My pen pal has got himself hurt, his girl played him and made him look like a fool. Hes a great man you know !! why do women do this ??? do they think it is fun ?? hes in bits. He said he can't do the pen pal thing no more. I have sent a card and e mail i hope he will still trust me.
:hopmad::angryfire:
Last post
Hope hes ok Mel...poor guy.
Thats the thing us women go on and on about hows these guys scam and hurt us but no one ever sees how things affect them as well.
women suck
Aw, that's sad. Just goes to prove that these sorts of "games people play" go both ways, constantly.
Why anyone, male or female, would do something like that is unfathomable to anyone who believes in honesty and trust. I do hope he does keep in touch with you melanieann. x
People do it all the time, right, left, and center, in prison, out of prison... the only antidote I've found is to not do it myself. Can't control what others will do but I can control how I'm going to be, talk, act, and live in the world. "Some" people have an EXTREMELY high tolerance for doing whatever they want, however they want to do it, justifying it, and sleeping well at night. I don't, so, I live accordingly.
No one escapes karma, that's all I know. Karma= consequences for your actions. In one way or another.
how did she play him?
Well told him she loved him, was going to visit, he sent the forms, she was going to move there and so on. He is a very nice man hes done a long time and is alone. It makes me sad that a women can do that or a man. She lied to him about it all.
Good thing karma is all around us. Let's hope she'll be reborn as a stinky ant someday and your pp is turning into the ant bear. Such a....a..tsssss....can't find the right word now.:gagme:
Can I try to have an amazing response?
Maybe him and his girl were "strong" too.
Just remember, if it ever happens to you, you'll just have to get over it.
Sounds like she treated the whole thing less seriously than she should have and didn't realize how much "just saying" those things can have an effect on prisoners. I always think you should never say you're going to visit, do this, do that unless you REALLY mean it. It's true that people in and out of prison get their hearts broken every day in every way but I think there's a certain "special" thing that can go on especially with long term inmates where letters, attention, visits, etc. where it isn't just "oh well, next!" for them if it goes wrong. They don't have that many chances to go find new prospects.
Hopefully he won't give up on trying to talk to people. Remind him that people do crap all day every day in the free world... got to keep going anyway and hold out for the ones that don't.
So because they hadn't met yet, he shouldn't be upset? And it sounds silly to you?
Okay......:roll: Frankly, what you just said sounds silly to [b]me[/b]. Whether they met or not, I can understand him being upset and he has every right to be upset.
Imagine for a minute that it was you in prison, long term, alone, and someone had promised a visit or some kind of emotional interaction with you that you'd been missing and then just sort of dropped it, which is what it sounds like. That would make you feel low, wouldn't it? I know it would me. Would make me feel low even if I wasn't in prison!
As the child of divorced parents, I can assure you that being married doesn't make a bit of difference about the strength of a relationship.
Just saying.
I'm sorry that he got hurt. Just because he hasn't met her doesn't mean he didn't become very attached to her as most of us will attest to being very attached to our pen pals that we haven't met. Without knowing her side, there's no way to tell if she "played" him or just started to have doubts. I hope your friend won't let this deter him from forming relationships in the future.
truer words never spoken on that.
Wow, you have some screwed up way of thinking of relationships. Having been married twice, trust me that doesn't mean squat. Yes, I'm sure your marriage is better, you don't have to say it. Why would he not be upset? Just because he never met her doesn't mean that he didn't form a relationship with her. People have relationships all the time without meeting and it isn't just prisoners. I tried to give you more red but you must of said something stupid in another post because I can't give you any more right now!
While i agree with what you said, people do change their minds in life, what was once an intention after much thought and consideration is then retracted. Maybe he really wasn't being played at all, maybe she really did have the very best of intentions and her love was genuine, but she may of taken a step back and thought logically taking all emotions out, not only about their future together and what that would entail but how it may of effected others if she had moved etc.
