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DannyMay

I have at one point or another written to 3 inmates. In all 3 cases I found their information outside of a pen pal website. I just took a chance. All 3 responded and were happy to hear from someone non judgemental. 2 have since been released.

So since I found this site I decided to write my first ever person with a profile. It took me a long while to find someone and finally I found 1 here at WAP that I just adored. I wrote her very respectful, non judgemental same as I had written the other 3. Its been 6 weeks now - nothing not a word. Just bums me out. I guess I really got my hopes up almost expecting a response since someone paid for her to have a profile.

I realize there are any numbers of reasons for them to not reply but I still feel really bummed. Would have really liked to talk to her. I even sent a jpay and included the prepaid reply as I always try to help them out. Seems at least a reply to say thanks but no thanks would be in order.

I know what to say and what not to say. I don't ever mention the crime or say anything sexual or out of line. Oh well just seems weird I am 100% with ransoms and 0% with profiles. Maybe I will just search the Kentucky inmate finder and find me another random. WAP you let me down. Lol.


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AnneMariesQUEEN

Thank you, A Writer...I was raised by my family and teachers throughout prep school, college, and guided by mentors on how to remain professional, be assertive but not aggressive, and handle conflict by speaking privately and using logical and critical thinking skills and arguments.  I realized I quickly judged Anne Marie’s use of language due to having been told my entire life if I behaved in such a manner in a public setting vs a private one, I could miss out on certain opportunities, awards, grants...there’s even a process when one is buying their own home to learn how to both politely and professionally negotiate.  I’ve found I HAVE gotten the rewards in life I wanted from listening to this advice of my mentors.  I also witnessed people who chose to engage in continual combative behaviors end up in bad situations and have less opportunities in life, so I was going from my own experiences.

People suggested ignoring the issue of someone using insults and cursing, it didn’t work, and it seems like shaming and fighting doesn’t solve that issue either.  So I decided hey, why not put a light in my heart and show kindness instead?  

I like writing letters and sometimes I need advice or ideas because this is a big commitment, being a pen pal, and it’s silly to run away into another group just because one person isn’t the type of person many of us who regularly post might choose to spend time with in our daily lives.  We would quickly walk away from that behavior or have a person escorted out of the building like that, but that isn’t possible on the internet.

And hey, if anyone looks down on me, for what they assume to be my age, then I’ll be a good example towards them and instead of assuming and judging others I’ll welcome them all the same and *be* the change I want to see.  It all starts from within.

Plus, I have a birthday coming up soon, I’ll take all the youngster comments I can get.  I don’t care what the context was, I got called a youngster *beams*  Lol.

 
Atemwende

Correction: that should be 'themself' not themselves. For some reason, and likely bc there is no edit button, I only ever make so many spelling errors myself on this site/forum

 
Been_on_the_inside

Hi Danny may I think a lot of inmates would be flattered I would of been it gets lonely, but the risk you have is they could have wife’s, girlfriends and boyfriends, people they are already committed too, to reach out to anyone no matter how you do it is never a negative so don’t think that, your more likely to get a reply from a profile cause you kinda know what they like,want, need, never second guess yourself for doing something from the heart, 

 
Atemwende

Although I think you give A M HH too much credit, who also in their aim to help vulnerable youngsters couldn't help themselves from looking down on and insulting those so-called vulnerable youngsters (which, naturally, tends to be the tendency of the older crowd, I suppose), it's good that you're growing from such a narrow-minded view, athenaathena40. A view which seems to have afforded you a vantage point from which to look down on those people not leading a similar professional lifestyle, who you perceive(d) as uneducated for not utilizing the proper spelling and grammar of British/American English and choosing to express themselves with/in cuss words. Truly, such personal growth is a marker of maturation. It is good to see.

 
AnneMariesQUEEN

Danny, it is interesting to read some of the sentences, and wonder why some get a couple years and some get a REALLY long time.  I guess there are a lot of factors to it all, and I’ve known people who have gotten into trouble and then just had really excellent lawyers.  As they say, money talks.  You never know, maybe you’ll hear from her down the line and she’ll have a valid reason of why she was unable to start up being a pen pal.  People can always use more non-judgemental and well-mannered friends in this world,

 
DannyMay

AthenaAthena,

Thanks. Yeah I would have liked a reply but hey it is what it is. Hopefully she can use the prepaid reply to write her mom or something. I still wish her well and hope she catches a break because one of the reasons I really wanted to write her is she got screwed bad. Not too serious of a crime but a very harsh sentence. Hopefully she can get out early.

