Hi everyone!
So I'm relatively new to this whole thing, hence my previous posts. My PP and I have been writing for a few weeks now and I am expecting a letter from him today (I use USPS Informed Delivery so I can see what is coming before it arrives). Informed Delivery also shows an image of the envelope and he actually wrote his last name after mine on the letter. In his previous few letters he expressed that he has feelings for me, wants to build with me, have kids/get married, etc. We have only been writing a short time and obviously we have never met. Now I know it's common for inmates to be very lonely in prison. He has been in for quite some time and still has about 3 years left. Is this a red flag? Should I ask him to tone it down? What do I even do? My friend is concerned now that he has my address. I wouldn't say I'm concerned but it's a little bit strange. I am chalking it up to just being in prison and needing something to hold onto. He's about 4 hours away from me if that matters.
ANY insight is great...
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If this annoys you, tell him to stop doing it. If he doesn't stop, then you should stop writing to him. There are many other possible PP available on the site, for you to choose. You're not forced to marry him (lol).
Be careful..it's not fair to lead him on..but at the same time, nor is it fair for him to plow on with plans when that's not what you want..tell him straight that you are only offering friendship ( if that's what you want) and stick to it, if he carries on making you uncomfortable..stop writing to him
First of all, to the concerns that he has your home address: How far apart are you physically? Since you said you use Informed Delivery, you're obviously in the United States. Are you in different states? Where is he and where are you? America is a big country, and geographic distance will largely discourage him from coming to you. I live 175 miles away from my (now free) pen pal in a bordering state (she is in Illinois and I am in Indiana). I visited her 6 times in prison and twice so far after she got released. Just that distance makes frequent visits a pain in the neck. Her parole conditions prevent her from coming to me (at least until she has been out a while and can get a travel pass).
Okay I see that you said he is 4 hours away. This would probably be a barrier to him intruding on you if he gets out. How many miles is this? Is it across state lines?
Secondly, try to put the whole prison aspect out of your mind. I see two possibilities. One is that he is trying to work a hustle on you to make you fall in love with him so that you send him money. He is possibly hoping you are so lonely and desperate that you will bask in the attention and he can manipulate you.
The second possibility is that he is genuinely in love with you. If this is the case, that's alarmingly fast and really needy of him. If this was just some other free person acting this needy, how would you respond?
I will echo Anderson's comment and say that you should politely ask him to tone it down. If he won't, you will need to be more stern with him. If that doesn't work, might have to find a different pen pal.
“Is this a red flag?” - well, I think it’s as much a red flag as you can get. Make it clear NOW that it’s not appreciated, reiterating your pen pal aims and see what his response is. I personally think it’s a hustle on a potentially lonely woman who can be easily manipulated.
Any updates? @ underthe moon...