A Pen-pal that seems a little creepy?

Oh, don’t share your personal information with any penpals! I wouldn’t recommend anyone that even you are too close with them. It’s up to you continue or not, but keep that mind never share too personal information with penpals. It’s not about they’re bad or good. We never know people exactly. 

Sorry applehead but I don't agree with you on this. It can take time to build trust (on both sides) and getting to know each other but often prison pen pals become real good friends with whom you can talk about a lot of things and share personal information with.

But yes, sometimes you run into a weirdo that crosses the line. : )

@xlilithx Luckily you don't sound too offended. ; ) You can do two things; either write him back and explain firmly that he crossed too many lines, maybe that 'll teach him some manners and he will know how to behave with a next pen pal. (if he gets the point that is, some are just too messed up but it could be wort a try.) Or you can totally ignore his letter and just don't respond. Being in prison doesn't mean being exempt from common courtesy. You don't owe this person anything, you don't have any obligations to answer such a letter.
So it's up to you, if you feel like writing back, you can, but if you don't want to, then don't. There are plenty of other prisoners looking for a pen pal that do know how to behave and who will appreciate your letters.

I'm completely with CLW on that one.

@applehead: What are you thinking? Of course, you share personal info with one another if you get to know each other. It can get different amounts of depth with different people, but not sharing any personal information with each other is nonsense.

xlilithx: Your decision, but CLW explained the options perfectly. I probably would write a short goodbye, but you don't have to do this. But be assured, this is not the usual style. Most know perfectly well how to react in a kind way.

I agree...you should maybe send a short note saying you feel he crossed the line...try not to drop him in it tho....and repeat that you are offering only friendship...if he is looking for a relationship..then he needs to keep looking...he's prolly got over excited at getting a PP..but if you're uncomfortable then you don't have too do this...you don't sound TOO put out going by all the " lol's" included..I have to say in your shoes....I'd be pissed....

This is a first letter..  Damn.. Do you really want to continue corresponding with someone that makes you feel so uncomfortable and creeped out in a first letter?

Sure, you can waste time and money by writing back how he crossed a line etc - but there are so many lines being crossed here, you could never just condense that down into just one sentence, you know? Haha Some of the things he mentioned are just plain weird.  Mental illness perhaps? Maybe.  The "he shaved his legs for her" thing was really strange.

You don't have to tell anyone anything about yourself.  Simple as that.  Witholding information is not disrespectfu - you're completely within your right! Mothers are meant to protect their children; so not being comfortable sharing their information with a complete stranger, that also happens to be incarcerated and horny as hell - is nothing but a really good and smart thing.

You don't owe him an explanation for not replying.  You expressly said you are married and not looking for a relationship/strictly platonic - and then he wanted to see you in lingerie.  So there's his explantion for never hearing from you again.

You should only share what your comfortable in sharing with another person. I don't share everything with each pen-pal and I don't expect it from them either. Honestly, you don't owe him another letter. You were up front with him with your first letter, and he decided to cross that line right away. I always say go with your gut.

*you're (I wish we had an edit button)

"The "he shaved his legs for her" thing was really strange."

Maybe it was a joke. It made me laugh.

Thanks, guys. I'm still debating on writing him and letting him know that this isn't going to work out. I put the "lol" in there because I have a sense of humor about it all. Yes, I was like "wtf"....and the whole situation made me laugh. I have a few penpals and this is the first time that it's happened to me, so thank you for the feedback. 

Sorry guys, but we do not live in pink world. I talked with two ex-inmate. They told me that never share too personal information. I am talkin about too detail stuff! Two ex-inmate told me that they have seen lots of people take advantage of other people’s kidness. Plus, she feels uncomfortable from it, it’s the right to never share too details about yourself. As I said again, it is totally up to you. To want to know her child name is the biggest nonsense here. I did not say that do not share “any” personal information. Just put your limit if you feel uncomfortable. 

Actually..a thought just struck me....please be careful about supplying childrens details and pets names etc ..as you could end up vunerable to being hacked ..or really worse case scenerio endangering your kids...no one needs to know their names..ages..schools etc...

Applehead if you're that cynical about inmates, you should not be doing this.  Prisoners sometimes take advantage of the kindeness of strangers, but not always.  If you go into this thinking that all the inmates are manipulative evil vipers, you're not cut out for it.

Eh, I think it's important to remain vigilant at all times when corresponding with strangers in any capacity.. But it's just as important to always look for the good in others at the same time..

I agree with Galapagos.....it never hurts to keep on eye on your safety..wether it be real or virtual...
Plus @Zach...let' s not forget that English is not Apples first language...she perhaps didn t mean it to sound as it did..
A lot of inmates are desperate and desperate people do desperate things...if they really need $$ then they might turn to scamming to get it...

I'm with Zarch on that one.

There's a difference between vigiliance & distrust as there's a difference between not giving ANY personal information or SPECIFIC information, as applehead pointed out herself in a former posting.

Most people (inside or outside of prison) beget kindness with kindness, most ppl beget trust with trust.

There are ppl who do it differently, but those are few.

People who are optimistic to get what they need (not necessarily what they want), tend to be less manipulative & more authentic.

Manipulation, scamming, etc. is mostly born out of "I won't get what I need by any other means."

This isn't wearing rose-colored glasses, as Applehead seems to think, it's plain & simple life experience, at least mine.

We're almost all trained to believe we have to be distrustful of ppl, especially of those who broke the law, until they "prove" the contrary.

