Heya Forum,
I'm kinda new to this and was already reading and scrolling to a lot of Topics and Threads in here.
Now I'm kinda curious, and of course only if you want to share this: What are some of the good and bad stories, memories, experiences etc. you've made with your PP?
I think this could be really interesting to read some of your stories!
Cheers from Germany
Last post
@Northernyank That was exactly my point. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Carmen out
I might be wrong but I get what @Carmen163's frustration might be. Almost every CO violates prison policy and yes, I did state almost every, because it's true. It might be something small that doesn't harm an inmate or it could be major like an assault on a cuffed up incarcerated individual. I find when I share stories about serious misdeeds conducted by CO's and other prison staff I'm often met with the response "well not all of them are like that", or "there are 2 sides". Most of us want to believe in the very best of people, after all, we are writing to people convicted of serious offenses. It's natural to want to believe that the people that are entrusted to keep both the prison and prisoners safe would do the right thing, however, that is more often not the case. For the record, I am friends with quite a few Correctional Officers and count them as good people but they've also admitted to things they've done to either get a rise from or retaliate against an inmate. I've had lots of interactions with COs in the visiting room that smile and talk nicely to family and friends, meanwhile, go in the back and tell an inmate that his "Bitch is here to see him". Prison staff become indoctrinated pretty quickly because it's psychologically necessary to do so. It's mentally difficult to be around locking people in cages, witnessing violence, death, and constant stress. Suicide rates amongst COs are high. There is no oversight, no reprimand, no punishment for COs that commit assaults, that intentionally inflict mental anguish because it's a code of silence for one, and two it could be dangerous for a CO that does speak up.
@SidheEire That's amazing to hear! I wish you the best! :)
@Kirsten I didn't answer anymore because I lost track quickly after all the drama, or whatever ppl will call it, started. I never intended to start such a discussion with creating that Thread about different stories, memories etc. but maybe I should have thought further and maybe figure that this can be a good basis for discussion. I don't know. I just wanted to give people (who wants to share it) the opportunity to share their individual stories.
Thanks also for your advice! I will definitely keep it in mind.
I'm still thankful, it's for all of the few People that commented on this Topic, that you shared your stories etc. with me. Even with the things boiling up a bit.
Yellow motorcycle ;), no need to mediate here, but thanks anyway for trying. I'm neither keen on an Oscar for the best, nor a rotten tomato (or what was that called?) award for the worst performance. I'm not even that much into drama at all, in a way I'm chuckling at how it happened. It would not have been unforseeable, had I trusted my gut feeling on these conversations sooner. My bad for not trusting my intuition.
It's not even about being right or wrong, I'm personally rather being happy or relaxed than right. And no matter whether I say I'm not able to express myself in a way it can be understood or whether I say she's not able to understand what I'm saying - the result (= being incompatible energies) is either way the same. And that's ok, such is life.
When after that convo I read she's angry at how I spoke about her pp, (when I didn't say a single word about him at all,but only referred to her and her posts) then any further convo is pointless and fruitless. If there's not even a consent on the topic one's talking about (not speaking of content, just the subject as such), there's no use in trying further to connect.
Anyways, it was valuable in learning how to trust my gut feeling more and sooner.
And @ Mavi: Sorry that it happened on your thread. If there's one thing you might see from that, it might be that ppl who are equally compassionate and engaged use totally different ways and routes to go about the same things.
There is no "one size fits all" package. Not everything is right or ok for everyone. No one is everybody's cup of tea and thank God we're all different enough, so there is someone for everyone.
My own advice (but that's just me): Don't get too attached, always keep a distance that allows you to think before acting out on emotions, don't rush in and don't let anybody tell you that asking questions or questioning perceptions (your own as well as others) is automatically distrust. It's not. Even ppl one dislikes can do or say beautiful and good things and even ppl we love can act stupidly at times. In other words: Don't let emotions cloud your judgment, but don't suppress them, neither.
Heeding this kept me out of hot water for most of my life and has - for me - been a very practical approach on talking with inmates.
You may have your own way and experience.
