The Longest You've Waited?

Add him on JPay and send it again. He’ll get it same day via the kiosks. He may even have a tablet as well. I waited six weeks for one pen pal to respond via the WaP email feature.

Thanks for your reply Davey! It's a bit different in this case I guess because I didn't actually write him from a pen pal ad so I thought it might be a bit too intrusive to add him on Jpay. I know people have strong opinions on writing inmates from TV but I guess I was "that girl" in this case! I'm aware he might be offput and just not write back but I thought I'd get a sense of people's wait times anyway. 

Hey I wrote to someone on JPay and even thought I got a response from some else he gave my address to, it took his letter maybe 10-11 days to get here! I’m in Australia if that helps! Also welcome to the forum and happy writings :) 

Oh and he’s in Texas 

Did you include your full address in your letter as well? In many institutions the inmates do not receive the envelopes. There is nothing wrong with writing someone who's story you watched on tv. He could have a lot of people writing to him currently, inspired just like you. There is a wide range but if you haven't heard (given you aren't international) in a month, I would say maybe give it another shot. 

Thanks so much Cleo! Good to know. I've definitely seen people say it can take months so I'm trying to think positively. I guess that's the only difference is I'm in Canada but I sent the letter from California and his response would be mailed to California so the time frame could be shorter! I'm totally just falling into the impatience trap haha. 

@Northernyank Yes I did, on the envelope and the letter itself. Thank you for the encouragement! I've seen some pretty strong negative opinions on it being intrusive and "creepy" on another forum so it took me a LONG time to get up the nerve to write him. And even then I didn't really know what to say. I was actually hoping you'd respond because I think I saw somewhere your LO is at OSP? Do you typically hear back with snail mail pretty quick? Oh and I am actually international but I use Jmail so the letter was sent from California and his reply would go there as well.

The other forum must have been Prison Talk, lol....Don't take anything personal over there. There isn't anything wrong with wanting to connect with another human being.  How are we suppose to meet people? Yes, my husband is incarcerated at the OSP. Normally snail mail, doesn't take either of us long to receive. Anywhere from 3-5 days, but it could be we are just a couple of States away. Only a couple of letters/cards took longer than normal. As for jpay,  I have never received an email the same day he has sent it. Anywhere from 24 hours to 3 days. Another pen-pal in Ohio, but not at the same facility, and less of a security risk takes 5-7 days for jpay emails. 

I've never heard of jmail?

Haha yes it is! I didn’t know if naming names was cool but yeah...whew, they can be intense over there. I actually have two other pen pals in Ohio (different facilities) and use Jpay with both. They are both super different security levels (like as different as it gets without one being in the hole) and one is days for a response the other is hours so I definitely think that’s a factor. I guess it just boils down to not wanting to totally creep this guy out by sending him another unsolicited message because I’m sure he’s received my initial letter by now. I’ll just have to either grow a pair or forget it! Haha Thank you so much for your input! It really helps! 

Oh and Jmail is really cool (in theory! Because I haven’t received a letter back yet!). If someone is international or just wants a cheap PO Box they offer a US address. You type out your letters on their site, they print and send them and then the inmate sends mail back, they scan and upload it. You pay to send and read but it’s much cheaper for both parties. PO boxes are like $150 dollars up front here so I figured it was a good option. 

@loe31 Hey, you mentioned having two pen pals in the same state? What’s that like? Has it caused you any issues? I’m asking because for some reason I seem to only be drawn to inmates in a particular state lol and I’d like to write to another one, but I know the site and some people on here have warned me against it. Not sure what to do,  but would love to hear your experiences with it if you’re open to sharing! I don’t wanna cause issues haha 

Hi Cleo! So the same state issue is definitely something I would've considered had I read more about it before I started writing the two of them. The one I'm waiting to hear back from is also in their state so I guess if he gets back to me that'll make it three...I definitely understand the warnings against it as both of my pals have been moved around. One of them has been in three different facilities. I guess I'm not worried in the short term whatsoever because a) One of my pals is sitting at a very high security level. The other is in an honour dorm so they are highly unlikely to end up in the same dorm or even facility any time soon. My one pal has at least a year before he's up for review to move security levels. and b) They are both really just great friends of mine, strictly platonic. Neither of them have asked if I write to others and if they did, I would be honest and if one or both were upset we'd talk it out or someone would have to move on I guess. I would be sad if that were the outcome but ultimately it's up to them and I'm not interested in being owned by anyone. 

Do you have a sense of the security levels of the guys you're speaking with or want to write to? I really think that factors in personally. Like if both of them have pretty non-violent crimes or very good behaviour (if you see they're taking lots of classes or programs for instance this is an indicator) and are in the lower security level parts of any prison I'd be more worried about them ending up near one another. I totally get you though, no clue why but I always end up gravitating toward this one state as well! 

Hey Cleo, I would try and write to inmates in different states. They can get somewhat possessive and if they were to find out about one another it could cause conflict. My husband is in OSP and my pen-pal is in another Ohio prison. Even though my pen-pal is gay this still causes my husband some angst that I'm writing to another male. He went and got all of his institutional files to see what his character is like. If my pen-pal ever said anything negative towards me, I would  not be able to tell my husband because it puts men in these environments into serious danger. 

@loe31 

Hi and thanks for getting back to me! Okay so I guess it does work out if they have different security levels and no chance of getting transferred to the same facility! Okay I’m not really sure what you mean by security levels? 

