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Successful love/friendship

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kellykelly
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Successful love/friendship

After months of trying I think I’ve finally got the go ahead to marry the love of my life. We started off as pen pals I’m from the uk he understands I have children but they are growing so as soon as I can I will move to the USA to be with him full time. I’d like to hear anyone’s story’s that might  have got married/getting married. Have you or would you move country’s or a state for love. Or maybe you have build a strong friendship were there never as been or will be romance. I’d love to hear what you all think. 

FrankieBones
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Hi, its all a matter of how easily you think you can move over there. A wedding is not enough to move over there you also need to be able to support yourself or have a spouse who can. You're moving to America, there is no welfare to speak of. You will need to be able to work full time, and there is no NHS equivelant to speak of unless you're dead broke and get put on Medicaid so you will need to pay for health insurance, and travel insurance at least initially until you get set up so that you have healthcare. You will also need to factor in all the other costs. A car if you don't live in a major city as public transport is archaic outside of most major cities in the US then you will need a car, and have a means to be able to be paying for registration and insurance. It's illegal in several states not to have car insurance.

kellykelly
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I can look after myself  thanks 

NiceGuy15
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Congrats Kelly!

No stories here. Just pen pals as of now.

kellykelly
kellykelly's picture

Thank you niceguy x x 

Kirsten
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Developing, I'd say. The one who was the 1st guy to reply to me, he's a friend by now, yes.

My AZ pp is a "I don't know what that is and it doesn't matter to not have a word for it", I simply gave up on analyzing that. It's what it is whatever it may be called. Rare. Intense. Rough. Difficult at times. But worth every letter, every argument, every yes & every no. A learning experience for sure.

And yeah, another one becoming a friend. Steadily, slowly, but surely. Totally different from the other two, but growing in its own way & path. 

Northernyank
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Wifey to a lifer! 

Kirsten
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Oh and btw, could you please tell me what you mean by "successful"? Continuing? Overcoming obstacles? Sending each other onto a road of growth, clearly holding a mirror to each other's face, straight, but still with a respectful & benevolent smile? Or what?

"Success" can have a lot of meanings for different ppl. 

*musing a bit* One of the best friends I've ever had today is no longer a friend of mine. (Not an enemy, either, but there were certain events that stopped this friendship after a lot of years). It took me a few years to get over the break and to realize the why and whereabouts, but still... it was a "successful" friendship. Completed in itself. Given a lot, received at least as much. 

This is not to discourage anyone, things like lifelong friendship can & do exist. But the older I get, the more I question the assumption that only a lasting friendship/relationship could be a successful one. In the case mentioned above, it wasn't lasting, but I can't imagine anything to make me neglect its (positive) impacts (and therefore its success.) 

kellykelly
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I guess I just meant nice story’s that had worked out sometimes Yeah like what you have over come and how you made it through etc etc I love hearing all the good stuff I’m just an old romantic at heart I guess ha ha ha. 

kellykelly
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Me too Northernyank I’d sure like to hear about your experiences 

Northernyank
Northernyank's picture

Where's your lifer?

kellykelly
kellykelly's picture

He’s in Texas right now where’s yours 

Northernyank
Northernyank's picture

Ohio State Penitentiary

IL_PPP
IL_PPP's picture

@kelly, Frankie does have a point though. I'm from the US, and the immigration process takes a long, long time, plus it's expensive. I have no doubt in my mind that if you've got good work skills (which, I'm sure you do), you'll have an easy time finding a job. But, it's worth it to look into the visa process - the financee visa and the family visa. You'll need to prove your relationship, etc etc. It's tough - it's not insurmountable, but it's tough. I don't think Frankie meant to offend you.. he's just trying to open your eyes to the reality of how hard these things are. BUT, there have been success stories, and yours could very well be one!!!!!!

Kirsten
Kirsten's picture

Well said, IL PPP. Couldn't have worded it any better.

kellykelly
kellykelly's picture

Yeah I get that but the reason of the tread wasn’t anything to do with weather or not I can or should be able to move there if I had wanted advice about that I would of asked for it I don’t see why it as to be used as a reason to judge people if I move there or don’t if I’m given permission to move there or not or if I do or don’t is between me and my partner that’s it. Do I own a house over there already???? Do I already have permission????? I would like people to simply ask me and not just ask me and not take for granted. 

IL_PPP
IL_PPP's picture

Well, at the end of the day, posting on an open internet forum will warrant responses that may not be applicable to the topic or responses you don't want to hear, etc.

