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Red flags/lying?

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haileyscott
haileyscott's picture
Red flags/lying?

Okay, so I'll try to keep this short - I'm totally new to this, so sorry if this is a dumb question but.. why do some inmates lie about irrelevant things? I'm talking to one via corrlinks, and within the first few messages, he started telling me how he has no one else to talk to, I'm like an angel to him for writing him and how he appreciates me so much cause I'm all he has - I was really flattered at first, until I found out that he's married.. because his wife messaged me she did tell me that it's okay for me to talk to him because things aren't really working about between them, but that him and her talk daily, so him having no one else is one lie - and he's been like asking me to be his girl, and saying how he's already super protective over me. Like, bro.. you're married? And we've only sent a few messages back and forth so far? Lol. 

He also told me (in the beginning) how his mom passed away when he was younger - but then he recently told me how his mom sent him something to listen to music on and he's really excited about it. So.. why the lies about such weird things? I can understand if he were lying to try to get money, but he's not - he's actually never even brought up wanting money. Is there something I'm overlooking that someone more experienced in writing to prison penpals can let me know? Haha. 

Also, is it really a red flag if they're so over complimentary, or are some just naturally like that? 
I did find it odd though, that I sent him a few pictures of myself and while he kept complimenting them - he was upset I didn't sent more, and asked me to keep sending them. So.. yeah idk. Should I be careful with this one, or am I overreacting?  (hopefully this all makes sense lol)

LotusBlossom
LotusBlossom's picture

Hey hailey, just a suggestion you might want to move this over to general questions category, you'll probably get more replies.  Yes, plenty, but not all, criminals and inmates do lie, about being married and other things, for a variety of reasons.  There's really no one absolutely reason behind it all.  One I wrote with was engaged and his fiancé broke up with him when she found out about me - while I was not dating him, he was flirting with me and lying to her about it and telling her he did not talk to anyone else.  So some of them are just players, some are bored, some want options, some just want pictures of various women to fantasize about, some like to play with fire, some just don't see reality as it really is and they lie constantly.  People who aren't inmates do this too but criminals will sometimes lie about their life history, in order to try to get out of trouble from making bad and impulsive decisions, and many other reasons.  The whole rushing into the flattery and protection thing is because they're trying to get you to stick around and see that person as a good guy.  While it might not be money that person is after, that pp is married, and wants pictures so obviously he's looking for something.  Sometimes they do sell or trade pictures of women, some just like having them to look at.  Sometimes people with mental illness aren't aware of their lies either.  And some are just not good people who see no harm in lying.  If your PP is married and talking like that, I'd be careful because he might happily drag you into whatever drama.  

Farfromhome
Farfromhome's picture

Yes. Plenty will lie and it's also not that uncommon for couples to try and scam women either. So they could still be happily married. Regardless, if he's coming at you like that already, that's a red flag in itself. 
I don't know the dude though. So I'd just say use your best judgment and go with your gut. 
I'd also like to stress that not every inmate is out to scam someone though!

Pixnini
Pixnini's picture

I totally agree with Lotus. I am 'new' to the whole penpal stuff too, but yeah inmates can lie too without the goal of scamming you. He might be extra sweet in hopes that will make you stick around. The little lies; he might be a compulsive liar or suffer from a form of mental illness. For all we know, he might just butter you up to ask for money later. There are a lot of reasons to why he might behave like that. At the end of the day, my advice would be to be cautious. If you don't feel right about the situation, just inform him that you would like to stop writing to him. 

Anne marie HH
Anne marie HH's picture

I agree with farfrom and nanei, why would you.put up with this crap from a stranger? Tell him you don t appreciate being lied to and for that reason you are terminating the ' friendship' tell him to lose your info. I'd also go with, that their looking to scam you as Farfrom said - it happens. They get you to buy stuff that his wife can t afford to get him. Nope, don t walk away from this one - RUN - !!!

Northernyank
Northernyank's picture

Incarcerated men don't have this market cornered. This man is a liar and a cheat, not because he's in prison, but because that's just who he is. Personally, I would cut my losses and find someone else worthy of my time. 

mjuran
mjuran's picture

Lotus, "So some of them are just players, some are bored, some want options, some just want pictures of various women to fantasize about, some like to play with fire, some just don't see reality as it really is and they lie constantly."  I'm going to type that up and tack it to my wall here.  Love it.

I wanted to just suggest about the "my mother died" and "my mother just sent me a package" head-scratcher:  speaking as someone who has both a biological father who has died and an adoptive father who is alive, I often unintentionally confuse people about the vital status of my father.  Sometimes these things are not a lie, but a misunderstanding.  It's best to ask if you read something that confuses you.

mjuran
mjuran's picture

Lotus, "So some of them are just players, some are bored, some want options, some just want pictures of various women to fantasize about, some like to play with fire, some just don't see reality as it really is and they lie constantly."  I'm going to type that up and tack it to my wall here.  Love it.

I wanted to just suggest about the "my mother died" and "my mother just sent me a package" head-scratcher:  speaking as someone who has both a biological father who has died and an adoptive father who is alive, I often unintentionally confuse people about the vital status of my father.  Sometimes these things are not a lie, but a misunderstanding.  It's best to ask if you read something that confuses you.

VerucaPaprika
VerucaPaprika's picture

How did his wife find your information to message you?