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Anthonys

Hi,

Newbie here! Hope I'll fit right in aha

I've lurked around this site for a couple weeks now and I feel the need to post my own story and dilemma.

I'm officially my pp's gf as of June 10th (yay!) and we are definitely committed. I know this because he asked me to open up a cash deposit account in MY name whereby he'd deposit money every month for our future together. So far we have almost $200 (a bit less in GBP). I know he loves me from the things he does for me and says but this bank account thing shows he trusts me and is committed. As with alot of PP relationships, we have our obstacles.

The first being he's being released next year after 9 years inside. While that is great news, he can't emigrate from the US to the UK (where I'm at) or any nearby European country. Also, I'm going to university for the next four years so I can't move to where he's at otherwise I'd have to terminate my educational career (I don't want to pay for a degree in the US its ridiculously expensive especially for an INTL. student).

So we'd only officially be together in 4 years time ( 3 years after his release) and I really don't want to wait for someone until I'm 25. I won't ask him to wait for me either and he definitely doesn't want me to quit school for him. He's offered to marry me so I could live with him in the US and enjoy the benefits of reduced tuition fees (he also offered to help pay for them) but what seems like the best option for us? I want to finish my degree in the UK cause it's so much easier for me.

My best plan is that every year I spend the 3 non-school months of summer in the US with him and the one month winter break as well. So I spend one third of the year with him for the next four years before moving to the US officially?

It's hard to plan a future with alot of ifs but any input especially from people who have gone through this would be really helpful.

Thanks!


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73 posts / 0 new

 
Andi

Who is the bitter poster? I read the thread and it seems that everyone was right. Why..? Because they've seen it over and over. I'm glad you are happy. I also feel bad for your "prison boyfriend" because he sounds like he really cared.

 
Anonymous

[QUOTE=Anthonys;1186660][...]Anyway, I dont like leaving a story without updating so have at it and post your 'i told u so', just know I'm far happier than most of you bitter posters will ever be.[/QUOTE]

Not being a bitter poster... think of it this way: you've had a wonderful experience which has brought you something you might not have had before, and a greater appreciation of it. Is there anything better than that?

 
vynte

I'm sorry your prison relationship didn't work out, but glad you found a new relationship that makes you happy.

 
Anthonys

Okay, for all of you who were hoping and praying that no one could be happily together in a long distance prison pen pal relationship, you've won!

My prison boyfriend and I broke up. It was the same day that California voted for a new bill to release non-violent offenders early in order to ease the prison overpopulation problem. I was 'cheating' on PB with a guy I met in university in September, ended PB relationship officially Nov 8 via letter as I stopped taking his calls since early October. And now I've been with my new boyfriend for 6 months. I'm far more happy in a real world, normal relationship and could never understand why I would want a guy with a record and is 1000s of miles away.

I was honest and any money we saved was split evenly and I sent his half to his father in the US, it was almost $700.

Looking back at my first post, I looked like a young, naive girl who was ready to give this guy everything for just his love in return and now I'm in a new relationship I can see things so much more clearly. I feel almost foolish for wasting my time and money on a guy who openly pressured me into buying him a cellphone so he could 'skype his family' who he couldnt see in prison cause they are illegals. I never sent money for that.

Anyway, I dont like leaving a story without updating so have at it and post your 'i told u so', just know I'm far happier than most of you bitter posters will ever be.

 
Gipsy

I guess I listen to too much country. 'Cause I'm the only one here saying ya'll. I like it. And I seriously do not care if someone thinks it sounds wrong or I'm not being myself. I mean. Who is anyone to judge that? Besides the fact that we don't remotely know each other, right?

Oh and I'm not pretending to be in the Pacific Northwest. I'm actually in the Pacific Northwest. And the weather sucks, FYI.

And just because I point out that NO ONE KNOWS. Doesn't mean I encourage anyone to go the path I went down. But it's everyone's decision to make. There is so much sarcasm and negativity and judgement going on in here. It's like there is a competition about whose negative stance is right. How about just supporting each other? I mean, what's the big deal if someone makes it? Shouldn't it make us happy? Don't most relationships fail anyway?
Is it important to point out realistic flaws. Like: "Hey sending that guy $100 a month, 'cause he threatens to leave you otherwise, might not be smart", but it's not the same as basically telling everyone they're going to fail.

Just chill people. Life is not statistics. Just because someone else is happy doesn't mean you get less happiness.

