So recently I have spoken to a friend about this situation and I thought I had my mind straight but I don't!So here it goes and I will not use all the name just the first letter of the guys names. So, I meet M*** 3 years ago on another website we became friends and eventually BF/Fiancee we spoke on the phone and emailed but never meet physically due to him being 8 hrs away from me.We got to know each other so well it was scare how just writing each other we could tell if something was wrong. He didn't like me writing to other inmates but he never told me up until now. Then this year I met R****** who happend to be the same ethnic background as me an the same exact roots. So i decided to go visit him which he was only like 2 in a half hrs from me but he was in the SHU. So i felt good. But after that visit R****** started to tell me he fell in love with me and that he wanted to Marry Me. I told M**** over the phone an he got mad an hysterical. Then he wrote me a letter that I took the time and day to go see this guy an that i probably loved him back and that if R***** wouldnt have been in the SHU i probably would have kissed him.And that i could go ahead an marry R***** and all these mean things.He said i took his love for granted,do you think so?He said i had only known this guy for 4 months and i went to visit him and that i didnt try an go visit him.Now M**** is telling me that he loves me and that his heart tells him I'm the one he wants to be with.But here goes the twist, he left me and R***** was there for me and eventually we shared so many connections that we started to talk and are now engaged, Me an R****. But as I received this letter of M**** it brings memories and I indeed do miss him. What do you guys believe i should do break off the engagement to R***** and go back with M**** or leave the past in the past. The love i shared for M**** will never be the same towards R****. M and I shared something truly special. Do you think maybe i rushed with R**** and shouldn't have done that?Help! I know you guys are great and something will give me a little advice!Thanks!
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Well... How about a few questions to start before I comment...
How long ago did M call things off? How long before he wrote you back to say he still loved you?
How long ago did you get engaged to R?
Can I be completely honest?
I figured I'd ask in advance. :)
lol QB
*boards up doors and windows in preparation for Hurricane Bella*
HHmmmm. 3 years and you never went to see the guy you claim to have a connection with?? and he is only 8 hours away.. no wonder he was pissed any guy would be.. what you shared COULDNT of been that special if you can get with another guy and get engaged to that quickly.. I think you should quit playing both of them and get some sort of connection going on within yourself to find out what you want. you cant go around playing with people like this,, just cos they are locked up dont mean they are toys with no feelings....
lol shaddap :P
but for real though, I was really wondering, because I'm not gonna sugarcoat anything, but before I blast off..... I thought I'd ask :P
whaaaat? :P
it is quite simple answer Clau123.......go by what your gut feeling says and do it......dont think about it the ifs or whats....just go by what your gut feeling says....if you are questioning about your feelings...maybe for the best of all 3....u need to back off completely and learn about yourself FIRST...thats my little advice
if ur fiancé didnt want u to write others and u agreed how did u get to meet R?? I feel for M thinking he thought you was his fiancé then u go meet n get engaged again behind his back....whn he thought u kept ur word....as for rubbing his face in it maybe u shouldve just ended it with M and spare him the details?...i think u should leave both as UK said and sort ur own head out and see where youre at first because you cant do what ur doing to these poor guys....honesty is all we can give them and thats what everyone deserves
Honestly, I don't blame M***** for being upset and reacting the way he did. If you loved him so much you would have made the trip to see him instead of taking the time to go visit R*******. M***** thought you and he had that special connection and he obviously loved and trusted you. I am sure he felt betrayed and hurt that you would take the time to go visit someone new and not him. Being locked up, I am sure he felt helpless and frustrated and hurt. Sorry to say it, but I think what you did was really pretty crappy....especially since your relationship with R******* went on to wayyyyy more than a friendship/pp relationship.
You really want my opinion?
Get out of both "relationships", sort yourself out, and then maybe look for a guy that can give you all of what you want and need, instead of trying to fill the void with more than one guy. Oh, and don't be so quick to get engaged next time either.
my fiance is 17hrs away and i see him about every 6-8 weeks
Ummm....wow....just wow....
Somehow I have the feeling that no matter what advice you are given by anyone here its not gonna be what you want to hear. From what I understand of your post, it seems like you are looking for people to tell you that what ya did was ok.
I strongly agree with ukgal and others who have responded already, it wasnt and isnt ok. It definitely sounds to me like you are a young woman desperately seeking love without having to do too much to get it. *M's* anger is certainly justified, especially regarding the visit, yes, 8hrs is a fair distance, however if you were truly in love with that pp, it isn't so far that it couldn't have been accomplished at least once in 3 yrs. Your description of the situation sounds like you thought about it and went with the easier route, that had the most chance of immediate gratification. It almost comes across and maybe this is how *M* took it, you were complacent with him, but kept your eye out for something better to come along. Sorry, I agree, maybe you shouldn't be engaged to anyone until you have taken a long hard look at yourself and perhaps examined a little more closely what you really are looking for and why your looking for a pp.
Ehhhmmm, well, I am sorry but I think you are really messed up... I don't think you are truely in love with R******, much less with M*****. I think you are in love with yourself and with the idea of having someone adoring you all the time but, be careful, if you play around with people maybe life will end up playing around with you.
agree with everyone here....absolutely littleshoes....what goes around comes around
I have to say it seems like you are looking for drama, or at least a prisoner to become romantically involved with. IT's not fair on them, just because they are locked up and you know that they probably are a bit needy being in such isolation. Respect people and yourself and look at why you play these games with people, and on top of that prisoners. That's not what this website is for. It's for support and friendship, and if by chance that turns into something more, so be it.
Looney tunes. If M was out of prison, I could definitely see a karate chop heading your way. I personally think you're too immature for a committed relationship on the outside, let alone one on the inside. These guys are just getting strung along for your sick ride.
[QUOTE]I could definitely see a karate chop heading your way[/QUOTE]
LOL!!