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Have u experienced a shift from friendship to relationship with your pp?

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carol82's picture
Have u experienced a shift from friendship to relationship with your pp?

Hello everyone!

I would like to know, if there is anyone who experienced a shift from like beeing "just pp-friends" to a development of a "relationship" with you pen-pal in prison? Something that started as a genuine communication of the basis of pen pals and then developed into a "kind of romantic relationship" or even a marriage? And if yes, how did that happen and since what point of the communication turned the friendship into a relationship? I am curious about your answers and experiences! Bes wishes, Micky

Liw from Scandinavia
Liw from Scandinavia's picture

Well, there are many of us here that have experienced this.

For me, it turned into something romantic very soon and I definitely did NOT have anything like that in mind when I started to write my pen pals (I wrote several). But it happened with one of them. Too soon maybe, but it has turned out well anyway. :) I remember being all emotional already after 4 days of talking to him, lol. He was amazing to me. <3 But he was the first one to be brave enough to share his feelings with me. That was after a few weeks. But we didn't say the L - word until yet one months later and that's when we decided to give a romantic relationship a serious chance.

This was one year ago. Still going strong and I love him beyond words. <3

carol82's picture

Thank you for sharing your story! :-) I can imagine this, wish you all the best!!

Carmex01's picture

Also yes- also very unexpected :-)

kbrown's picture

I have and I love it. He has been more to me than any previous relationship I've had that were free men.  

carol82's picture

Hey! Thank you for your answers and insights you shared to my topic. The reason for my questions I posted on this feed is based on my own experience I am going through at time. Therefore I was interested if someone of you experienced kind of the same development. As I started writing with my pp about 5 month ago, I never expected that it could possibly turn out to such a reliable good and honest conversation. We started writing emails one to twice a week and now we are having phone calls fourth times a week since one month. And I feel an attachment to him is growing day by day, I really miss him when we are not talking and I am looking forward to his calls like a little kid before Christmas. So what's happening here? I am a little bit confused and overwhealmed but allow myself to feel this way. concerns  arouse in my head about all the "circumcances"... he will be incarcerated for another 13 years from now. He already served 10 years. As I am living in Europe, personal visitation is also a problem. I applied for video visitation at his facility and we are waiting for me to be approved. 
who is familiar with these kind of feelings, thoughts,... ? 


reesecm93's picture

Yes! He's astonishing and super attractive and is in Arizona but I can't commit to it. I have to be honest with myself but he's AMAZING. 

Ginger84's picture

Hey there!!

my advice is too you, is follow your heart: if you heart tells you, then whats the harm of doing it right: it only turns out of be negative and positive: well if negative occurs even outside: i am happy going out with an inmate: but his serving time in mexico prison, there were many barriers for us: Distance, communication and now the covid: so everything throwing negative haha but our love is so strong that nothing goes in the middle of us!! 

  • Well i say distance, i live in Australia and he is in Mexico!! 
  • When i meet him as my pen pal he could not write english, only spanish so all the letters was done in spanish. 
  • Now covid put the restrictions on my travil to get over there, even visiting him inside (but he does not want me to, he wants to treat me some love and effection while his free). 

It started 9months ago i started writing to him as an friend, there was not attention of any romance, he told his friend (which she was an mutural friend to both of us): to send me an photo, my mind was like damm your an honey haha, but i did not play on it as i did not want to play on it and get our friendship get mixed up so i just did not say anything!!

until a month we wrote to each other, he goes; can i ask you an personal question, but he was such an gentleman about it, he asked me if i was seeing some one: and if not: would you go out with me, as i am starting to fall in love with you, i repled with an big YES, i would go out with you, i was feeling the same way!! but unfortuannly i would say it was very difficult and it was not like smelling roses in an beautiful garden, it was more like an big rollercoaster!! we tried to end things but just did not work as we just love each other so much and we keep going back with each!! 
Currently we are still going strong but our relationship is better now, then from the start actually we are in engage with each other, and about to get married: but we have not set the date yet!!. In our letters now we talk about our future, having Kids etc. his best ever happen to me, i am glade that i have started writing to him or he never ever happen: his so sweet, caring and beautiful (with an bonus very hot haha). 

one day i would be going over there and meet him personally but at the momment sadly i do not see it as my near future!! 


Lady_TaTas's picture

Like Liw, mine developed rather quickly and unexpected.. and for awhile I was in complete denial from it. I wasn't looking to be in a relaitonship with an inmate only provide a little sunshine their way and ojective listenting ear. He declared his love first, and it was a surprise and shock.. yet he also declared I too felt the same for him. Eventually I did understand I was, but in such denial due to fear, fear of stigma, fear of the distance, fear of the crime he had been convicted of. But eventually I allowed myself to let go and just trust it. Was the happiest 9 months I had in a very long time.. 

Ginger84's picture

Quote; Eventually I did understand I was, but in such denial due to fear, fear of stigma, fear of the distance, fear of the crime he had been convicted of. But eventually I allowed myself to let go and just trust it. Was the happiest 9 months I had in a very long time.. 

yeah i understand, there is so much stigma and fear regarding criminals; i was raised as an christian girl and the only child from my father, so i was an fathers girl' haha; my dad is very protected!! like i was thinking how would i tell my father, that i am in love with an prisoner especially the crime my man done as well!! but when i was open up and told my family, i felt even better: 
i told my grandmother that he worked at mexico prison guard as did not want to tell my grandmother, that he was an prisoner haha; i was scared what she would say; but when i told my grandmother, i was suprised with her reaction. 

Lady_TaTas's picture

Ginger I truly think in a lot of cases, our imagination scenario is far more horrific then the reality turns out to be. Love is love, and it shouldn't be stiffled, or demeaned or allowed to die out if it's wanted by both hearts.

Although my relationship didn't last, I don't regret it, or regret sharing with my sister or by BFF. They both showed me so much love, patience and clarity.. it was more than I could ever image and definitely a far better outcome then I ever thought possible. 

Just know no matter what happens, decide your relationship and it's flow on your own..and never allow others to dictate who you should love, or how you should love them.