Letter from unknown inmate?

I've heard stories like this numerous times here - so other users will be able to give you better advice than me (who hasn't experienced this).

Inmates have been known to trade and sell penpal addresses.   I've heard that most people typically ignore letters from random unknown inmates.  There's just no real way of knowing what their intentions are - they are not the person you chose to write.  An innocent reason for the trading of addresses may be the cost of having a profile up.  I can imagine the scenario of bunkies, with one of them having a profile up, but the two of them benefiting from it kind of thing.    Just like I share a Spotify account with one of my friends.

Up to you with what you want to do.. I'd probably be inclined to ignore it.. as I haven't heard many success stories about penpals starting under these circumstances.

As Galapagos said, he’s not the person you wrote to, so you’re under no obligation to write back.

I had that happen to me ! I was surprised and a bit annoyed, but I decided to reply that guy in a "Ok, let's write each other, but bear in mind that if you're looking for someone to deceive, you're barking up the wrong tree" fashion. I didn't expect him to reply, but he did and he has actually become a really good penpal ; being indigent as he is also means he probably didn't have the funds to post a profile online. 

In other words, it's up to you. I still keep my guard up but I don't regret writing that guy for the moment. Even if you decide not to correspond with him, you could perhaps reply and tell him that you don't wish to be contacted. Up to you. :)

I’ve had this happen twice. Don’t feel you have to reply as it wasn’t him you originally contacted, i never got back to either of them and have never been contacted again.

You could always look him up on the DOC website if you want more information if you do decide to write. 

I agree with Galapagos in that I think sometimes one inmate will have a profile but will sell/give out letters for others to respond to. 

Hi all, I’ve decided that I will write to him. He seems nice enough, albeit a little lonely. I’ll be vigilant and I think as soon as something seems off to me, I’ll be sure to take care of it. He’s also around my age so I think that might be interesting! Also he’s not locked up for anything too bad either. Thank you all for your advice!   

@Galapagos Yeah after you mentioned that this had happened to others, I searched on the forum and it does seem like most people ignore them. I think I just felt like I wanted to respond because he seemed nice enough and he had used some stamps on me lol. 

@Thucy wow I’m glad it all turned out well for you! Fingers crossed I get lucky too. Yeah I did feel a little violated that my information as passed to someone else, but in the grand scheme of things, I think I’m not that pressed! 

@BabyBlueEyes wow, twice? I wonder why inmates trade the info? That’s good they left you alone though! I think I’m not going to be writing to anyone new for a while. This whole process has been a little emotionally draining, not that it’s a bad thing and that I haven’t been enjoying it. Just that there’s more emotions involved than I would’ve though, if that makes sense! 

There's some truth to this... I've set up a profile for someone who had literally nothing who is a friend of a friend in federal... I got aked to set up a profile for her and I put it up in a Facebook group. Some people can't afford to set up a profile here $50 is a lot of money for some people especially if they don't have any friends/family on the outside. $50 might be what  you spend in two days as a free world person... or even one... $50 might last a person a whole month in prison.... That include all of their food, medicine, phone calls and internet use. Some people simply can't afford to spend that kind of money on a profile.
 

On the other hand, they could be looking to get something out of you so I'd watch it, so if they ask you for money or favors, then I'd keep your guard up.

@Frankie Inmates have to pay for their own medication? That doesn’t seem fair tbh. Yeah I can understand what you’re saying, I think maybe that’s why I’m just gonna give this a go. As soon as something smells fishy, I’m out! Thanks!! 

Well it depends... I mean if they need paracetamol [acetaminophen]if they need mylanta, or if they need something for gas, or etc, they have to pay for it. Some states have free sick call, other states have a copay. What I mean to say is what you would walk into the pharmacist or supermarket [drug store] and buy over the counter they have to buy also... The sad part of it is that some of them can't even afford it so they go sick with chronic reflux or constipation, whatever... They won't be treated until it become a life threatening issue or they're indigent...

So you see the problem is that some people can't afford anything, and then they also get sick and they can't afford to get well either... Not to burden you... You don't owe it to yourself to fix all of the worlds problems... If you think about all of this you'll end up like me with a severe case of depression about how messed up the world and the old adage that life isn't fair...

Just relax and accept the facts that life is not fair... the people who do the best in this world are the ones that accept that fact.

To give you an idea about FCIs Hemorrhoid treatment cream... $3.85, Miconazole vaginal cream for yeast/fungal infections $11.40... Antihistamines $11.55

To my recollection, I've had unsolicited inmates write 3 times. I'm not a fan of people who do this (pass on my stuff to others), BUT I understand why.