BabyBlueEyes
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I know you say you are leaving Kelly, but I understand your point on this. You didn’t ask about immigration, you asked for stories. 

kellykelly
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It’s good babyblue it is what it is my email is there if you wanna stay in touch take care and best of luck x x x

FrankieBones
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First of all I wasn't judging you nor did I mean you any offense. This is one the cases I can say I'm sorry but... and mean it in a serious sense.... So I'm sorry but any offense taken was your own because there was no malice in any of my words. I don't believe there ever has been except the one time where Stu here pushed all of my buttons by stating that reverse racism was equivocal, or that it was equivalent to racism itself. There is nothing ambiguous about what it is, nor is it equivalent in any sense to racism in general. As a person of colour (Mediterranean Caucasian and therefore olive skin)  that whole concept just annoys the hell out of me but in that case I am sorry the whole forum had to hear about that because there simply isn't a PM function here anymore.

What I am sorry about is if I misconstrued the point of this thread and gave you advice about all of this. Maybe the point of this topic was not clear to me at the time. I just wanted to point you in the direction of some sort of understanding that saying you love someone and getting married is not enough by itself and the whole process of migrating to the United States as a spouse is quite difficult.

I think any judgment in this case happened in your own head. Meanwhile I am quite happily involved with somebody who has a profile on this site and have been so for about a year now so it is possible to make it work (as I have said in other threads) it just takes a significant amount of commitment and an understanding of the stilted nature of a relationship where you’re not in contact with the person (and can’t be) every day like a normal committed relationship with your spouse.

 

Stu0973
Stu0973's picture

@Frankie Hey keep me out of this, I have not mentioned that situation or brought it up again, but you seem to be naming me every chance you get and still seem to be taking what I had said the wrong way. Please stop this.

kellykelly
kellykelly's picture

You know what the worse thing is this forum meant so much to me too cause being with someone in prison you face so many judgemental remarks people don’t understand why you could love someone inside the only person I could talk to about it all was my husband. So when I found this I finally found people that would understand that I could talk too no judgement they were in the same place as me someone they loved is paying for a mistake they made but could understand howthe people left out here felt. Now I’m back to square one I’m watching what I post or what I say even when I try and do something to uplift like asking for success story’s it’s turned into something negative and just yet a reason for bulling. Every thing and every reason I joined this site for as gone and been replaced by so much negativity I just can’t be assed if I can’t find someone that understands here of all places where can anyone find it??? I thought we were here to make a difference there is soooooo many good people in prison and so many bad I just hope people who are new to this are not put off and will still write to people trying to find friendship on here. It’s never gonna be the same for me on here now. I’m sure me speaking from the heart is gonna make someone wanna pull it apart but just know I’m gonna make the best I can from what I have and I’m gonna get married and i will live on the moon or in a dustbin if I have too. I’m just gonna go back to feeling very alone I guess.

 

FrankieBones
FrankieBones's picture

I would have no need to bring it back up again if someone didn't see the need to continue it.... Anyway.... after having shit thrown at me for saying the right thing that is morally and conscionably correct I give up… I’m leaving this place so that you can be racists among yourself.

Goodbye.

BabyBlueEyes
BabyBlueEyes's picture

Thought you were only arguing on one thread? Hmm. 

Laters! 

kellykelly
kellykelly's picture

Now please lord let there be peace I really hope we can get this back to how it was a few months ago where we can all support each other thank you so much to all the people who tried to keep this post on the subject it was meant for and anyway I’d still like to hear any stories anyone’s as especially if your making a marriage/friendship work over a long distance, I guess I’m just scared about moving to a new country and hopefully moving my business over there it’s a big step I guesss. 

FrankieBones
FrankieBones's picture

Famous last words... I have tried to contain this to one thread Kelly wants to continue this across three separate threads including one where I’ve been unambiguously labelled as a bully where Kirsten has said there is nothing of the case. I would respect her opinion than your flippancy with me when I’ve tried and failed to apologise to you in the past and return to a sense of equilibrium.

Who is the real bully here I ask?

If you want to support controversial people then be prepared to put up with equally as controversial opinions both for and against.  Given that this is not practicable on this forum and seeing as someone else is engaging in a war to make me feel uncomfortable here in spite of everything else that I have contributed across various threads... I simply have been feeling less and less comfortable in this place and in helping other people here in their time of need.

Before you say anything else, this post doesn't warrant nor need your reply... but you will probably reply anyway, in which case, that's fine... I've come to realise its human nature on the Internet to want to have the last word…

kellykelly
kellykelly's picture

Also if anyone as any advice about getting married in a prison I’d be really greatful. I know it’s not ideal but I’m hoping we can do it all again on the outside once he’s home. 

Cleo95
Cleo95's picture

I’ve got no stories (I’ve only just begun all this!) but I just wanted to wish you all the luck and happiness in the world! 