@ been on the inside - what does someone who has been on the inside think about that ? How would most inmates feel about receiving a letter from a complete stranger if they don't even have an online pen pal profile ? Would they like it or think its weird ? I am 3 for 3 going that route. Maybe I have just been lucky, not sure.

 
AnneMariesQUEEN

Danny, sorry to hear this !  A reply WOULD have been nice!  Aww well, can’t win ‘em all.  Please let us know if you have luck with meeting a nice pen pal on the WAP site in the future, or if you just end up have better luck with randomly writing to people!  Would be interesting if it turned out one way or the other!

 
AnneMariesQUEEN

Sorry, but I’ve changed my mind on AnneMarie.  

At first I was surprised at the cursing and insulting that lead me to think she was in here just for that purpose, as well as her lack of proper grammar and spelling (I thought that was on purpose, as if trying to play a role of an uneducated person) but then I came to the realization I’ve been living in a bubble with a professional lifestyle and I’m simply not accustomed to such behavior.  Usually people who behave in that manner are shunned by certain types of societies.  Due to various social economic conditions and lifestyle choices, people DO speak and/or behave quite differently.

I also remembered her posting about wanting to help vulnerable youngsters with all her warnings to me, so I’m incredibly flattered anyone would consider me young and in need of being rescued, that’s very kind of them.  Same with anyone who continually warns me against this or anything in the forum or online, it’s sweet they’re so concerned about my well-being and my life being the best it can be.  Thank you for all your kind thoughts and attention.  And also for the youngster comment.

I’m glad she’s here, and I think in the end, that she truly wants to help.  Why would someone waste valuable time trying to save a person otherwise?  The forum will be a nice place again, and I hope to recognize the diversity of behavior in others as a person and grow.

 
Been_on_the_inside

Gee, I wonder why your dude got himself locked up??????? My feelings are hurt by being called a jerk I’ve never been called that before in my life. I’m going to go cry now. 

 
FrankieBones

I should have said I was using the third person you here and speaking from personal experience... I've been writing for a long while to see the flags when "stalker" behavior patterns start to take hold. Should's become musts, and it also becomes a mater of "I sent you this, so you will do that..." In the words of Lemon Grab... Unnaceptable...

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=07So_lJQyqw

 
Anne marie HH

@Frankie...I'm a girl..my fiance is incarcerated...not sure how you got confused there..but further up..you will see that 1 prick got joined by his sock puppet prick...( a writer and been on the inside) those 2 decided hat you and i are the same person....amoeba brains the pair..

@ shady..i told them 2 idiots that since they re not my thong..not to get up.my ass...pair of jerks..wouldn t even let them drool in my direction.....they ad nothing positive to this forum..never give advice..just cause shit...and need to F*** off

 
FrankieBones

@Anne marie I just try to be honest. Chances are if you're not getting mail, its a two can play that game incident... You want a young, attractive woman to facilitate your man needs... That's cool, they're going to facilitate themselves to your wallet if the feelings aren't mutual. I mean, in some cases such as my own the feelings I share with a person are mutual, but if you're just a dirty old man who wants cheap tricks? Not much else can be said... desperation drives the activity, I get that also... We all want to feel like we're being payed attention to on one level or another... Just don't say I didn't warn you when you're trying to hit out of your league as a guy and get burned... Especially playing with the emotions of prisoners.

 
ST4s

On the guy/guy thing, my workplace is all gals except for me, and while they're all wonderful, I like to change it up on my free time. No doubt that everyone seeks out penpals for their own reasons, and we all get something in return too - otherwise, why would we (the collective we) be here doing this in the first place?

And not to generalize, but for whatever it's worth, some of my guys have been through painful divorces, so, that might be a thing.

 
ShadeyBiz89

OMG, how did we get to thongs from a lack of reply from an inmate, LOLOL!!!

ST4s, my mistake, I stand corrected. When Kirsten said we're all women writing to guys I assumed she meant you as well. Sorry. About your experience, I'm happy for you but based on my experience over the past 8 years, that's more of an exception than a norm. I have seen many profiles here that guys specify and are fairly insistent on female correspondents, and several of my penpals who are guys have told me in some version or another that they prefer women and some even won't write other men. This in my experience is more common, but that said, I'm very happy that your experience has not been that way. That's really good to hear that some people are able to write comfortably with their own gender, the majority of mine are opposite. I just found a female penpal who is not out to scam or use people last year, so it took me 7 years to find an excellent female penpal, compared to all the guys. Generally, I think that when it's only friendship, gender shouldn't matter, if it does then they likely are anxious the guy will want something else out of them.