 
Sporadium

This discussion is ridiculous and is only a discussion because people buy into certain stereotypes. How about we let people speak the way they speak?

Yep. Partly because people mistake race for culture.

 
DanPal

I know what you mean. I saw this show called "Luther", it has this actor trying to act like a white guy.

I know; my son is 'trying' to act white ALL the time ;) Shock horror,, a black kid whose behaviour, including speech, is decidedly white middleclass!
The fact that he grew up in a white community might have something to do with it ;)

This discussion is ridiculous and is only a discussion because people buy into certain stereotypes. How about we let people speak the way they speak?

 
Sporadium

[QUOTE=FreakLikeMe;1184289]If you look it's all over the internet. People asking why white guys try acting like black guy. It's not something that natural happens for the most part. Their called wiggers...

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If you look it's all over the internet. People asking why white guys try acting like black guy. It's not something that natural happens for the most part. Their called wiggers....[/QUOTE]

I know what you mean. I saw this show called "Luther", it has this actor trying to act like a white guy.

 
DarkStar

There was some solid advice: take things slow, pursue education and get a degree before making an international move, visit as much as possible to test out real world compatibility, international moves involve upheaval and jumping through legal/ immigration hoops, don't underestimate the difficulties involved for an inmate in reintegrating into society, etc.

However, people often take advice as negative when it fails to be the sort of advice they wish to hear :)

An associates degree may help convince a parole board that an inmate should be released, but realistically, unless he has a friend or family member willing to offer him a job for which a degree is generally required, it isn't going to provide him any employment advantage over any other recently released inmate - he will be competing for jobs against a bunch of fresh faced college graduates who have no felony record and no restrictions on their mobility or schedule or activities, etc.

Recidivism is a real issue and released inmates wind up back in prison at a rather alarming rate: Report Documents U.S. Recidivism Rates for Federal Prisoners | Huffington Post
Staying out of prison is going to be hard work, and as has been previously pointed out, it will be up to him to do the necessary work, to commit to a crime free life, and to keep himself in check. It's not going to work if he needs a babysitter to keep him on the straight and narrow.

And as pessimistic, cynical, ( and pragmatic) as this may sound: everyone who enters a prison relationship feels like they will be one of the few who beat the odds. That's why everyone should have a back up plan in place to insure their own well being in case the odds go against them.

I don't know how unemployment rates in the U.S. fair with that of the U.K. but it can be hard enough to find a job over here WITHOUT any sort of conviction, there are many issues that can go against you such as 0 childcare for weekend working, periods of illness, if you're over 40 & find yourself competing with energetic, enthusiastic university students, & up against a possibility of another 60 candidates, all desperate for a job too. Without meaning to be negative it can be hard enough for a lay person without any previous, so I can only imagine how difficult & frustrating it could turn out to be for the challenges facing an ex-felon. You can get to a point where you become so mad/angry & frustrated at continually banging your head against a brick wall & doors closing on you, that for an ex-felon that, coupled with all the re-adjustment & re-integration into society might just be enough to tip them back over that edge.

For a few, or some become the lucky ones, & all the best to them. In an ideal world everyone would get a second chance, but unfortunately it's not always the reality. I think sometimes, some people are so blinded in love, they fail to see the bigger picture, & believe they will be the minority. That they are somehow different to 'all the others'. Right now 'ChiTownRob' is on cloud 9, early days, & so to join in his new found ecstasy as those at the beginning of this journey wouldn't hear of anything alternative. I genuinely hope it all works out for them, & they become one of the few. Time passes, & those that are wise can only sit quietly & observe from the sidelines.

I think it's important that anyone in a relationship, regardless of whether it be with an ex-felon should never lose sight of themselves amidst it all. We come into this life alone & we must leave alone. Anything in between is a bonus, but you have to draw on your own inner strength, & be grounded to begin with or events in life will shake you to the core. Being at one with yourself & understanding yourself first is only beneficial. Strong foundations first. Others come second to that.
None of us are perfect, so neither can we expect anyone else to be. We shouldn't be surprised if we put our trust in another & they let us down. It's just human nature. Nothing against us personally. It's just the way it is. Life is a challenge, let alone adding to the challenges.