They sell/trade addresses for many reasons, but usually (based on what I have for experience with those who have contacted me) it's because they've determined you're a good penpal but not a good fit for them and maybe a better fit for someone else... the problem I have with that is, as the free world person, I'm capable of choosing who I want to write, it's not exactly the inmate's place to do so for me, but they're generally trying to do other people a favor if they feel they're a better fit for you to write to, and sometimes they do this because they already have enough penpals and they figure you want to write someone so they need to find you a response. When you can find your own people elsewhere.

Oh, and I just remembered, I had one who lied and said she had permission when she did not, turns out she sifted thru trash and got my address and wrote me... somehow my penpal got wind of it before I had a chance to even find out what happened and she was PISSED... so that's 4 for me.

But anyways, I do ignore them, I return them now because I had one guy send me unsolicited mail three times, not just once, he sent sexually explicit content twice and then the third time basically adominished me for not replying and demanding I give him an explanation... so now I don't even read them. If it's not the person I chose to write, I owe them nothing. I understand why people pass stuff on, I understand why the other inmate would try, especially if they're lonely and need contact... but it's still my choice, and I don't engage in those situations. I don't respond to people for their sake, I respond to people because I genuinely want to, but I hope this guy turns out good for you!

@Frankie Yes I know what you mean, the world is an unfair place. I just feel like at least out here you have the opportunity to work to earn money or if you’re unable to, at least there’s welfare and government assistance. I know in some prisons they can work, but it’s practically slave labour right? I know inmates are in there for a reason, but it just seems unfair still. I know I’m naive but oh well. I have to say though that I’m a happy person and I wouldn’t say I’m depressed or anything, but I just feel like I’ll never be able to be truly happy because there’s just so much suffering in the world. Anyway, I digress! Thanks for your response as always! 

@ShadeyBiz yeah I understand what you mean about being a free person out here and wanting to choose who you write too! Maybe it’s weird, but I did feel like a had lost my agency a little bit because the inmate I chosen had made a choice on my behalf. Like, you don’t have to  write to me if you don’t want to! There’s plenty of people on here wanting pen pals lol. Yikes, I couldn’t imagine receiving a sexually explicit letter and how violated you must’ve felt! Some people are just pigs! I’m glad you drew a line and it’s completely understandable! Thank you for your response! 

It wouldn’t bother me so much if someone passed along my address, as long as I didn’t get flooded with too much mail, lol, then I wouldn’t have time to read it and I don’t want people to waste their stamps and paper.  But I also have a PO Box because I like living a fairly private and quiet life.  I don’t know if I’d write back to someone I didn’t intend to write with, though, I think I’d view it like, sorry, I already have pen pals and we made a commitment to keep in touch.  I think there’s also the problem of someone who feels more anonymous and not a part of the site might be quicker to write sex stuff, like a stranger who says “hey baby” at store, hoping you might madly fall in love.  Lol.  Boundaries are a good thing.  Nothing wrong as long as everyone is consenting and enthusiastic adults over flirting but it’s kinda awkward for a lot of people if it’s sudden, unknown  and out of nowhere.  Nicer to know someone first and be established in some capacity.

@Cleo95: Unfortunately life is very rarely fair and if you keep holding out help that it is eventually it will break you like every other person with a good heart, you can get overwhelmed by it, or you can focus on the things that are within your realm of control. Making a difference in an inmates life is a good thing. You are also right. Even the best jobs are about $1/hr and some of the crap jobs pay 0.15c/hr or nothing. There is a huge political movement going on right at this moment about prison labor and slavery, its become a thing in the courts in the US. You can look that up. Yes its unfair... particularly in states like Texas that pay inmates NOTHING! and if they don't have a person on the outside and they're not indigent they get nothing.

You can make a difference in people's lives but I'd strongly urge you to keep one eye on yourself so that you never get too upset by all of this. I should also say, there is the female perspective that you only want to see beauty and love in this world. I can’t protect you from the fact that everything isn’t always sunshine and rainbow unfortunately, no one can, but we can all be here when things are tough.

@Athena Hi Athena! Yeah I kind of wish I had gotten a PO Box at the start of all this, but then I thought it’s not really necessary - I live all the way in Australia- so what would be the need? I was a little paranoid at the start lol. Yeah I think if I already was pen pals with the inmate who passed on my address and THEN he gave out my details, I think i would’ve been less inclined to write.