Pisces_Lion
Pisces_Lion's picture

ellyKelly, I read your post and also the answers from other people ... there are people who judge and also try to discourage the situation ... but don't be sad fpr ot; you continue your way and if you are ready to live your story, if you can afford to leave your country and move in the US (for short or long time) and be closer to your man ... it's your choice! I don't know if your man will be released soon or if he has a long-term sentence. Personally I can tell you that yes, we can love and live a long distance relationship with an inmate. Even for long years. This is my case, I "knew" my man at beginning of 2013 and 6 months after we realized that there were deeper feelings between us. And we are in 2019 ... 6 years later we are still together. We had our up and down, we also had some short break, there were people who tried to discourage us, to tell stories to separate us ... but we overcame everything and we are always together. I don't say that my man is a saint, he also made mistakes because he cannot stay away from troubles ... but at end we found a way to explain, to talk and we managed to overcome our moments "down". Living a long distance relationship with a prisoner can be very frustrating and stressful because you are not free to call and talk when you desire, you cannot see each other when you want (I visited him only 2 times) ... I say it's a special love that very few people understand and can live. But it can happen ... First years my man ask me several times to get married, but everytime I said No and now he understood I'm against to marriage, because it will not change anything to our relationship being married. He will always be in prison in US and I'll always be in Europe. I'm romantic soul but same time I'm independent and realist. We live at present and we don't think much about the future. I still love him very much, he loves me very much, I'm still there for him ...but I know tomorrow everything can change in life ... in good, in bad. KellyKelly follows your heart, if you are ready to live this "crazy" experience go there ... if it works very well if it does not work you tried. Good luck !

Pisces_Lion
Pisces_Lion's picture

KellyKelly, I read your post and also the answers from other people ... there are people who judge and also try to discourage the situation ... but don't be sad for it; you continue your way and if you are ready to live your story, if you can afford to leave your country and move in the US (for short or long time) and be closer to your man ... it's your choice! I don't know if your man will be released soon or if he has a long-term sentence. Personally I can tell you that yes, we can love and live a long distance relationship with an inmate. Even for long years. This is my case, I "knew" my man at beginning of 2013 and 6 months after we realized that there were deeper feelings between us. And we are in 2019 ... 6 years later we are still together. We had our up and down, we also had some short break, there were people who tried to discourage us, to tell stories to separate us ... but we overcame everything and we are always together. I don't say that my man is a saint, he also made mistakes because he cannot stay away from troubles ... but at end we found a way to explain, to talk and we managed to overcome our moments "down". Living a long distance relationship with a prisoner can be very frustrating and stressful because you are not free to call and talk when you desire, you cannot see each other when you want (I visited him only 2 times) ... I say it's a special love that very few people understand and can live. But it can happen ... First years my man ask me several times to get married, but everytime I said No and now he understood I'm against to marriage, because it will not change anything to our relationship being married. He will always be in prison in US and I'll always be in Europe. I'm romantic soul but same time I'm independent and realist. We live at present and we don't think much about the future. I still love him very much, he loves me very much, I'm still there for him ...but I know tomorrow everything can change in life ... in good, in bad. KellyKelly follows your heart, if you are ready to live this "crazy" experience go there ... if it works very well if it does not work you tried. Good luck !

kellykelly
kellykelly's picture

Thanks lion and your right you do have good and bad days and it is hard I’ve been  with him a long time and marrying him and moving isn’t something I took lightly and it’s taken many years to put all that in place, I looked into how it could happen and paid a lot in lawyer fees to make sure that the marriage wasn’t gonna just be on paper and we could be the best couple we can be given where we both are. I’m almost at the point now where if I wanted to move it’s all most in place and I’m very close to his family and have been for some years so I would have people there to help in the change, but having children I’ve had to look at it as a mum not just someone in love lol, I’m glad I took the risk and I’m lucky it’s worked out to me it was all worth it. 

Natascha
Natascha's picture

 

Hey

There are a few good Facebook groups about the topics 

With admins that approve every post

Here you can write whatever garbage no one cares

This is not the right platform to talk personal 

Regards 

Natascha 

Kirsten
Kirsten's picture

I'll not go and open an FB account just to talk about prison issues. FB is a data octopus I'm certainly not going to support by feeding it. 

Personally I've always enkjoyed this place & will continue doing so as long as it is going to exist.

As for ppl just wanting to get their own opinions affirmed - it doesn't matter to me, those are everywhere.

I didn't join the forum to make friends - I joined it to find prison penpals, which I did. 

Apart from that, I'm in email contact with several members or unregistered readers from here, so, in the end, it would not change much for me. 

Northernyank
Northernyank's picture

Hey Kelly, let me know if you ever want to exchange emails? I know exactly how you feel and how this can be very isolating. 

kellykelly
kellykelly's picture

Hi northernyank I would love to swap emails kellymarie1975 [at] icloud [dot] com

Stu0973
Stu0973's picture

Hey Kelly I emailed you.

IL_PPP
IL_PPP's picture

kelly, i wanted you to know that my intention in my earlier posts in this thread was not to make you feel alone or isolated or bad or anything. i am sorry.

kellykelly
kellykelly's picture

It’s all forgotten and I don’t think you made me feel like that I think I was just overwhelmed by many things I’m glad we talked :-)