What kind of world would we live in, each & everyone of us, if we "simply" (it's simple, but not easy) tried to assume the best in ppl we don't know (whether inside or outside) unless they prove the opposite to us? 

What 

I'm a mother of 3 kids and I don't give out any information on them unless I have established some semblance of a relationship. A relationship of any kind, takes time to develop. This is true whether you meet me people out in the free world or those that are incarcerated. All my penpals know I have 3 kids, this isn't something I hide, but I don't go into further detail, unless a true friendship develops. Out of all of my pen-pals, only 1 knows ages, names and has seen pictures of my kids. I would be and have been just as guarded with people I've met on the outside as well. 

"What kind of world would we live in, each & everyone of us, if we "simply" (it's simple, but not easy) tried to assume the best in ppl we don't know (whether inside or outside) unless they prove the opposite to us?"

People should not have high expectations like that, believing that all people they meet will be excellent. This would cause severe frustration, as there are no perfect people in the whole world.

@ Northernyank: I wouldn't either & I haven't been saying xlilith should. I just said it's a difference to "never share any info with any pp" like applehead said in her first post or sharing specific one.

I'd never opt for being careless, I'm a pretty private person myself.

I just think a lot of ppl exaggerate when it comes to inmates. As if all or most them were looking for harming someone, which is - mostly - not the case. I had 1 weirdo out of 6- and I guess, that's not a higher odd's ratio than what's encountering me on the outside, probably it's even less, given my job.

@anderson: Who's talking about perfection? Not me. ;-) I'm fairly aware of human failures & shortcomings, my own included. But I'm also aware that most people have a cooperative side shown in human nature as well. And I just refuse to believe that I'm incredibly lucky with meeting the guys I met. They're not in prison for pilfing a cookie in a boys scout's camp - and they all know it. But I tend to believe that I don't have extraordinary luck, or perception or whatever kept me finding those I did while sorting others out.

If the experiences I make are not based on pure luck or on super sensitive perception, but are in the normal range of ppl to meet when writing to prisoners (or meeting ppl on the outside as well, for that matter) that it would mean (to me at least) that there are huge potentials for cooperation, rehabilitation and just plain & simple "getting along pretty well".

But on the outside as well as through writing in, (sorry to shatter a few ppl's worldviews here), but by far the most ppl I meet are imperfect, yet sociable beings, who do possess caring, communicative and cooperative talents in varying degrees.  But they do possess them & most show them as well. 

I'm not living in a paradise bubble, but I'm living in a paradigm of mutual interest & care. 

I agree, people have these pre-conceived notions about prisoners. I had an interesting conversation with someone recently that had a hard time believing in what I was saying. I shut down my facebook because I got tired of both random men, and men I've known for a considerable number of years sending me inappropriate messages. Not one of my male pen-pals has ever made me feel uncomfortable like this. I've also gotten a lot of looks when I say things like "oh, he's a really great guy" when most people assume those that have committed murder are all horrible human beings. People have the ability to redeem themselves and use their lives to make positive changes in the world. 

Yeah, I let my PPs know that I have children, but I don't discuss any personal information about them. I feel bad because this guy told me about his son and even included a picture of him in his letter. I'm not open to doing that at all. I know he wants to be able to relate to me and that's why he did it. 

One of my pps has a daughter. He told me about her name & age, but since I don't have any children of my own, I'm not in any kind of dilemma there. What I did share with him, though, is a story of my own childhood, out of which my Dad gave me a certain nickname. That's sth. I shared with him, just bc the story is funny & I knew it would make him smile & it shows how to strengthen a Daddy/daughter bond. When that particular pp sent me some bd wishes, he used a metaphor in relation to that nickname, but that wasn't creepy at all, it was more like a wink & twinkle kind of humor. But it depends on the bond you have, the relation & the time you've been writing. That's not "first letter" stuff.   And - if you don't feel like it, just don't do it.

Take it easy on applehead. We all go into this with our own boundaries. I've seen this debate recur over and over here over the years. I remember one instance where a bunch of people piled up on someone with serious mobility issues who said she was nervous about providing too much info because of how vulnerable and isolated she was. It was a totally valid thought and everyone told her to stop writing to inmates.

Like Galapagos said, we all straddle that line. You can make friends and human connections and give and receive support while still respecting the boundaries you've set for yourself. We do it with all kinds of people, every day. I have found boundaries to be super important while doing this. If you communicate them respectfully if the need arises - and they do the same for you - then you're all good. This is a highly individual hobby and there are as many different types of relationships as there are pen pal matches. I have a hard time just straight up telling someone they shouldn't be doing this. I'm just not comfortable making that kind of judgment about someone on an internet forum.

Speaking of boundaries, back to the OP, it sounds like this guy is violating yours. I usually say "platonic" once, or twice, or even three times, but if he keeps it up, I think you're well within your rights to stop writing to the guy. 

If I get overwhelmed with questions from anyone, I have a tendacy to avoid them.  But that’s me, I like privacy at this point in my life, and i’ve learned my lesson IRL from having friends who needed to know every little detail so they could gossip.  I’m just not into all that.  I’m fine if the people want to see what I look like, that’s normal with friends.  But I want to tell people what I want to tell them, and same with them - I want them to tell me what they feel comfortable with.  If they’re testing me to see where my boundaries are when I’ve already said “these are my boundaries” then I owe them no further explanations.  Best of luck and happy writing to you!