May it be a rich and rewarding one,
Kirsten
As I said, it's not the first time this is happening, and while
LAWDY LAWDY!!! Differences of opinion and differences of experience, I get. My view is that these are exactly where things get interesting out here in pen pal land. And then, add one’s differences in approaching this whole whatever-it-is pen pal gig. Who’s to say one’s approach to writing/befriending someone in prison is universally the right way of going about it – for everyone? I didn’t hear Kirsten say that, and I sure as hell didn’t get the impression she was “com(ing) here all high and mighty preaching…” Au contraire...
On the differences of experience thing, I’d expect a trained psychologist like Kirsten would recognize (and dismiss) rhetorical tactics, and I’d expect a trained writer like Carmen would use them – as many writers do. Look up “rhetorical analysis” or “rhetorical devices” if you want to go down a rabbit hole. But whether these successfully construct an argument, or successfully communicate an idea, are all lost at sea if one can’t discern literal from figurative, or fact from opinion, or what’s plainly written down in front of them.
But… for the best performance in a dramatic role… the envelope please…
Carmen, I didn't talk either to, with nor about your pp. I was talking with you and about what your post caused as a reaction inside of me.
But I'll be glad not to converse with you any further anywhere.
Have a good life!
Kirsten
Well, Kirsten, you angered me too yesterday, and to be frank, you still anger me with your reply.
First of all: I did not use rhetorical questions because I answered them myself. A rhetorical question has no answer. I use the questions as a way to make a point. I am a writer as you may remember, so I use all kinds of different ways to get information across. Look it up, in loads of study guides, brochures, or teaching materials there is much use of asking and answering questions to make something clear. And the way I answered those questions, should indicate that I know what you stand for. I am not sure what being a teacher has to do with that. I've been a teacher at a so-called 'black' school in one of the worst areas of Amsterdam for many years as well. I don't know why that would be relevant.
But all of that is not noteworthy or important. What is important for me is the fact that you completely dismiss and overrule my pp's experiences and feelings. That's what is very upsetting to me. How dare you call him to be one-sided? Or even me for that matter. Have you even read the bad stories about people DYING because of incompetent CO's? Do you have any idea how degrading it is to have to spread your buttocks in front of a total stranger, a woman you don't know? These particular CO's were just acting like pieces of sheit. There is no reason to sugarcoat their behavior.
If you had ever read what I told about my pp, then you would know he is a very considerate and mature man. He is not a violent person, he is no drama queen, he is not mentally ill. So I can assure you that when he complains, he has every right to do so. Because you know what: he is the first to make a joke out of a terrible situation. He was making jokes when his hands were so tightly shackled together that he couldn't write while talking with his lawyer. And I can give more examples.
You come here all high and mighty preaching about things you know nothing about. My pp is not some student at school who needs to learn to take a different view. I respect him enormously for his resilience and endurance while being wrongly incarcerated for 20 years on DR. And for me, being a friend is not about being neutral or educating people. A friend is someone who supports you when you have had a terrible experience. A friend is someone who trusts your judgment. And a friend never preaches.
I am very disappointed how disrespectful you are towards my pp in your replies and yes, it may be a good idea not to react to each other's posts anymore.
Congrats @Sidhe Eire first.
So, now, I'm giving it another try to phrase what I meant. But I have to admit that@Carmen, your last reply yesterday really angered me, though, at giving it a closer look (which I did by now) I noticed that under my anger there's a deep frustration about being unable to express myself in a way that allows communication to flow easily and freely between you and me. It's not the first time this is happening and I notice myself getting flustered, feeling helpless in trying to find ways of communication that work for both of us.
But here we go: Just like St4s, I meant the "good cop/bad cop" in a literal sense, though I know the figurative idiom of "playing good cop/bad cop" as well, but this wasn't meant here - and I (wrongfully, obviously) thought the way I had structured the post made it clear.
Second thing is - and that is personal taste- that I consider rhetorical questions to be quite a waste of time. At least, if one's really interested in discussing or debating stuff. It usually makes no sense during the exchange of viewpoints to stress the points everyone agrees on by using rhetorical questions- unless you have the goal to put your own pov into a light that makes it equal to a rhetorical question to agree upon it, like there was no other way to see it for anyone in their right mind. Of course, one can use that tactics, but don't be surprised if it is getting called out to be the manipulative rhetorical maneuver that it is.
