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Life Sentence

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Lotusflower87's picture
Life Sentence

My boyfriend caught a hot one, his charges is penal code 187. He wants me to hold it down for him thru the entire thing. I love him very much he is my best friend. At times I feel like I'm doing the right thing or I'm lying to myself. I really need advice on how to keep it all together while trying to keep his spirits high. Hope he is blessed with the chance of coming home sooner or later. 

freebird1's picture

My advice would be to take every day as it comes. Dwelling too much on the future and what might happen, can begin to weigh heavily and all too easily make things tough going, for both of you. Be prepared for days when mood swings resulting from any amount of different situations going on inside his facility, might occur, and try to not take such reactions too personally. If you are his only source of interaction, or even the mainline one, everything will be directed at or come your way. Both of you are now dealing with a whole different situation, and separately too, so trying to cope with that alone can be really hard. Try to stay positive, but also remember one very important factor. You have an independant life, and it still needs to be maintained regardless of what promises you have made. Your life should not revolve around him alone or become your sole purpose in life, no matter how hard he might lean or rely on you. I wish you every bit of good luck and resilience to stay supportive in his life. He will need it, but so will you. Take care. :)

Lady_TaTas's picture

Best article I ever read about having a relationship with an inmate said.. "I get asked a lot of times, should I wait for him, and my answer is NO" I was shocked to read that myself, till he went on to explain, that No you shouldn't wait for your incarderated spouse, but to continue living and moving on with them while they are incarcerated.@Freebird had great advice that I second. When I was in a relationship with an inmate, at first I spent a lot of time thinking about the wait, years, etc. It wore on me pretty quickly, but when I got myself centered and focused on the "now" I found peace and the strength to know I could endure no matter how long it would take for him to come home.  Part of that peace came from keeping a daily journal, not just about him and my feelings but my entire life and it helped me to get out the feelings of loneliness and concern without having to explode on my partner with them. Good luck!