I’ve just sent off the letter to the unknown inmate, and I was re-reading the letter he sent, and I realise he mentions wanting a relationship, and how good he would be to his woman (if he had one), how respectful he is towards women, how looks don’t matter to him but he says he’s good looking and that he’ll send a picture to me when he can! How he’s looking for a kind woman with a good personality and all. I’m not sure what to think? Do you think that might be a red flag? I’m not looking for anything romantic (not saying that’s what he looking for either lol idk) nor do I want to get scammed. Also welcome to the forum!! Enjoy your writing and your pen pals :) 

Its a potential red flag, you're going to have to be clear to him you don't want a relationship and that you only want friends.

@Frankie Hi Frankie, yes that’s what I’ve been trying to tell myself and remind myself every time these depressing thoughts crop up! I feel like my duty here to just be a friend to my pen pals and to be there for them! I didn’t know about the politics thing but I’m research that further. Hopefully things improve and there’s some type of reform. Do you know if prisons in Australia are similar? I also agree that there’s only so much we can do. Thanks again :) 

@Frankie I think I mentioned that I didn’t care about looks when it comes to friendships but I can’t be too sure! I’ll just see what he says in the next letter! 

Prisoners in Australia don't even get anything as far as I'm aware unless they earn the privledge to work, they don't even have internet access of any sort. Its good you feel a duty... Whether I think that's the right word exactly I don't know exactly. There was an opinion piece in the New York Times about this that came through my newsfeed just last year... It's one of the best newspapers in the world.

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/08/30/opinion/national-prison-strike-slave…

Hi Cleo, thanks for the welcome !!!  I can’t wait to write letters again. (-: True, you are safely in another country so that does give you some privacy with using a regular address (-:  I think it sounds like he’s looking for romance and you are very pretty and sweet, so he IS going to hit on you sooner or later, he’s trying to sell himself to you with the “I’m a nice, respectful guy” stuff.  I think that’s just how a lot of guys work in general, lol.  Not all of them, but some are just like that, they want to put their best foot forward, hoping for a little more.  It sounds like you want friendship only so I’d be more concerned he might say something creepy that grosses you out, people get confused and say wacky things when they’re bringing emotions into it.  Scamming seems like it would pretty obvious, the whole “oh poor me my life sucks give a handout and I’ll be okay” from a total stranger.  They try to get that pity.  Happy writing to you too, and let us know how it goes with him!!!  If nothing else, you’ll have an interesting story to tell!

Cleo, be clear you don't want a bf and then see what happens.

Though there are many possible ways of how things might go.

Last May I stumbled upon an ad I just couldn't resist. For several reason I came back again and again to this certain ad. I can't explain why, it was(and is) not logical.

I already had several nice penpals, didn't plan for anything, but this I couldn't avoid. So I finally sent a letter, got a reply and we've been writing back and forth ever since.

We have absolutely the same kind of humor, I've never laughed so much with someone from minute 1 on. And yes, there is some flirting. Not more than this, no hot letters or sth, but there's a certain tone in it which isn't between the others and me. Just a little innocent flirting, like you'd do with someone nice in the queue in the supermarket or so. And yes, before you ask; I'm in a longterm relationship. (not with an inmate). And before you ask further: Yes, my partner knows about the writing. And yes, I wouldn't have any problems with showing him what's written, if he wanted to read it.

Stick to your boundaries, you'll need them. But if you sometimes stumble across someone who pulls a heartstring, well, it doesn't hurt to make someone smile sometimes.

I agree everyone “flirts” in this world in some capacity or another, from a smile, a compliment, even if it’s just harmless joking around, and it’s completely normal in friendships, or at the local pub, with a nice looking gent or lady, even if you have no intention of courting them.  It’s the way we relate to each other as humans.  It’s why it’s best to say in very certain terms “we are in a relationship now” if both parties want more, otherwise it gets too confusing if one person wants something, and the other person does not.

I happen to see things differently, Athena, but I don't discuss it as it's not the topic of this thread.

Anyway, welcome to WAP & Happy writing!

Kirsten

Thank you Kirsten!  And never any worries, I like people having different opinions than me...human thought should be diverse and unique.  As Anais Nin once said, “we do not see things as they are, we see them as we are.”  But yes, perhaps that’s a topic for a different post and another time.  These forums are so interesting, it’s almost like a family, and everyone loves to write and for the most part, people do seem genuinely interested in supporting and connecting to their pen pals, which I adore.  Having a personality while writing is everything.