Maybe he will get over it with time as they say time is a good healer and maybe he wont, what i do know is i always feel sad when i hear of those who have had their hearts broken, no matter what side of the fence they live on. No doubt he is very hurt and expressing it all to you Mel, so at least he is sharing in that pain and you know what they say a heavy load is always best shared. :)
It will never happen to her. She tackles the prison mail clerks to MAKE SURE he gets no other mail so he can't ever see what else he may want or need.
[QUOTE=mountanddo;1047214]Wow, you have some screwed up way of thinking of relationships. Having been married twice, trust me that doesn't mean squat. Yes, I'm sure your marriage is better, you don't have to say it. Why would he not be upset? Just because he never met her doesn't mean that he didn't form a relationship with her. People have relationships all the time without meeting and it isn't just prisoners. [B] I tried to give you more red but you must of said something stupid in another post because I can't give you any more right now![/B][/QUOTE]
LOVE THAT!
While it may sound silly to you to others it isn't silly at all, because they have a deep awareness and understanding distance is just numbers, knowing you can develop a connection through others forms of communication and not just on the physical plane. While some people are not who they portray themselves to be in letters and calls, others are just that as someone said to me today "what you see is what you get." So while i understand where you are coming from, know nothing is silly about being hurt.
While I don't know all the details of course,and it goes without saying that I hate players, mean what you say, and say what you mean, but shouldn't we all be allowed to change our minds.
yeah i agree …moreover u only hear ur pals story now …. u don’t know all the circumstances and stuff.. … of course ur pal is sad now but maybe the story is more complicated. Just be there for him that’s all u can do :)
Yep i know i have only got his side. You should never say you are going to see them until you are 100% sure. That is just me !!! she told him to take his pp add down and he has !! sorry that is out of order on her side i think. i am going to sent him some $ so he can put it back up soon.
Inmyownworld, it's generally not a good idea to post anything that isn't pro prison here. Unfortunate this place stopped being a forum for discussion a while back so if you dare disagree you will get red reputations. never ever express a view point that doesn't fit in with the general consensus and then you will be fine.
From what I can see all we have is the word of her pen pal, but if his gf did play him then yeah that's sad but, it's just the way of things. I hope he gets over it , dwelling doesn't really help anyone.
DrinkWater: what do you mean? Discussions are continuous, lively, and sometimes acrimonious, in this place.
To be fair here, Inmyownworld didn't really post anything against prisons. Her opinion most likely wouldn't be acceptable in a relationship forum either. People's feelings aren't silly and telling someone to just "get over it" when someone hurts you is ridicolous. I just began writing to my pp's but I can't imagine being in prison in an 8x10 cell and having that type of relationship and then have them change their mind about visiting, etc. What the pp did was certainly within her right and everyone has the option to change their mind but it still hurts and it still sucks. I would give him some time Melanie and continue to be there for him. In time he will get passed this, maybe not "over it". Hell, I still get upset when I think about my relationship with my ex husband and we've been divorced for 15 years and I rarely see him. People affect other peoples lives with their actions whether they realize it or not and sometimes that can last a lifetime.
am seeing that now it's my opinion and if you don't agree its attack.
sorry but i trust him i will say again he will NOT WRITE NO PENPAL he don't need to he has me who love's him and he love's me i have no doubt. i'm very confident in my marriage, all i say i think it's unhealthy for men and women to have one on one friendships and he feels same so we made for each other..
Yep i will give him some time, hes a good guy you know. He said hes going to call so i will talk to him then. I just feel for him. Not once has he asked for anything just a friendship from me hes a good friend and she hurt him so much. I know she had the right to end it with him but its still hurts we have all been there. I will offer my ear so he can talk to me about it. He tells me all his stuff anyway down to what pants to buy lol
Is that so? Then why does anyone with a differing opinion get run out the moment they start typing? In the past two months we have lost at least two new members due to their views.
Without knowing anything more, and OF COURSE there's more to it that you don't get to hear from her side: I still agree with you. It IS out of order to tell a pp to take an ad down unless you are that serious with them. I personally wouldn't tell anyone to take anything down, that has to be their choice, but that's just me.