But the probably worst part (add insult to injury) was the content of these rhetorical questions. You know (and I know you do know this) that I have worked at schools and am doing so right now again. So, you either wanted to provoke me (congrats, it worked) or I really failed completely in making clear who I am and what I stand up for. (Even though I thought there were enough threads, but maybe not). Or (and that would be my worst interpretation of these questions) that you really believe I'd tolerate abuse if I became aware of it. If that was the case, I'd have just one single request to you (and I'm serious as can be on that, I mean it): Ignore me. Completely.
On a more general note: I believe that I, as a foreigner, can not tell America what to do with their prisons and with the ppl who are incarcerated. I'm not in any kind of position to so, though I think (yes, I do) that our (German) prison system (where i have volunteered in and came to know about 50 prisoners personally) works better when it comes to rehabilitation.
The only thing i can do is to accompany and empower ppl I write with to the best of my knowledge. And I do not see myself as an activist. I try to stay impartial as good as i can. Not because i wouldn't believe what I'm being told (I do), but because I have also written (and do write) to ppl who hurt staffor other inmates. And they did. And in that case I'm no going to say:" Oh, that poor prisoner." just to caress their ego. Not me.
And I do see a tendency in some ppl to... well, become overly partial when it comes to their pps, friends or loved ones, as if they were all angels in disguise who could do no harm and when sometimes happens it has to be a cop's fault. It sometimes is, but not always.
I had the funny situation with someone bitterly complaining about a certain CO. And what I was told sounded like a very strong reaction to a seemingly minor cause. And I was like: "Why would anyone do that? out of the blue? Might happen, but in 9 of 10 cases such things have a prelude." And so I asked gently what had happened before. And my friend was honest and told me which made the reaction of the CO not a good one, but more understandable. And so I asked him (also gently) how he would react if he was confronted with that behavior. And he said (I'm quoting). "well, if it was another inmate i'd beat the shit out of him." To which I replied: "Well, that CO didn't, but he gave you a stop sign by giving you a ticket. " Sometimes, you know, these guys also need a change of perspective.
Again,I'm not saying that CO's act always in a correct or fair way. But prisoner's don't, either. And I don't give them a halo, just because I write to them and have personally grown to like them. And I think that neutrality is a huge asset to be helpful.
A friend isn't a person who agrees with you all the time. A friend is someone who listens, examines a situation together with you and loves you through it, even if he or she doesn't like or agree with you on what happened.
And personally I think that the treatment and living conditions and justice system can and will only improve if ppl start tolook beyond labels and roles. An inmate is more than an incarcerated individual and a CO is more than someone wearing a uniform and working in a prison. They are ppl. Persons. and only when they are mutually and to see and acknowledge it, the dynamics will change and new stories will be experienced and written.
Hey Carmen, thanks for the update. I was nearly having an identity crisis :-D
Re: the good cop/bad cop thing, I didn’t mean to suggest roleplay; I was using the phrase literally – in that there are good ones and there are bad ones. In the feds especially, “cops” is a slang or colloquial term my buds use to refer to corrections officers. Sometimes they’ll be more specific, referring to them by rank (captain, lieutenant, etc.) or by position (unit manager, SIS, etc.).
Re: a CO’s job never being boring, alas, sometimes it’s precisely that – as told to me by my friend who is a CO. In his eight-hour shift (if they aren’t short-staffed and running 12- or 16-hour shifts), if it’s a good one, it’s eight hours of boredom and routine. If it’s a bad one, those hours might be interrupted by a few minutes of mayhem, possibly life-threatening. Fortunately for him (and for all, really), such episodes are rare. But he’s seen horrible things and has horrible stories. And while equating a CO with a teacher, or nurse, or mental healthcare professional may be true in certain ways, I’d doubt if these others’ primary concern is making it home alive after a day at work.
It’s this weird thing I have to find the balance point on – empathy for my friend the CO (and others in that role amidst the boredom and/or mayhem) (if they’re deserving of empathy, that is), and empathy for my buds who are incarcerated. Fortunately, I find it easy. My CO friend is a good person, and a good cop, and my buds, of course, are friggin’ awesome!!!