 
FreakLikeMe

there is no such thing as talking like a black/white person. Accents, attitudes and colloquialisms don't belong to a race...
but like you said, you're entitled to an opinion

If you look it's all over the internet. People asking why white guys try acting like black guy. It's not something that natural happens for the most part. Their called wiggers...

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there is no such thing as talking like a black/white person. Accents, attitudes and colloquialisms don't belong to a race...
but like you said, you're entitled to an opinion

If you look it's all over the internet. People asking why white guys try acting like black guy. It's not something that natural happens for the most part. Their called wiggers....

 
Earthmother

There was some solid advice: take things slow, pursue education and get a degree before making an international move, visit as much as possible to test out real world compatibility, international moves involve upheaval and jumping through legal/ immigration hoops, don't underestimate the difficulties involved for an inmate in reintegrating into society, etc.

However, people often take advice as negative when it fails to be the sort of advice they wish to hear :)

An associates degree may help convince a parole board that an inmate should be released, but realistically, unless he has a friend or family member willing to offer him a job for which a degree is generally required, it isn't going to provide him any employment advantage over any other recently released inmate - he will be competing for jobs against a bunch of fresh faced college graduates who have no felony record and no restrictions on their mobility or schedule or activities, etc.

Recidivism is a real issue and released inmates wind up back in prison at a rather alarming rate: Report Documents U.S. Recidivism Rates for Federal Prisoners | Huffington Post
Staying out of prison is going to be hard work, and as has been previously pointed out, it will be up to him to do the necessary work, to commit to a crime free life, and to keep himself in check. It's not going to work if he needs a babysitter to keep him on the straight and narrow.

And as pessimistic, cynical, ( and pragmatic) as this may sound: everyone who enters a prison relationship feels like they will be one of the few who beat the odds. That's why everyone should have a back up plan in place to insure their own well being in case the odds go against them.

 
Anthonys

This thread is a bit old but I still have something to add.

I understand everyone's concerns and pointing out the realities of a prison relationship followed by a life together is important. Yet all of you express yourselves like YOU KNOW. But no one knows. No one knows how things will go. Some inmates struggle at reintegration, others don't. Some have it tough and stay straight and clean, some have it easy but don't. Some find great jobs (A guy I know did 8 years, trained as a CDL driver, works long haul and makes so much he was able to buy a gigantic house down in Florida within 3 years). There are about as many possible outcomes as sand on the beach. Ans assuming that Anthony is just naive and doesn't realize that is very arrogant and narrow-minded.

@Anthony: I've been in your shoes. Fast forward 2,5 years and I am married to my former inmate. I moved to the US from Germany. We own a house, we both work full time jobs. It was hard. All of it. He was in 10 years but luckily didn't struggle one bit at reintegration. It was as if he hadn't gone at all. Besides the fact that he still has no clue how to use his smartphone. But everything else was hard, immigration, finances, daily life, building the relationship, trust, adjusting to the new country, etc. And by the time I moved here I was 31 and I had lived in multiple countries. Oh and throw a toddler in the mix as I have a, now 3, year old daughter.
We made it work. Are we a perfect couple? Hell no. But the thing that matters to us is that we want to be together. We want to make it work and we work hard for it.

Did I get any kind of positive response when posting about us on this forum for the first time? No. Along the way: maybe a few. But realistically I've had bunch of dirt thrown at me. So take the advice that seems useful and do you. Cause the only person who has to live with your decisions is you.

I'm so glad that you've posted because the reason I stopped replying was because everyone here had something negative to say rather than offer solid advice to help me be cautious (which is something I would have done). Now we've moved onto dialects and accents but just wanted to let you know that I appreciate your post

 
Anthonys

Nothing against gypsy. But I think it bit silly when you get non U.S trying to talk like an American. Bit like when you see a young white guy trying to talk like a black guy. I mean what are they doing lol.

there is no such thing as talking like a black/white person. Accents, attitudes and colloquialisms don't belong to a race...
but like you said, you're entitled to an opinion

 
natalieandjames

And to be fair, I do have to put on a slight Texan accent sometimes while I am over there just so that I am understood by some people. I once had to call the voice operated train information line in Texas, and must have cast a strange figure standing on the pavement shouting into the phone "Austin" before giving it to my American friend to complete the information for me....

Might be easier on New York ears to hear a British accent maybe?

I remember talking with you on the phone. I think that if you tried to talk slower it would help. Your accent is not something that we are used to hearing.