Maybe in the end he proved to be foul in some way and it was already too late, never know by hearing just one side, just... I personally would be very careful myself about "I'm coming to visit, take your ad down" type of mentality unless I was rock solid. I know "rock solid" can change for a lot of reasons and maybe he's not telling you his side of what made that happen? Still... no promises of that heft should be made until it's solid to pp's, IMO.
A friend of mine was all set to move to NYC with a guy, quit her (very good) job, sell her house, move her daughter. He put a HUGE engagement ring on her finger before he left and she was to follow. Couldn't seem more rock solid than that, right? 3 weeks later he tells her he found someone else, it's off. WTF??? They were together 4 years and about to be marriedn and he had been talking about adopting her daughter!!!! So yes, things change.
Crazy sad world.
No i like for people to say what they think on here !!! everyone has an opinion. He was very close with this women he told me many times how much he loved her and he could not wait to see her. He was truly in love with her. He did not call me for a long time so i called his mom and she told me so i know that it is all true. Sad for him.
Agree with you !!! 100% things can change. Take your add down, i would never ask that everyone needs good friends.
We've all had our hearts broken, I sure have. But from the point of view of someone who writes prisoners, I can definitely see how that feels more poignant or desperate in prison... the feeling that you don't have that many chances to recoup your losses or find a next person so easily. (Not that it's easy to find people anyhow... ) But the ad is a feeling of "at least you're doing that much for yourself" trying to look, one of the only options open to you in prison, if you do want to start a relationship.
So........ Basically, what you're saying is if someone has a view, no one here is supposed to retort? Everyone is just supposed to ignore it when someone states an opinion they don't agree with? You're acting like there's some virtual lynch mob forcing people to leave the forum. They made that decision to leave. No one runs anyone out. We're allowed to be opinionated just like they are. Sometimes it just so happens more people have the same opinion than others. I'm sure there are many things people won't agree with me on and I will one day find out (as I have in the past). They don't like my opinion? Fine. I don't have to like theirs either.
I'm an opinionated person. I have an opinion on everything. I'm also a smartass and I've let my true smartass self stay quiet on here until recently. I'll be damned if someone is going to tell me I should keep my opinion to myself, or refrain from being who I really am, at the risk of offending someone. Granted, there are certain times and topics where ones opinion should be kept silent, but not on an internet form. If that makes me "mean" or whatever then so be it.
It's not an "attack." It's disagreeing with your opinion or with something you post. No one in this world is always going to agree with everything you say.
I swear, some people need to pull their panties up and accept the fact that people will criticize, disagree and sometimes be downright brutal in life. This isn't the land of make believe.
melanienn maybe she decided to move on because of women like you maybe she didn't want him to have penpals maybe thats why he don't want to write you anymore. i see everyone shouts about how the inmate does not get to give his side when someone warns the forum about them, well you don't have her side of story. maybe he wasn't as nice as you think. lets be honest friendship is different fom a relationship so maybe she seen what he really like. JMO
If I reply to that ^^^ will it be me being mean and attacking? Or continuing a dialogue and responding to an opinion/statement I don't agree with?
I have to disagree with you on this, DW. I have had several discussions where I have expressed my opinion and had discussions with other fomum members. I am sure there have been many that have disagreed with me, yet I have never got a red reputation.
It's not so much what you say, but how you say it. Then again, sometimes someone say things that are just... well, cruel, to put it bluntly. Or so outrageous that you just have to speak out. I can't remember giving out any red reps, since I prefer to post my opinion publicly on the forum, and that way give that person a chance to speak his or her mind. What others do is not my business.
i was not being mean. but untill you have her side of story i could be right. i bet he has not told her real story why she left. always 2 sides right!!
If I reply to that ^^^ and let the poster know I didn't say she was being mean would that be me being mean?
That is really not a nice thing to say, and you probably know it. From your posts in this thread, it sounds like you just want to provoke people. You are entitled to your views, but when you say something like this, you can't expect it won't make people mad.
