Talking to your PP's about their 'records' ?

I write a few girls and talk about those things all the time. Although when mentioning other ads, I usually say something like "So I imagine you get quite a bit of mail with the ads you have out there....what are most of the people like that write? How many of them are cool? How many do you write regularly? That would be cool to have found several good friends on the outside to get to know and correspond with."

And I always research their crime, and I usually ask them about it. You'd be surprised at what some of these people have been through that drive them to their crimes...many I think deal with depression or abusive relationships. But honestly, I think for the most part, from what I have gathered, they WANT to open up and talk about them usually and have someone that will listen, not be judgemental, and be empathetic.

I think you should speak your mind about whatever is on your mind, but just make sure the delivery is well thought out.

I write a few girls and talk about those things all the time. Although when mentioning other ads, I usually say something like "So I imagine you get quite a bit of mail with the ads you have out there....what are most of the people like that write? How many of them are cool? How many do you write regularly? That would be cool to have found several good friends on the outside to get to know and correspond with."

And I always research their crime, and I usually ask them about it. You'd be surprised at what some of these people have been through that drive them to their crimes...many I think deal with depression or abusive relationships. But honestly, I think for the most part, from what I have gathered, they WANT to open up and talk about them usually and have someone that will listen, not be judgemental, and be empathetic.

I think you should speak your mind about whatever is on your mind, but just make sure the delivery is well thought out.

I agree with Davis if it is really important to you, you should talk to her about it. She might be terrified that you will abandon her once you find out what she did. It is weird most of these sites include the crime these people are in prison for but they think we will leave them if they tell us what happened.

The thing is, the crime they are convicted of may not exactly reflect the crime they actually committed, if indeed they did commit a crime in the first place. those who are innocent of their conviction are likely to want as many people as possible to know and be on their side. Those who are guilty of the crime they are serving time for, in my experience, are less likely to want to discuss it.

I don't ask my pals for the details of their crimes. They are all convicted of killing at least one person each, but I'm more interested in who they are right now.

Hi Sagit,

I didn't have to ask my pps about their crime.
3 of them actually mentioned it in their first letter, and 2 of them wrote me a long letter (at least 5 pages)telling me what happened exactly. One keeps writing about his past, his crazy life ...

I would, as Davis says, ask her if she has other penpals, if she's been successful with her ads - in a nice way, not to sound too jealous or too noisy :deal:

As for her crime, well, if she has still not mentioned it after 6 months, I wouldn't ask her upfront, I would just say that if she wants to talk about it one day - it's fine with me I'm a good listener and I won't let her down after that.

Since you've read her DOC's profile, you already know what she's in for.

Thank you very much for your advice so far. But what I actually wanted to say was, of course we talked about her crime, she told me about it right in her very first letter. That's not what I wanted to say. What I meant was, whether I can tell her that I visited the website of the DOC in the state where she's incarcerated in, or if she will be upset when she hears that I check out information about her at the DOC instead of asking and trusting only her.

well I'm honest about it, and they know I looked a few things up, cause of some conversations.
I always have gotten the permission of my pals/friends to look things up.
but I always am open about that things, cause they are open to me as well.

The few pps I have one categorically told me not to ask him about his crime as he did not wish to discuss it, well for me thats alright cos I had already looked him up and read stuff about him on the internet, which I proceeded to tell him about, I didnt hide the fact that I had googled him............ one told me straight up why he was incarcareted and the others I looked them up but didnt mention it to them cos they hadnt said anything so I didnt (I'm not sure whether that was right or not!).
I think just for your peace of mind if it keeps bugging you maybe you should just mention that you had looked her up that way you dont have anything between you.
I guess at the end of the day its better to know what they have done than to just keep quiet and for them to know you know after all you did choose to continue writing to her even though you know what crime she is in for that didnt stop you so just let her know that.

I am kind of a weird person so I google peoples names all the time, not just my pen pals. I have to tell them I googled their name but I don't want to bring up their crime if they are not ready. I don't think you have too much to worry about. You are not calling her a liar.

My pals know i googled them as i told them, they didnt mind at all. Infact one even told me the name of a book his crime is mentioned in although its incorrect in its details.

I agree with Sunray though, i am more interested in knowing the person they are NOW. Sure i looked up their reasons for being where they are but that was just to ensure they werent some swindling Dahmer.

:)

Before I write to an inmate I always check the DOC records as some of them may post inaccurate information. It also helps to know in what context they committed the crime. So far I've only asked the pp I'm writing to about his release date (which was not listed on the website) as I need to know how long the correspondence will last.

Just yesterday I googled one of my penpals I just started writing with, and I even found some articles.. well, there were some contradictions and I definitely will ask him about that, in his first letter he wrote that I may ask him anything so I will do that. And I'm too honest to keep such things for myself, especially when I have them in my mind all the time.

So if you feel like you're not honest enough to your penpal, you should tell her right?
It would be better than having a 'bad conscience' or something like that...

I didnt ask my pp about his crime and he mentioned it himself after a few months, I did check the DOC website before writing to him because there were certain crimes I couldnt personally see past (crimes involving children). He knows Ive looked because I told him and he didnt have a problem with it. I think they must realise a lot of people will check so we know exactly what we are getting into, so I dont think your pp will mind if you say you checked.

Thank you all very much for your numerous hints! :thx:

I know i told my guy i did it and he was cool, but he said i could have asked him. But it's
out there and that's the new world. Some people lie and some don't want you to know they have so much time. My man had seven more years to go when i met him. I almost fell out the chair when i seen his time. They always talk about they are going to pass a law and they won't have to make so much time. The law haven't been paswt yet. Coffee