 
DarkStar

Lol, I'm terrible around people with any sort of accent. 10 mins in their company & I walk away from the conversation talking like them! Lol. I'm well-travelled & lived in a couple of other countries. Sometimes it's difficult to hold 100% to your own after being surrounded by others that speak differently over a long period of time.

 
Moonlampje

I've been working in a factory for over 12.5 years now. The people there speak in a slightly different dialect than I do, but through those years I found myself taking over their "slang". Not to be popular, not to fit in and not trying to be someone I'm not, but it's what happens when you spend more hours at work than at home.

Get even this: I was talking on skype a couple of weeks ago, with my penpals mom and I always use the word really, as in: this really reaylly really REALLY upsets me.
She told me that she was telling something to her husband and she used the same thing, he said to her: "wow, you sound just like Monique" and she didn't even realize it. So this whole thing about it being stupid when people do something as natural as this, now THAT is stupid and a load of bullcr*p

 
gooddog

Parts of the Pacific NW are extremely rural. You will definitely hear a type of accent that rural Northwesterners have compared to city folk, who are a lot of transplants anyhow. In Washington, many born and raised rural say "warsh" instead of "wash." I have a good friend that does it. I've definitely heard people that are born and raised rural from Oregon, Washington, and Idaho say "y'all." I think it can be a country thing and not always a Southern thing.

 
Rjw

I was raised speaking two languages and like most bilingual children kept hem both completely separate. One side of my family spoke one language, the other side spike the other and my siblings and I instantly knew which to use with which family members. It's how kids learn language. As you grow older you adopt different speech patterns and subconsciously switch from one to another without realising. How you speak to your spouse is not how you would speak to your boss or a clerk in a store.

But to get back to what started this, I still found it odd to see "y'all" from someone claiming to be located in the Pacific Northwest. Just odd.

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I was raised speaking two languages and like most bilingual children kept hem both completely separate. One side of my family spoke one language, the other side spike the other and my siblings and I instantly knew which to use with which family members. It's how kids learn language. As you grow older you adopt different speech patterns and subconsciously switch from one to another without realising. How you speak to your spouse is not how you would speak to your boss or a clerk in a store.

But to get back to what started this, I still found it odd to see "y'all" from someone claiming to be located in the Pacific Northwest. Just odd.

 
Sporadium

When we speak we try to be as comprehensible as possible to aid the smooth transfer of meaning. Grice's maxims also known as the cooperative principle of conversation suggests that when we speak and listen, we do so in ways that try to ensure a smooth conversation and the transfer of meaning. While his maxim's don't specifically mention pronunciation, it would seem to be implied.
Anyway, altering our speech to aid conversation would seem to be natural. When I speak to someone who speaks only a little English, I speak in a very different way to them than I would a local in a Manchester pub. After living in the US for a while, I was told that I regularly pronounced the word "route" as "rout. I was totally unaware that I did that. But it is anecdotal evidence that we alter our speech in ways that best facilitate effective communication with those around us. I don't believe it is about swapping one identity for another (though some people may indeed wish this), but it is more a natural consequence of people wanting to communicate effectively with those around them.

 
sunray's wench

And to be fair, I do have to put on a slight Texan accent sometimes while I am over there just so that I am understood by some people. I once had to call the voice operated train information line in Texas, and must have cast a strange figure standing on the pavement shouting into the phone "Austin" before giving it to my American friend to complete the information for me....

Might be easier on New York ears to hear a British accent maybe?

 
Earthmother

As for Gipsy, I can't tell what her english sounds like... But I can imagine, given that she still lives in the US in 10 or 15 years... she might have her language adapted so much that people won't even hear that she was not born in the US. It's totally possible, and in some way normal I think, that people pick up words and pronounciation unintentionally.

Carrying on along the off topic topic: I lived in the UK for nearly 13 years, and adopted many words used in Britain. For example, the "trunk" became the "boot"; the "hood" became a "bonnet" and I "popped to the loo". I also have a rather extensive vocabulary of British cuss words :rollinglaugh:

However, even after having lived there for an extensive period of time, the British people I encountered almost always assumed I was an American (I'm not), and my own country compatriots always yammered on about how "English" I sounded.

 
Franconia

I know it's Off Topic but I want to add a story to this language/dialect discussion:

In Munich we have a taxi driver who is from Senegal. He's pretty famous here because he came to Munich 40 years ago, and, speaks a perfect Bavarian / Munich dialect. When people see him for the first time they probably think he speaks German just a bit, or, with an Senegalese accent. Once he starts talking people are absolutely baffled. He speaks Bavarian dialect better than many people who were born and raised in Munich.