And hey Freebird, re: the mail control thing, outgoing letters being sat on for weeks and incoming ones never making it – my buds and I have experienced that too. Like, these investigative types are hammers, and everything looks like a nail to them. The worst example I can offer on that is when my one bud, serving life without parole, was trying to say goodbye to his ailing grandfather. This man was his father figure, a constant throughout, and the mail room saw fit to sit on that one too. I’ve never asked if his letter made it in time. And he’s never said.
And hey xMavix, just you wait on that music thing! I’m a musical omnivore myself. At this point, I’ve exchanged favorites and playlists with many of my buds. It’s like having a tour guide for artists and genres I might not have been familiar with or have even heard of – and it’s fantastic! The whole discovery thing. And the whole getting to know my buds better through the things they enjoy thing. I have their playlists in my music library now and put these on whenever the mood hits. And we keep adding things.
For me, sitting down and writing my buds is like virtual hangout time. And I like to ride too. Often, for me anyway, motorcycling is a solo experience, careening through the landscape – which is kind of the point: a detox for the brain and the joys of horsepower, summoned. But when I’m streaming my bud’s playlist through the speakers in the helmet, it’s like another kind of ride, another kind of experience, not solo, but enjoying something together, dissolving time and distance as my bud is there with me in a sense.
And hey SidheEire, it sounds like you hit the jackpot! Congratulations!!!
@ST4s: I notice I call you Peter, which is absurd. I don't know how this came about, I was probably thinking a lot of things at the same time and got confused. So, ST4s, I want to say that my reply to this not existing 'Peter' was meant for you.
That's funny Freebird, because my pp lived in SQ which has all the facilities you've described in the first part of the post. They have annual sports games (like a half marathon or so), they have a huge library, they have their own 'newspaper', they have a female chef that is cooking with fresh ingredients, they have numerous programs for self-improvement (my pp even has an associated degree now)... it is amazing. But then, my pp was on DR and that made him sit in his cell for the most part of the day, no jobs available, so no money, no electronic devices allowed, and yes the strictest security: always strip-searched, always shackled, always put in a cage when he had to wait... And all those 20 years; knowing you didn't have a fair trial and you shouldn't be there.
So, can you imagine how much impact a friendly CO has - and how much impact someone abusing their power has? Well, obviously you can and I think your pp is very lucky to have you!
I think people's views on how prisoners are treated are to some degree based on how their own particular penpal(s), either relate personal experiences, or give generalized information regarding conditions and treatment with the facility they are in. For instance I had one ppl, in California who could do nothing but praise the prison for it being the only one in the state that held numerous courses, classes and self help groups. That had not one yard, but two...and one being the size of two football fields where all manner of sports or exercise could be taken up. The way he described it, his living quarters, his full time job, the food....made it all sound like a holiday camp to me! On the opposite end of the scale, I am currently writing to someone in Supermax ADX. He has been holed up in solitary confinement for 43years!!!!! Apparently the highest security, the most stringent daily routines, no phones, no access to any electronic means of communication, are afforded to him because of his connections with one of the most notorious gangs, which included racketeering, murder and a continuation of such activities within prisons, across all states. As if his lifetime incarceration is not enough punishment under such conditions, the mailroom staff sees fit to randomly reject incoming mail, without notifying either recipient or sender as categorically stated in the federal manuel about mail. Or withhold it for weeks before finally handing it over. I have an opinion that it could be narrowed down to perhaps just one or two individuals, as other mail has got through without any issues. This may not be seen as that significant against other stories related here, but the impact and control of someone's else's personal effects is not lost on either of us. I got so incensed with the deliberate rejection of a letter, which matched all the criteria required, that after 2 months of silence had gone by, I sent another short one, telling him I hadn't ghosted, but thought the letter had never reached him. Another 2 months and I finally got a reply from him saying he had only just received the second one, never got the first one, and no one had told him the reasons why., but that it happened quite a lot over the years. There was a time when he was actually under the restricted mail order, but he assures me no longer. But he stil has to be careful in anything he says which might be construed as criticism towards CO's, for fear of further retribution. I'm always careful on what wording I choose when writing him for the same reasons. Because anything I might inadvertently include and raise a red flag for the zealots who guard him, will be taken out on him.
