Me and my pp have been dating for like a month now i'm in London and R. is in P.A.. the intention wasnt to end up dating or fall in love ( i know everyone say's that) but it happened.. Now im happier than ever even tho it is early days..
So my question is how did everyone (anyone) find it to tell family and friends?
I told my father as i tell him everything but i wanna tell everyone else but i dont want to hear the negative responses i know i will receive..
Kind Regards
Last post
The only way to not hear negative responses is to not tell anyone. But people might surprise you, and not be as harsh as you think. Even if they are, it's because they care about you - indifference would be the worst reaction of all I think.
You can't go through life avoiding anything negative.
I wasn't sure what to expect either when I told my family and friends but I did feel they ought to know? My friends and cousins were the first to know though. Everyone eventually came around but sure there are some who didn't ''understand'' why I made that choice same as when they knew that I started writing but they've accepted it as long as they see he makes me happy. Most were like ''how are you going to make it work (distance wise also). Just told them we'd be straight lol we'd work something out. You'll have raised eyebrows here and there but sometimes negativity feeds your strength as well.
Goodluck :)
Keep it to yourself, that's an option. If this is "true love" (insert shaking of head here) then you'll be together forever. That said why would you want everybody to know about his present status? What if you do get together when he gets out (Ugggggg) and everybody already has their take on this person they have never met? You wouldn't want that.
My suggestion would be to play fantasyland with like minded people and they are a dime a dozen on this board. I only write my pen pal, have no intentions of waiting and will be married with children well before they get out. That said I don't bother to tell anybody about my pen pal because it's my pen pal. Just a suggestion and good luck.
must be the season for certain people to come out of the woodwork
If you do decide to disclose, and I think you should be careful about it, I know some of my friends think I'm insane. I wouldn't tell them you've fallen in love, at least first off. Do they know you write to someone in prison? If not, I would start there and get them used to that idea and play it down, especially when they advice you to stop. Hey, just like a lot of love affairs, right? I mean, first off, you need to protect yourself, second, your relationship. Honesty always feels good but it often doesn't end up as the best policy.
Is this aimed at me?
absolutely not
My PP was coming here where I live, he and I have investigated it and it is possible. We have discussed marriage, children, the future etc... Then he deleted me off Corrlinks tonight. I am so upset, but you know until another 24 hours passes I am trying to stay optimistic and another poster advised me this happen to them and it was a glitch.
So watch this space, i may be back tomorrow this time with a tale of woe, or a huge sigh and the smile back and the spring back in my step.
Please cross everything that its the latter.
But on your topic. I am not telling anyone, when he comes here he wants to start a new life, I will say I met him online, or at a club or somewhere, but I dont want ppl to have a preconceived idea about him, a new life is hard to start if your old one is hanging over your head. Im a grown woman, I dont need to tell people where he has been, its not a normal question for people to ask, where did you meet is, and ill say online, cos its not a lie...lol
Good luck and I hope you are lucky in love :)
Ahh, since you hadn't quoted... ^^
Sunshinegirl, good luck. I hope all ok with that!
Nope it's aimed at me.
See I'm a direct threat to her delusions of grandeur, AKA the guy who has a differing opinion.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not bad for business but I'm also the guy that gives you the same response that somebody who's never heard of WAP would give you.....you're crazy.
I have no problem with the whole WAP lovey dovey scene as it's everybody's right to make a fool of themselves. That said it's those new users who are confused for a second thinking that waiting ten years for somebody to get out of prison so "you could be together" is even close to normal thinking.
I wish everybody the best in their "pen pal" relationships and I have to use the term "pen pal" loosely as for many it's anything but that as it's the "perfect man." He loves you, at least he writes that. You know where he is at night and clearly he's not cheating on you with anybody of the opposite sex. He sends you long letters as if he would even consider doing that upon getting out of prison. You send him money because you want him to feel more comfort than he's presently feeling. (I think that covers it.) Wait then there's the guys, checking out the "hottie with an edge" who they would never even get a chance to talk too if they met this person at the mall. Yeah, the same crown who grew up as dance floor stalkers in their 20's burning holes in you with their stair as they hang on the edge of the dancefloor. (I love these people.)
Anyhow, I'm that person who wants you to understand that there's not all that much difference between sending a person you never met in prison money to answering one of those emails that stars out "Dear Sir" and goes on to tell you how if you just send five hundred they would gladly split the thirty million they have comming.
