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Carmen163

I am thinking about writing to another PP. I know the second PP should be in another prison and preferably in another State. What would you advice me to do; being transparant and open about the other PP or just not mentioning it, because in fact it is not relevant? What are the pro's and con's of telling your second PP about the first? And should I tell the first PP I am writing to another inmate? Somehow it feels a bit like cheating devil...


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randyklers

existing ones that you have other penpals

 
M.shabazz

How do u post a poem? 

 
Edith s.e

Yes sometimes but only when they ask for it

 
Carmen163

Thank you Mjuran, I think you have covered my question more than I did myself.

Of course I'd want to be as transparant as possible, but just like you make very clear, it is a sensible subject. Not that my PP wants me exclusively, we are not romantically involved, but we do have a very intimite and personal relationship. I know he wouldn't object, because he supports me to have the best possible life I can, but my gut tells me that maybe, in a depressed mood sometime, he might feel hurt or a bit betrayed. 

Well, I've made up my mind. I won't start writing to another PP as long as my first PP is still waiting what will happen with his case. There is so much going on for him (or so little, that's actually more the problem), that I'd like to be a stable factor in his life. Hopefully he'll be put in jail very soon and then things will be different anyway. 

Thank you everyone for taking the time to answer me!

 
mjuran

I have had to think about transparency and how to bring up the fact that I have other pen pals too, recently, as I've started to write to more people.  I've really only had two pen pals with whom I started "from scratch" (finding their profile and writing to them directly),  Two others came to me through other referrals, so they were aware that I had other pen pals already.  

With one of these "WAP-direct" pps, I handled it by mentioning offhand (in a third or fourth letter) some issues that were affecting me that day related to my other pen pals.  So that was out there, but not in a way he had to respond to directly if he didn't want to.

With the other, he knows I write to at least one other pen pal and he's okay with that, but he doesn't yet know that I have started to write to one new pen pal, and I think he would take it badly at this juncture if I mentioned it now, so I'm waiting for a good moment to introduce it.  But I prefer to be upboveboard and transparent.

I don't like to talk to my pen pals about my other pen pals too much, but since they are a part of my life and my social circle, sometimes it's hard not to mention something about some one of them to another.  I like the method of just letting this be your way of casually, informally,  putting the info out there without making it a big announcement, and then letting the other person respond however they see fit (commenting on it, asking more about it, ignoring it, proceeding to talk about their own other pen pals if any) and see where iti goes from there.  If they react badly to hearing there could be other people in your life besides them, it's not a very good sign IMO.

 
Carmen163

Thank you everyone, this is very helpful!

 
Liw

Yes. And somehow some of the inmates will see it that way as well, like it's almost cheating. Been there, done that!! :) I didn't think it was a big deal. I told some of my pen pals in the very first letter and some after 2 month of talking. But what I learned was that to them, this can be a BIG deal! I actually had one guy falling in love with me and I told him that I hade more pen pals and he got so hurt and started question my intentions. He told me he wished I would have led off with that in the beginning, before he catched feelings for me. So I definitely learned my lesson!

Now I'm always transparent with this from the very beginning and I recommend you to do the same. Some of them have a hard time accepting other pen pals. And if you don't tell them, they will probably ask you sooner or later anyway.

 
Kirsten

Yes, I always told, too. Though the last two times it was a bit different: Both of the guys have been referred to me by a longterm pp. So, they actually knew I had a least one other pp I write. It never led to any probs (they are not involved in same case or anything like that).

I wouldn't usually recommend to go about it like that (the 1 person per state rule makes perfect sense), but coming from him, I didn't worry, it more was like a stamp of approval. But that's because he is who he is. Would do that (referrals) only with one of my other pps, if at all.

 
LotusBlossom

Yes, I always mention if I have other pen pals.

 
Jeanne555

Yes, I recommend to be transparent with both your new penpals and existing ones that you have other penpals. There is no need to keep it a secret. I was transparent from the get go with both penpals and they reacted normally.
I think they will appreciate your honesty.