The date on his actual letter was 3 weeks earlier than the postmark. Even allowing for international postage/delivery time, the delay is more than considerable.So my most recently posted mail has a boldly printed message included, specifically directed at the mailroom staff. That should the same thing happen to this letter (which is also subject to tracking and proof of delivery) I will be writing a very strong letter of complaint directly to the powers that be, pointing out the contravention of their own rules by staff who think they can do as they please. I might be thousands of miles away, but damned if I will be treated as insignificantly as they choose to treat him. It's all relative to perception of situations.
*taking a deep breath* *counting silently to 350* and closing the thread and the forums. Have a good weekend, everyone.
I might respond constructively to this tomorrow, but before I do, I'll need to calm down and to get a good night's sleep.
@Kirsten I'm sorry, but I don't get your answer at all. Of course, they were rhetorical questions, heck, I answered them myself. And as far as the bad stories go: these situations happen. These situations are very hurtful and disgusting. These situations ARE the bad stories. So, I don't even know what to say about one-sidedness. And your story about a retrieved email really doesn't flip the coin in any way when measured against letting someone rot away - who's very ill.
Good cop/bad cop is a roleplay, used during interrogations. Good CO is nice, bad CO can be lethal. That's reality and yes, that is what people need to know about.
Hey Guys,
First of all thank you for all your replys! It's amazing to read each of your experiences, advices and of course different points of views.
Of course I know not all CO's out there are bad ones or just abuse their powers, I guess we all here know this. I know there are also so many People which are totally made for that kind of Job. Just in case it came out like I thought there are just bad CO's. Never meant it that way. :) It's like in every other Job. Most People are good in what they do, but there are also some black sheeps in between. You can find them almost everywhere. Job, Friendships, Families, Relationships.. etc. The list is so long. It's Life, sadly. And not only in America, but in other countries too, but you mostly get the news from America.
@Kirsten Yes, I read about that already in this Forum to not write to Inmates in the same Facility and would never do it. I know that even small things can lead to fights. But the Story with your Friend sounds absolutely awesome, also that they are able to send Birthday Wishes and so on to each other with your help. Nun, Ausnahmen bestätigen die Regel, huh? :D
Oh.. yeah, having a crush on a CO I bet it's really weird to read that, knowing that this Person probably also will read through those lines.
@Carmen Yeah it is! And I thanked her for this, but in that evening I just felt kinda passed over.. if that makes sense. She just asked me yesterday if I deleted my Account and I told her that I won't do that because I was thinking such a long time back and forth if I should give it a try and now I finally did it. Now I won't give up on that so easily, also my first E-Mail is already written it will be send in the next few Days.
Music is definitely a universal language and can do so much with our Body and Soul! It's facinating! Your Brother sounds almost like on of my Friends, he's also a absolutely Music Junky! Yes! childhood memories is also such a good and amazing topic to start with, everyone has something to tell about their childhood. What an cool conicidence that you both made your own toys! I bet it was so good to exchange those memories with your PP!
Thank you! For you too!
Also I wish all of you a good start into the weekend, hope you have a good one!
Carmen, read what I wrote and you'll kbow the answer to your question, which was nothing but rhetorical anyway.
I never said that there is no power abuse or that it shouldn't be put out in the open.
But when someone asks about the bad stories and the only thing tewo ppl who respond come up with is police behavior then it's easy to see that there is a sort of onesidedness existing.
And no, it is NOT a roleplay. That's what ppl need to grasp when they start writing.
@xMavix I know, people are very distrusting when it considers having contact with an inmate you don't know. And I couldn't help but smile because of your co-workers' concern for you. That, in itself, I found endearing. And yes, it can be annoying too! I hope you can help her with learning more about the reality of the correctional system in the US.
They say that music is a universal language, so I'm sure it will be a great topic for conversation ( for instance, my brother is someone who can talk for days on end about music!). My pp and I started with some childhood memories, like how he and I used to make our own toys. He made his own 'Superman' outfit and I made a cashier out of a box, turning it upside down and writing numbers on it, with a big + button. I found it to be an excellent way to get to know each other. I mean, we were all children once and we all played, so that's universal as well I think.
Again, I wish you wonderful writings!