 
ST4s

Re: thongs, I'm told the guy version is called a "mong". I'm also told it comes in handy if one has a gig in the kitchen and is into alternative methods of getting take-out. No judgment here, but the name kind of cracks me up. 

 
GalapagosDiver2

Why are we talking about thongs? Lol

 
DannyMay

My comments are sometimes double posting. I don't know why

 
DannyMay

ST4s

Thats interesting. I honestly never considered writing to guys. I just figured they wouldn't be interested or would assume I'm gay. Not that there is anything wrong with that but I don't want them to think something thats not true. Its weird and I know its wrong but I just have more compassion/forgiveness for females. I just could never write to a male inmate I didn't know beforehand but its nice to know that the male-male friendship is possible just as some women write to female inmates platonically.

 
DannyMay

ST4s

Thats interesting. I honestly never considered writing to guys. I just figured they wouldn't be interested or would assume I'm gay. Not that there is anything wrong with that but I don't want them to think something thats not true. Its weird and I know its wrong but I just have more compassion/forgiveness for females. I just could never write to a male inmate I didn't know beforehand but its nice to know that the male-male friendship is possible just as some women write to female inmates platonically.

 
DannyMay

Thank you been on the inside. I am looking for someone else. I am really not too concerned she didn't respond, it was bound to happen eventually. There are many possible reasons why she didn't reply and I don't take any personally. I am always honest about my age, likes, dislikes, job, etc. Its up to her whether she thinks we are a match but I never lie to them to make myself look like something I'm not.

Nice to have you as I am sure you bring a unique perspective that many of us don't.

 
Atemwende

If anyone's thong is jammed so far up between their ass cheeks they can use it as a metaphor for someone being up their ass, I think it's safe to assume you might very well need a bigger size thong there, Anne! That thing must be cutting you down there something fierce.

 
Been_on_the_inside

I give thanks to god every passing day I’m not your thong. 

 
Been_on_the_inside

A dude 3 cells down from me about 3 years ago was catfished not from this site think it was called love volt or something,  she said she was 27 turns out to be two 15 year old girls, lucky one of their parents found out and contacted the prison to let them know what her daughter had done and if they could stop her letters getting through, lucky my guy did not get in to trouble but was left shaken, 

 
Atemwende

Anne Marie HH, catfish though she is, does make an interesting point, however. One that makes me wonder. Considering Anne Marie has thought to lift the picture of that beautiful model from elsewhere online (or did the model herself drop in to inspire us with her beautiful curly do, Anne Marie? ;) Don't use that picture to catfish elsewhere, people in this little corner of the web might not be as discerning, but that picture is too easy to find), it makes me wonder how many others here are catfishing inmates with pictures that are not them. Which truly is very sad. Inmates don't have the power/Internet freedom to do as we all do out here with the prevalence of catfishing these days, to Google Image search people's pictures to check that they really are who they say they are (though even then, you can still be catfished, bc some people are desperate enough to steal their friends' pictures, and you won't be able to tell as easily with that). They're a completely vulnerable population to being catfished. And the thing is, I think Anne Marie's right that she isn't/wasn't the only false account, bc some activity here has looked very suspect.

 
Been_on_the_inside

@ AWriter it is unfair cause inmates get to hear what’s wrote here through friends and family I no this as a fact. I don’t know what it said cause I just skipped reading her/his part but fake people do fake things, it fills a very empty hole in their life’s, it’s sad but true. 

 
ST4s

What the heck, site? That was supposed to be a reply to #13. Whatevs.

 
ST4s

Well, actually @Shadey, I'm a guy. I only write to guys, and they all write back. 90% are straight. We have some pretty deep conversations about life in general that (I'm told) they just wouldn't/shouldn't/couldn't have with the fellas on the yard. It took us some time to get to that point, build a rapport, build trust, and open up. There's zero romantic potential/overtone/expectation, which maybe simplifies things. I don't know. That's just my theory. I've found, though, that to a person, they all appreciate having a friendly, non-judgmental, supportive someone to talk to, no matter if the gender's the same - and it turns out they have a lot to say.

My guys tell me that brotherly love is in extremely short supply in a prison environment, if it's even there at all. If it turns to that, if the connection is there, after breaking through whatever wall, or shell, or armor there might be, it can come back to you ten-fold (and blow your mind). But everyone's different. My reasons for writing might not be someone else's, and one post might be seeking something different (besides mail) from the next. I think it's human chemistry, in all of its unpredictability, and wonder, and surprise.

