I had a pen pal for nearly 5 years who was released 2 years ago and all of a sudden I decide I'm going to find another pp... bad idea. I go to the site & find one with similar religious views & interest. I was VERY hestitant to write and it took me another week or two to mail the letter after I did write it.
Sooooo today I get home extra excited because I have USP mail and look at the name and its an unknown. This gentleman states that pp "A" said pp "B" (he) and I have much more in common. B goes on to say he gets out this year or the beginning of next year & that he's looking for something serious, which I'm not. Well something says check out the FBOP site and I did.....pp "B" is serving LIFE. Who tells a lie like that??
Needless to say the letter is in the garbage & I only deal with this site because of they have pics, profiles, hometown, crime, etc. Now I'm sitting here wondering how many more inmates I'll be hearing from, should have went with that hesitation to write from the beginning :(
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You quite possibly have missed something here so I will gently point it out. It is entirely possible that he feels he's getting out soon, and the FBOP site would still say "life". He may have a parole hearing scheduled that he is positive he will pass. So to react like that may have been a bit premature and judgmental on your part. I do understand not liking someone else writing to you when you are expecting someone else, but it is quite common that these guys and gals in prison get a lot of mail and often pass on unwanted mail to a cellie or other friend. I suggest you sit back, take a deep breath.... and possibly re-evaluate what you received.
Not necessary.... there were many red flags in the letter. I'm very open minded, love dealing with people in tight situations & being a shoulder/ear that always there which is why I'm a psychology major, its just in my nature. Thanks for your input though
Something else to consider is the poor guy may have had some sort of plea deal in the works, or ANY number of things, and the FBOP would STILL list him as a lifer. His friend does him a favor, by passing him a letter from someone he doesn't want to write to. So the guy writes, only to have said letter writer throw his letter in the trash, without even BOTHERING to check it out. You COULD have written the guy back, and said hey in your letter it says this, but bop says this, whats up? Do we wait for explanations? Hell no, we overreact and trash the poor guy right out of the box. Nothing like him being found guilty, without ANY evidence, or hell a trial for that matter. IM sorry if I sound harsh, but to me what was done here was the harsh thing.
[QUOTE=mztuff;988903]Not necessary.... there were [B]many red flags [/B]in the letter. I'm very open minded, love dealing with people in tight situations & being a shoulder/ear that always there which is why [B]I'm a psychology major[/B], its just in my nature. Thanks for your input though[/QUOTE]
What exactly were the "many red flags"? From what you explained it sounds like you might have just overreacted. Unless there was something more in his letter that you're not stating.
I laughed when you wrote "I'm a psychology major". If you're a psychology major shouldn't you have MORE of an understanding for this guy and what happened? I don't know, I just find that humorus.
Anyway, yes, I agree that you sometimes have to go with your instincts and if you feel weird about writing someone, then don't. I don't think I could have just thrown away his letter though. Well, unless it was all perverted/sexual...Maybe the guy doesn't have the money, or the people to help him, post an ad on here, and his buddy just thought he would help him out and give him a pen pal.
Sorry...Am I sounding really b****y? LOL! I just came back and reread what I wrote...Oh well.
A lot of these guys maintain delusions of their imminent or at least eventual release based on the most flimsy of possibilities, it's how they stay sane. Which is good because otherwise they become completely institutionalized and just don't care anymore.
Sigh... I think I have a friend doing that very thing to himself. I've never known what to do... I play the game with him, to keep him sane, I guess. To hear you say it just like this really hammers it home, though. I'm actually quite worried at the moment because one of these "flimsy possibilities" keeping sanity is an upcoming pardon board hearing and I haven't heard from my friend in a while... I'm concerned he's gotten into something which would kill the pardon board dead and really upset the shyte out of him. I hope I'm making that all up in my head and I'll hear from him tomorrow as if nothing ever happened. Whew. -sorry to hijack thread with personal worries-
OP: I think that it is possible for these guys to go, "Here, you write to him/her, sounds like your kind of thing..." and just pass the addy along without realy thinking twice about how that looks or feels to us. I really do. No, it's not the greatest way but I think that they live so closely together in there, it's like, here, share this outside contact, why not? Like passing on a noodle soup!! No, I wouldn't necessarily like it either but I think sometimes it can be more "thoughtless" than "nefarious" but that still doesn't mean you want to write to them!!!!
What would really bother me is if it was someone I've known for a long time and gotten close with as a friend and then they thoughtlessly passed my addy out. I guess that's not as likely though, since people do tend to get attatched to the ones they write to and don't exactly want to SHARE! At least if they felt they couldn't write you the really polite thing to do would be to ask your permission first before they "gave you" to anyone else but then again I'm thinking prison isn't known for it's politeness.