I wouldn't have any prob discussing it with you, as I enjoy diversity as well. I'd just do it  on another thread to not mix all the contents up.

I’ll start one on the topic later :-D

@Frankie thank you for the article! Hard to believe that Texas had prisoners working for free picking cotton under overseers a 100 years after slavery had supposedly ended. I guess it makes sense for America given the history of slavery and racism - but I can’t say I know too much about all of this to comment further. The treatment of prisoners (to me, at least) just shows how prisoners continue to be dehumanised! I mean the punishment is that they’ve lost their freedom and I think that should be enough. To punish them further just seems cruel. I also think this whole issue is a testament to the failure of capitalism, but honestly that isn’t something that I’d really discuss online lol. Too much talk about politics and ideologies and economics etc. always seem to ruin conversations, in my opinion. Although that isn’t to say these things shouldn’t be discussed! It’s just that I don’t really like to talk about them, if that makes sense? Thanks again for the article and I think this is definitely something I’d like to keep updated on. 

I thought that prisons here offered vocational programs through TAFE and whatnot? Maybe I’m thinking about something else haha. 

@Athena Aw thanks for the compliment, Athena :) yeah, I think you’re right lol. Men whether they’re an inmate on a pen pal site or on Tinder are the same haha! Although I will say that at least inmates put way more  effort into their profiles haha! I will definitely remain vigilant and if he tries anything I’ll be sure to let him know! Thanks again for your response!! 

Also keep us updated about your writings too! 

@Kirsten Yes you’re right. My only wish is that I would’ve said something concrete in my letter to him! Hopefully he can kind of read between the lines to see that I’m only interested in friendship! I hope that I’m overthinking all of this and he’s really just looking for a friend too! 

Yeah I understand what you mean about being drawn to certain profiles! I’ve had the same feelings too but I can’t explain why? I know it can’t just be because of the pictures lol, but it’s hard to describe the attraction lol. And it’s not sexual either lol! Anyway, I think it’s great that you obviously have a good thing going with this inmate! I feel like I couldn’t harmlessly flirt haha because I’d just end up falling for that person lol. I fall too easy! But it’s cool that you’re so open about it all and that your partner knows everything. Good communication  and  honesty is so so important in any relationship, I think. Can I ask how many pen pals you write to? I’m currently writing to 3, but I’m starting to feel maybe that may be too much! There’s a lot of emotions that go into this! I also absolutely will have boundaries and my guard up until I really develop my friendships! Thank you for your response :)

[QUOTE]Can I ask how many pen pals you write to?[/QUOTE]

Sure. 4.5 ;-) And no, I didn't cut one in half. *lol* That would be a crime, too.

No, 4 regular (more or less regular) ones, 1 who is writing very irregularly. I think maybe he won't write back any more. At least it's not a regular penpalship, but since he never asked me for anything I take it as it is. If that means three or four letters per year, then it is so. We don't have a real "bond" of any kind, so, I take it as it is. The others go "deeper" , each in its own way.

@Cleo95: To be honest it is a failure of capitalism... Prison populations go up... someone is making money on it... Just look at the private prison industry and come to your own conclusions... Having some other understanding of things that put people in prison such as the three strikes policies that a lot of states adopted and some are reviewing would help a litle also.

You've got a good mind, I wont influence you too much. I mean, some might contend that slavery never ended, it just took up a new name. What justifies cruel and unusual punishment is always a huge thing because its part of the US constitution. How far the US wants to move the bar to defend the rights of its own citizen... I don't know... Its always two steps forward and one step back. But you're right, too much talk of anything that has anything to do with politics (or race) or both tends to sour the conversation as I'm finding out lately with two other people here...

I'll say you are right, but I don't want to go into this much at the moment because I'm not feeling up to defending myself on a whole other level with another person who wants to start an argument with me.

Having a WaP profile doesn't means that their profile isn't false, nor that they have good intentions. So, not having a WaP profile isn't a bad signal. It only means this person doesn't have money to pay for a profile. But I would like to confirm, first, if it's true that your contacted inmate really gave up of being your pen-pal and passed your info to another inmate. Just to be sure that your letter wasn't stolen.

"Inmates have to pay for their own medication? That doesn’t seem fair"

Why wouldn't it be fair? Do you think it would be fair to have someone else paying for it, through taxes?
I wouldn't like being forced to pay something to someone I don't even know. Taxes are not fair.
By the way, it does seem that average US citizens (I'm not one) don't have any kind of public healthcare for them, so why should only prisoners have it?