@Kirsten: I don't consider it bashing when there are stories about CO's abusing inmates and misusing their power. Would you consider it bashing when a story is told about a parent abusing their child? A teacher abusing a student? Of course not. Or would you consider it bashing when (over and over again) these stories come out of police hurting civilians? No. These facts need to be made public. Abuse of power should always be a major concern. The fact that others doing their job as they're supposed to do, or even go beyond that, has nothing to do with the people who make a mess of it.
@Peter: The good cop/bad cop is not so relevant with these stories I find. It's a roleplay and sadly the stories of our pp's are very real. And you can also consider it a very rewarding and challenging (as in never boring) job. It will differ from day to day, from inmate to inmate, from duty to duty. Just like with many other jobs: teachers, nurses, mental health caretakers, and so on.
Re: the good cop/bad cop thing, well stated, Kirsten. There are some very good ones out there too, absolute professionals. A pair of them literally saved my friend’s life. Their swift action in intercepting and acting upon (what was thought to be) a private message between other inmates stopped a sinister plan in its tracks. I don’t know these officers’ names, but I wrote to thank them, and made sure to copy the warden and others up the chain to the very top. For all the bad stories you might hear, there are some exceptionally good ones too. I think they deserve to be recognized.
A friend of mine out here is a corrections officer. Maybe you’ve heard it’s a thankless and dangerous job. If so, you’ve heard correctly. Credit where credit is due.
And Kirsten, we shall await yours and your bud’s manuscript ;-)
Hi Mavi,
when you asked for bad stories as well, I deiberately gave you two of the harder ones. Not to frighten you, but to make clar that stuff like that can happen, too. And it's not always the stereotype of the bad CO and the poor prisoner.
Yes, some COs do abuse power, true. But many do not. And I've seen differences in that as well.
With one of my friends (the one with the short story and the mental health watch) i'm in a bit of a unique situation. We've been writing since May 2018 and that story alone would make for a book. (No, I don't intend to write it, if anything, we'd have to do this together, but I can assure you you would cry,laugh, curse and everything if we did): One of the things that make it very outstanding for me, is the following: Normally (and I agree wholeheartedly with that philosophy) everybody will tell you to NEVER write to two or more ppl in the same facility, best not even in the same state. Because that often means asking for trouble,leads to fights, etc, etc. Now... this friend is... how can I call this? Heg truly likes ppl. The german word "Menschenfreund" describes it very well. And he is the kind of guy for that. Possessiveness isn't really aything I encountered in him. He connects, introduces ppl. Me, too. And that has led to me writing to several in that very facility. Since it is a large prison complex with several units, there are transfers in between units. and these guys (who are not codefendents in the same cases) do things like sendings birthday wishes to each other via myself. The don't use code, it's not like I wouldn't understand what they're saying - and the mailroom has and eye on that too. But each of them (I'm talking to 5 of them right now) has also (in varying degrees9 opened up to myself. And I know for sure that the mailroom notices that.(I wish I could sometimes silently overhear what they're saying)... ;-) But I'm relatively sure that ths construction doesn't happen too often and is watched and observed, sometimes closely.
And it leads to strange situations... Like on of them had a crush on acertain female CO. He had it and the others knew it. But none of them revealed it to me, he did it himself one day without giving her name and whenever he spoke of her he just said "the lady". Now... please don't ask me how it might feel to sit in a mailroom and read that. I mean, I can't rule out she read some of that herself or colleagues of her knowing whom he meant. (i did not, but my guess would be that they knew who he was talking about).
Or the moment when one of the guys accidentally deleted one of my mails from his inbox, before he responded it. So, he apologized to me to accidentally having lost that email and 20 mins later I get a "Wow, someone in the mailroom retrieved it. The deleted email turned up again. We must have a mairoom angelon the shift tonght." I mean, stuff like that happens, too. And it is staff who's doing that.
There are also caring COs - and when you compare the systems, you'll soon see that our CO's complete a two years Ausbildung with exam and all and lots of psychological stuff (and they get better paid as well, don't forget). So, I don't like that bashing.
Surely there are power abusers and yes, parts of the system are dehumanizing and desesperating. But don't buy into the illusion of the good prisoner and the bad CO, That would be way too simplistic. When I encounter it, I always try to defuse that "us against them" mentality as it doesn't help anyone, neither to be treated well, nor to achieve better living conditions.
