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Must read Terms of Service & Privacy Policy and be at least 18

 
Lotusflower87

My boyfriend caught a hot one, his charges is penal code 187. He wants me to hold it down for him thru the entire thing. I love him very much he is my best friend. At times I feel like I'm doing the right thing or I'm lying to myself. I really need advice on how to keep it all together while trying to keep his spirits high. Hope he is blessed with the chance of coming home sooner or later. 

 
Carmen163

@Lotusflower, I get the impression you had a relationship before he went to prison and now he has received a life sentence? With or without the possibility of parole? Because that makes a difference. 

I think it is incredibly hard to give advice (impossible really). Because it all depends on what kind of life you'd imagined. I mean, how about children, a house, holidays, Christmas? I'm sure your man wants you to stick with him, but the decision is up to you really. It's your life and as far as we know, it's the only life we are given. 

You can love someone dearly, but that doesn't mean you have to give up all your dreams, big and small and your goals in life. Because that is not love, that is TWO people being in prison. 

This is a very, very difficult situation. I think it is very important that you take your time to see what you want. And most of all, to not feel guilty or responsible for his life. We all have our own lifes to live. We can support each other very much, but again, that has to be in the way that you choose to support him. You are not a bad person, or selfish if you choose to do that in your own way and not the way he wants it. If you stay with him, great. If you don't stay with him, also great. As long as you take on the responsibility to make yourself happy. 

I wish you so very much wisdom!

 

 
Jaseandisa

Hello,
I am with my man since 15 years, he is a lifer.
I am not waiting him, I a living my life, he has a place the one he can have with the circumstances.
We have a bounce and for now it works.
For years I just sat and waited, and I was sad, it was too hard.
We are very happy with what we have now.

 
Ginger84

Hi Lotusflower87

Yeah its very hard decision to make, first I tell you; I been with my partner for 1year now; actually its our 1 year anniversary yesterday; I am in Australia and my darling, my man is doing time in Mexico prison on an 19yr charge, I love him so much so much; his very supportive even when his not with me and we are not together.. but I would not say its perfect, trust me it’s been up and downs, I would not describe it as smelling the roses in the beautiful garden, I describe it as riding  an big roller coaster, that you need to sit on it and enjoy the rough ride!!

@ freebird said, ‘you need to take every day as it comes, Be prepared for days when mood swings resulting from any amount of different situations going on inside his facility, might occur, and try to not take such reactions too personally. If you are his only source of interaction, or even the mainline one, everything will be directed at or come your way”

Freebird said is very true 100%, you would get his emotions, all his emotions would come to you, that’s for sure haha; many times my partner says nasty things too me, and push me away; this can be very hurtful hearing this, but my role model (his cell mates wife) had told me, do not take things personality as deep down he love ya, but it’s the place, drives him crazy; and she was right, the next day it was like nothing happened, his loveable again.. what my man had told me, you love each other, but you would never have a proper relationship while they are inside, it’s very unpredictable.

So the best advice I would say be very creative sending them photo’s, loves hearing things what you done, but you ever feel this is very hard to do, then its best too be truthful to your partner and yourself, this would hurt him but if you living an lie; then it would end up hurting you and him… as that’s not the life that you want to live in..

 
Lady_TaTas

Best article I ever read about having a relationship with an inmate said.. "I get asked a lot of times, should I wait for him, and my answer is NO" I was shocked to read that myself, till he went on to explain, that No you shouldn't wait for your incarderated spouse, but to continue living and moving on with them while they are incarcerated.@Freebird had great advice that I second. When I was in a relationship with an inmate, at first I spent a lot of time thinking about the wait, years, etc. It wore on me pretty quickly, but when I got myself centered and focused on the "now" I found peace and the strength to know I could endure no matter how long it would take for him to come home.  Part of that peace came from keeping a daily journal, not just about him and my feelings but my entire life and it helped me to get out the feelings of loneliness and concern without having to explode on my partner with them. Good luck!

 
freebird1

My advice would be to take every day as it comes. Dwelling too much on the future and what might happen, can begin to weigh heavily and all too easily make things tough going, for both of you. Be prepared for days when mood swings resulting from any amount of different situations going on inside his facility, might occur, and try to not take such reactions too personally. If you are his only source of interaction, or even the mainline one, everything will be directed at or come your way. Both of you are now dealing with a whole different situation, and separately too, so trying to cope with that alone can be really hard. Try to stay positive, but also remember one very important factor. You have an independant life, and it still needs to be maintained regardless of what promises you have made. Your life should not revolve around him alone or become your sole purpose in life, no matter how hard he might lean or rely on you. I wish you every bit of good luck and resilience to stay supportive in his life. He will need it, but so will you. Take care. :)