When he moved to Bavaria he, too, had to start somewhere with learning German and the Bavarian language. I bet at that time when he started learning dialect, many people thought it was silly and ridiculous, but now he is just seen as a fully integrated person who speaks the language of where he lives. Personally I think it's cool when people do that. Sometimes, one wants to learn the dialect not to imitate others, but to become a "full member" of where you live, especially if you plan on living there for the rest of your life. (By the way, that taxi driver wants to go back to Senegal once he retires)

As for Gipsy, I can't tell what her english sounds like... But I can imagine, given that she still lives in the US in 10 or 15 years... she might have her language adapted so much that people won't even hear that she was not born in the US. It's totally possible, and in some way normal I think, that people pick up words and pronounciation unintentionally.

(for those who speak or understand German and want to hear more about the taxi driver, he even was on TV once.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p3OPdkT2bXM )

 
FreakLikeMe

Your twisting things a little bit here. Learning a language is totally different, to imitating dialect and slang.

 
DanPal

I was just saying I personally think it's stupid. That's my opinion, I think I'm entitled to one... When you try to imitate something your not. Just be you.

Just out of curiosity, how are you going to learn a language without imitating? Or learn a lot of other things for that matter. That's the crux of learning, in my humble opinion. It's ok if you think it's stupid that other nationalities imitate your language, but it sure helps communication, doesn't it? ;)

 
FreakLikeMe

Nothing against you either ;) But why would it seem 'silly' that someone who's not a native speaker picks up colloquialisms when learning English (or any other language for that matter)? When is it 'too American' or 'too British', if you know what I mean? I.e. is 'bloody hell' too British for a Dane to say? ;) Not that I say it often, but I might ;)

Most often 'trying to talk like' someone is not intentional but merely a product of where you live, and who you spend your time with, plus an aptitude for languages.

I was just saying I personally think it's stupid. That's my opinion, I think I'm entitled to one... When you try to imitate something your not. Just be you.

 
DarkStar

:rollinglaugh: to both the above!

 
DanPal

The day I start saying "y'all" is the day you have permission to shoot me!

You're British, so you may be excused LOL

 
sunray's wench

The day I start saying "y'all" is the day you have permission to shoot me!

 
natalieandjames

I hereby give permission for everybody to use the word "Y'all". Its a good word. As a Native Texan y'all have my blessing as well.

 
Velvet

Nothing against you either ;) But why would it seem 'silly' that someone who's not a native speaker picks up colloquialisms when learning English (or any other language for that matter)? When is it 'too American' or 'too British', if you know what I mean? I.e. is 'bloody hell' too British for a Dane to say? ;) Not that I say it often, but I might ;)

Most often 'trying to talk like' someone is not intentional but merely a product of where you live, and who you spend your time with, plus an aptitude for languages.

Daaaaaamnnn I agree with you !! :D

 
DanPal

Nothing against gypsy. But I think it bit silly when you get non U.S trying to talk like an American. Bit like when you see a young white guy trying to talk like a black guy. I mean what are they doing lol.

Nothing against you either ;) But why would it seem 'silly' that someone who's not a native speaker picks up colloquialisms when learning English (or any other language for that matter)? When is it 'too American' or 'too British', if you know what I mean? I.e. is 'bloody hell' too British for a Dane to say? ;) Not that I say it often, but I might ;)

Most often 'trying to talk like' someone is not intentional but merely a product of where you live, and who you spend your time with, plus an aptitude for languages.

 
Rjw

I agree. It's no surprize that the forum "when the relationship is over" on prison talk is bigger than the non-existent "tell us your success stories" forum. It's a huge gamble. You look at the facts that you have and you take a risk on the unknown. No one knows who will be a success until they actually get out. It's all about assessing whether the risk is worth taking.

There were huge risks here before the story even got off the ground. The gamble paid off. That doesn't mean it will for everyone and I certainly don't think anyone here should be recommending this path because it worked for one. The next one might not be so lucky.

 
Earthmother

A prison relationship is like a lottery draw: plenty of people buy tickets and are hopeful of winning, but the odds are against it.

