I have been in my MWI relationship for the past seven months. He is a great guy. He’s honest, supportive, and so far it’s been the best relationship of my life...except for the obvious problem of him being in prison.
About a month ago, he changed dorms. Ever since then, his behavior has changed too. A couple of days ago, he got thrown in the hole because the guards raided his cell and found drug paraphernalia (nothing hardcore, but still...). During his one phone call to me, he insisted that what they found belonged to someone else. Apparently this other inmate tried to tell the guards the truth but for some reason, it didn’t make a difference. I know how things are in prison and I’m aware that even if what they found DID belong to my boyfriend, he wasn’t going to admit it to me over a monitored phone call. So I suppose I will have to wait a while before I can find out the truth.
During our phone call, he did admit to me that he was almost glad he got thrown in the hole because he needed a wake-up call. He said that ever since changing dorms, he’s been hanging out with the wrong people. Obviously if drug paraphernalia is in his cell, he’s hanging out with the wrong people. I was hoping the situation would be cleared up by now but I haven’t heard anything so I’m imagining he will be in the hole for the full 15 days.
He has worked very hard, taking classes in there and now with this incident, it looks like he will lose all of his good time credits. I know he loves me but I’m a little hurt by all of this. I feel like he put his love of hustling above our relationship and even above his own best interests. I have always been very ‘cool’ about how he lives his life in there, but now I’m thinking maybe I should have been more firm about what is acceptable to me. Deep down, I knew that he was engaging with people and things that weren’t good for him. But I sort of let it slide because I love him. He says he’s seen the error of his ways but now I’m really worried about his ability to do what’s best for him and for us. Honestly, I’m worried that his lifetime love of hustling will be a difficult habit to break. Obviously if he gets drawn back into this lifestyle when he gets out, he will end up back in prison (he’s been in and out of prison for the same offenses all of his adult life).
My question is: How do I handle this? I don’t want to draw a line in the sand and give him an ultimatum. Honestly, I will always love him no matter what and I could never walk away from him and leave him alone in there, no matter what he’s doing. It would destroy him. But on the other hand, I can’t just sit back and leave him to his own decides because I think he’s proven that he doesn’t always make the best decisions for himself. I don’t want to be his parent but I also don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who is incapable of changing enough to keep himself out of trouble. I feel like I should be a little firm with him when we talk again but I have no idea how much of a big deal I should make out of this. I wrote him a five page letter that came off too harsh so I ended up sending a one page letter instead. I don’t even know if I should bring this stuff up in a letter while he’s in the hole or wait until he gets out and we talk on the phone.
Sorry this was so long. I just needed to get all of that out. It’s been a rough couple of days.