I know, I know I'm a hater...yawn.
Here's what I offer to this board.....a differing opinion which is viewed as evil because I dare challenge the fantasyland many people live in. I support your fantasyland, it's your life. That said misery doesn't need company and instead of acting like everything is A-OK you should be honest.
I wish everybody the best on this site, I hope you find somebody great. That said if you're free and have opportunity don't let it pass you bye over somebody "YOU REALLY DON'T KNOW." (That's the clincher, the part that makes them hate me. They figure a few letters means they understand this person who failed in the free world the first time around. Nope, it means that right now you are their world.)
Okay I'm done but I invite your replies because unlike the others it's not always the season to be offended by a differing view who's been here for years and seen the same pathetic and dangerous behavior one time after another.
Lastly I invitie everybody to "Write A Prisoner" as it's a great thing. Don't fall for all the hype, last time I checked lockdown doesn't make for a fun date.
Oh Come on!!! its all fine and well having a difference of opinion but those who are "in love" are NOT crazy.
Im honest with it...if he wasnt in prison then id be with him so nope I dont think he would cheat with a member of the opposite sex!
You really dont have a clue what other peoples relationships are like and we all started off as pen pals but things happen that you have no control over.
As for sending money I dont send any...you see my guy is kinda old fashioned and doesnt ever want me to send any so that theory you have is wrong.
Yes challenge people thats fine but you really dont have to insult the people on here who have formed loving relations with their guys...So a prison relationship isnt the "norm" but who wants normal...normal is boring!
Oh, alright. I'll bite.
I'm not of the thought that *all* pen pal-turned-romance relationships are a farce. Are some of them? Definitely. Are most? I'm not going to make that call. Some are genuine, some are not. I know how incredibly easy it is - no matter how hard it's fought - to develop emotional feelings for someone you're writing to. I mean, afterall, you're getting to know someone through words, the most important aspect of any relationship (in my opinion). Now, emotional attachment does not have to be of the romantic variety. It is possible to have a soul mate without wanting to have their babies. I have a great affinity for my pen pal. I don't send him money. I don't make promises. We give each other emotional support. We have a laugh. We vent. We have a total BFF relationship. Could it all be a lie? Sure it could. But I'm enjoying myself, and he seems to be enjoying himself.
So to tell people that they're only kidding themselves when they say they've got more attachment to their pen pal than just a "pen pal" relationship isn't right. Maybe because you've never experience that, or maybe because you've been burned in the past, you feel like you're the all-knowing person in this (I don't know your story), but just because you've never had it doesn't mean no one else had or has that.
Some people marry their pen pals. More power to them. If they're happy, who are we to call them foolish or stupid or whatever else? Let them love. Some of us here are in love with someone who started as their pen pal. Who are we to call *them* foolish or stupid? Let them love too. There's a difference between being genuinely concerned and calling them fools. Personally, I'm going to be here to support them whether I agree with their relationship or not. It's their life. It's their love to give.
You meet people on the outside, right? How well do you *really* know them? I was in a relationship with someone for 5 years -on the outside- and I came to find out that I didn't know him AT ALL. So, actually, how often do you ever get to know someone truthfully?
Romance blossoms in all sorts of ways. Leave them be.
What Tyler said. By the spadeful.
The forum is not the place for arbitrary, subjective judgementalism.
Despite his rather abrupt and somewhat rude delivery, the post has a good few valid points. Not so much here, but on PTO there are many a prison relationship which just SCREAMS of delusion on the part of the free world-er.
Thing is yes there are many relationships that arent right and where one party is being disillusional however people have got to make their own mistakes its not easy telling someone thats madly in love that their relationship isnt real because that person simply wont listen. There are also many real relationships out there and frankly who are we to judge? There isnt any black and white people are different relationships are different both in and out of prison.
PTO? ...
PrisonTalkOnline
I couldn't have said it better, Moxie!
Thank you. Had a glance and a brief browse. Don't think I'll be going there. Too many miserygutses.
They aren't very friendly either over there, also easy to get lost in that mammoth of a site.
I have an account there but it's too damn busy over there, can't be bothered to keep up with it. I only ever go on there if I'm looking up some info :yup:
[QUOTE=Tyler;1032685]Delusions of grandeur? Wow, as opposed to your notion that you will be "married with kids" when your pen-pal gets out? With divorce rates what they are, you'd be better off saying "separated with child support payments". Their chances at love are no worse than yours....