 
Atemwende

Anne Marie HH, calm down. Let it be. I want to ask, though, why are you using a picture of another woman? This in and of itself makes it hard to take you at face value and trust you as a genuine member of the board. Your account presents as a catfish, a falsity. I have not said you are FrankieBones, I'm not so familiar with FrankieBones being as new here as I am, although you do have a tendency to constantly parrot FrankieBones and defend his honor/be his white knight every chance you get, so I can see how this would cause others to assume as they do.

 

 
Anne marie HH

You're both pathetic. I am not Frankie and he's not me. Clearly none of you can handle straight talkers which I am and Frankie is..so rather that just accept that..you both make up nonsense...and .".been on the inside" on the topic of trolls is real funny..where's your sock.puppet Atthena or Xoxi whatever you changed the name to and ghosted that profile..LMAO and even you can't believe that anyone is gonna care about your pathetic lil bad review on FB...

 
Atemwende

I think it is important to cultivate a positive (community) experience not just for the sake of everyone here and all who may stumble across it, who are new and hesitant and just wanting to connect with others writing inmates, but also—chiefly—for the sake of the inmates who are paying to be a part of this community, who are excited to find people to write via this site. Forum/community drama can and has caused people to leave more communities than just this one, and for us all to not consider how our actions may be hurting not only the image of this community but the inmates on it is frankly selfish IMHO.

Allowing this board to become a toxic place, all over juvenile drama that can easily be worked out, is to no one's benefit. 

To drop in here sometimes and see how people are acting, some might think, wow, this community who write inmates is weird and not one I want to be part of.

 
Been_on_the_inside

Agreed!!!!! I sat back around 3 weeks watching the forum before I made my first comment, and seen many people leave it not post just in that small space. But I was a really bad review on the wroteaprisoner Facebook page about the forum that made me come look, it was a real bad rep to the outside world. I do call out but wanna ad encouraging and positive stuff to try and change the outlook, it makes the site look bad. 

 
Atemwende

What I'm seeing, though, is others allowing this account to run them away/allowing it to be a reason for them to not be as active anymore. I think it won't be solved if people don't call this behavior out and shame whoever is doing this. Ignoring it so far hasn't resulted in this person going away, you know? So I just wanted to draw attention to how pathetic it is getting to be.

 
Been_on_the_inside

dannymay dude don’t let anyone bring you down with bull shit, keep on trying bro there is plenty out there that want penpals and for the right reason, it could be a million things, keep ya head up and keep trying bro :-) 

 
Been_on_the_inside

It’s the same person @Awrite just ignor and they won’t have any reason to keep responding. I’m just gonna ignore them if they respond if it’s not in a respectful way, they both have issues Anna Marie dude went to jail to get some peace. 

 
Atemwende

Excuse me, parrot*

 
Atemwende

Anne Marie HH, while I am newer here and not sure whose alt account you are (though I believe it is clear you are one), please stop being pathetic and attempting to ruin the experience of this forum for everyone else. Does FrankieBones need a parot to everything he says? The drama that has been created by you and a few of the others on this board does not make this place look good at all. Please let's try to cultivate a positive forum experience for all.

 
Anne marie HH

Lol Frankie..spot on as always..

 
DannyMay

Shadeybiz

I wouldn't say I'm not getting much back. This is the first time I ever didn't get a reply. I actually expected no reply first 3 times since those 3 didn't actually ask for pen pals. I guess It just struck me as weird that my first no response came from the first WAP profile I ever wrote. But its all good I still have 1 as the other 2 were short term and released. I will keep trying but yeah I sm still about the young and pretty ones.

 
FrankieBones

Women erving short sentences (less than two years) get the lions share of mail. If they're even moderately attractive, chances are they will use that to find a guy to make their life easier once they get out. If they can find a guy without numerous personality defects who is even moderately attractive they'll do that. If you're a young guy under 40 with a good career, chances are you will get a good amount of replies. It drops off after there... There are numerous reasons for this though... I set up a couple girls with pals in Facebook groups. Let me tell you... the ratio of weirdos... even by Facebook standards for guys... is off the chain... So if you're old, ugly, and so on chances are it plays into why you're getting ignored.

