What is the biggest thing(s) you've learned from your experience writing as a penpal?

There always can be parallels on lives of ppl. I was astonished how many parallels there are between one of my penpals & me. We grew up in different cultures, we belong to different gender & race, we have (how many? 11, I guess) years between us, belong to different denominations, in short, we differ in about almost everything that's thought to be important by a lot of people. But when we started talking about interests, experiences and some biographical things, we both stated that we've got a lot more in common than what's visible on the outside.

That feelings and needs are truly universal and that, no matter what, everyone want to belong somewhere, to be perceived as a person (not a number, or a "robber", "murderer" or whatever).

That some life stories are really hard and that there are kids who lose their chance at a very early age (or who maybe never really had one, given the circumstances they were born in and raised in)

That above all else a lot of them are just human beings like us. Don't get me wrong, there are some real monsters, but after watching countless prison documentaries and some really dark stuff I ended up watching a documentary called Life and Death Row and an inmate currently on Texas Death Row that by any other standards if I had have grown up in the United States could have been me, but because his actions led him to shoot an off duty cop in an imperfect self defence and it being Harris County, Texas it amounted to a capitol sentence.

I was a troubled teenager myself and by my 20s I also used drugs. But also like hum I was a decent “normal” person taken out of that paradigm. Yes he did wrong, yes he shot someone, yes he should be in jail for a very long time and he has already been in prison for almost 20years. But in any other circumstance, with the mitigation he has and with the crime he committed he should not be on death row. But we are talking about Texas here.

I wont say that changed my views on the death penalty, there are some really messed up people where its more humane to end their lives then to see them rot in prison for 40 years (which is a sentence worse than death) but I will ay it opened my mind to a whole bunch of really unfortunate circumstances.

Awesome responses guys! Thanks for your insights, you guys are both awesome contributors here!

For me (I can't believe I forgot to add mine LOL)... it taught me to appreciate the little things. Being able to do and see all the things I can, to have the freedom to do, wear, eat what I want and not have to answer to pre set routines was huge. Also, the value of small things like cards or drawings, I didn't appreciate those as much as I do now, penpalling mainly taught me to appreciate the things I once took for granted and deemed insignificant. To them, simple things mean so much because so much has been taken from them. Also taught me alot about how different some people's backgrounds and life experiences are and enabled me to better see things through other perspectives as well as my own.

Kirsten, I love what you wrote about parallels, that's so true! My penpals are so different in pretty much every way from me, but a few common spots linked us together, I see you on that, that was awesome! I knew you'd probably be the first one to participate, dunno how but I did, LOL!

Frankie, I know exactly who you speak of, I used to write him as well, some years ago. Things didn't work out between him and I, but I completely agree with everything you've said. I've seen the episode in question as well. It just is heartbreaking, I don't think he deserves more than 20 years for what he did, so he should be a free man by now. If the shoe was on the other foot and if the cop was in his spot, there's no way in hell it would turn out as it did for him. Texas is ridiculous for disproportionate sentencing. You seem to see alot of yourself in him, so you would be a tremendous support to him. I completely agree, he should not be there and even today I pray that he has a good outcome with his case. Fighting against Texas is hell, but if Bart Whitaker can get commuted, perhaps there's something positive in the cards for him...??? One can only hope anyway!

Well I fight the good fight by bringing to light the injustice of all this nonsense. He writes mostly to women actually, so while I did send him a few letters it didn't really work out between us, but I keep an eye on the case because it gave me a real wake up call. I realised the way that I was leading my life would get me into the deep end. Actually there are some things I don't talk about in public only to say it did happen to someone close to me directly where the state did try to indict someone very close to me but I don’t talk specifics here as I said. I don’t talk specifics of much at all on this forum in any way that can lead back to me actually.

I have a habit of choosing pen pals with parallels to my own life because I think my own experiences may be able to assist people in some small way to make better of their lives. It’s a thing I have because of my own experiences in growing up with a troubled life. Among other things you can choose to continue the problem or you can choose to be part of the solution.