[U]Having said that, I think it was a post everyone should read, a gut check if you will.[/U] It's the kind of post that will cause people to stop and think, but your stereotyping is ridiculous. I'm willing to bet that you're the guy on the other end of the dance floor, making fun of the dudes standing on the other side..... I mean, what's worse? The guy checking out a lady he can't have? Or the guy checking out the guy checking out the lady he can't have? Your post clearly shows you care far to much of what other people are doing, instead of doing for yourself.
Your post reads like a man-scorned. If you're even a man, I'm just assuming cause you said "guy" earlier. Lots of pain behind those words, maybe I'm wrong about you, and maybe you're wrong about them.[/QUOTE]
Words like these are why I keep trying to tempt you to crawl under my bridge :hearts:
:teacher:
Ahem
I have an account there but don't post. Do talk to a few people from there though via PM. The overall mentality there is just odd to me. At least in the areas I would use. I'm sure it's wonderful for certain demographics, but some of the things I've read there were just... WOAH. You know?
Like the whole "R.I.P." section for those who have been executed. Now, I'm anti-DP as you all know, but that whole martyrdom thing over there bothers me.
Plus I got into a sticky situation over there where I mentioned my PPs name ( I was a noob back then) to a woman who was from the UK and whose pp was also in AZ. I guess my PP and her PP weren't exactly BFFs, and well... yeah rookie, no more.
Silas... honey, I can try to share.
We just have to sort out access arrangements. I'd prefer to have him the weekends when I don't have my children?
I really haven't been writing to prisoners for very long, but I have thought about whether or not I should tell friends and family. At the moment, I'm going with "No". This is not because I feel ashamed in any way about my letter writing activities, but because there is always a possibility that on some future day one of my pen pals may meet one of my family members or one of my friends, and I would hate to have that person instinctively judged based on a mistake they had made long ago.
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We have already been reprimanded for this kind of dealing (by VikingChick). But it would be no fun to private message ...
So You can have the weekends - but you've got to wash him when you're finished.
I'll take every second Tuesday.
And we'll split the proceeds of the rest of the week? Okay?
Respectfully,
[ATTACH=CONFIG]2345[/ATTACH]
Oops! That should be:
[ATTACH=CONFIG]2346[/ATTACH]
No! bloodybuggerit! It's:
[ATTACH=CONFIG]2347[/ATTACH]
Me![/CENTER]
[QUOTE=Silas Sydenham;1032718][CENTER]
We have already been reprimanded for this kind of dealing (by VikingChick). But it would be no fun to private message ...
So You can have the weekends - but you've got to wash him when you're finished.
I'll take every second Tuesday.
And we'll split the proceeds of the rest of the week? Okay?
Respectfully,
[ATTACH=CONFIG]2345[/ATTACH]
Oops! That should be:
[ATTACH=CONFIG]2346[/ATTACH]
No! bloodybuggerit! It's:
[ATTACH=CONFIG]2347[/ATTACH]
Me![/CENTER][/QUOTE]
It would be a joy to scrub him clean. Already have some lovely vanilla scented bath bubbles on hand.
And we are no longer proposing to auction him off...just attempting to lure him under the bridge? :yup::yup:
[QUOTE=Silas Sydenham;1032718][CENTER]
We have already been reprimanded for this kind of dealing (by VikingChick). But it would be no fun to private message ...
So You can have the weekends - but you've got to wash him when you're finished.
I'll take every second Tuesday.
And we'll split the proceeds of the rest of the week? Okay?
Respectfully,
[ATTACH=CONFIG]2345[/ATTACH]
Oops! That should be:
[ATTACH=CONFIG]2346[/ATTACH]
No! bloodybuggerit! It's:
[ATTACH=CONFIG]2347[/ATTACH]
Me![/CENTER][/QUOTE]
It would be a joy to scrub him clean. Already have some lovely vanilla scented bath bubbles on hand.
And we are no longer proposing to auction him off...merely attempting to lure him under the bridge? :yup::yup:
No No No nononononononononononoooooooooooooooo!
Vanilla?
No-one wants a man to smell like icecream or a refridgerator! What are you thinking of?
[B]Nutmeg[/B]
[QUOTE=Silas Sydenham;1032731]No No No nononononononononononoooooooooooooooo!