 
ShadeyBiz89

It's not that guys are more likely to reply, it's that there's a much smaller percentage of women to choose from on WAP and most inmates want correspondence of the opposite gender due to being surrounded by their own gender in prison (unless they're gay), so for Kirsten, ST4s and myself, we are women writing to men and there's thousands of men profiles, bigger sample size equals less chance of coming across people who already have a ton of mail and don't want more penpals. Men tend to mostly want women writing them, they tend to be more insistent on the opposite gender thing (I've found, I've written to both men and women and that's not always the case but usually so). Keep trying your luck, I'm sure there are women who will reply, but yeah picking the young pretty ones maybe is part of why you aren't getting much back. Best of luck and I hope you hear back!

 
FrankieBones

Young and pretty women ar in a position of power for any guy that reaches out to them. The average male writing a prisoner is a litle "desperate." I heard someone else sumarise it once as going grocery shopping and looking for dentend cans. Problem is it doesn't work like that. They're just as aware that you're looking for dented cans as you are and as much as 60% of them will take advantage of you if you come from that "dented cans" approach. Or those that won't will just ignore you on a multitude of factors that your not good looking enough, don't have a good job, or somehow otherwise haven't stumbled upon a truckload of money with your name on it.

Think of it this way. All they have is time, which is plenty of time enough to be wise to the scheme of the average guy who goes looking for women in prison.

 
DannyMay

Kirsten and st4s,

I was not aware that guys are more likely to reply. I get I would have assumed women would be more likely. Interesting.

 
DannyMay

Shadeybiz,

Yes I don't understand she doesn't owe me a reply. I know she has to have a lot bigger things go worry about. Its nice that at least you understand what I'm saying it just kind of bummed me out so hoping for a reply. I guess that's what I get for picking the young pretty ones. They are probably the ones already getting the most attention as it is.

 
ShadeyBiz89

My response rate has also been 100%, but as Kirsten said, we are all women writing to guys so that is completely different than the male OP writing women. I've written a fair amount of people over the years I've been writing, all of which have replied to my first letters, lasting and consistent writers is my issue but I'm at 100% reply rate on first letters. My pals are all profilewise from WAP and I've written several off TV, all have responded. 

That's gotta suck, it sounds like you really wanted to write her and she didn't respond (yet), but I'd say give it a few more weeks before you write it off. If she wants to respond she will, if she doesn't, she won't. If your letter was important to her, you will eventually hear from her. I get what you mean about politeness to say at least thanks but no thanks, but at the same time, she doesn't owe you any kind of response, even to say she's not interested. Of course you'd love to hear from her, and I'm not taking her side at all, but it does have to be said that she has equal say in whether the two of you correspond or not, she doesn't have to say anything to anybody if she doesn't want to, that's her right as well, just as it would be yours if you decided for whatever the reason was that you didn't want to respond to someone. I hope you hear from her though!

 
MG65

My response rate has also been 100%. It’s worth it when you find the right inmate, don’t give up. 

 
Kirsten

@ST4s : Mine as well. But there's a difference: we're writing to guys.

 
ST4s

Well, I guess it's like chemistry - whether or not there's a reaction. I've always thought long and hard about writing that first letter to someone - looking first for things that resonate before taking the plunge. Maybe I'm just lucky. My response rate has been 100%.

 
FrankieBones

There are two things that are certain in life... death and taxes, beyond that no one has to afford you anything... When you start "shoulding" everyone else and setting expectations about  how other people live their lives, its best to step back and take a good hard look in the mirror about yourself. There is no "should" in this world as we see in your case and many others it only leads to "will" and "must."

 
DannyMay

Galapagos, Wow thats pretty crazy just 33%. I guess I'm gonna be 0% on WAP for a while. Not to many that Interest me at all. Really she was the only one.

Maybe my original strategy of just writing to randoms is my best way. They all seemed genuinely surprised and happy. These people with profiles may have gotten enough responses they have tired of it or maybe I just wasn't her type as I am always honest about my age, likes, dislikes,etc. I don't try to say what I think they will respond to. Maybe I'm wrong but since I did send a prepaid reply I think some type of an I'm not interested response should have been sent. To me its just manners but of course they have bigger problems to worry about so I can understand just not wanting to deal with another stranger. Either wat, I wish her well.

 
FrankieBones

There are many reasons for this, but most of all I have to remind you that just because they have a profile here doesn't mean they want to write to YOU. Of course some idiot here paid to renew the profile of the one and only person I write on here for another year and that person has never gotten a response from her. I feel sometimes we have to remind people that when it comes to people you're not entitled to anything. I don't mean to be rude, but we live in a world today where there is an expectation that if someone sends you a message you have to reply to it... And this leads to all kinds of weird and wonderful behavior on social media from people who have certain social deficits in their lives.