DID mention in his profile that he doctored the photo because his friend said he looked like a serial killer. But I'm so glad I got to know him. He was fun.
I didn't know whether or not to send a pic. I felt the same as most people who commented here; I was interested in friendship above all, and I wanted a pen pal that was more concerned with having a friend than with what I look like. At the same time, I didn't think it was fair that I got to see a picture of them and they wouldn't get to see one of me. Picking a pen pal is just as much their choice as it was mine, and whether or not it was the most important factor, I'd be lying if I said I didn't consider appearance at all. I sent one in both of my first letters and I didn't hear back from either. Who knows why, but I am not sure that looks make all that much of a difference to them at the end of the day. At least its not the most important thing.
Of course this isn't fail proof, but: write to those that are long term sentanced. They're gonna care a lot less about attracting supermodels to themselves than some young cowboy who's getting out in 6 months. (hopefully.) I'm sorry that you didn't hear back but my god I can't BELIEVE it would be beause of your pic though I can totally understand your mind "going there" about that! Mine would! Oh god... I'm too ugly for an inmate to write me. (sob!) Wow. No, perhaps it's much more correct to think they got something going on and it's not your pic!!! Geez, if they're gonna act like that who wants 'em anyhow?? I'm thinking long term sentenced people really know the value of the letter and the person behind it and don't sit there thinking it's all the in the photo.
I can't help it, it's just that I hear a lot of gratefullness for writing from my pp's, and I personally think that the pic IS a lot less important than the damn letter unless of course,one is only in it for the shallow. Hopefully, they're not.
How long ago did you write A.M.A.? It could take time. Some of the mail rooms are horrendous.
I sent my very first letter on December 6th. I wrote him again the next day because I forgot to include my PO Box. I wrote someone else on the 25th and I expected it to be delayed. Everyone here told me that I wrote at the worst time (especially to California), but even still, I thought I would have heard back by now. I wrote an artist and sent pictures of my paintings, but to be honest, I did write a lot about myself. What can I say? i like to talk, and I figured these guys might have the time to read all that I have to say. Time...yes... desire to hear all about my quarter-life crisis...I guess not. I was a little disappointed considering I don't have a lot of free time and I put a lot of thought into my letters, but God knows there are plenty of people in prison, and someone is bound to be bored enough to want to read what I have to say and write me.
I don't know what prison you're writing to but for instance, Folsom is a complete mess right now and has been for a while. My pp from there has dropped off the face of the earth. Full ongoing lockdown with no end in sight and pending large race riot when it does end. It's f***ed up. I know that it must be "the land of stress" for those inside, so... that fact that it's CA might have a lot to do with it for various reasons.
Reading further posts that have been added and now knowing that you wrote to Cal prisons, I think there is a god chance that they haven't ignored you and that their mail is possibly being held. I wouldn't write them off just yet. You sending both art and a lovely long chatty letter makes me thing they would be daft to turn down your hand of friendship. Wait a bit longer before you assume they don't wanna be pals. You sound like you would be a lovely pal for anyone *hugs*
In the meantime, why not write another one? there are masses out there who need and want one and I'm sure plenty more who would love to see your art. I wish I could paint! Your pals are lucky to have found a gal who can bring a ray of sunshine into their world via her paintings. I find it very hard to believe they would just not respond, there has to be a reason and the reason is Cal :)
Man, I wish I could edit posts, if not that, at least have the sense to check my posts before I press 'send" *le sigh*
You and I both. I never proof read and usually end up sounding like an idiot. I figure if you read enough of my posts you will eventually know what I am trying to say :)
I did write someone else. I didn't provide as much information though. I'll save my life story for another letter when I know I have a better chance of getting a response :)
don't be dramatic :P
I've been wanting Grey hair since I was 14 :/ I was in Iceland in 2009 over the summer and that's where I noticed my first Grey (well, white actually), hair.. I called my mom up " aaaaaah I got my first white hair,.. yaaaay"... she thought I had lost my mind. lol I don't know why I want it, I just do. I even went to a salon, asking if they could dye it Grey, turns out.. they can't. I tried several.. ah well.
Embrace your Grey hairs! Especially if your natural hair color is black/dark.
You, my friend, are psychotic! I saw my first gray when I was probably 18. I'm not 40 yet and overrun. My sis was probably over 30 before she had one - b!tch! Sooooooo frustrating.
haahaha I'm not psychotic! :P I just.... like different things, lol
I WISH I had more Grey hairs! :)
I set out with a very specific pen pal/s in mind and it had nothing at all to do with looks! I sent my photos around the third of fourth letters and they hadn't asked what I looked like nor did they request pix of me .... none of them! I sent family photos after about eight letters...since I speak of my fam so much I wanted them to have a face to go with the names.