But yeah, let's just all sugarcoat the pill - go with the "Awww...how adorably sweet" and "Yes, send that poor inmate as much money as you can muster" approach even when they've known the dude for less time than it takes a freshly painted wall to dry and there are more red flags waving than there are at a Communist party convention....

 
FreakLikeMe

Nothing against gypsy. But I think it bit silly when you get non U.S trying to talk like an American. Bit like when you see a young white guy trying to talk like a black guy. I mean what are they doing lol.

 
Sporadium

Thank you Freak.
Y'all started out somewhere.

There is something quite wonderful about a German saying "Y'all"

 
sunray's wench

There will always be exceptions to any rule, but statistically success stories are few and far between. No one goes into this thinking they will fail; just like marriage, everyone thinks they will be the ones to make it work - sadly their chances are very slim and rely as much on their maturity as they do on the financial and other support they have available to them. Great that you are doing well Gypsy, but the fact is many many people do not make it even 6 months past release without some kind of relaps or return to incarceration in some form and even if they stay out, they are highly unlikely to do more than survive.

 
Gipsy

Thank you Freak.

I understand it gets tiring to see all those Newbies all happy and gushing when realistically, they might not yet realize how hard the road ahead is. But the arrogance in this forum seriously makes me sad. Y'all started out somewhere.

 
FreakLikeMe

Gipsy. I'd like to apologise for all I said to you when you started out there. I guess myself and some others go on what we have seen. But looks like your both stubborn asses, " i mean that in a nice way" that love each other and are making it work.

 
Gipsy

This thread is a bit old but I still have something to add.

I understand everyone's concerns and pointing out the realities of a prison relationship followed by a life together is important. Yet all of you express yourselves like YOU KNOW. But no one knows. No one knows how things will go. Some inmates struggle at reintegration, others don't. Some have it tough and stay straight and clean, some have it easy but don't. Some find great jobs (A guy I know did 8 years, trained as a CDL driver, works long haul and makes so much he was able to buy a gigantic house down in Florida within 3 years). There are about as many possible outcomes as sand on the beach. Ans assuming that Anthony is just naive and doesn't realize that is very arrogant and narrow-minded.

@Anthony: I've been in your shoes. Fast forward 2,5 years and I am married to my former inmate. I moved to the US from Germany. We own a house, we both work full time jobs. It was hard. All of it. He was in 10 years but luckily didn't struggle one bit at reintegration. It was as if he hadn't gone at all. Besides the fact that he still has no clue how to use his smartphone. But everything else was hard, immigration, finances, daily life, building the relationship, trust, adjusting to the new country, etc. And by the time I moved here I was 31 and I had lived in multiple countries. Oh and throw a toddler in the mix as I have a, now 3, year old daughter.
We made it work. Are we a perfect couple? Hell no. But the thing that matters to us is that we want to be together. We want to make it work and we work hard for it.

Did I get any kind of positive response when posting about us on this forum for the first time? No. Along the way: maybe a few. But realistically I've had bunch of dirt thrown at me. So take the advice that seems useful and do you. Cause the only person who has to live with your decisions is you.

 
Rjw

I haven't read all the posts in this thread, so forgive me if I'm saying something that's already been said.

But you keep talking about his degree that he got in prison as if it is a miracle, and that he has better chance of making it than someone in the free world who has a degree.
This is not true in my opinion. He is a prisoner and his track record will haunt him for the rest of his life. Companies won't hire him because of his criminal record, if he wants to start his own business: people will avoid him like the plague because of his criminal record. Because that's just the way things work, people are not of a forgiving nature when it comes to those who have been in prison. Of course there are succes stories, but they might be few and far apart. Just don't get your hopes up.

*that's my 2 cents, going back to my popcorn and netflix*

Also, many, many prisoners get degrees whilst locked up. Usually associates degrees. And in a lot of cases they take the class purely to have x days shaved off their sentence or to continue to receive their state pay. I have a penpal who MUST attend school in order to receive his state pay (they either have to work or attend a class - and he is new to the prison and there are currently no job openings). There is no pay for lounging on the bunk all day. If they pass the tests at the end they get a certain number of days taken off the sentence. So, as you can imagine, there are large numbers of people in the class doing the bare minimum to get the days taken off.

Employers know this. They will look at a degree earned in prison and see it for what it is. Someone who did the bare minimum to get his time reduced and get his state pay. It's possible he's the exception. But I wouldn't bet the farm on it.

