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laurawestern8

So I've been writing to my penpal mike for a while and he's asked me if I would go to az to visit him. I can't say there is anything romantic between us but we are very close. He was honest with me about making mistakes with other penpals about who he was or wasn't writing and said he doesn't want to make that mistake with me so before I visit he told me he was going to marry and he did still talk to her for about 6 weeks when we started talking. He told me that she still contacts him but he's made it clear it's over between them. Like I said there is nothing romantic between us but I wondering if I should dig deeper just to find out if what he's saying is true I don't want to be in the middle of something especially as  it was serious enough for them to once want to be married? Or should I just go visit and forget the little doubt? 


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Farfromhome

Where's he at? I also have a pp on Az DR :)

They're closing down Florence soon so he'll likely get moved if he's there? Although hopefully they'll keep their contact visits. I'm purely friends with my pp though so unlikely I'll go visit anytime soon! Bit far for me!
 

 

 
laurawestern8

Thanks for your feed back and advice farfromhome thanks all I appreciate it :-) 

 
Anne marie HH

Farfrom - Gotta a weird feeling about this one, not much is adding up or making sense, valid points/questions aren't getting an answer and the O.P is so obviously cherry picking who and what to reply to - Call B.S - ??

 
Farfromhome

If you're only on his calls list it will take some time to get on his visitation list too. They tend to still take the same amount of time

 
Anne marie HH

Very valid points made by Farfrom, this already sounds messy, you, Laura answered your own question/doubts that he knows a lot about his " ex" considering she's an ex, so theres that, also going back centuries some men have a habit of calling women ' crazy' when women do something to annoy or challange them so I'd take that with a pinch of salt too if I was you.
You never said Laura if your even on his approved list yet.

 
Farfromhome

I think if you're just friends then his situation with her has no impact on you at all anyway. Regardless of whether or not they are actually together. So maybe you should figure out why you're so concerned about it before you go booking any visitation arrangements. 
Also, even if he did say that she's crazy, it doesn't make that statement true. You're only going off one side of the story and it might not even be a true account of what is actually happening. 
If it sounds messy and you do have feelings for this guy though, it might be wise to slow things down and back off a little rather than rush in to anything 

 

 
laurawestern8

 

Thank you lotusblossom I will let you no how it go's he as never scammed me or asked me for anything I'm just a little put off by his ex he said she's the crazy one and they are not together and next he's making me feel like now is a good time to visit cause she's been in the hospital, I'm wondering how he knows so much if he's not talking to her? I'm just gonna sort all out before I jump in. But thank you very much for your kindness. 

 

 

 

 
LotusBlossom

You're right, m'dear (-: It's part of being a pen pal, friend, etc...we're protective over our people.  You're doing the smart thing going slow, and so is he if there were issues in the past (and yup we all have them!) I think that was a problem of mine in the past with certain pen pals (on both sides) we got excited, jumped in (and not necessarily in a romantic way, just wanting to be close) and then it would crash and burn because one of us would hit the proverbial panic button.  So I've lived and learned, better to take my time with someone and just enjoy their company and that they're part of my life.  Let us know how the visit goes ans enjoy your friendship!

 
laurawestern8

Thank you lotusblossom I'm looking forward to this moving forward I even find myself calling him MY mike lol, but seriously I'm so glad I started on this journey and I find myself lucky to have a friend like him. Everyone as a past right? So I'm moving slowly and just letting things happend naturally. 

 
LotusBlossom

I'm late to the thread so I don't have any advice to add but I hope you have a safe trip Laura!  Enjoy visiting!

 
Anne marie HH

I'd be careful.of that. You never know who you're gonna end up with. Can t you get a cheap flight, if you re flexible on dates/ times

 
laurawestern8

Thanks guys I am going to go see him soon we just started talking more on the phone so I'm learning more, just one more thing I'm going to drive there I'm thinking of maybe using a site to do a car share as anyone ever done this? 

 
Anne marie HH

What unit is he in?

 
Anne marie HH

What unit is he in?

 
ST4s

Well, thanks Princess – but I’m just one voice of many. I’ve learned quite a bit from the folks here on the forum (thanks guys!) and still do, but no question I’ve learned the most from my friends on the inside – what the world looks like through their eyes. You’ve probably heard that world needs a whole lotta pushing back on the negativity and darkness. And you may have guessed I like to advocate for the light.

But make no mistake, all of you out there in pen pal land are beacons of light yourselves, and I applaud and admire you because that’s what this world needs more of.

 
PrincessBuffy

Yellow bike you are awesome! You give the best advice and when I read your posts your optimism is contagious! I'm sure your PPs know you are such a treasure, you just sound like such a great friend! Thanks for sharing your wisdom and experiences. 

 
laurawestern8

Yeah, your so right thank you I appreciate your advice I think I'm just going to visit. Your right just deal with what happens when and if it happens thank you. 

 
ST4s

Investigate?!? To what end? If it’s to be a friend, then be a friend – not a detective. If everyone’s hold on trust is that fragile, it doesn’t sound like terra firma.

On the visiting thing though, the whole connecting in real-time, face-to-face of it, junk food smorgasbord from the vending machines (for folks with zero options for that, depending), is amazing! And, added bonus feature: it gives your friend something GREAT to look forward to, and the incentive to walk a straight line so the privilege doesn’t get taken away. In those ways it’s nothing but helpful, and that’s what friends do – they help each other.

No, I wouldn’t investigate. I’d take my friend’s word at face value and go have an awesome time hanging out in person. And if it turns out later my trust has been misplaced; I’d deal with that accordingly.

Best wishes :-)