My pen pal is a lifer, he used to be in general population at another prison but then there was an incident and so he was sent to super max. He’s going to be transferred soon though, hopefully by May if everything works out. The thing though is all the other guys I might be interested in writing to are at these other lower security (?) facilities so what if I start writing to someone else and my current pen pal gets sent there? You’ve given me a lot to think about! I think that I might just see where this goes and how I feel about our friendship, then I’ll decide. 

Do you think maybe it might be a good idea to bring it up with him? Or nah? 

Thanks again! And I wish you luck with your writings! Hopefully it all works out :) 

@NorthernYank 

Hi and thanks for your response! Yeah I think I might wait it out and see how my friendship develops with this guy before I do anything! I can understand the being territorial haha it makes more sense to me being that you’re married though? I have another pen pal and we’ve only exchanged a few emails through JPay and he’s already told me that he’s trusts me more than he does the other inmates, even the ones he’s friends with. He even said ‘I’d give you the key to explore every fibre of my being, but I’d never do with any one in here’, which I’m not too sure what to make of it? I think it’s too early to be this trustful haha but I don’t really know! I think it’s sweet that your husband keeps a tab on your other pen pal though! He sounds smart as hell (from what I’ve read from your other posts!) and you guys must have a great thing! Thanks again for your thoughts! 

@Cleo 

No worries at all! I'm really no expert at any of this but I feel really secure in my situation and have very few worries. I think it also boils down to my actual pals. I guess you never really know someone 100% but for instance one of them literally said to me today "I want you to have as many friends as possible!" Doesn't sound like someone who will get in a fist fight over me. He'd probably laugh if someone tried honestly. It just isn't like that and that's part of why I really love writing to them, they're both stable and reasonable from what I can tell. 

That's why I think it's a judgement call. I'd say if you're in a romantic relationship or it's heading that way there's no grey area and don't play with fire by writing inmates in the same state. I only say that because writing letters can be intimate and maybe your partner would be uncomfortable down the line sharing that side of you with another dude. If you're truly just friends and only want to be friends then definitely bring it up with him! If he has a bad reaction then that would be a red flag to me personally. Look at it this way, is it normal and healthy for a friend to dictate who you talk to? Like if someone insinuated they would hurt someone else over my friendship I'd cut and run in a second. Way too heavy and unnecessary! 

I definitely think it's okay to wait and see though! Do you mind me asking what state they're in? 

@Cleo 

Sorry I totally forgot to answer the other part of your question! The security level thing (I might even be using the wrong term there) is the same for me. One is in a low level setting (lots of priviledges, comes and goes at will during the day etc.), the other is in a super max. He'll eventually get moved and could end up anywhere, even the same facility as my other pal. And that could totally happen in your case too so it is worth thinking about or talking to your friend about how he'd feel about that.

I feel like I worded it a little too harshly before, I mean if he's upset or possessive it kind of makes sense because some inmates don't have much and the relationships they cultivate can be sacred. I think it's right to be considerate of his feelings but also it's okay to set boundaries for yourself too! 

@loe31 

That’s awesome that your pen pal is supportive of you having other pen pals! Are you cool with them also writing to others? I feel like ultimately that’s what I’d want for my pen pals too, just because I’ve read on here about how much inmates really love hearing their names at mail call and that they appreciate being thought of. I mean, I guess we all do haha. 

I am only seeking a friendship with my pen pals, not that I’m against the idea of having a relationship with someone who’s incarcerated, but both of my inmates are practically lifers and I don’t know if I’d be able to handle not being able to be physical lol. Not that you can’t have a true and intimate relationship through writing letters and phonically and all that, it’s just for me I’d need to be able to have physicality with them, if that makes sense? 

Oh, and my pen pal in supermax is in Colorado and that’s the state I seem to drawn to haha. There must be something in the water in Colorado lol! 

I also wanted to say I don’t think you were being too harsh, I think you were just being realistic about the situation and also with expectations. I think you are right, and I also do agree with having boundaries. I mentioned in another thread that I’m literally never going to flirt haha even for fun because I feel like that just leaves the door open and I don’t want to cause issues for myself or anyone else. My pen pal that’s in the super max seems chill enough that I don’t think it’d be an issue if I wrote to someone else, but like you said, you don’t really know someone 100% and especially since it’s early days, I’m just gonna be a little bit careful until I know him better. I think I’ll just keep writing to the two that I currently am and maybe I will bring up this issue up in my next letter. Thank you so much for taking the time to respond and sharing your thoughts :)   

I just write my letters through the mail. I'm in England and my penpal is in California. At the start, they took about 2-3 weeks to get back to each other but now it's more along 4-5 weeks. He did get transfered to a new prison so that could be the reason, but I'm also curious as to the increased waiting time. It leaves me thinking the worst at times

It could be the sheer volume of mail an institution gets, but also some prisons now mail the mail coming into their prison to another state, to be opened, copied and then mailed back to the inmate. 

Thank you, we do have a great thing, and he's very smart (sometimes for his own good). Prisoners don't have a lot they can call their own both inside a facility and outside. If one of them were to develop feelings for you it could cause an issue. My Mich PP told me of a fight that broke out when 1 particular inmate felt like he had a special connection to a female correctional guard (who my pp said treated every inmate the same way) but this particular inmate felt he shared something, when in fact he didn't.

@NorthernYank oh ouch, that’s not good. I’ve been there myself so I understand! I’m going to stick to the 3 that I have for now :)