And yes, the writing a short story was exactly this: In my second letter of that guy described (the one connecting me) above he gave me the beginning of a story. I wrote on and he continued.
Hey Carmen,
Thank you for the welcome!
It's always really shocking to read for what the inmates get punished. Even if it's to get a ball out of the barbed wire.
With how the Story turns out I can totally see why you are proud of your PP! That's amazing to read. He did a good Job on that.
Well, that' s not okay and shows how much some of the Inmates have to go through just because the CO's can act like the way they do.
That Covid Story is same to ST4s one. Shocking and awful. A Human being dying because of some People working in the wrong Postion and Job. It's unbelieveable.
Unfortunately true what you are saying. A life of a Human seems to mean nothing sometimes. I guess it was also a really hard time for your PP too when his Friend died because of the careless acting of some CO's.
It's true, most of our Prisons seem to be relaxed and caring for the People in there, so it's more shocking to hear about Prisons and Rules in America. It would be a big scandal if they would act like this over here.
Isn't it heartwarming how he still tries to uplift you even with him being the one in the prison? It definitely is a miracle and I bet you are real lucky to call him your PP/Friend!
Thank you so much for your words! ♥ Well, yesterday I was talking with one of my Co-Workers and told her that I wrote my first E-Mail to one Inmate. And she reacted really shocked and tried to tell me that it will be too dangerous, and that I enter a World there I can't escape anymore when it doesn't works out. She urged me to delete my Account here and it somehow hurt me how most People just hear the Word "Inmate" and just see the bad and evil in the Humans. Of course I won't delete my Account, because I was thinking a lot back and forth before creating it and reaching out to my PP, but for me it feels like a totally right thing to do. My PP also seems like one I can go along with well, for example we have the same Music Taste, and I figured that could be a good conversation starter. I mean, yeah, there probably also some Inmates which are dangerous and looking to drag you down with them, but after all I read in here, and I read a lot, the positive Storys, memories and experiences outweigh the bad ones. And I know exactly that she will ask me tomorrow, when I will see her again, if I deleted my Account, and this is already stressing me out.
Hello Kirsten,
Well, everything want you want to share I guess. :D
I can see what you mean. Two highly sensitive Topics. I bet it's hard to react to something like that. Good thing, both had someone to talk and listen.
A short story? Like you or your PP starts the first part and you/ your PP writes the next part and so on? That sounds like an absolutely amazing Idea! Maybe I will note that.
That sounds so beautiful that you managed to find the grandson for someone, I bet it meant the world to him/her.
That situation with the nine year old sounds for me like one where I would tear up! That's amazing, also you being called a Friend, not "only" a PP.
I can see why you had tears in your eyes! I would probably react the same way! So beautiful and heartwarming to hear this story!
That's really creative, but I think your Texas Friend loved that little surprise and it made their day!
Vielen lieben Dank! Mir kribbelts schon in den Fingern!
Greetings,
Mavi
Hi fellow German! *smile*
what would you like to hear? The good, the bad and everything in between? *laughing*
The bad parts? Well... having a pp on mental health watch for being suicidal was decidedly unfunny, another one beinf raped in prison by another inmate wasn't exactly what one likes to read, either.
But there are good parts as well... and they outweigh the rest.
Like, for example having written a short story together with someone.
Like finding a grandson for someone who's dying from cancer and is now writing a memoir for his geandson and greatgrandson (the latter being a toddler still).
Like after writing for years, being introduced to family and hearing a nine year old say: "Well, if you're Daddy's friend, you can be my friend, too." (That was a goosebump moment for me).
Like, well, I have an incarcerated friend in Texas. And Texas doesn't allow international calls. But we have a common friend in the US who is on my friend's phone list and who has one of my personal phone numbers as well. I can't tell you how it felt when I heard my texan friend speak via our common friend's ipad: i had tears in my eyes, I couldn't help it.
I told that friend i'd call him and asked him to not pick up, but let me go to his answering machine.Which he did, so I left a kinda 30 second message, which accidentally got played exactly then when my Texas friend called our common friend the next time. Sometimes you've got to get creative, but, you know... it's SO worth it.