I am engaged to an inmate, and I wouldn't dream of asking him to take his ad down. It has expired, and he chose not to renew it. He does have other friends he writes, and I would never deny him that. I have other penpal's as well, something I told him from the start. I trust him, just like he trust me. That is one of the corner stones of a relationship. Should he deny me having friends? It simply doesn't make sense.
Melaniann gave us her opinion on what happened to her friend. You accuse other members of attacking you over your opinions, yet you attack her. I would say your posts are worse than those you claim to be an attack on you and your opinons.
i am not attacking her at all maybe you all have decided to read it wrong. that's cool you have no issue writing other female's but mine does not want too not even anyone he knew before, his choice also. i will state like i have i do not want my hubby writing females also he don't want me being a lone in a bar going dinner with a man. he jealous i guess..
no you can say what you like i don't get upset. ;)
There is retorting and then there is being unpleasant about it. The only Time I have given a bad rep was to blipsy cat, when he said that cild molestors had dignity while COs don't. That was an extreame enough comment to get one. What I object to is inmyownworld getting bad repped because she has different views to the rest of the forum. I don't agree with her when it comes to her not allowing her husband to have other pen pal, and I told her that myself on the forum, but then you had other people saying 'you picked the right name etc' uncalled for and rude. And the poster who said ' I would have given you more bad reps but you must have said something stupid else where and I can't ...none of this is voicing an opinion, it's attacking her. Compare this to what vc has just said, and you will see that some people can disagree respectfully, whilse others stoop to insults and name calling.
No one told you to be quiet, and I was referring specifically to the people who were mean to inmyownworld in this and the other thread. She has been called stupid and deluded (implied), and well, it's not right that someone with a differing opinion gets tht kind of treatment. As I said, there is a difference between disagreeing respectfully, and attacking someone.
and you really don't have to keep defending that, if that's how your marriage works, great! I really mean that. 2 people in agreement of how things are run, sounds great. But the thing is, this is a web site for people that write to people in prison. Not all of us are having relationships with the people we are writing to in prison. Sometimes, often times I'd say, it REALLY IS about letters to brighten someone's day in prison.
It is not wrong to be a pen pal to someone in prison. And if that person in prison IS in a relationship, and HIS relationship groundrules are DIFFERENT than your husband's and he IS "allowed" to have other outside friends to write or talk to, then that's how THOSE 2 people run THEIR relationship. Why does yours have to be the only way or theirs be the only way? Aren't there many ways to run a relationship? The only "right" way to do it is the way that works for you. No one says you're not allowed to run it the way you see fit, it's that when you start imposing that upon others that people get their hackles up. Because neither are the "last word" on how things should be for all people. It's just what works for you.
And if you run it your way and don't agree with all the others, okay... but just, this is a web site for those who write people in prison for POSITIVE reasons, it's not all drama filled relationship issues all the time.
That is all fine; you two share the views on writing others, and that is a good thing. For you. But when you say something like this:
His girlfriend leaves him because of "women like you"? It just sounds derogatory.
I, probably more than most members, have posted differing and contrary opinions. I am still here. You are still here. QueenBella is still here.
I have been on this forum, for the most part, daily; for about eight months. I have never seen anyone "run off". People who disappear, for the most part. shoot themselves in the foot before they depart.
I don't think that was an attack, I think that's just how she types. All that's being said there is that maybe the gf left because the inmate had pen pals, and that woman didn't want to be part of a relationship where they were part of the equation. Perhaps saying "women like you" wasn't the best, but the meaning remains the same. Either way, we just have the inmate telling us what happened and until we know the truth, we can just continue guessing.
I don't think that was an attack, I think that's just how she types. All that's being said there is that maybe the gf left because the inmate had pen pals, and that woman didn't want to be part of a relationship where they were part of the equation. Perhaps saying "women like you" wasn't the best, but the meaning remains the same. Either way, we just have the inmate telling us what happened and until we know the truth, we can just continue guessing.