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Sex offender

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Firefly00
Firefly00's picture
Sex offender

I wrote an inmate on here, his charges showed no sex offences. I googled him and found nothing. Then I found he is a sex offender with different dob but same person (from picture) and I already wrote him. What would you do in this situation?

Kirsten
Kirsten's picture

I'd wait for a (possible) and read that letter and decide then how to proceed. Meaning, I don't exclude sex offenders immediately. I certainly don't search for them, but it's not an immediate no-go for me, either.
 

Kirsten
Kirsten's picture

possible reply I meant, sorry that I forgot typing the word "reply".

Firefly00
Firefly00's picture

Im conflicted, should I try to understand? Being a victim I'm not sure..

Jeanne555
Jeanne555's picture

You can see if he replies, not all inmates do. Then if he does see how his letters feel to you. What vibe are you getting? If you feel uncomfortable then I think no harm in telling him that you realized you cannot commit to penpalship at this time. It's still new so no hard feelings.
Or you might find that he is remorseful and his letters are interesting so in that case you could give it a chance.

ST4s
ST4s's picture

IMHO, sometimes a lifetime branded as a sex offender is justice served, and sometimes it’s the polar opposite. Details matter. To illustrate, one of my buds is now locked away on the sidelines, while the family of his son’s long-term girlfriend has brought suit against his son. The girl and the boy are madly in love, she’s pregnant, and was a month or two shy of the age of consent at the time. The law is very clear on this, but the situation… it’s a tough one. “Madly in love” and “sex offender” are mutually exclusive in my opinion. Something like that will follow him for life... and for what? Maybe wait and see if you get a reply? And if you do, see what this person has to say.

A different DOB but the same photo sounds kind of odd though, like google messed up, or some data entry got messed up along the way. If it were me, I’d just set it aside until I heard back, instead of going into full-on detective mode. I’d go out and enjoy the big, beautiful world in the meantime.

Best wishes :-)

Kirsten
Kirsten's picture

I'm with St4s on the point that not all sex offenses are the same. But reading your second posting on this thread, I'd tell you to reconsider.

For, being a victim yourself you should not "try to understand" and write him anyway. i'd never go and tell a victim of abuse it has to understand the perpetrator. No, you don't. Same with murder, I mean someone who lost a sibling to murder should not necessarily write to anyone with a murder charge, either.

But your first question was what I'd be doing and being no survivor of sexual abuse and having no children, I'd just wait, if there'll be a reply and then go and see from there.

If it scares or frigthens or harms you in any way, then you definitely should put self care first and stop this penpalship. Only you can know how you feel and what you're willing or able to deal with. Safety and security first!

Jazx
Jazx's picture

I would stop talking to him.

mjuran
mjuran's picture

I'm not sure what you mean "should I try to understand."  Understand him?  Understand his crime?  Understand why the dob and photo aren't matching up?  Is there a different idea of "should" depending on whether you've been a victim or not?  I think if you are flat out against writing to someone who may be a sex offender, you shouldn't write to a possible sex offender, but if you want to see if he is one or not, you should see if he replies and ask about it if it matters to you.  If you are asking if you have an obligation to try to understand "a sex offender" after being a victim, no, there's no obligation.  But as a former victim myself, I find it very useful and healing to try to understand all the sides involved.  Some people I wouldn't want to be in contact with, others I might feel able to relate to and understand as fellow human beings. It all depends, so I'd side with everyone else here saying to wait for his reply and see what he sounds like at that point, and how you feel about it.

VioletGrey
VioletGrey's picture

If you don't feel comfortable when they reply, then write to say you can no longer write to them and wish them a happy journey.

If you're okay with their reply and can look past the crimes to see where it leads, do that. 
Really up to you on how you feel as to how to proceed

Firefly00
Firefly00's picture

i find your questioning about my questions very judgemental, 

mjuran
mjuran's picture

Oh!  I'm sorry!  I really wasn't speaking from a place of judgement at all, I was speaking from a place of not understanding what it was you were asking, in asking "should I?"  I think it's a air question to ask, reallly.  I wasn't criticizing you for asking it, only trying to understand what, exactly,you were trying to say with it.  Because it was ambiguous, to me.  I am sorry and meant no offense.  Really.

mjuran
mjuran's picture

"fair question", not "air question",, I meant.

Fair question because I find victims get given a lot of advice about what they should or shouldn't do or feel, and so I am alert to those questions, when I hear someone asking that.  Perhaps I read way too much into your question.  In my opinion, there is no "should" about it, how a victim should feel or what they should do.  I'm the last one to judge that, or tell someone what they should do.