Viel Spaß bei Schreiben!
Kirsten
Hi xMavix, welcome to the forum. What an interesting question and how difficult to answer!
I'm not sure what is considered to be a good story but like ST4s I can tell you something that impressed me. My pp was sent to the hole for 3 months because he dared to try to get a ball out of the barbed wire. After 3 months they gave him an option: either stay in the hole for another 3 months or get involved in our plan to desegregate an exercise yard and mingle with all the Southern Hispanics there. He chose the latter option and mingled so successfully that the Souther Hispanics asked my pp to represent them in a new advisory council. Due to Mexican mafia politics, they were not allowed to participate themselves. And he was so successful in the advisory council that he was elected executive chairman. I think this is such an amazing story! I am so proud of my pp handling things the way he does.
My pp doesn't tell me often about bad situations. He did tell me about being strip-searched in front of strangers and even a woman being present - just because some CO wanted to show how much power he had. He also told me a similar story as the one ST4s wrote about. His friend (very rare in prison but sometimes you do meet a kindred spirit) had Covid and was so sick that he couldn't get out of bed. Since this friend was not able to go to the cell door and get handcuffed, they just left him to rot for days. When they finally took him to the hospital, he died within hours. What I find so heartbreaking about this story is that rules and policy are far more important than humans. This friend was not at all a violent, threatening person (just like my pp isn't). He was a man way in his fifties, who had been in this prison for decades. So surely, someone would have known that he was not a threat, just a very sick man who couldn't comply.
I'm from the Netherlands so I have a somewhat similar attitude as Germans concerning prisoners being human beings. This makes our prisons much more relaxed and our CO's less frightened of being attacked all the time. I can't imagine our police or prison staff acting as panicky and inflexible as US officers are.
I think the world of my pp. I can't describe how interested he is in my life, how concerned he is for me, how much he tries to uplift me, and so on. All coming from a man whose sentence was overturned last year, which means he has illegally been on death row for 20 years. I think it's a miracle that this man still has a heart and is capable of being empathetic. (he is awaiting a new trial now).
I love how open-minded you are and how enthusiastic about getting to know your pp. I wish you (a) great friendship(s)!
Hey there ST4s,
Thank you for your reply to my Thread! They sound like they are really creative! It's really amazing to read with what for Ideas your buds come up. Also the "redneck cheesecake" sounds really interesting! :D
Wow, that is awful. It's so sad that people like this still work in that Job. Of course it would be called murder out here. That's just insane that things like this can "just" happen.
Ah! How cool that you were able to meet two of your buds on their release day! I can just imagine how awesome it must have been to write for such a long time, to develop a Friendship and then you will meet each other! I bet it was such a big surprise and a memorie that will both of you cherish for a lifetime.
I hope so too. I currently wrote an E-Mail via this Site to my (hopefully) first PP and I'm already really excited to see if he will write back!
Thank you! I wish you a good day!
Hey xMavix, good stories? I’m endlessly fascinated by the level of resourcefulness and the things my buds come up with – which, go figure, usually have something to do with food – taking the available commissary or chow hall things and kicking them up to another level. For some examples, one of my buds told me about his (unsanctioned) “camp stove,” where he fries bologna, melts cheese, and toasts bread, for the next best thing to a croque monsieur. Another one repurposed an iron (for clothes) as a panini press. And right now, I’m waiting to hear back on the ingredients, but another is raving about his “redneck cheesecake.”
Bad stories? I’ve heard waaay too many at this point. They usually involve “corrections officers” who don’t belong in that line of work at all. Probably the worst was re: one of my bud’s codefendants, who has asthma. The guards gassed him with so much pepper spray he suffocated and died within minutes. Zero medical intervention, and zero repercussions for the guards. Out here, that’d be called murder.
Memories and experiences? There are too many to list. The most profound for me have been meeting my buds (two so far) on their release days. Picture yourself writing to someone for years, riding with them through all the highs and lows, and it all comes down to that one biblically epic moment – of freedom and possibility. Words just can’t do it justice. It will change your life just being a witness to that.
But good on you for dipping your toe in the pool! I’m sure you’ll be hearing some stories of your own in no time at all.
Die besten Wünsche!