Vanilla?
No-one wants a man to smell like icecream or a refridgerator! What are you thinking of?
[B]Nutmeg[/B][/QUOTE]
I like vanilla...it makes me want to sniff and possibly lick :rollinglaugh:
I don't think I want to go any further with this line of thinking.
Puts me in mind of Darrell Lea, a successful "candy" manufacturer in this country. Their marketting technique was to put a big bowl of fresh licorice by the door of their stores, and to position a fan to blow the scent out into the street.
I stand by my proposition that apart from themselves, men should smell of nutmeg.
Darn, I like licorice too!
But ok, nutmeg is also nice.
tyler - if you smell like vanilla, nutmeg or licorice, all of my fantasies will be ruined.
Licorice is disgusting, nutmeg is icky. Vanilla yo. nomz
and do we want to know what Tyler smells like in Moxie World?
And if Tyler DID smell like nutmeg, seriously, would you honestly complain????
he either smells like gucci's envy for men or armani's acqua di gio, and no one can convince me otherwise.
and nutmeg reminds me of egg nog or whenever i cook something with ricotta cheese, so yes. i'd complain.
Hmmm...maybe we could settle for a Tyler who smells like...Tyler.
Tyler: please forward scent samples for approval :beg:
ok, yeah - i can deal with that one. i smelled that one the other day when i was buying my brother's christmas present. i think it's nice.
and i'm sorry for hijacking too. stop making me go off topic!
Gee...I LOVE campfires! Always reminds me of toasted marshmallows - which are hot, and delicious,
Hmmm...think I might need to go fetch that fan again....:o Thank goodness for the anonymity of the internet :rollinglaugh:
Just checked. Seems that customs won't allow that Thierry Mugler A*MEN into Australia. What might be in it? Nutmeg perhaps?
S'MORES! TYLER SMELLS LIKE S'MORES!
YES!
I love good smelling menz. rowr
(back in my cage I will go, now.)
WRONG TOPIC!
Okay, then back to how every person on WAP gives men money and or uses it as a dating site? Nope.
And as far as telling others if you are in a relationship that bears telling others/family as in: "we're getting close/engaged/married" ...well, hopefully in the end the opinon of the person you are in the relationship with matters more than the opinion of all the others but it's true, you don't want to alienate family and friends that might have a knee jerk fearful reation. Time tells the truth about love so if you're in love, have a positive relationship and end up having a good life, well... who can argue with that? Guess they can still try but right about then it becomes [B]their[B][/B][/B] issue which they will hopefully get over some day.
Personally, I'm on a huge, gleeful mission in my life to notice just how many things people may not like about me, who I am, what I do, etc and just how much of that would be known as THEIR problem, hee hee hee. Quite a bit. And other than the need to tell others because you are getting so close/making plans together... for me, I don't feel I have to tell anyone anything unless I want to. I just treat it like any other friendship...not all my friends know each other or of each other and frankly who cares?
Well, no one likes to come on this forum and read "he/she broke my heart and screwed me over" but guess we could read that headline anywhere in life, not just prison relationships... unfortunately, there's a lot it going around.
Maybe some people who have been hurt don't automatically hurt others because of it but are actually on a journey to heal themselves and lead a better life. I know I am, and I'm glad to see some pp's who are too. Just a thought.
It's definitely panto season.
If anyone is interested, I don't send my pals money at all. They are penpals, nothing more. My marriage suits both myself and my husband right now, so whether it lasts as long as my grandparents' is neither here nor there - it will last as long as it lasts, just like everything else.
I shake my head plenty at some of the "relationship" tales I read on here and on PTO, but that doesn't mean that every single one of them are delusional or train wrecks waiting to happen. Even if they are, telling the individual involved makes zero difference.
No, not all are delusional but my eyebrow DOES go up when the woman is a 40 something divorcee and the inmate is a 25 year old, ripped stud. Essentially, it comes down to what each side gets from the relationship. If the free-worlder has enough money and is willing to share that with their incarcerated lover in return for the letters, phone calls and the comforting thought that someone out there loves them (even if this is a delusional belief), then there is nothing wrong with it.
My PP is a good friend in the making, and he has never asked for money. In fact, he spends a lot more than I do to keep the friendship going.
I love this post! "It will last as long as it lasts, just like everything else..." Amen to that.
(what is a panto?)