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Sex Talk

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Mateo's picture
Sex Talk

So I know this was already answered but I want clarity before I go ahead and do it in a letter. Sex Talk. "Sexting" but in the form of a letter, to an inmate... is it allowed? And if yes... what extent is it allowed to go to? Are there any things to avoid talking about that could get the letter denied? Or is everything good-to-go? Just any info on the matter

Cleopatraaaa's picture

Hey! So I talk about sex with one of my pen pals. Firstly, I think a lot of it is facilty dependent or depends on which CO is on duty etc. But so far we haven’t had anything denied yet, and I guess some of it could be considered graphic, but I guess it would depend on your definition of what graphic is. I feel awkward talking about it here since I guess it could be seen as sort of blurring the lines of my boundaries with my pen pal, but we’re both adults and we’ve both agreed to do it without it leading to more, so I think it should be okay. Also, don’t want to be over sharing too much. It’s also a fairly new thing too.

I’ll just say that we’ve described sex scenes, used very descriptive/explicit terms and we have both  received everything! So I guess you’d just have to give it a go to see what goes? I think the your best bet would be to stay away from any fantasies or scenes that could be deemed to violent or rape or things like that. Common sense things, you know? I’m sure the couples on here would be better able to answer your question though. 



Mateo's picture

@Cleo95: Oooh your reply is perfect for what I needed though. It's a fairly new thing too and sounds like a similar situation to yours. I'll make sure I'm way away from anything fetish-like LMAO but it's good to know that explicit terms and etc is generally accepted. So far, in terms of everything else, the facility is quite good with letting mail through so hopefully it stays that way. I don't wanna jinx anything though. Just my luck if this letter gets denied Lol. Thanks for the help though!

LotusBlossom's picture

Hopefully I can be of help.   Some places anything goes, you can go 50 shades (or darker) if that’s your type of thing - it’s fine with the facility my BF is at.  Recently I rolled the dice and sent in few totally bare shots and they were allowed and went through. That being said, the facility knows me and who I am so maybe that had something to do with it.  I was a little scared at first of offending people as everything is monitored but I got good advice from people on here who told me it wasn’t anything the CO’s hadn’t seen before in their lifetime and to just be me.

The idea of not allowing full nudity type of photos are what if an underage person writes in, lying to the inmate about their age, and sends in those things?  The inmate has no way to check who they are, and the staff only heavily monitors certain inmates’ incoming mail.  That would open up a world of trouble, and they don’t have the time to check every single person who writes in.  This is why as much as we discuss catfishing or scamming, and sure occasionally people tell little fibs like adding onto their height or dropping a few pounds, there are things that are incredible harmful such as underage people writing in and trying to start any type of relationship, so the facilities have to be very careful and that’s understandable.

Some places do have VERY strict rules against descriptions of bdsm in written letters, even cleavage shots in pictures, etc.  And if the people sorting through the mail decide a letter is obscene at their discretion, you might have someone that views something obscene that another person views as tame.  

People need to stay away from writing about ANY type of activity that’s illegal, as always.  

The important thing to remember with writing sex stuff is - do it only if YOU want, never let anyone pressure anyone else, as it was pointed out by another member on here not only do the mail people and all the CO’s get a chance to see it, prison isn’t private and it takes two seconds for someone else to see stuff (this didn’t bug me, I’m just gonna hit the block button or call the popo if some nutcase thinks a sexy picture means I’m his girl and comes ‘round, obviously I’m with my BF), and just use common sense.

It’s not against the law to be sexual, you or the inmate won’t get into trouble, the worst that will happen is the mailroom will deny it, and send it back, with a check mark on “other” and write “no sexual descriptions.”  I haven’t had that happen but I know people who have had stuff sent back.

On a side note, I hope the people writing in will also respect the inmates - they’re on a public space on the internet, so how many do you think get dirty fantasy with the convict letters and people who toy with them who have absolutely no prior relationship or contact with them?  A lot.  Consent is mandatory on both sides, even with writing sexy stuff or sending in sexy pics.  Don’t be “that person.” 

Love and peace (and sex positivity!)


Mateo's picture

@Lotus Thanks so much for the tips, advice & Info. In my case, it's 100% consensual on both ends. And I won't be going deep into details in my letter. Just a little "Mouth Action" I could say. LOL. No pictures! Nothing illegal or anything of the matter. But I'm taking on board everything you wrote for future reference. And hopefully the others on this website who were curious or are considering it take tips away from this as well. Thanks for the help! 

LotusBlossom's picture

Sounds like you’re ahead of the game Mateo !!!  And you both rock, cheers to happiness (and some fun!!)


Cleopatraaaa's picture

@Mateo Oh yay! I’m glad my advice helped! Gotta be honest, I’m glad there’s also someone on here who’s doing the same sort of thing with their pen pal too lmao. I feel less alone haha. But have fun!!! 

Northernyank's picture

Mateo, let your imagination run wild and have fun. It's completely allowed. It's honestly such a wonderful way for you and your significant other to connect. 

lamorena's picture

Mateo, I don't mean to infer here, but I think you mentioned before having a penpal in the same prison that my fiance is currently in. So hopefully this eases your mind even more- send it all in! Except for bodily fluids lol!

I've sent him very descriptive sexual letters and have had no problems getting them in. One of my letters was entirely devoted to 'mouth action' and he got that one just fine. 

They get a little more picky when it comes to photos and drawings, but your imagination can flow freely in your letters. 

Mateo's picture

@lamorena Yes, I think they share the same facility! Thankful for the insight. In general, the Mail Room there seems to be quite good with letting things in so I kinda thought it would be the same with this. Just wanted to double check before I do send anything. But I appreciate the info and I'll definitely be making the most of it Haha!

@Northenyank Oh it's gonna run wild alright! Haha But yes definitely a great way to get more personal with your PP. Thank you!

JoanneFraser's picture

TBH, I don't like the idea of sexting. Because it can be stolen and used against you. Call me paranoid, but I don't want something like that happening to me. Not so long ago I had a very... let's say specific problem. I was asking questions on the internet. I've found this forum and got a professional help. But then someone hacked my PC and started to blackmail me. The problem was - they've found out not only about this secret. If I were sexting with somebody, they would blackmail this person too. That's why I think that this is a very bad idea.

elllisaurus's picture

I get where you're going at, but unfortunately people are sexual beings and do have certain desires- keeping them in would be unhealthy. I talk about sexual topics with my PP's, but more in a friendly type of way, like, I have no romantic feelings for them and they don't have feeling for me, but they do mention they miss it sometimes and stuff, and I tell them when I i.e. hook up with someone (one of them is like an older brother to me and I trust him dearly, so it'd make sense for me to tell such things). I've also shared things about sexual trauma with one of my PP's and he was very sweet and respectful about it and didn't expect me to do anything for him. I personally don't think I would sext to prisons myself but I completely understand why some others do, and if I were romantically involved with an inmate then maybe I would have done the same. 

Liw from Scandinavia
Liw from Scandinavia's picture

Ohh.. I've got very graphic sex mails from my special pen pal and it goes through just fine. ;) Have fun!!

JaneJLocane's picture

Sex plays an important role in my life. And it must be constantly improved. Once I went to the chat and after that I realized that I hadn't seen much in my life In general, dating sites are cool. Emancipation, freedom makes sex unforgettable.

Jak4Walton's picture

It's interesting, thanks!