Hi all! Curious and looking for opinions.
I wrote to an inmate on jPay but heard nothing back. I waited several days to make sure it wasn't just a delay and then removed him from my contacts. I was totally fine with it because there was a bit of an age gap and in hindsight we might not have had much in common BUT I now see there's another guy at the same facility who I reeeeally want to write to! He just seems super cool and we have similar personalities based on his profile discription, similar interests etc.
My questions are:
1) Do you think it's unwise to write to him? I never received a reply from the other dude and I had already removed him from jPay so there's no risk of having to juggle or hurt anyone's feelings.
2) If I do write, do you think I should mention that I'd already written to someone in that facility or just do a normal introductory email?
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I'd just go with a normsl friendly e mail...the other dude was a non starter..so write to the guy you like..I wouldn't bother mentioning anything to him, as tension can brew up if its the same prison..just enjoy a friendship with the new guy
Thanks Izzers! I was just worried, what if they're friends or know each other in some capacity? I know it doesn't really matter but I just would hate for guy #2 to end up feeling like second choice. I'm probably waaaay over thinking it as I haven't even written yet or heard back and #2 may also be a non starter but do you think that concern is valid at all?
Well..maybe in a few letters time just casually mention it...say wow..i got lucky..I hadn't come across your profile..so I wrote this other guy at first..luckily he didn't reply and I found you....
The simple fact is: you have never had another penpal at the same facility.
So 1) Write to this new guy! 2) No need to mention having written to someone else there, because it was never a penpal correspondence etc.
What Galapagos said... he never responded so it’s got nothing to do with him if you write to somebody else there.
Just a thought... Are you sure the facility has outgoing jpay for inmates? Remember some places only have incoming jpay and the inmates can't email back.
Well...yes I’m sure because I JUST got a response from guy #1 even though I had removed him. I guess it was sent before I removed him and was just jPay being slow...so now I AM in a pickle...helpppp.
The only thing left to do is to explain what you did, say sorry, and that you wont be continuing contact with the guy you like least.
Okay noted. I feel so bad. This is text book why you should just not ever write the same facility twice right here!
More prison drama incoming :)
#popcorn
From me or at me Davey? Can I eat popcorn during the drama even though it's my own post? So many questions.
First come, first serve? I don’t know haha, maybe they’d be cool with you writing to them both? Probably not, but you never know. I think I’d say you’ll probably have to choose between the one you like the most or the one you feel the most connected to. It’s such a hard decision though! Good luck!
Normally, I would say not a good idea to write to 2 in a state let alone the same facility, but it sounds like the error was on jpay's part. Maybe give pen-pal #1 a chance, but also write to #2 if you feel a connection towards his profile. I would be honest and upfront but tell each of them that you will never divulge their name or what you discuss with the other one. That's just common courtesy to each of them. Something is def going on with jpay. Ever since they updated and fixed issues by emails are taking longer to get to my husband and so are his. I received 3 this morning all written a week ago with different dates.
I think the problem with this is there might be a reason he didn’t reply back quickly. Maybe he’s in the hole? Or was out of stamps? You really do need to leave it more than several days before writing someone off. Just my opinion.
Can I eat popcorn during the drama when it's my own post??? LOL loe31, you're a riot! Yeah, so MANY questions!!! :)-
I'd say you really would need to choose between the two, I wouldn't advise writing to both because it could cause problems as others have mentioned! Especially if you feel a better connection to one more than the other, though that is hard to say since you've had a total of 1 JPay between the two of them... whatever you decide, good luck!
@cleo - Thanks girl! I'm anxious about it but I did let #2 know when he replied so once he responds and I get a sense of his comfort level I'll go from there! I feel like an asshole now but definitely learned a lesson about WHY same facility is risky no matter how long you wait!
@NY - Thanks for your reply! Yes it's a struggle because now that I've heard back from both it's even more clear that #2 is a better fit. It was definitely a Jpay problem. My Ohio pals and I have been reeeeally going through it with the wait times. It messes with your head every time because you get used to the rhythm of the messages coming regularly and then all of a sudden it will be days. If you hear anything more about what's going on please let me know! Sorry you're dealing with it too. And yes, absolutely agreed. I would never divulge anything personal to either. I'm 100% about confidentiality. I think the likely thing is I'll apologize and let #1 down gently.
@Blue - Yes absolutely, no I value your opinion and you should always give it straight up when you see me post! Hindsight is 20/20 and hopefully someone else reading this won't make the same mistake I did. I'll just have to clean up the mess.
@Shadey - Hahaha! Genuine questions! I got myself all ready for drama with my popcorn and it never came! Everyone here is actually pretty kind if you approach them respectfully it seems! Thanks so much for the encouragement. I definitely know who I'd like to write to so I'll just see how he feels about my mistake and then take it from there.
Hey, recently I created a topic with a similar question.
Maybe you can get some insight there: https://writeaprisoner.com/prison-forum/questions-about-writeaprisonerc…
Hey Anderson! Thank you for this! I read every word and it was definitely helpful.
Fine, nice to know that it helped you.
As you probably saw there, there are many possible causes to a lack of response. So, if you live inside USA, you could, for example, wait 1 month for reply, and only consider refusal after this time. You could still find an inmate that lost JPay privileges for misbehaving inside prison, and that will only be able to reply you after some months. But, in this case, it's not your fault, as you didn't force the prisoner into misbehaving. It's his/her own fault.
There's no need to hurry, as the sentence of each one shows: they will stay in the same place for months, years, decades, or even the entire life. You can send a letter later. While you wait for a reply, you can search, and contact, inmates that are in other prisons. It will have no risk.
I do not recommend having 2 penpals in the same prison, because they can get jealous/possessive and fight to decide who will be your penpal, and who will not be. That sounds a lot like wild animals protecting their area, or chasing females... But isn't exactly how the human world seems to work? You see the same kind of behaviour in gangs and in sexual relationships. So, take care to, when dropping one of them, not make them fight to avenge the penpal "stealing"... They could, somehow, discover who the other contacted prisoner was, and fight with it, if they perceive that the other is the culprit of the loss of his/her precious resource: the penpal.