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Must read Terms of Service & Privacy Policy and be at least 18

 
FashionableKitty

My pen pal made parole this summer agaist all expectations (neither of us really believed he'd get approved) and then of course his release date got pushed back for two months in the end so he had to spend his birthday in prison (because of course). But now he's finally out and honestly I think I'm more worried than him (mama mode comes courtesy of being my friend unfortunately).
I don't know if we'll continue being in contact, he said he'll be in touch, but I don't think it will happen. And I don't know how I'll stop myself from stalking him on social media if that happens, because, well, I'm worried he'll fuck up yet again. I know he's an adult (supposedly) and I know I get all motherly towards all my friends even if they don't want me to, so I KNOW that's my problem, but that doesn't make it any easier. *Sigh* I really really hope he makes it this time.

 
ST4s

Nope, but good luck with your project, Beth.

 
Kirsten

Beth, if St4s or the fashionable Kitty wish to do it, they might- I can't speak for them.

For myself I can tell you clearly that I'm not available for appearing on your (or any other) podcast.

Good luck with your work anyway.

Kirsten

 
EJM

I am looking to feature pen pal relationships formed on this site for a podcast series and find your post very interesting.  Would like to connect and see if you and your pen pal would be interested in sharing your story.  

Please reach out via email:  beth [at] bethmcnamara.comrel="nofollow"

 
Kirsten

My very first penpal got paroled in July and while it was a change (and a big one), our contact didn't stop. He sent me an email three days after his release and now we're mostly texting when we "talk". He moved in with his father (which isn't always easy, but seems to be good on both of them, in its own way), three weeks after his release he got a job (and kept it so far) and we're texting and once a month we're like chatting. We didn't phone because it's not that cheap being overseas and I don't possess Skype on my computer). But of course I messaged him for his bd in October and I'm pretty sure he'll catch up on mine in December as well.

So, while it is a change, it doesn't necessarily mean you're going to fully lose contact.

Yes, when he got out, it became clearer than it was before that we were raised in two different worlds (cultutes, countries, religion, etc), but there's also things that we share.

When we chatted longer last month, he closed it with: Thanks, I can always count on you for some encouraging words.

Well, I don't think he'll want to miss out on those for some of the obstacles he's facing are still tough.

I must admit I never had motherly feelings for him, though, he's always been more like a buddy.

My youngest pal I feel a bit motherly about, yes and if it was him I couldn't say if I would feel like what you're describing or not.

Nonetheless, it is possible to stay in contact, even though the frequency and intensity of your contact will probably change.

But just try to be open to taking it as it may come - you might just as well be in for a nice and pleasant experience.

 
FashionableKitty

Thank you for your kind words! I hope he'll be able to keep up the progress he made inside. He's gonna stay with his folks and his dad offered him a job for as long as he stays sober and doesn't violate his parole, so he's really lucky here. I'm mostly worried about him sticking with his therapy and taking medication though. I mean how screwed up American health system is that you have to go to prison to get psychiatric help?

 
ST4s

Best wishes to you both! My own bestie was released earlier this year and you better believe it’s a sea change, all the way around. I hope your friend has or can land purposeful employment and a roof over his head. Those are beyond huge. The other part of the sea change is adjusting to how fast things move out here, not getting overwhelmed by the thousands of daily decisions we all take for granted – as compared to an environment where one gets to decide little if anything, day after day.

Regular contact tapered-off in our case, and I like to think for all the right reasons. My friend has a real life out here now, a multitude of opportunities, with mountains to scale and conquer. Here’s hoping your friend’s compass is well calibrated and he’s on a good path, making good decisions.