People misinterperet what is written sometimes because there's no tone, inflection or facial expression... when you're a strong writer it can come off sounding b*tchy and you are not meaning to sound that way at all. If you were sitting across from someone they would see that you are not trying to be confronational and a jackas$. (unless you ARE trying to be, lol!!!.... seen it on here before! ) When the REAL b*tchy starts... it's easy to tell, lol!!! :complain:
In the past people have misinterpereted things I've written because I felt strongly when I wrote them but it wasn't "against" them, so it was nice of you to leave this note about it. The internet can be so wack like that!!!
I agree Kam. Poor guy, it probably made his day that there was the possibility that he may have a friend out here who would write to him. I would also have written him back and told him that the information I found about him states he is in for life, is his appeal going well, chance of parole, good for you! etc.
Sometimes going too deep into 'psychology' means we miss the things others see, such as genuine need. Psychology doesn't teach understanding obviously, major or not.
And to just 'throw away' his letter like that. That letter cost him a stamp and an envelope. Those things are pennies to us, its not to them. They have limited funds and sometimes no funds. They are in prison, not a scholarship in Uni. These guys are used to being thrown away be society. Some of them end up with 3 strikes for minor things (seriously! look at the evidence) and end up with 40 years or life. They are not all twisted messes or axe murderers. For you to throw away his letter, like he is nothing, when he took the time to write to you, hopefully catching your interest so that you would be his friend, is rather insensitive.
If everyone automatically thought the worst of them, what hope do they have at rehabilitation if no one will give them a chance.
Give me his details, I'll write to the guy!
This sentence stood out to me. It appears that you were very much against it from the start. Otherwise you wouldn't feel hesitation... especially not VERY much. I don't know why you felt this way, So I won't speculate on that.. But it seems to me like you went into this with a closed heart. For a lack of better words. Which, surprises me since you mentioned that you have written to someone before, for 5 years no less.!
And yes, I can imagine you being annoyed by some other guy sending you a letter because pp "A" passed on your info. And I can also completely understand you throwing it away. And it sucks that this happened to you right off the bat, you know? but there are enough guys that don't pass around addresses. So just go at it again .. find another one. UNLESS you're still feeling that hesitation you felt in the first place. Then I'd advise you not to do it at all. No point in starting this up if you're not completely open to it.
Hmmmm......
Make him an ad on a free pen pal site, if you feel guilty about not wanting to write him back maybe he could find a PP there?
Every single one of you people CHOSE your pen pal based on whatever criteria you deemed fit - he was hot...you liked his ad or both. None of them were assigned. We've all written to someone and they don't respond and you move on. I don't know why OP is expected to have to respond AT ALL to this guy even to say, "I'm not interested." The a$$hole she wrote to didn't have the courtesy to do it for her and I don't think she's under any obligation to have to write ONE word back to this guy even out of courtesy. Sure that's how some of you may handle it, but there's no reason why she should have to.
LOL some of you are extra funny & overly sensitive.... no one has yet to reach out to me for this "LONELY" mans name & address to find someone to write him. No not all inmates are are twisted messes or axe murders, some are rapist and child molesters.
I haven't read anything rude, b***tcy or offensive BASCIALLY I make my own decisions and to put my "time" into an individual I know nothing about doesn't suit me. Aside from the RED FLAGS!!! we have nothing in common, I'm in free world society and my goal this year is purchase a home and start my business... he's incarcerated and the only goal he decided to mention was that he's going to make a million dollars this year..... OOOOkay, don't want any part of that.
I'm a give & take individual, I previously had a pp and we dealt 5 years until he was released. I learned SOOOO much from him, learning to be patient, learning how to undergo trials knowing that nothing lasts forever, learning the power that is behind a pen and a few sheet of paper, too much to even bother mentioning. While I was friends with this pp, I decided my major, starting a business & really turned my life around for the better.... in return I financed some educational courses, made sure he had a few $$s for calls & books to read... GIVE AND TAKE!
The feeling.. it was a little of knowing how time consuming having a pp really is, having someone undergoing such a difficult phase in life and trying to be there for them.
I thank you all for your insight, I wish I was weak minded ~ I'd go in the trash dig the letter out and write my heart out BUT I'm not :=(..... Again Thanks sooooo much for your understanding, LOVE THIS FORUM
Willie Hill 04060-000
U.S.P
P.O. BOX 33
TERRE HAUTE, IN 47808
Willie Hill 04060-000
U.S.P
P.O. BOX 33
TERRE HAUTE, IN 47808
You're easy to wind up aren't you baby