Nooo don't say that!!! I'm NOT getting old, for crying out loud I'm only 25! :'-( But i too have gray hairs, and not like one or two, i have looooads of them.
Thank's dad for the awesome genes...pffft...
[QUOTE=A.M.A;985855]I didn't know whether or not to send a pic. I felt the same as most people who commented here; I was interested in friendship above all, and I wanted a pen pal that was more concerned with having a friend than with what I look like. At the same time, I didn't think it was fair that I got to see a picture of them and they wouldn't get to see one of me. Picking a pen pal is just as much their choice as it was mine, and whether or not it was the most important factor, I'd be lying if I said I didn't consider appearance at all. [B]I sent one in both of my first letters and I didn't hear back from either.[/B] Who knows why, but I am not sure that looks make all that much of a difference to them at the end of the day. At least its not the most important thing.[/QUOTE]
Well, that's definitely not the reason you haven't heard form them, 'cause you are gorgeous :)
As for me, I have to admit that when I was browsing the ads for the first time I skipped the one of my fave pp several times. It was a b&w mug shot and I surely didn't find him attractive but... then something made me click on his ad, I don't know what it was. What he wrote was catchy. He is NOT a bad looking guy, he just looks kind of threatful, even dangerous ha ha. No smile and all. Like a really bad boy, you know :) But now, when I know him better, I can see he's such a cool guy and I'm more than happy I chose to write him, despite the first impression. Like it's not enough, I find him more and more attractive, even sexy now :D He definitely has something in his eyes, something that makes him so hot. Though most women would say he looks like an ax murderer, they just don't know how much they miss! He didn't ask for my pix, but I send those along with my second letter. He said he finds me pretty and I assured him that I like the way he looks like as well. And I was telling the truth :)
urgh! im older :( just dyed my hair today...woooo grey is covered :)
I don't think i would mind gray hairs, but not when I'm only 25 **Boohoo!** It sucks so bad having to buy hair dye every month just to cover up the gray hairs. And now i don't even want to go somewhere to get my hair done, to ashamed.
QueenBella, YOU are NUTS!
I wouldn't mind having some gray hair! I'm dying my hair usually once a month, so few gray hair wouldn't be big problem for me xD
No... y'all are nuts. Nothing wrong with Grey hair, especially when it's just a FEW..
Embrace it. EMBRACE IT I SAID!~...
There soooooo IS something wrong with grey hair...its well.....GREY!! :)
I have had all colors of the rainbow in my hair,except grey....not sure how I will feel when the day comes that I find a grey hair! I am 26,so I know that time is coming soon...O.O
NOTHING Wrong with it.
geez... you are all nuts :P lol
To be honest, I can see where QB is coming from. I kinda like the dark hair with a thick strip of grey through the front.. What is that called? Some women get it naturally. Like Cruella DeVille.. sort of. I think it's a good look. I die my hair so much, I wouldn't know if I'm going grey underneath. I'm suprised it hasn't fallen out actually.
Oh, and on topic, the guys I have written to are pretty cute and I'm, well, not, but I've sent them a picture, so we'll see if they go "just for looks"
YES!!!! THANK YOU!! I mean, come on.. Look at Charles Shaughnessy (Maxwell Sheffield from the Nanny), OH DEAR LORD... The black hair with the grey streak... sooooo sexy! On both en AND women. That's why I said.. grey is especially nice when your regular color is dark.
God..I love a man with dark hair and grey running through it. or even better... different shades of grey, bordering on silver. whoooh.. hot.
I'm just waiting til mine show up. I only have one :( My mom said she started getting hers when she was my age too (she's 38 now.).
and noo not like Cruella :P her hair was half black half white, not mixed :P
Ohhh, yeah, haha. I just googled images of Cruella. I have twisted memories, clearly. :)
thanks everyone, the reason I wanted to ask was because I always send a pic with the first letter so they know who there talking to, I dont know if there more interested in looks then the actual friendship, either way good luck to all. :)
You've not got your first grey hair yet?!? Holy sheet, i spotted my first when i was 21, how bad is that!! Thank god they seem to have vanished now though lol
As in real life, i don't select my chums down to their looks lol, we all look like a right bunch of misfits together tbh, but we all connect in one way or another!
I got a notification from emailingaprisoner.com and I got so excited thinking my letter came (I am using the scanning service while I am out of town). Turns out it was an update from the website. I was soooooooo disappointed :(