@Anderson yeah I understand what you mean! I think I would’ve preferred if he had a WAP profile because that way I could have just read his profile and crime and seen his photo without having to do some unnecessary googling, that’s all. Since this is the only pen pal site I’m on, I just think I would’ve felt more comfortable going through the site, that all :) 

Also I do think it’s unfair that prisoners have to pay for such necessities like medicine if they’re earning their money through what could be considered as slave labour. And i do think it sucks that Americans don’t have a better and more comprehensive healthcare system. At least on the outside people have access to Medicaid, Medicare, and welfare through the government or even through charities and whatnot. Healthcare is a human right, in my opinion. If it’s unfair that tax payers should pay for an inmates basic human need such as medication, maybe we shouldn’t have prisons in the first place? Or at least pay them a decent wage for the work that they do? I don’t know, if I’m being honest. These are not issues that i thought about until i joined this site. I probably need to read more literature on the subject, but i still have my opinions. Thanks for your response :) 

@Frankie I know what you mean. I wouldn’t pick an argument with you though, I think i have similar views to you anyway 

@Kirsten lol! I was thinking how does someone have 4.5 pen pals, but that makes sense!

Its not you, its two people here causing unescesary drama. You have to remember America is not a social democracy, a socialist country, or anything of the sort. America is a capitalist experiment, rightly or wrongly.  Its why Obama had such a hard time passing his healthcare reform. People in America don't believe in looking out for eachother as a generalisation. Its the best example of a capitalist thought bubble ending in a why should I.... Think about the worst parts of the Australian Liberal Party add in the Nationals, and the Liberal Democrats here in Australia and you run into voters who don't give a stuff about anyone but themselves... The thing is when Donald Trump got elected these are the types of people that ended up as the "majority..."

The I don't give a fuck about anyone but myself.... and this is why healthcare reform failed.

"If it’s unfair that tax payers should pay for an inmates basic human need such as medication, maybe we shouldn’t have prisons in the first place?"

What would be done to troublemakers, then? Capital punishment for them all?
Prisons can't solve all the worlds problems, but it can give time for people to reconsider their choices in life, before re-entering society as a productive member. If people use this opportunity wisely or not, that's another matter.

@anderson: The point of a prison done properly in most of the developed world is to reform.... The religious element in America however still sees that vengeance is an appropriate "punishment..."  You did this to me so I'm going to do this to you... If we keep taking an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth eventually the whole world will be blind and toothless and then what do we do? Do we start taking fingers and toes like crime syndicates in South America? Because that gets us, in the end, two tenths of the way away from exactly nowhere...

Even prisons in America are realising you can't just keep dumping people in a hole and expecting them to solve their own problems... The federal system in particular is realising this and offering classes and programs that lead to real reform... You kick recidivism in the ass by making people better... not by locking people in prison cells and throwing away the key.

Okay, that's correct. What I meant to say is: we can't just don't do anything to trouble-makers. Something needs to be done! If prisons ceased to exist, what would be done instead, nothing? They would be left free to annoy and upset other people, until someone was so upset that he/she killed the troublemaker?

We believe in most of the sensible world including Europe, Canada, New Zealand and Australia that prisons should exist but the purpose of prison for the majority of people who will be on the street again one day is reform and the generally lower prison population is a success story for reform over retribution. Meanwhile, largely due to the religious elements affecting the general worldview in America, the prison population continues to grow.

The problem is people are getting punished over ridiculous things (like certain non violent crimes), and getting ridiculously long sentences.  Tough on crime has gone overboard. Should someone go to jail for stealing or fraud ?  Absolutely.  Should they go in for 25 years?  No.  And violent crime does deserve harsher punishments, but some states go way overboard.  Now when it comes to murder, I do think life sentences are fair BUT I do not agree with them in the case of juveniles, a car accident (unless the person was under the influence and knowingly drove), and I think people have the right to self defense.  I also think it should be proven without a doubt, DNA evidence, witness statements, things like that.  American prisons are taking a page from European play books and using reform so people can get a second chance.  Trust me, I empathize with victims.  And I care about safety, of everyone and myself.  I don’t even like it when people get all fan-like over Ted Bundy on Netflix.  He was scum, he raped and murded women and children.  The real cool and heroes on that show were the detectives who caught him.  So I’m no “let people do what they want” type of person, but I think moderation seems to be key here, and has been proven to work in much of the civilized world.