 
Druxus

I have a few things,
The Money thing: Unless he is one of the lucky ones who served their entire sentence. He will be on Parole or Probation, Both of which take a large cut of money for themselves each month. Also if his Sentence required restitution, That has to be paid also. (Normally monthly in addition to the Parole/Probation Fee's) My Restitution was a little over 12k and supervision was 150 per month. So the money he is putting in the account for you two might be hidden from the state.

Finding a job as a convicted felon is next to impossible. Most likely it will be Manual labor and that is if he finds something. and the felony thing follows you forever unless you get a pardon/Expungement. The police would stop me for a seatbelt Violation and I would get the Full Service Experience.

 
Moonlampje

I haven't read all the posts in this thread, so forgive me if I'm saying something that's already been said.

But you keep talking about his degree that he got in prison as if it is a miracle, and that he has better chance of making it than someone in the free world who has a degree.
This is not true in my opinion. He is a prisoner and his track record will haunt him for the rest of his life. Companies won't hire him because of his criminal record, if he wants to start his own business: people will avoid him like the plague because of his criminal record. Because that's just the way things work, people are not of a forgiving nature when it comes to those who have been in prison. Of course there are succes stories, but they might be few and far apart. Just don't get your hopes up.

*that's my 2 cents, going back to my popcorn and netflix*

 
PPAz83

So I did miss a page! I'm sorry but 7 months is nothing in my opinion. I have been with my man almost 3years and speaking regularly for a year. I understand the possible rush as he only has a year though. I don't feel like my relationship is that old though and I have over 2yrs on yours! It takes much longer to get to know someone in these type of relationships. I would love nothing more than my man to only have a year left. That would be incredible. However it would probably feel like I was being rushed in to making such a potentially life changing decision on whether to move to the States. I would btw. I'm over 10yrs older than you though! You are mainly thinking of yourself. Which you should be at this point in your life. Fantastic that you are going to Uni but maybe it's a case of right man, wrong time.

 
PPAz83

I'm intrigued to know how long you have been writing...unless I've missed that somewhere!?
A huge amount has changed since his incarceration began. He will need a lot of support. It's a lot to take on as well as a doing a degree.
My man and I discuss the life we will make when he gets out and it's easy to romanticise it but the harsh reality is that only upon his release will the real struggles and strains begin and I think he will find it harder than he realises.
Your man participating in any courses is paramount and a good to hear he is taking advantage of them.

 
Sporadium

I literally don't even believe that this is a true story.

I was going to say the same. Seems like righteousness bait.

 
Rjw

I literally don't even believe that this is a true story.

Probably not a true story of love. But definitely a true story of infatuation. It reminds me of me when I was that age and "fell in love" (as I thought it was) with a fellow university student. Within weeks I was mentally organizing our wedding, picking out dresses and honeymoon destinations. We talked about things as if we had been together for years and would be together for the rest of our lives. I'm sure many of you can relate to that stage in your life. Everything is exciting and you suddenly feel very grown up. In many respects, that year was the best year of my life. The carefree happiness and excitement of what I thought was my future... Enjoy it while it lasts, op. But keep your feet firmly on the ground.

Regarding the courses, I'm sure you're aware that many of the things offered in prison are just window dressing to please the voting public that the state is doing "something" to reduce recidivism. Opening a bank account and paying the light bill are the least of his challenges. The road map of his thought patterns needs to be completely re-written.

I do admire your confidence and optimism, though.

 
Girl On Fire

I literally don't even believe that this is a true story.

 
Anthonys

Ok, I can't respond to everyone but thanks for all the replies.

Some of you are a bit harsh which is understandable but I will pursue my man but defo finish my degree in England first. I'll visit as often as I can and if it doesn't work out, then I'll still have my degree.

I spoke with him today and he's mentioned alot of programs that he has access too that help him find work and a home outside of the area he grew up in. He takes classes in which inmates learn about how to reenter society and do basic things like paying bills. I'm very optimistic for the future cause he's not just talking the talk, he's walking the walk too.

I feel like we'll be one of the few who beats the odds.

 
sunray's wench

And just remember, we're the more sympathetic ones to hear your plans.

 
LesFleursDuMal

I just know how thirsty *** hoes are over there, with men fresh out of prison.

This is a serious thread but I have to admit, that made me burst out laughing. Now the plumber thinks I'm nuts.