Actually the lady I write to right now has a lot of parallels with my life, I didn’t actually choose her deliberately this time, but her profile stood out as whatever… as shallow as it (may) seem one of the more attractive women on this site whose profile actually had something going for it. Its kind of funny, and she doesn’t talk about sex or use her body, in fact after talking to her for a while she’s actually modest in the way that she dresses and acts as a person. She got caught up in a range of messed up circumstances because her family comes from a lower socioeconomic background and her dad was an outlaw motorcycle gang member.

It’s a shame really, she had a scholarship to go to university for sport since she was 14 but she chose drugs and that lifestyle because of her upbringing. But the flipside of that is how often do you hear of guys in the NFL and NBA (or whatever) that are sill running drugs despite being professional athletes and making more money than what they know what to do with? There are multiple cases like this every year among professional athletes. All that tells me is that often young people should not look up to athletes because those athletes are the same types of human beings that have flaws like the rest of us.

Writing to prisoners and finding this one has helped me to revaluate my stance on that also. I mean how many young people listen to hip hop artists, smoking the chronic 4:20 time and living out the life of a want to be thug while glorifying it. As cliché as that is it happens every day. Her story just reminds me about how flawed the human race actually is.

Hopefully this post helps.

I feel the same way you do, Shadey, about appreciating the little things. At first it really opened my eyes to being able to do whatever I want whenever I want. That feeling has kind of worn off.

But, I've found this is teaching me patience as well. I'm a very impatient, instant results type person, so when confronted with 2-4 weeks in between letters, imagine how I feel. Sure, we have emailing capabilites now, but I'm finding that runs really, really slowly as well (days in between responses - and GTL sends you notifications when your email is approved, so someone over there at his facility is asleep at the switch.....).
 

Honestly... that some people are just broken or rotton. I grew up with this strange "Christianity " type mentality that no matter who Everyone has good inside them.... how very wrong I was. Some people are JUST ROTTEN but it's OK. Something ive accepted fully.

The biggest thing(s) I've learned? Well, I've learned to be less judgemental for sure.  I have also learned the USA has a major issue with drugs, particularly meth and heroin, and that their "War On Drugs" isn't really doing anything constructive except filling up prisons.

My penpal with the longest sentence always talks to me about her 'attitude of gratitude' and that is something I have tried to apply to my every day life too.  The importance of being grateful for the things I do have (however small or seemingly trivial) as opposed to focusing on the things I don't have, or that have been taken away.  That perspective has really helped my overall mental health, and it has been such a rewarding experience having an open, honest friendship in which both people benefit so much.

And I'll never forget learning the meaning behind the slang words "bulldaggin" or "redwings" Haha

I'm sure I have probably learnt more than what I have mentioned too, but for that, it would require me to dig a little deeper into myself and I really need more coffee for that! Lol

How naive and gullible I am still 

Although at times I thought I know it all 

""bulldaggin" or "redwings" Haha"

I really want to google that but I'm at work so....

Have Y'all ever seen a red ding a ling? That's the resul of red wings... You been balldagin too much girl? Rather than netflix and chill with everyone in the rec room lets do some chill and balldaggin. It's the only way for inmates to get off in prison you know?

lmao i mean i know what redwings means but bulldagging?? is that like... scissoring? jeez this thread took a weird turn LOL

Sorry.  My penpals often seem to instigate weird turns Haha Lol

Its any number of female inmates going down on eachother.

Lol..I'm totally lost......

Go to https://www.westernunion.com/us/en/send-money/app/sendinmatesta, type in federal beaurea of prisons if its not there already, put in the inmate number, their first and last name, how much money you want to spend, and the form will fill out the way the name/number should look. Click continue, pick an American address (in my case my jmail box address) put in your contact details, click continue, it will give you a tracking number and your done.